Keeping Faith In This....
So its 9.06pm... Ive done my chores for today and im sitting here reminicing on the day just passed, Not much was accomplished or achieved, other then my housework is done. Although at times I beg to differ with the washing up that always is being added to.. and the clothes I strategically left laying on my bed awaiting to be hung up.
Tomorrow however I will enrol in my days for uni which is a bonus.. I can have some sort of structure to this new found life. 11am on the dot I will allocate my times..Im pumped, I'm ready.
One thing I have learnt today... well reflected on, Im yet to be here two weeks - I think the place is beautiful but im finding out very quickly that the match making contest is in place with my family here. To get me "Mr. Right" set me up for life...and on the top of the agenda, make sure he suits the specification that my father wants. However what makes me chuckle, and at times pumps me with anger is the stubborness of these family members to consider my feelings in their game of my life. What do I think.. what do I want? Thing is, their idea of Mr. Right doesn't sit well with me. I want to be able to enter into a reltionship whole heartedly, knowing I am the one who made this decision not someone else. However lonely I know I get day in and day out and how much I keep hope and faith in that eventually I'll find the one for me... I have clear and distinct human emotions, ones that tell me right from wrong, ones that tell me who is right and who is wrong. At times I reflect on my not to far gone past to understand where I get my understandings from. I promised myself long ago that I wouldnt enable myself to get hurt, and for once I'd follow my gut instinct and my heart in making the decision to be with someone, rather than take the desparate path. Not that i regret the reltionships I've had, I've just matured from them knowing that they have taught me life lessons, which I will enact when choosing another reltionship.
Sometimes It's hard bein so lonely and I'm sure many of you out here know the feeling all to well...But what you have to think and what I often remind myself of...is that while your heart may flutter for a week and it all seems so sweet to begin with..is it forever? can that person be ' the one' it doesnt have to be a definate yes.. but more a substantial hope that they COULD be that one.
I have made plenty of mistakes and one that lingers with me is of a love I know was once true... but like many other people, has fallen through.
All I know is oneday it will work out, Oneday it will be clear and oneday I WILL find that person, who is that person I truely wish for in life.
So I leave you with a quote from the notebook one of my all time favourite movies...
"am nothing special; just a common girl with common thoughts, and I've led a common life.
There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten.
But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough."
I keep faith in this...