(no subject)
We all have buttons. We all have cracks in our armor, holes in the masks that seem to be penetrated time and time again despite even the most cautious of actions. I believe I have given myself a new layer of second skin against those inner demons and skeletons.
remember when being called four-eyes was a scathing insult? Its not no longer because you have grown up... Its not something to be hurt by, but embraced as a defining part of you. Why are inner demons and secrets so different? We all have some deep secret or opinion of ourselves that we are terrified of... Or if not there is something else that fills that dark hole. That is our weak spot that only the most trusted friends know.
Well here are mine. I can't and won't let them rule me or define my actions. I will simply state them and leave them behind me forever.
For a long time I was a huge exaggerator. I would do or say anything to make friends. I could bs and claim anything in minutes. My web of lies eventually tangled me and I lost the only people close to me. I learned my lesson but its something I am not proud of and almost no one knows about...
I am a self conscious, narcissist. I take advantage of situations, people, and materialistic things to make me feel better about me. I would date a girl if others thought she was hot. I prized my ability to manipulate and smooth talk almost anyone in most situations. There are countless stories I could relate but time and space will not allow. This part of me will forever haunt me as many people I have never met are well aware of my "rep". In fact it once nearly split my current relationship (btw hi sean... I know your phone number and where you live ;) just because you and your friends can't get laid is no excuse to stalk a girl and the people she knows).
There is a person whom I care about dearly that is on this list. Once, ages ago, I fell in love with her. Timing, restraint on judgement and a million other things broke it apart. A terrible rift was formed when she began a relationship with secretly b ehind my back with someone I despised, and again when a similar situation occured. Things since have been edgy and distant with moments of fond rememberings. I attribute most of it due to hectic life schedules, but I know that's not all. Of all my past this is the most sore subject. A guy named ray used to taunt me about as part of this malicious insult game we would play.
All of this said, I am now immune to it hurting me. With it out in the open I have nothing to hide and nothing to be shamed over. In fact, if you wish to ask me anything I will answer it whatever detail you wish. New page, new armor, same me.
remember when being called four-eyes was a scathing insult? Its not no longer because you have grown up... Its not something to be hurt by, but embraced as a defining part of you. Why are inner demons and secrets so different? We all have some deep secret or opinion of ourselves that we are terrified of... Or if not there is something else that fills that dark hole. That is our weak spot that only the most trusted friends know.
Well here are mine. I can't and won't let them rule me or define my actions. I will simply state them and leave them behind me forever.
For a long time I was a huge exaggerator. I would do or say anything to make friends. I could bs and claim anything in minutes. My web of lies eventually tangled me and I lost the only people close to me. I learned my lesson but its something I am not proud of and almost no one knows about...
I am a self conscious, narcissist. I take advantage of situations, people, and materialistic things to make me feel better about me. I would date a girl if others thought she was hot. I prized my ability to manipulate and smooth talk almost anyone in most situations. There are countless stories I could relate but time and space will not allow. This part of me will forever haunt me as many people I have never met are well aware of my "rep". In fact it once nearly split my current relationship (btw hi sean... I know your phone number and where you live ;) just because you and your friends can't get laid is no excuse to stalk a girl and the people she knows).
There is a person whom I care about dearly that is on this list. Once, ages ago, I fell in love with her. Timing, restraint on judgement and a million other things broke it apart. A terrible rift was formed when she began a relationship with secretly b ehind my back with someone I despised, and again when a similar situation occured. Things since have been edgy and distant with moments of fond rememberings. I attribute most of it due to hectic life schedules, but I know that's not all. Of all my past this is the most sore subject. A guy named ray used to taunt me about as part of this malicious insult game we would play.
All of this said, I am now immune to it hurting me. With it out in the open I have nothing to hide and nothing to be shamed over. In fact, if you wish to ask me anything I will answer it whatever detail you wish. New page, new armor, same me.