i'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back
generosity: overrated. not that we should use our kindnesses for one another as an insurance policy to call up favors when we need them but when the things you do for others are never met in turn, it's easy to get frustrated. and it's easy to run down a mental inventory of things you've done for a friend when they are really letting you down. the people that you are close enough with or have done enough for to believe that surely they'll come through for you in this one small fashion when you really need it? fully capable of failing you as exquisitely as the rest. i'm trying not to be bitter and fighting a desire to recommit myself to helping only myself. i'm not whining or pouting about it but i need to write this down to remind myself that friends just won't help you out, no matter how much you deserve it. people get selfish when chemicals are involved. alas.