Here I am in a bubble, I never meant to cause you trouble I never meant to be around
Whenever the holidays come up I can't seem to look back and remember all my forgotten memories, what happened? I remember this time of year two years ago, it was cold, I wasn't working this much, and I was excited about Sean's Christmas party, and I was buying all my dear friends gifts. This time of year last year I had met Johnathan, we started talking to each other and started dating in January, I was reconnecting with a few friends, I was with my brother and his gf who was pregnant at the time, But this Christmas and New Years holiday I'm going to be working, packing, moving, & probably am going to be alone.
Where is the joy, the family, the hallmark touch doing the season? Everyone always talks about how hallmark makes up holidays; valentines, easter, santa claus for christmas, well I never got what they were saying until now. I never understood why everyone went out and wasted money on lust, and perfection; now I know that it's when they look back they'll have something.... someone, to be happy with. I was someone to be happy with. Why is that so hard to find? Oh... it's not, well just because its not to someone else it might be to me.
I have worked thursday-sunday this week, and then I'm working monday-wednesday, saturday and sunday. Then, monday-saturday. So I pretty much for the next two weeks have off thursday, friday, and sunday. & lots of loads of laundry to do. Worry about taxes, packing.... breaking my fathers heart. But it's something I know I have to do, I know I cant continue to live here, go to school, and work.... I wont be happy and I'll be burned out. So I'm FINALLY removing myself from the negativity, which so many people have been telling me to do, some many opportunities I've had. Well I'm 18, I'm moving out, I have a job, next semester I'll be going to community college, and by this time next year I'll hope to happy... Cause at this point in time I have a job, and I am moving out, and I know I will go to college, and I know I wont be suppressed by all this bad stuff and I wont have to be around it, but yet I'm still not happy. Honestly, I am empty. I feel no emotions lately. I feel no compassion, I feel guilt, and I feel freedom in my grip. Is it all going to be enough? Well I'll just have to wait and see.
O no, I see,
I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
O no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,
I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
O no, I never meant to do you harm.
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Although I never meant to do you harm.
Where is the joy, the family, the hallmark touch doing the season? Everyone always talks about how hallmark makes up holidays; valentines, easter, santa claus for christmas, well I never got what they were saying until now. I never understood why everyone went out and wasted money on lust, and perfection; now I know that it's when they look back they'll have something.... someone, to be happy with. I was someone to be happy with. Why is that so hard to find? Oh... it's not, well just because its not to someone else it might be to me.
I have worked thursday-sunday this week, and then I'm working monday-wednesday, saturday and sunday. Then, monday-saturday. So I pretty much for the next two weeks have off thursday, friday, and sunday. & lots of loads of laundry to do. Worry about taxes, packing.... breaking my fathers heart. But it's something I know I have to do, I know I cant continue to live here, go to school, and work.... I wont be happy and I'll be burned out. So I'm FINALLY removing myself from the negativity, which so many people have been telling me to do, some many opportunities I've had. Well I'm 18, I'm moving out, I have a job, next semester I'll be going to community college, and by this time next year I'll hope to happy... Cause at this point in time I have a job, and I am moving out, and I know I will go to college, and I know I wont be suppressed by all this bad stuff and I wont have to be around it, but yet I'm still not happy. Honestly, I am empty. I feel no emotions lately. I feel no compassion, I feel guilt, and I feel freedom in my grip. Is it all going to be enough? Well I'll just have to wait and see.
O no, I see,
I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
O no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,
I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
O no, I never meant to do you harm.
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Although I never meant to do you harm.