[Takagi]
by invitan
The Call
I. TOUYA AKIRA
1.
“Honestly speaking, Shindou, I’ve never thought I’d talk to you again. And in such situation…”
“Me? I’m as good as ever. A bit chatty huh? Perhaps. I don’t know. It’s been years since I last saw you anyway…”
“10 years? Right, you count.”
“(also laugh) To be honest, Shindou, I haven’t given it much thought. Maintaining a family while still a pro is not a simple task. And it’s not like I’m already too old or anything…”
“Well, sure, my father has managed pretty well. (pause, thinking) He always does, after all, even if he… (pause, staring at the ceiling)
“Please forgive me. It’s… not really something I feel comfortable to talk about.”
“Nah, I’m all right. Just that… Anyway, how about you then, Mister Runaway? You sure don’t sound much of a husband either.”
“If that so, really, you shouldn’t have made any comment.”
“Meijin-wannabe? Right, very funny. I guess you really did not keep track of the Go world ever since…”
“It was sort of a shock, wasn’t it? Well, I don’t really think that high of myself. Not really. Just that every one of this damn society thought of me as some super prodigy who had power to conquer the world. (chuckle softly). It was a real shock. Not to me though. Everyone was dazed. That I haven’t even made it into the Meijin league for once.”
“Sometimes I wonder, just what exactly is what I’m pursuing? Is it the Hand of God? Or worthless titles? (pause, swallowing) Not that I mean titles are worthless. But compared to the Hand of God, they are. (pause) I guess I’ll just settle with the latter.”
“But I guess you cannot really tell. I mean, sometimes I really feel like I’m deviating away from the road I’m supposed to go… Well, my ultimate goal should have been the Hand of God, shouldn’t it?”
“Please don’t mind the gibberish. I sure am getting you to nowhere… So how about you? What have you been doing? All these years?”
“But really, the history part is a bit unexpected.”
“I figure I might not wanna know.”
~*~
Touya Akira was never as brilliant as he was expected to be. A great disappointment for the whole world of Go. No one ever truly understood why. He himself did not know either. Yes, he used to be outstanding, he used to be the sparkling star of the Go world. Everything just started to fall apart after one incident.
The death of Touya Kouyo.
It was as if a milestone had collapsed on the way even before he could attain it. He did not exactly remember what had happened during those two weeks. Everything was blur, dazed and unreal. Akira knew. Yes, he knew that he had lost, and he was lost. He wandered around forever, until, well, he did not really count, but until someday he woke up and suddenly he felt the desire to touch, to hold, to place the stones burning inside him. Until someday he finally gained his consciousness once again to continue with a wounded heart.
Still, he could never really stand up again since.
2.
“Fujisaki-san is your childhood friend right? She told me once. Do you know she has become a Weekly Go reporter? A brilliant one, she is.”
“You should have kept in touch more with your old friends, you know. Or at least your family.”
“Damn it, Shindou, show some concern. What is there to think? She really cared about you, ya know.”
“She’s way too good for a reporter. No, I don’t brag. There are not many females in the Weekly Go ya know.”
“She has her talent. Really, you shouldn’t talk like that. And it’s been 10 years. What do you expect?”
“Anyway, she continually asks me about you, as if I know more about you than she does. She even giggles, mentioning you. She cares, really, you ungrateful bastard.”
"What did you just say?”
“Well, Shindou?”
“There is something I’ve always wanted to ask you.”
“You probably know the question already, but seriously, why did you run away? I mean, I know you don’t want to play anymore and no, I’m not trying to convince you to come back or anything. But going missing without anyone knowing is not something you could…”
“Shindou…”
~*~
He used to have a crush on her. Fujisaki Akari. Shindou’s childhood friend. Akira did not really know the reason. Perhaps it was partly due to her occupation. She had the same passion for the game as he did, just that she expressed it in a different way since she was not exactly gifted. There was somehow a deep empathy between them. It was not like butterflies fluttered about in his stomach or anything. Not the dramatic love at first sight on those old romance movies. He did not even realize when he first wanted to be someone more than a friend to her. And even so, he had never really implied anything to her.
Not when she still loved Shindou Hikaru.
He used to think he could wait quietly, patiently. He used to hope that someday the shadow of Shindou in her heart would fade away in silence. Used to. Perhaps his unrequited love would have lasted longer if she had ever ceased to tell him about her childhood friend. Giggling. Well, he might not be a love expert, but he understood. Which was when he decided to retreat.
After all, he himself knew too well how somebody could never cease to haunt you.
3.
“We didn’t really talk that much, did we? I’m surprised we could still have this conversation as acquaintances after all those years…”
“Actually how many times have I talked to you before, besides this? Four times? Or five? Our last encounter was when I arrived at your Middle School - what’s the name again? - as you started to skip games, wasn’t it?”
“Anyway, you know Waya-san right? He’s an eight-dan now. Been doing much better than me. The ex-Kisei, in case you haven’t known.”
“You mean the Ochi Meijin? (laugh out loud) The day he obtain the title, he staggered outside my apartment, drunken, screaming again and again, ‘Beat ya to it Touya! Beat ya to it!’ To tell the truth, his mouth could be much bigger than his size (chuckle softly).”
“Isumi-san? Is he the player who…”
“Don’t force yourself. If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine…”
“It’s not a well-known case. Not really. Only mentioned in a tiny column of Weekly Go the day after. But when I heard about it, I instantly knew...”
“Yeah, you can probably say that’s the day I began to give you up…”
“After that, Waya-san used to… you know, throw me hated glances and everything. Not that he had never done it before, but the intensity of his distaste had significantly magnified ever since you…”
“I see.”
“People change, Shindou. They have changed.”
~*~
Akira always knew there was something wrong with Shindou even before that, but then he also knew the incident was the last straw to Shindou’s trauma. He heard the news, and his heart dropped, and he knew Shindou would never ever return…
4.
“I still have this wonder, however, that how would I… or how would we have turned out to be if you had never skipped matches…”
“Perhaps we could have been some sorts of rivals, you see… (laugh) Eternal rivals, even.”
“Yeah, and perhaps I would invite you to play with me in my father’s Go salon every week. Perhaps we would never get along since our Go would be different, but then, somehow I always knew we would work it out…”
“And that too. (laugh) I could always see it, you know, as if it was inevitable. I guessed it was obvious that we could just fight over anything and everything. We used to anyway.”
“Don’t laugh. It might be naive alright, but it is a nice dream to contemplate upon. Touya Akira and Shindou Hikaru, eternal rivals and rising stars riding on the new wave of the Go world. Now doesn’t it sound good?”
“Go ahead, laugh as much as you want. Say whatever you like. But it just feels like I won’t never be able to reach the best of my potential without... (hesitant) At least… my father told me so…”
“Who’s the one being childish here, Shindou? It’s just an assumption. No need to act as if you’re so high and mighty. If I cannot progress, fine! You cannot even continue you idiot!”
“What? I’m not telling you to do anything, am I? I just say it might work… After all, Go was a part of your life too. Don’t deny it, damn it! Why did you have to leave, you stupid…”
“Shindou! DON’T YOU DARE HANG UP ON ME! SHINDOU!”
II. SHINDOU HIKARU
4.
It was just another May 5th. The carps were swimming all over the sky, black and red and blue. Shindou Hikaru was just doing the same thing he did every year. Going back to Innoshima. It still hurt him somehow, but at least he could feel more at ease, knowing that there was still something there, at least, some proof that those 3 years he lived was not just a dream.
Somehow he never expected a call from an old acquaintance, someone he had not seen for roughly 10 years. Correction, someone he had not wanted to see for 10 years.
Well, it was another May 5th anyway. Anything can happen.
~*~
If I had never skipped matches? Isn’t it pointless to think about it right now?
Eternal rivals? Yeah, right. As if eternity exists…
I thought we would have fought like cats and dogs?
Right, playing and fighting and then playing forever. You sure dream a lot for a Go player, don’t you?
What’s good about it anyway? You just cannot play one person over and over you know… Because it’s not like you could stay with that person to the end…
Stop being a papa’s boy, Touya Akira. Grow up. You could do just fine without a rival before, so don’t talk as if you cannot progress because you don’t have one. Sheesh.
Idiot? You know, from what I see, you’re just talking crap… Shit… And I had thought you would understand... In case you’re telling me to return to that goddamn world, then excuse me, Sir, I HAVE MY GODDAMN JOB TO DO!
(hang up)
.
.
.
3.
Sometimes his thought still wandered back about how things had gone downhill. How it had come to this state. He shouldn’t have ever played Go. Shouldn’t have ever become a pro, or an insei even. Shouldn’t have met Waya, Isumi, Ochi, Nase, Honda,… Perhaps he did not really deserve the best time of his life after all.
Perhaps he did not really deserve Sai after all.
He had stopped crying long ago. Yet it could still stink, thinking about it. Which was why he did not feel like being nostalgic much.
~*~
Well, I did say the world is round. And I would like to say old friend, but since we’re really not, I guess I’d just let it pass.
Haze Junior High. And yeah, when I quit Go. You chased me out of the school.
Waya? We were pretty close once. Long time ago. Good to know he’s doing great. What about Ochi then?
Oh well, his mouth could be much bigger than his size. (laugh) He was not like that during insei time though. Still arrogant, but not loud. Certainly not drunk, though it’s not like he was old enough then.
More or less, but yes. Almost the best year of my life. I used to hang around a lot with Waya. Isumi-san as well… Yeah, Isumi-san…
Yeah, the one who was run over by a truck in front of my house.
Nah. It’s been 10 years already. I’m just fine talking about him. Besides, I don’t think they ever talk much about him. He might just be forgotten… someday…
Don’t say that. You couldn’t really tell…
You stop waiting since then?
It’s just like Waya. Blame everything on you, huh? He probably thought I quit Go because I was intimidated by you or crap like that. He must have blamed Isumi-san’s death on me as well since Isumi probably intended to come over and persuade me to return.
But still… Blaming you? Isn’t it too unreasonable? I know he’s never been reasonable when it comes down to you, but then…
Sure, the world has changed a lot.
2.
Hikaru had not seen his childhood girlfriend since his runaway. He had not even seen his mother for god sake. He had thought about calling Akari once, just to let her be informed, but the thought was shoved away instantly. Just recalling her was enough to freak him out.
She was always a crazy fangirl, after all.
~*~
Akari, huh? Right… I haven’t seen her for years… not since we went to different high school. Haven’t been reading much Weekly Go either.
Well, I’ve been thinking about calling her…
Well… Uhm… Is she that good of a reporter? Really?
I see… Sexual attraction, huh? That can make her a really good reporter. Seems like she has grown… Right?
Relax, I’m just joking alright.
Giggle? Yeah, right. Crazy fangirl. Same as always…
Nope. Not at all.
Yeah, what?
Go ahead.
(sigh) Let put it this way. You have something you’d rather not talk about, and I also have. Why I ran away from home is my own business. You can stick your nose in other things, you know?
I’d rather not think about it, even…
1.
Shindou Hikaru had never thought he would pursue this sort of occupation. He used to believe he would become a soccer player. Then he grew up a little and declared no one could stop him from becoming a ramen chef. Once he thought he could grow up to be a Go player. Now he merely thought childhood dreams did not turn out to suit him.
~*~
No need to tell me (laugh). I actually deliberately avoided you, but the world is round... Well, what’ve you been doing then? And since when has Touya Akira become a chatterbox, I ‘yonder?
10 years.
Jeez, don’t sound so surprised. It’s just a habit. You cannot really forget much being a history teacher, ya know. (laugh) Anyway, where’s the little Touya? Judging by your family trait, you are not still a bachelor, or are you? (laugh harder)
But the former Meijin…?
Touya? You ok?
Ah, well… I didn’t mean to… If you’re still touchy and all…
(grin) Same here, still free. Great news, eh?
Different standard applies to you, Mr Meijin-wanna-be. (laugh again)
No, I didn’t. But I did hear from one of my student’s parent. Having a tough time, huh? Are you in a slump or something? (grin)
Guess you haven’t recovered yet, have you? From your father’s…
The Hand of God, huh? It’s been quite a while since someone last mentioned it to me…
I guess I don’t have the right to comment then.
(shrug) Anything and everything. Finish high school and then polytechnic. After that, well, I just jump from here to there, not settled… But at least I’m free. At least…
(Laugh) Everyone says so. Well, not really, if you view it from my perspective, it’s actually foreshadowed that I’d have something to do with history eventually. In a very ironic sort of way.
No, I guess you don’t.
~Owari
The Call
I. TOUYA AKIRA
1.
“Honestly speaking, Shindou, I’ve never thought I’d talk to you again. And in such situation…”
“Me? I’m as good as ever. A bit chatty huh? Perhaps. I don’t know. It’s been years since I last saw you anyway…”
“10 years? Right, you count.”
“(also laugh) To be honest, Shindou, I haven’t given it much thought. Maintaining a family while still a pro is not a simple task. And it’s not like I’m already too old or anything…”
“Well, sure, my father has managed pretty well. (pause, thinking) He always does, after all, even if he… (pause, staring at the ceiling)
“Please forgive me. It’s… not really something I feel comfortable to talk about.”
“Nah, I’m all right. Just that… Anyway, how about you then, Mister Runaway? You sure don’t sound much of a husband either.”
“If that so, really, you shouldn’t have made any comment.”
“Meijin-wannabe? Right, very funny. I guess you really did not keep track of the Go world ever since…”
“It was sort of a shock, wasn’t it? Well, I don’t really think that high of myself. Not really. Just that every one of this damn society thought of me as some super prodigy who had power to conquer the world. (chuckle softly). It was a real shock. Not to me though. Everyone was dazed. That I haven’t even made it into the Meijin league for once.”
“Sometimes I wonder, just what exactly is what I’m pursuing? Is it the Hand of God? Or worthless titles? (pause, swallowing) Not that I mean titles are worthless. But compared to the Hand of God, they are. (pause) I guess I’ll just settle with the latter.”
“But I guess you cannot really tell. I mean, sometimes I really feel like I’m deviating away from the road I’m supposed to go… Well, my ultimate goal should have been the Hand of God, shouldn’t it?”
“Please don’t mind the gibberish. I sure am getting you to nowhere… So how about you? What have you been doing? All these years?”
“But really, the history part is a bit unexpected.”
“I figure I might not wanna know.”
~*~
Touya Akira was never as brilliant as he was expected to be. A great disappointment for the whole world of Go. No one ever truly understood why. He himself did not know either. Yes, he used to be outstanding, he used to be the sparkling star of the Go world. Everything just started to fall apart after one incident.
The death of Touya Kouyo.
It was as if a milestone had collapsed on the way even before he could attain it. He did not exactly remember what had happened during those two weeks. Everything was blur, dazed and unreal. Akira knew. Yes, he knew that he had lost, and he was lost. He wandered around forever, until, well, he did not really count, but until someday he woke up and suddenly he felt the desire to touch, to hold, to place the stones burning inside him. Until someday he finally gained his consciousness once again to continue with a wounded heart.
Still, he could never really stand up again since.
2.
“Fujisaki-san is your childhood friend right? She told me once. Do you know she has become a Weekly Go reporter? A brilliant one, she is.”
“You should have kept in touch more with your old friends, you know. Or at least your family.”
“Damn it, Shindou, show some concern. What is there to think? She really cared about you, ya know.”
“She’s way too good for a reporter. No, I don’t brag. There are not many females in the Weekly Go ya know.”
“She has her talent. Really, you shouldn’t talk like that. And it’s been 10 years. What do you expect?”
“Anyway, she continually asks me about you, as if I know more about you than she does. She even giggles, mentioning you. She cares, really, you ungrateful bastard.”
"What did you just say?”
“Well, Shindou?”
“There is something I’ve always wanted to ask you.”
“You probably know the question already, but seriously, why did you run away? I mean, I know you don’t want to play anymore and no, I’m not trying to convince you to come back or anything. But going missing without anyone knowing is not something you could…”
“Shindou…”
~*~
He used to have a crush on her. Fujisaki Akari. Shindou’s childhood friend. Akira did not really know the reason. Perhaps it was partly due to her occupation. She had the same passion for the game as he did, just that she expressed it in a different way since she was not exactly gifted. There was somehow a deep empathy between them. It was not like butterflies fluttered about in his stomach or anything. Not the dramatic love at first sight on those old romance movies. He did not even realize when he first wanted to be someone more than a friend to her. And even so, he had never really implied anything to her.
Not when she still loved Shindou Hikaru.
He used to think he could wait quietly, patiently. He used to hope that someday the shadow of Shindou in her heart would fade away in silence. Used to. Perhaps his unrequited love would have lasted longer if she had ever ceased to tell him about her childhood friend. Giggling. Well, he might not be a love expert, but he understood. Which was when he decided to retreat.
After all, he himself knew too well how somebody could never cease to haunt you.
3.
“We didn’t really talk that much, did we? I’m surprised we could still have this conversation as acquaintances after all those years…”
“Actually how many times have I talked to you before, besides this? Four times? Or five? Our last encounter was when I arrived at your Middle School - what’s the name again? - as you started to skip games, wasn’t it?”
“Anyway, you know Waya-san right? He’s an eight-dan now. Been doing much better than me. The ex-Kisei, in case you haven’t known.”
“You mean the Ochi Meijin? (laugh out loud) The day he obtain the title, he staggered outside my apartment, drunken, screaming again and again, ‘Beat ya to it Touya! Beat ya to it!’ To tell the truth, his mouth could be much bigger than his size (chuckle softly).”
“Isumi-san? Is he the player who…”
“Don’t force yourself. If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine…”
“It’s not a well-known case. Not really. Only mentioned in a tiny column of Weekly Go the day after. But when I heard about it, I instantly knew...”
“Yeah, you can probably say that’s the day I began to give you up…”
“After that, Waya-san used to… you know, throw me hated glances and everything. Not that he had never done it before, but the intensity of his distaste had significantly magnified ever since you…”
“I see.”
“People change, Shindou. They have changed.”
~*~
Akira always knew there was something wrong with Shindou even before that, but then he also knew the incident was the last straw to Shindou’s trauma. He heard the news, and his heart dropped, and he knew Shindou would never ever return…
4.
“I still have this wonder, however, that how would I… or how would we have turned out to be if you had never skipped matches…”
“Perhaps we could have been some sorts of rivals, you see… (laugh) Eternal rivals, even.”
“Yeah, and perhaps I would invite you to play with me in my father’s Go salon every week. Perhaps we would never get along since our Go would be different, but then, somehow I always knew we would work it out…”
“And that too. (laugh) I could always see it, you know, as if it was inevitable. I guessed it was obvious that we could just fight over anything and everything. We used to anyway.”
“Don’t laugh. It might be naive alright, but it is a nice dream to contemplate upon. Touya Akira and Shindou Hikaru, eternal rivals and rising stars riding on the new wave of the Go world. Now doesn’t it sound good?”
“Go ahead, laugh as much as you want. Say whatever you like. But it just feels like I won’t never be able to reach the best of my potential without... (hesitant) At least… my father told me so…”
“Who’s the one being childish here, Shindou? It’s just an assumption. No need to act as if you’re so high and mighty. If I cannot progress, fine! You cannot even continue you idiot!”
“What? I’m not telling you to do anything, am I? I just say it might work… After all, Go was a part of your life too. Don’t deny it, damn it! Why did you have to leave, you stupid…”
“Shindou! DON’T YOU DARE HANG UP ON ME! SHINDOU!”
II. SHINDOU HIKARU
4.
It was just another May 5th. The carps were swimming all over the sky, black and red and blue. Shindou Hikaru was just doing the same thing he did every year. Going back to Innoshima. It still hurt him somehow, but at least he could feel more at ease, knowing that there was still something there, at least, some proof that those 3 years he lived was not just a dream.
Somehow he never expected a call from an old acquaintance, someone he had not seen for roughly 10 years. Correction, someone he had not wanted to see for 10 years.
Well, it was another May 5th anyway. Anything can happen.
~*~
If I had never skipped matches? Isn’t it pointless to think about it right now?
Eternal rivals? Yeah, right. As if eternity exists…
I thought we would have fought like cats and dogs?
Right, playing and fighting and then playing forever. You sure dream a lot for a Go player, don’t you?
What’s good about it anyway? You just cannot play one person over and over you know… Because it’s not like you could stay with that person to the end…
Stop being a papa’s boy, Touya Akira. Grow up. You could do just fine without a rival before, so don’t talk as if you cannot progress because you don’t have one. Sheesh.
Idiot? You know, from what I see, you’re just talking crap… Shit… And I had thought you would understand... In case you’re telling me to return to that goddamn world, then excuse me, Sir, I HAVE MY GODDAMN JOB TO DO!
(hang up)
.
.
.
3.
Sometimes his thought still wandered back about how things had gone downhill. How it had come to this state. He shouldn’t have ever played Go. Shouldn’t have ever become a pro, or an insei even. Shouldn’t have met Waya, Isumi, Ochi, Nase, Honda,… Perhaps he did not really deserve the best time of his life after all.
Perhaps he did not really deserve Sai after all.
He had stopped crying long ago. Yet it could still stink, thinking about it. Which was why he did not feel like being nostalgic much.
~*~
Well, I did say the world is round. And I would like to say old friend, but since we’re really not, I guess I’d just let it pass.
Haze Junior High. And yeah, when I quit Go. You chased me out of the school.
Waya? We were pretty close once. Long time ago. Good to know he’s doing great. What about Ochi then?
Oh well, his mouth could be much bigger than his size. (laugh) He was not like that during insei time though. Still arrogant, but not loud. Certainly not drunk, though it’s not like he was old enough then.
More or less, but yes. Almost the best year of my life. I used to hang around a lot with Waya. Isumi-san as well… Yeah, Isumi-san…
Yeah, the one who was run over by a truck in front of my house.
Nah. It’s been 10 years already. I’m just fine talking about him. Besides, I don’t think they ever talk much about him. He might just be forgotten… someday…
Don’t say that. You couldn’t really tell…
You stop waiting since then?
It’s just like Waya. Blame everything on you, huh? He probably thought I quit Go because I was intimidated by you or crap like that. He must have blamed Isumi-san’s death on me as well since Isumi probably intended to come over and persuade me to return.
But still… Blaming you? Isn’t it too unreasonable? I know he’s never been reasonable when it comes down to you, but then…
Sure, the world has changed a lot.
2.
Hikaru had not seen his childhood girlfriend since his runaway. He had not even seen his mother for god sake. He had thought about calling Akari once, just to let her be informed, but the thought was shoved away instantly. Just recalling her was enough to freak him out.
She was always a crazy fangirl, after all.
~*~
Akari, huh? Right… I haven’t seen her for years… not since we went to different high school. Haven’t been reading much Weekly Go either.
Well, I’ve been thinking about calling her…
Well… Uhm… Is she that good of a reporter? Really?
I see… Sexual attraction, huh? That can make her a really good reporter. Seems like she has grown… Right?
Relax, I’m just joking alright.
Giggle? Yeah, right. Crazy fangirl. Same as always…
Nope. Not at all.
Yeah, what?
Go ahead.
(sigh) Let put it this way. You have something you’d rather not talk about, and I also have. Why I ran away from home is my own business. You can stick your nose in other things, you know?
I’d rather not think about it, even…
1.
Shindou Hikaru had never thought he would pursue this sort of occupation. He used to believe he would become a soccer player. Then he grew up a little and declared no one could stop him from becoming a ramen chef. Once he thought he could grow up to be a Go player. Now he merely thought childhood dreams did not turn out to suit him.
~*~
No need to tell me (laugh). I actually deliberately avoided you, but the world is round... Well, what’ve you been doing then? And since when has Touya Akira become a chatterbox, I ‘yonder?
10 years.
Jeez, don’t sound so surprised. It’s just a habit. You cannot really forget much being a history teacher, ya know. (laugh) Anyway, where’s the little Touya? Judging by your family trait, you are not still a bachelor, or are you? (laugh harder)
But the former Meijin…?
Touya? You ok?
Ah, well… I didn’t mean to… If you’re still touchy and all…
(grin) Same here, still free. Great news, eh?
Different standard applies to you, Mr Meijin-wanna-be. (laugh again)
No, I didn’t. But I did hear from one of my student’s parent. Having a tough time, huh? Are you in a slump or something? (grin)
Guess you haven’t recovered yet, have you? From your father’s…
The Hand of God, huh? It’s been quite a while since someone last mentioned it to me…
I guess I don’t have the right to comment then.
(shrug) Anything and everything. Finish high school and then polytechnic. After that, well, I just jump from here to there, not settled… But at least I’m free. At least…
(Laugh) Everyone says so. Well, not really, if you view it from my perspective, it’s actually foreshadowed that I’d have something to do with history eventually. In a very ironic sort of way.
No, I guess you don’t.
~Owari