Fic: Observations, Ch 218
“Lt. Uhura.” Jim’s voice was sharp.
“Captain?”
“What the hell is this?”
“A report of our current efficiency ratings, sir.”
“I read the title, lieutenant. I’m referring to the fact that the Enterprise rates at seventy-four percent. What happened.”
“The recent influx of replacements has likely contributed to the decrease in our efficiency ratings. Furthermore, the damage sustained by the ship-”
“I don’t want to hear excuses.”
Nyota’s eyes narrowed. She straightened.
“No excuses sir.”
“Why haven’t you been running drills.”
“I’ve been bringing the replacements for Communications up to standard, sir.”
“I thought I said I didn’t want to hear excuses. What part of that didn’t you understand.”
“I understood everything perfectly, sir.”
“Then why haven’t you been running drills.”
“No excuses, sir.”
“Spock, get over here.”
“Captain.”
“Plan a full rotation of drills to be executed every shift.”
“Captain, the ship’s environmental systems are not-”
“Get. It. Done. Seventy-four percent efficiency is fucking unacceptable.”
“Jim, the replacements have not yet acclimated to the operations of the Enterprise. I recommend that we postpone the exercise until-”
“Stand before me at attention, Commander.”
I flicked my eyes at Nyota. Her face was expressionless. I took two steps and stood before Jim in perfect military posture.
“When I give an order, Commander, I expect it to be carried out. Not questioned, not challenged. Now, are you going to do this, or should I relieve you of duty.”
“You have made yourself clear, captain.”
“Then fucking do it the first time I tell you.”
“Understood.”
“What’re you waiting for. Dismissed.”
--
“Drink up, lads.”
Scotty, Sulu, and Pavel raised their shot glasses, downed the liquid, then immediately poured another.
“Jesus Christ,” Sulu muttered after his second shot. “Captain’s fucked up.”
“Aye. You can say that again. Spock, would you like some chocolate? Well, strictly speaking it’s cacao drink. Nyota found it somewhere, she thought you might need it.”
I nodded. Scotty produced another glass, poured the drink, and offered it to me.
“Hold on, let me refill ours.”
“Bottom’s up, Pasha.”
Pavel was already draining his glass. I followed suit.
“You know something’s wrong when Spock’s driven to drink.”
“One glass is hardly enough to inebriate me, Scotty.”
“We’ll have to fix that,” he replied.
“Can’t we ever get a break?” Sulu flexed his fingers.
“It would seem that is not the standard operating procedure of the universe.”
“I thought Redjac, then Ialla’akhlla was bad-keptan shutting down,” Pavel shook his head. “It is much, much worse.”
“He has not broken down,” I replied.
“He isn’t quite right either,” Scotty said. “Do you know what happened?”
I stared at the cacao drink, then drank it down.
“That bad?”
“No.” I paused, then poured another. “No, Sulu, he has not disclosed the nature of his experience to me. He refuses.”
“Ouch. Sorry.”
“It is a minor setback.”
“You wouldn’t be touching that stuff if it were,” Scotty nodded towards the cacao.
“My judgment may be somewhat compromised, in light of recent events.”
“I can only imagine,” Sulu said. “Thanks, by the way. For, well. You know. Everything. Holding us together. We’ve got your back.”
“Da, spasibo.”
“Couldn’t have been easy, Spock,” Scotty said quietly. His eyes had old shadows, unresolved memories of Redjac controlling his body.
“Thanks are unnecessary. You would have attempted the same, you only lacked psionic ability.”
“Here, lads, let’s drink to that.”
“Scotty-”
“Never refuse a toast, Spock. We know how much this is costing you. So lads.”
Scotty, Sulu, and Pavel raised their glasses again. I raised mine as well. We drank.
“It’ll get better,” Sulu said, body now relaxed. “We bounce back. It’s like a rule of physics, right?”
“I am not knowing this rule.”
“Then write a paper about it or something. Make it up.”
“Aye, we’ll be okay. As a matter of fact, I’m feeling better already.”
“Alcohol is a depressant.”
“I know that, bloody Russian. Is this why you lot are depressed and stone faced all the time up there? The winter and that poor excuse of a drink you call vodka?”
Pavel shrugged.
“We are not depressed. And nothing is better than wodka. It is like water.”
“Can I try some of that, Spock? The cacao?”
“Of course.”
Sulu cautiously poured a glass, then tipped it back.
“Woah. It’s way more bitter than chocolate. Closer to espresso or something. Interesting.”
“Theobromine acts in Vulcans in an analogous way as alcohol acts in Terrans.”
“Is that meaning that you are getting drunk off coffee, Spock? If I remember-alcohol makes me remember chemistry, it is wery strange-it is like caffeine. Kstati, a Russian discovered theobromine.”
“Actually, large doses of caffeine can be fatal to Vulcans.”
“Killed by a cup of coffee. That’s one I’ve never heard.”
“Terrans may suffer from caffeine poisoning as well.”
“So whenever Jim has a cup of coffee-or three, like he sometimes does-what’s going through your mind?” Sulu asked.
“Or when any of us drink coffee, for that matter,” Scotty said.
“There is a natural instinct to recoil.”
“Have you ever kissed after coffee? Does he know about this?”
“He does.”
“And making out?”
“I was not aware that you gossiped, Sulu.”
“Are you having me on? We all gossip, especially when it comes to a tight lipped pair like you and Jim,” Scotty smiled. “It’s practically the favorite pastime of the lads and ladies in my department.”
“And by extension, yourself?”
“No. Scotty’s too busy keeping his own relationship under wraps.”
“Um, privyet keptan.”
I blinked, then stood.
“Jim.”
His eyes flicked over me, then to the glass on the table.
“Jim! Come and join us! I know I’ve got another glass here somewhere.”
“No, thanks. I was just dropping by.”
“Come on, Jim,” Sulu went towards him.
“Nah. Spock, I’ll be in my quarters.”
He left.
Sulu and Pavel looked at each other, while Scotty put his hand on my shoulder.
“How long do you think he was standing there?”
“Not wery long.”
“You saw?”
“I am hoping.”
“I believe I should leave.”
Scotty tightened his grip on my shoulder, then let go. Sulu shook his head.
“Good luck.”
“Udachi.”
“We’ll be right here.”
--
“Jim?”
I entered his quarters.
“Yeah? I’m right here. What’s up?”
I had no words. Instead, I went to him.
“You had chocolate,” he said.
“We have been-it was-”
“It’s fine, I get it.”
Between us hung his heavy look, like an accusation of something I did not know I was guilty of.
Silence.
I cannot abide the silence, but I do not know what to say.
“Jim, will you not tell me?”
“About what?”
“You have not been the same since-”
“Neither have you.”
Silence.
“I can tell you about my-the experience we had-”
“It’s fine.”
“If you find verbal communication painful, then I may meld with you-”
“Drop it, Spock.”
“Jim, keeping this to yourself will not resolve your emotions or this tension that is running through the ship.”
“I said drop it. Talking about it doesn’t do jackshit. It’s over. I’m moving on.”
“Clearly you are not, since you have been unusually short-tempered with the crew and unreasonably demanding of all those around you.”
“Shut up.”
“You are in denial and it is taking a toll on your ability to lead, captain. Suppressing the memories and feelings associated with your experience is not a healthy means of coping with the trauma that has clearly been inflicted on you. Repeating to yourself that everything will ‘be fine’ does not make it so.”
“Stop fucking analyzing me. You don’t fucking know so shut the fuck up.”
“As your First Officer, it is my responsibility to inform you of factors that are contributing to the mismanagement of the ship and decrease in morale, to warn you of the possibility of unsound command decisions. If you remain in this state of denial, it will affect your frame of mind, which in turn will be detrimental to the smooth operation of the Enterprise.”
“Get out.”
“These are the facts, captain.”
“Get the fuck out now.”
“I do not ask that you confide in me, only that you confide in anyone at all-”
“Shut the fuck up and get out now.”
Jim’s blue eyes burned. My fists were clenched at my sides.
“As you wish, sir.”
I took two steps towards the door, then stopped. I quickly turned, closed the distance between us, and kissed him, biting down on his lip hard and sucking, driving the message into his mind.
I will return.
And then left.