Happee lolidays! (see whut ai did thayr?)
Foar yor howlidayz, dis gift of lulz iz whut ai givez tew yoo. Ahemz.
It wuz teh nite afoar Cristmus
an awl threw deh howse (well castle rly)
nawt a creechur wuz stirrin',
cept liek everwun. Duh.
Teh Porfezzor wuz stawkin,
leik how he do,
when vizhuns uv sugarplumps, ai meen stoodents,
danced thru his head.
"Jest whut iz yew doin'?"
he aksed wif malcious glee.
"Um," sed teh stoodint,
who trembled den peed.
"I rulz dis cassel,
nao git off tew bed!"
Teh poar Hufflpoof turnd,
cried, and den fled.
"So hard it iz
bein sew grate."
"Hmpf," sniffed a shadoh
he sawd a bit late.
"I'll show yew," she sed
as she dragged off her catch.
"Dis Chrissmus, yer mine,
you sad, lohnly wretch.
...oh, i doan meen dat. I luvs you just how yu are. Mmk?"
So up tew her towr
she floated him thus.
Nawt wunce did he wake,
which she kunsiderd a plus.
"And nao I unwrap yew,
mai blacketty gift.
Soon yull know joy,
and happy stuff, quick.
I'll make yew see deer,
dat we fit leik a glove.
...did i rly just say that?
How stranj is dis 'love.'
"Wha..how..mai gawd.
What has yu dun?!
Yew best be explaynin
yor idea of 'fun.'
"I'z tried, an i'z tried,
tew make yew undestan.
But yu never wil see me
as grown up, foar a man--
"Did yew rly' just make that rhyme?"
"...ok srsly? Yoor criticizin' mai poetry wile still tied up?"
"...touche."
"Thank yu.
Now, as I wuz sayin'.
All dat I want
is simpley yoar luv."
....*sighz*
"I will give yu pointz
for creative stelth."
"Thx you, but srsly,
I didn't do this for health."
"Really?"
"Fine. No more rhyming."
"O' thank Merlin."
"Haha, just kidding!
Love me, gawddamnit!!"
"Or what?"
"I'll cast a spell!
I'll enchant you so deeply
you'll wish you'w're in hell."
"...k. O' Miss Graynjer
it's yew I adore!"
"Gud, shall I loosen
dese ropes then we'll
roll on teh floor?"
"Yes."
"Den come to me darling!"
"Awesome."
"I know."
And dey had lawts of secks, while owtsied it snowed.
Happy Chanuchristmakwanzaka-festivus y'allz!!!
It wuz teh nite afoar Cristmus
an awl threw deh howse (well castle rly)
nawt a creechur wuz stirrin',
cept liek everwun. Duh.
Teh Porfezzor wuz stawkin,
leik how he do,
when vizhuns uv sugarplumps, ai meen stoodents,
danced thru his head.
"Jest whut iz yew doin'?"
he aksed wif malcious glee.
"Um," sed teh stoodint,
who trembled den peed.
"I rulz dis cassel,
nao git off tew bed!"
Teh poar Hufflpoof turnd,
cried, and den fled.
"So hard it iz
bein sew grate."
"Hmpf," sniffed a shadoh
he sawd a bit late.
"I'll show yew," she sed
as she dragged off her catch.
"Dis Chrissmus, yer mine,
you sad, lohnly wretch.
...oh, i doan meen dat. I luvs you just how yu are. Mmk?"
So up tew her towr
she floated him thus.
Nawt wunce did he wake,
which she kunsiderd a plus.
"And nao I unwrap yew,
mai blacketty gift.
Soon yull know joy,
and happy stuff, quick.
I'll make yew see deer,
dat we fit leik a glove.
...did i rly just say that?
How stranj is dis 'love.'
"Wha..how..mai gawd.
What has yu dun?!
Yew best be explaynin
yor idea of 'fun.'
"I'z tried, an i'z tried,
tew make yew undestan.
But yu never wil see me
as grown up, foar a man--
"Did yew rly' just make that rhyme?"
"...ok srsly? Yoor criticizin' mai poetry wile still tied up?"
"...touche."
"Thank yu.
Now, as I wuz sayin'.
All dat I want
is simpley yoar luv."
....*sighz*
"I will give yu pointz
for creative stelth."
"Thx you, but srsly,
I didn't do this for health."
"Really?"
"Fine. No more rhyming."
"O' thank Merlin."
"Haha, just kidding!
Love me, gawddamnit!!"
"Or what?"
"I'll cast a spell!
I'll enchant you so deeply
you'll wish you'w're in hell."
"...k. O' Miss Graynjer
it's yew I adore!"
"Gud, shall I loosen
dese ropes then we'll
roll on teh floor?"
"Yes."
"Den come to me darling!"
"Awesome."
"I know."
And dey had lawts of secks, while owtsied it snowed.
Happy Chanuchristmakwanzaka-festivus y'allz!!!