#baconinthekosheraisle
Well that was a fairly bonkers week. Better file this one under "Things I've Learned":
1. Introducing an old friend to new friends carries a potentially dangerous payload of embarrassment, alarmingly random non-sequiturs, and looks which signify "It's a miracle you're still alive - why aren't you dead already?".
2. Despite loudly-expressed views to the contrary, a t-shirt bearing the slogan "Accidents happen when you're tired" printed above a photograph of your son is an effective item in the pulling wardrobe...provided that you're a very determined ex-pat knobhead. Apparently.
3. My bladder is now the size of a small lemon.
4. Alcohol consumption makes your hands very dry. (This must be a new thing - I've never noticed it before.)
5. Stirring up shit in the Middle East is a growth industry with built-in limitations. Be cautious. What exporting military hardware lacks in moral efficacy is more than made up for in repeat business, but who signs the cheques is important.
6. Liam Neeson seems to be turning into Harrison Ford, but not in a good way. Unknown is like Frantic, but on crystal meth, and by the time Frank Langella turns up to deliver some unwieldy exposition you'll be wondering why Neeson's character doesn't just take this golden opportunity to ditch the emotionally-dead Ice Queen from Mad Men and fuck off. Also, violence and car chases. *Yawn.*
7. Outcasts. Television to slit your wrists to, and a horrible, horrible rip-off of Radio 4's Earthsearch (written by Glyn Dearman) twenty five years ago. Ooh, isn't South Africa pretty? No, not particularly.
8. Google's Android Market is run by vampires. It's the only explanation. Forget daylight hours - it'll deny all knowledge of your installed apps and any updates which may, or may not be available, until the sun sets. Additionally, if you're lumbered with VPlayer, uninstall that piece of bait-and-switch trial crap and replace it with VitalPlayer. Don't listen to the mugwumps moaning about onscreen adverts - if you tap the screen once whilst video files are playing they disappear. Simple as that.
9. Tavistock Square may be off-limits until I've adopted a new disguise. Thanks, Mitch.
10. Who the Hell are you people? Why are you reading this? Go and buy something expensive and unnecessary immediately.
Have a great weekend.