alone, i've got to sing just to exist
i head to chicago for two days in the morning. my flight is at 9:30 and yet, here i am, still awake and posting in my online journal. something about that just doesn't quite make sense. why do i insist on staying up so late?
i suppose though, since i am still up, i'll make it worth while.
i've moved to chelsea. although, not completely, which is another issue in and of itself. i was worried that the move might never happen, as the roommie and i were so lazy about getting our shit together. i think we had planned on "moving" (really just renting a truck for the big furniture) at least 3 times. and each time, something came up to distract us. but finally, at 5pm on sunday, we started. i of course was coming from a kickball game and post-game drinking. probably not the best idea, but perhaps it made me a bit more relaxed about things. 4 hours later, we had moved the furniture in and i am at least on my way to making things feel like a home. it's got to be the single most frustrating move i've ever had though. i just can't get my shit together. i think part of me feels like it's admitting defeat. like finally my fuckups have come full circle. i'm no where near an adult. i can't handle life.
ugh. i know it doesn't help to dwell on the past and i should just start looking forward to being in a new place that is sunny and spacious and not a giant emotional pit of despair, but somehow, the future doesn't look all that much better than the past. except that now, there is no cushion to fall back on. no safety net. but i don't think i'm quite there yet to handle it.
shit. there is so much else going on that i want to get out, but i feel so petty complaining about. not to mention that i can't seem to think about it without crying..... someone remind me again, what's the point?
i suppose though, since i am still up, i'll make it worth while.
i've moved to chelsea. although, not completely, which is another issue in and of itself. i was worried that the move might never happen, as the roommie and i were so lazy about getting our shit together. i think we had planned on "moving" (really just renting a truck for the big furniture) at least 3 times. and each time, something came up to distract us. but finally, at 5pm on sunday, we started. i of course was coming from a kickball game and post-game drinking. probably not the best idea, but perhaps it made me a bit more relaxed about things. 4 hours later, we had moved the furniture in and i am at least on my way to making things feel like a home. it's got to be the single most frustrating move i've ever had though. i just can't get my shit together. i think part of me feels like it's admitting defeat. like finally my fuckups have come full circle. i'm no where near an adult. i can't handle life.
ugh. i know it doesn't help to dwell on the past and i should just start looking forward to being in a new place that is sunny and spacious and not a giant emotional pit of despair, but somehow, the future doesn't look all that much better than the past. except that now, there is no cushion to fall back on. no safety net. but i don't think i'm quite there yet to handle it.
shit. there is so much else going on that i want to get out, but i feel so petty complaining about. not to mention that i can't seem to think about it without crying..... someone remind me again, what's the point?