I'm ready for a new beginning (but not quite ready to let go of the 'past').
The sad thing is that I woke up feeling moody and mopey, and this mood persisted throughout most of the day. What I said in the previous entry about how I was glad that I didn't have to be angsty through dim sum buffet lunch at the Fullerton because G and I didn't go there together turned out to be rather wishful thinking; the moment I saw Cavenagh Bridge, the first thing that came to mind was I wish I'd taken him here.
My parents and I went to Raffles City after lunch, from which I walked to Bras Basah Complex to get something photocopied. I walked past Odeon Towers, where Loof is - revisiting, therefore, the place where he kissed me for the first time. I knew the exact spot. I involuntarily cast my eyes upon it briefly as I scurried past as quickly as I could in my heels, and I saw it. I saw us standing there, facing each other, a slightly dreamy smile on his face, my mouth producing irrelevant words about a drunk episode of mine which he put to a stop when he said Come here, leaned in towards me and kissed me. I giggled into his chest about how cute he was; he replied, So are you.
I spent tonight reading all the entries that I've written about him in chronological order. I don't know what I feel. It was bittersweet and some parts made me smile, while others made me a bit sad, especially when the contrast in his when-not-together behaviour between the first week and after the first time we had a serious conversation about 'us' in Holland Village became obvious. What I know is that I am going to wait till I get back from Bali to see where I am and decide what to do. The thing is, I deeply regret all the things that I said on that emotional Thursday night; I regret not having the presence of mind to tell myself to take a step back and take stock of the situation before coming to a decision of sorts. Even if I was in the midst of what can be fairly described as an emotional meltdown, I should not have been rash and impulsive because I obviously ended up saying things that have turned out not to be what I want after all.
I don't know. I keep thinking that I have to salvage the situation, which presupposes that there is something to be salvaged; but it's entirely plausible that there is nothing left. But I want to see him in Europe. Forget Europe; I just want to see him and I almost don't care where it is. I wanted to know when he will be in Europe for conferences, so I went to his faculty page and saw that he will be in Germany at the end of September for a conference that begins on the day that I fly to the UK, which also happens to be his birthday.
There is something poignant about this. We are almost like two ships that pass in the night. Maybe we would've made some plans by now if I had not told him that I was done with us; after all, he had intentions to see me in England. Apart from this, the rest of his European engagements are in December, when I will be back in Singapore. Talk about two ships that pass in the night. It is pretty sad.
I was surprised to find out that only a week had passed between his leaving and the days that followed, up to yesterday. It felt like a lot longer.
I am bored of this topic. This entry was originally supposed to be about something else, so I will get to that now.
Dim sum buffet: My parents and I were let down by the Fullerton's Jade Restaurant. The dim sum was pretty average. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't amazing either. The best item was the fried mantou stuffed with chilli crab meat - it was delicious. It was also limited to one piece per customer, so that was a bummer. I also liked the seafood beancurd skin roll thing, which apparently had cheese in it but I didn't taste it until I was chomping on the last piece of our second plate. I ended up ordering a third one; it was that good. Everything else was not spectacular, and it was quite strange how they kept delivering items to our table that we didn't even order. No idea what happened there.
Second, this actually made my day for a while: I bought two pairs of jeans from Robinsons for $44. How amazing is that? They were both on sale (Motivi? and Oasis) and there was some GST absorption thing, so the price initially came up to $74. Then the cashier told me that I had points in my OCBC Robinsons card to redeem; specifically, I had $30 to redeem. Did I want to redeem?
Of course I wanted to redeem?! I am a poor unemployed student so I welcome any and all savings on my purchases.
I really dig the Motivi (?) jeans. I seriously thought I looked hot in those black jeans with some slight ribbing on the front thigh. The Oasis is pretty nice too; it's dusty red. The only downside is that it's mid-rise but I'm sure I can find a way around it.
I am looking forward to Cambridge, even more so after I found out that there's a Bill's restaurant in Cambridge. I can't wait to have scones. I can't wait to go back to London. Oh, I have missed my favourite city in the world. I don't even know what I want to do...everything! I want to go to the National Gallery. I want to have Reggie the Veggie at the Breakfast Club and my standard salad at Birley's. I want to walk along the Thames, down Westminster Bridge. I want to get lost in East London which was something that I didn't properly do when I lived kind of in East London (zone 1 of East London isn't really East London). I want to sit in hipster cafes for hours reading a book. I don't even know what else; I just want to do it all.
I hope I don't get bored of living in Cambridge too quickly. Anyway, it looks like I am going to need a new PhD topic considering I don't really believe in my proposal anymore, so I guess that will keep me busy for a good amount of time. Yay?
*
Federer plays in the US Open final at 4am Singapore time. I intend to get up to watch it so I'm gonna go to bed now.
My parents and I went to Raffles City after lunch, from which I walked to Bras Basah Complex to get something photocopied. I walked past Odeon Towers, where Loof is - revisiting, therefore, the place where he kissed me for the first time. I knew the exact spot. I involuntarily cast my eyes upon it briefly as I scurried past as quickly as I could in my heels, and I saw it. I saw us standing there, facing each other, a slightly dreamy smile on his face, my mouth producing irrelevant words about a drunk episode of mine which he put to a stop when he said Come here, leaned in towards me and kissed me. I giggled into his chest about how cute he was; he replied, So are you.
I spent tonight reading all the entries that I've written about him in chronological order. I don't know what I feel. It was bittersweet and some parts made me smile, while others made me a bit sad, especially when the contrast in his when-not-together behaviour between the first week and after the first time we had a serious conversation about 'us' in Holland Village became obvious. What I know is that I am going to wait till I get back from Bali to see where I am and decide what to do. The thing is, I deeply regret all the things that I said on that emotional Thursday night; I regret not having the presence of mind to tell myself to take a step back and take stock of the situation before coming to a decision of sorts. Even if I was in the midst of what can be fairly described as an emotional meltdown, I should not have been rash and impulsive because I obviously ended up saying things that have turned out not to be what I want after all.
I don't know. I keep thinking that I have to salvage the situation, which presupposes that there is something to be salvaged; but it's entirely plausible that there is nothing left. But I want to see him in Europe. Forget Europe; I just want to see him and I almost don't care where it is. I wanted to know when he will be in Europe for conferences, so I went to his faculty page and saw that he will be in Germany at the end of September for a conference that begins on the day that I fly to the UK, which also happens to be his birthday.
There is something poignant about this. We are almost like two ships that pass in the night. Maybe we would've made some plans by now if I had not told him that I was done with us; after all, he had intentions to see me in England. Apart from this, the rest of his European engagements are in December, when I will be back in Singapore. Talk about two ships that pass in the night. It is pretty sad.
I was surprised to find out that only a week had passed between his leaving and the days that followed, up to yesterday. It felt like a lot longer.
I am bored of this topic. This entry was originally supposed to be about something else, so I will get to that now.
Dim sum buffet: My parents and I were let down by the Fullerton's Jade Restaurant. The dim sum was pretty average. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't amazing either. The best item was the fried mantou stuffed with chilli crab meat - it was delicious. It was also limited to one piece per customer, so that was a bummer. I also liked the seafood beancurd skin roll thing, which apparently had cheese in it but I didn't taste it until I was chomping on the last piece of our second plate. I ended up ordering a third one; it was that good. Everything else was not spectacular, and it was quite strange how they kept delivering items to our table that we didn't even order. No idea what happened there.
Second, this actually made my day for a while: I bought two pairs of jeans from Robinsons for $44. How amazing is that? They were both on sale (Motivi? and Oasis) and there was some GST absorption thing, so the price initially came up to $74. Then the cashier told me that I had points in my OCBC Robinsons card to redeem; specifically, I had $30 to redeem. Did I want to redeem?
Of course I wanted to redeem?! I am a poor unemployed student so I welcome any and all savings on my purchases.
I really dig the Motivi (?) jeans. I seriously thought I looked hot in those black jeans with some slight ribbing on the front thigh. The Oasis is pretty nice too; it's dusty red. The only downside is that it's mid-rise but I'm sure I can find a way around it.
I am looking forward to Cambridge, even more so after I found out that there's a Bill's restaurant in Cambridge. I can't wait to have scones. I can't wait to go back to London. Oh, I have missed my favourite city in the world. I don't even know what I want to do...everything! I want to go to the National Gallery. I want to have Reggie the Veggie at the Breakfast Club and my standard salad at Birley's. I want to walk along the Thames, down Westminster Bridge. I want to get lost in East London which was something that I didn't properly do when I lived kind of in East London (zone 1 of East London isn't really East London). I want to sit in hipster cafes for hours reading a book. I don't even know what else; I just want to do it all.
I hope I don't get bored of living in Cambridge too quickly. Anyway, it looks like I am going to need a new PhD topic considering I don't really believe in my proposal anymore, so I guess that will keep me busy for a good amount of time. Yay?
*
Federer plays in the US Open final at 4am Singapore time. I intend to get up to watch it so I'm gonna go to bed now.