Jesus, Indira and the demons
Last night I prayed hard to Jesus about my life and Indira. He answered. He said Indira had really given her heart to her boyfriend Eduardo, and that it's all over. She has no romantic feelings for me anymore.
I was very upset at first, couldn't handle this truth at all. But after some moments I guess wisdom kicked in and I began to calm down. I wrote her an email that I can live with this and that's it. I'm still upset that Indira never seemed to have the guts to tell me why and how this had to end this way. I feel like having been mistreated. But I guess I have to swallow this.
I feel so shallow and empty. And as if I got no belief at all. I feel like an evil man. I hope this will pass soon. It's just hard to face that all of this was for nothing, that all these high hopes and dreams that I entertained so often were just pointless. My parents and friends were right, I should have seen this coming. I should have gotten to my senses earlier.
If only that weird feeling would leave. I just got up from bed and dreamt that I had been tied to a balloon with a rope around my neck, and that it would lift up. Somehow I didn't die, but it seemed so devilish. Speaking of devils, for some reason they got active again. Just shortly after Jesus spoke to me they began to draw close and mess with me. I know I need to resist this. But I don't know why they are coming after me.
I don't think it was a sin to love this woman. I just thought she would be suffering or something, that things were different. It was delusional, I know that now, but sinful? No, I don't quite think so.
I hope I am getting through this. I know the demons want me to do mad things but I won't let them. I will find a girlfriend of my own and see if I can keep her. I don't need to bury my head in shame.
I was very upset at first, couldn't handle this truth at all. But after some moments I guess wisdom kicked in and I began to calm down. I wrote her an email that I can live with this and that's it. I'm still upset that Indira never seemed to have the guts to tell me why and how this had to end this way. I feel like having been mistreated. But I guess I have to swallow this.
I feel so shallow and empty. And as if I got no belief at all. I feel like an evil man. I hope this will pass soon. It's just hard to face that all of this was for nothing, that all these high hopes and dreams that I entertained so often were just pointless. My parents and friends were right, I should have seen this coming. I should have gotten to my senses earlier.
If only that weird feeling would leave. I just got up from bed and dreamt that I had been tied to a balloon with a rope around my neck, and that it would lift up. Somehow I didn't die, but it seemed so devilish. Speaking of devils, for some reason they got active again. Just shortly after Jesus spoke to me they began to draw close and mess with me. I know I need to resist this. But I don't know why they are coming after me.
I don't think it was a sin to love this woman. I just thought she would be suffering or something, that things were different. It was delusional, I know that now, but sinful? No, I don't quite think so.
I hope I am getting through this. I know the demons want me to do mad things but I won't let them. I will find a girlfriend of my own and see if I can keep her. I don't need to bury my head in shame.