May 11th Convo with Joshi
Josh: helllloooo
12:48 PM
me: hello
Josh: how's the work coming?
12:49 PM
me: I'm depressed out of my mind
there's no work coming my way and I want to jump out the window
I'm going to a Flatirons Networking Meeting tonight
I just hate my life right now and am sad
12:50 PM
Josh: aww. i'm sorry
i love you
just keep at it, cub scout
me: I love you, too
I don't want to try at anything anymore
and I want my John
12:51 PM
and I don't believe in myself anymore
and I live in my parents' house and I'm a loser
Josh: you really just have to keep pushing and getting yourself out there
you'll get through this
me: I don't knw
Josh: you just can't let yourself get bogged down
me: I don't know if I will
I suck at all this
12:52 PM
I try and I suck
Josh: Things don't happen overnight
me: the more I promote myself, the less I believe in myself
Josh: you're working at building a business
it takes a lot of effort
me: I know. But nothing's built
I don't know if I'm cut out for this
I hate myself right now
I hate the world. Nothing's going right
12:53 PM
Josh: You just have to ask yourself how you want to see things
you are in control of your perspective
even if it doesn't feel that way
me: it's hard to keep getting back up
Josh: okay - that's true
but we all do it
because that's what life is about
you keep trying
and then you get tired
12:54 PM
then you try harder
me: I keep trying. I hate putting myself out there so much, but I'm doing it
Josh: good
me: I don't even know what to say anymore
and I have nothing that's going well
I have no strength to draw from
12:55 PM
Josh: then you have to look inside and find strength in yourself
it's in there
me: I don't want to try anymore
I'm so sad
I'm falling apart and I don't want to talk to anyone around it; it all feels the same
I just filled out an application for Smiling Moose Deli
12:56 PM
I'm at the end of my rope
Josh: what is smiling moose deli?
me: A deli that's opening up
Josh: are you still applying at temp agencies?
me: I only found one that could maybe help, but there's been nothing from it yet
12:57 PM
the other ones are all administrative
I just applied to a Data Entry and proofreader position I found on craigslist
Josh: good - you just have to keep at it
robin says your resume is looking really good
12:58 PM
me: I realized I didn't send them any references; I don't know if I have any references
that's good, at least
I just became an editor on this place called Editfast
Josh: these are all positive steps
it's a numbers game
me: but the more I look at it, it seems like youhave to build a site on there, too, and I'm getting so burnt out
12:59 PM
Josh: the more you're out there, the more chances you have
I hope you're aware that you tend to see everything through a filter of what's going on in your personal life
me: that's true. I just feel broke and stupid
that's not true
I thought I was doing better with John and I got so down on work, it was crazy
Josh: you had all this hope about the company and being an editor just weeks ago
me: now, it's just an added thing
1:00 PM
trust me, it's not all from John
Josh: I'm just saying -- these things take time
me: that's only a portion of it
Josh: you have to look at it as being scrappy
me: I know. I just feel spent
scrappy?
Josh: you look for whatever you can
you hustle
you make it work
1:01 PM
me: I don't know what the hell I'm capable of
Josh: you keep at it
me: I'm trying
Josh: good
me: I hate it
Josh: you'll find out
it's not easy
me: I've found that out alright
Josh: but once you make progress it gets easier
me: that'd be nice
some time I will, maybe
I just want to drink something and cry more
1:02 PM
I don't really have any friends around anymore, even
Josh: well you should give yourself a break and skip that part
me: ha
Josh: wallowing will not help you feel better
you know?
me: I know
I'm just sad
Josh: the only way through it is looking ahead and putting on a brave face
me: and my dignity is raw
Josh: being sad can be poetic
1:03 PM
if you rise to the fight
me: I'm a poet reincarnated, then
or a poem
Josh: there's nothing noble or exciting in letting yourself be beat up without getting back up again
if you're the hero, you have to push onward
you are amazing
i love you
i believe in you
me: i love you too, joshi
thank you
Josh: i really truly do
me: I wish I did
1:04 PM
Josh: that's why i invested all the time in your site
that's what i am working with you on all this
me: thank you. It means a lot to me
Josh: if i didn't believe in you, i wouldn't be doing it
so take that as a motivator
me: I'll try. It's already pushed me a long way
Josh: if you don't believe in yourself just chalk that up to being in a bad place
me: thank you for everything
1:05 PM
Josh: but trust me - you're going to be great
you are great
everything is going to work out
me: I hope so. I believe you, though. You're Joshi
Josh: you just need to shuffle off all the sadness
put on a brave face
get out of the house
me: I'll try
Josh: go work at the library
go somewhere free where other people are around
don't sit in your room and be upset
1:06 PM
me: I do have to do that
Josh: it's not going to do you any good
me: I just have less and less money
I have to go work for mom and dad now
Josh: just go somewhere free
me: okay. I can do that.
Josh: okay.
me: I love you, Joshi.
Thank you
Josh: i love you too
you're tashi!
you can do it!
be brave
me: ha - I wish I saw myself like that
1:07 PM
Josh: survive the battle
me: I'll try to be
bye, Joshi
Josh: make a war face
mwah
me: mwah
war face!
Josh: :)
me: grrr
Josh: exactly
me: or argh
Josh: focus on that
me: haha
Josh: the first one
me: okay
Josh: okay
me: grrr
Josh: grr
r
me: bye Joshi
Josh: bye bye
talk to you soon
me: okay
12:48 PM
me: hello
Josh: how's the work coming?
12:49 PM
me: I'm depressed out of my mind
there's no work coming my way and I want to jump out the window
I'm going to a Flatirons Networking Meeting tonight
I just hate my life right now and am sad
12:50 PM
Josh: aww. i'm sorry
i love you
just keep at it, cub scout
me: I love you, too
I don't want to try at anything anymore
and I want my John
12:51 PM
and I don't believe in myself anymore
and I live in my parents' house and I'm a loser
Josh: you really just have to keep pushing and getting yourself out there
you'll get through this
me: I don't knw
Josh: you just can't let yourself get bogged down
me: I don't know if I will
I suck at all this
12:52 PM
I try and I suck
Josh: Things don't happen overnight
me: the more I promote myself, the less I believe in myself
Josh: you're working at building a business
it takes a lot of effort
me: I know. But nothing's built
I don't know if I'm cut out for this
I hate myself right now
I hate the world. Nothing's going right
12:53 PM
Josh: You just have to ask yourself how you want to see things
you are in control of your perspective
even if it doesn't feel that way
me: it's hard to keep getting back up
Josh: okay - that's true
but we all do it
because that's what life is about
you keep trying
and then you get tired
12:54 PM
then you try harder
me: I keep trying. I hate putting myself out there so much, but I'm doing it
Josh: good
me: I don't even know what to say anymore
and I have nothing that's going well
I have no strength to draw from
12:55 PM
Josh: then you have to look inside and find strength in yourself
it's in there
me: I don't want to try anymore
I'm so sad
I'm falling apart and I don't want to talk to anyone around it; it all feels the same
I just filled out an application for Smiling Moose Deli
12:56 PM
I'm at the end of my rope
Josh: what is smiling moose deli?
me: A deli that's opening up
Josh: are you still applying at temp agencies?
me: I only found one that could maybe help, but there's been nothing from it yet
12:57 PM
the other ones are all administrative
I just applied to a Data Entry and proofreader position I found on craigslist
Josh: good - you just have to keep at it
robin says your resume is looking really good
12:58 PM
me: I realized I didn't send them any references; I don't know if I have any references
that's good, at least
I just became an editor on this place called Editfast
Josh: these are all positive steps
it's a numbers game
me: but the more I look at it, it seems like youhave to build a site on there, too, and I'm getting so burnt out
12:59 PM
Josh: the more you're out there, the more chances you have
I hope you're aware that you tend to see everything through a filter of what's going on in your personal life
me: that's true. I just feel broke and stupid
that's not true
I thought I was doing better with John and I got so down on work, it was crazy
Josh: you had all this hope about the company and being an editor just weeks ago
me: now, it's just an added thing
1:00 PM
trust me, it's not all from John
Josh: I'm just saying -- these things take time
me: that's only a portion of it
Josh: you have to look at it as being scrappy
me: I know. I just feel spent
scrappy?
Josh: you look for whatever you can
you hustle
you make it work
1:01 PM
me: I don't know what the hell I'm capable of
Josh: you keep at it
me: I'm trying
Josh: good
me: I hate it
Josh: you'll find out
it's not easy
me: I've found that out alright
Josh: but once you make progress it gets easier
me: that'd be nice
some time I will, maybe
I just want to drink something and cry more
1:02 PM
I don't really have any friends around anymore, even
Josh: well you should give yourself a break and skip that part
me: ha
Josh: wallowing will not help you feel better
you know?
me: I know
I'm just sad
Josh: the only way through it is looking ahead and putting on a brave face
me: and my dignity is raw
Josh: being sad can be poetic
1:03 PM
if you rise to the fight
me: I'm a poet reincarnated, then
or a poem
Josh: there's nothing noble or exciting in letting yourself be beat up without getting back up again
if you're the hero, you have to push onward
you are amazing
i love you
i believe in you
me: i love you too, joshi
thank you
Josh: i really truly do
me: I wish I did
1:04 PM
Josh: that's why i invested all the time in your site
that's what i am working with you on all this
me: thank you. It means a lot to me
Josh: if i didn't believe in you, i wouldn't be doing it
so take that as a motivator
me: I'll try. It's already pushed me a long way
Josh: if you don't believe in yourself just chalk that up to being in a bad place
me: thank you for everything
1:05 PM
Josh: but trust me - you're going to be great
you are great
everything is going to work out
me: I hope so. I believe you, though. You're Joshi
Josh: you just need to shuffle off all the sadness
put on a brave face
get out of the house
me: I'll try
Josh: go work at the library
go somewhere free where other people are around
don't sit in your room and be upset
1:06 PM
me: I do have to do that
Josh: it's not going to do you any good
me: I just have less and less money
I have to go work for mom and dad now
Josh: just go somewhere free
me: okay. I can do that.
Josh: okay.
me: I love you, Joshi.
Thank you
Josh: i love you too
you're tashi!
you can do it!
be brave
me: ha - I wish I saw myself like that
1:07 PM
Josh: survive the battle
me: I'll try to be
bye, Joshi
Josh: make a war face
mwah
me: mwah
war face!
Josh: :)
me: grrr
Josh: exactly
me: or argh
Josh: focus on that
me: haha
Josh: the first one
me: okay
Josh: okay
me: grrr
Josh: grr
r
me: bye Joshi
Josh: bye bye
talk to you soon
me: okay