FICLETS: Commentfics of Silliness (aka I AM 12)
Why hello again! These are two silly commentfics I wrote for Ship Wars. The theme was "Hangover."
Title: Gaila Always Knows
Rating: PG for sexytimes
Gaila Always Knows
Gaila gives Nyota five minutes to put her bag away and gather her shower things before she looks up from her PADD.
"So, Nyota," she says, "Are you going to tell me where you spent the night?"
Nyota is frozen, halfway to the bathroom door. "I was--at the lab," she says, too quickly. "There was a transmission and I was translating and I lost track of time."
Gaila nods slowly. "That happens to me, too. I lose track of time in the lab all the time. No wait--I don't! Confess, Nyota--you were totally having sex!"
"What? No!" Nyota starts to protest, but she's already blushing and Gaila can see the trace of a hickey where her robe is open. Nicely placed, she thinks; out of sight while in uniform.
Gaila shakes her head. "Give it up, Uhura. I can sense it all over you."
"I--you can?"
"It's an Orion thing. 'Acute sensitivity to sexual energy, even lingering traces, up to 12 hours post-mating.'"
Nyota blinks at her. "Why don't I know this about you?"
"Duh. Because you're such a monastic freak of nature, it's never come up before. But now you had sex! So now you have to tell me everything! Starting with, who is he?"
Nyota sits on her bed. "Gaila, I don't know if I'm ready--it might not go anywhere, and then if things don't work out--"
"Uh-uh, no. You're telling me either way. Either you guys keep doing it, in which case I'm going to figure it out, or you don't, in which case you're giving me his comm number anyway so I can take advantage. I'm not letting those skills go to waste. I mean, look at you--your knees are still shaking!"
Nyota presses her knees together guiltily.
"You don't have to tell me," Gaila continues, "I can guess. Have I told you about my Orion sense of smell?" She leans close to Nyota and draws a deep, exaggerated breath.
Nyota laughs in spite of herself. "Gaila, are you serious?"
"Hold still! Let's see, that's you--you smell great, by the way--there he is. Male," she glances up at Nyota, "--predictably. Human? Wait, not human. Nyota, you little minx! Interesting pheromone profile but--I don't recognize it. Whatever he is, I haven't been with one." She regards Nyota with a raised eyebrow. "Nyota, what have you been up to? Was he even humanoid, because I've been with just about all the humanoid species at the Academy--I mean, obviously except for--"
Nyota closes her eyes. "Vulcan."
Gaila nods. "Right, except for Vulcan, no kidding. Tell me something I don't know." Something registers. "Wait--did you just tell me something I don't know?"
Nyota looks at her, and Gaila's eyes go wide. Nyota nods, and Gaila squeals. "THE VULCAN! Oh my god Nyota! You and the Commander!"
"Just--please keep it to yourself," Nyota says, quietly, as if that'll make Gaila lower her voice.
Gaila smiles. "I will, on one condition."
Nyota gives her a look. "You want me to tell you all about it?"
"Oh god please will you? I'm dying for something new to think about while I'm--bored on dates."
Nyota closes her eyes. Gaila can almost hear her counting to ten in her head. "Fine," she says, finally. "Full story in exchange for your silence."
Gaila grins. "Thank you." She hugs Nyota, taking another deep sniff of her neck.
"Smelling's not part of the deal, Gaila."
"Fine." She lets Nyota go and watches her until she closes the bathroom door.
Note to self, Gaila thinks. Add Vulcans to list of possibly available species.
Then she picks up her PADD and resumes studying, humming happily to herself.
***
Title: Just Another Diplomatic Incident
Rating: PG
Just Another Diplomatic Incident
Spock looks up from his PADD when Jim rolls over in bed and groans.
"You are awake," he says, setting the PADD aside.
"Nnnngggghhhhhhhhh..." Jim says, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "What the hell--?" His vision goes blank for a second, replaced by bursts of fireworks, then back to vision again. Sort of.
"You have been intoxicated."
"Yeah," Jim says, rubbing his forehead. His whole body is sore, and he can't get his fingers through his hair. "I guess I don't understand--"
Spock nods. "It was an unfortunate accident. Inexperienced banquet servers switched the desserts intended for the human guests and the Vulcan delegation. You were served a dish containing a Vulcan fruit which, when combined with human physiology, produces a state of euphoria, coupled with loss of sexual inhibition--"
"Oh god, the Vulcan delegation." Snatches of the banquet are coming back to him now, and not in a good way. "Spock, tell me I didn't cause a diplomatic incident."
Spock pauses. "Regrettably, there may have been some offense taken. However as the Vulcan delegation was served the chocolate dessert intended for the human guests, one could argue there were faults on both sides."
"And chocolate does to Vulcans--wait, you're in my bedroom. Spock, did we--?"
"No." There's something playing at the corners of Spock's mouth that would be a smirk, if Vulcans smirked. "Lieutenant Uhura and I were delayed returning to our table when dessert was served, due to--" Spock pauses, his eyes drifting momentarily elsewhere, "--a technical fault in the turbolift. Thus we were able to perceive the mistake in time to avoid partaking of the intoxicants ourselves."
Jim's mouth is dry. There's a glass on the nightstand of some kind of liquid in it, but he decides not to take a chance. "So, you're here to, um, babysit?"
"'Keep from harm' is perhaps more accurate. After your toasts invoking the name of Surak in a sexual context I was concerned that members of the Vulcan delegation--while under the influence of chocolate--might attempt retribution. I felt it best that I remain here until the effects of the chocolate wore off. I believe it is safe now."
Just then he door to the 'fresher bursts open and McCoy stands swaying for a moment, one hand on the doorframe for balance, the other shielding his eyes. "Dammit, Jim!"
Spock picks up his PADD. "If you will excuse me, I must check on my father. He was quite intoxicated last night and I saw several of the Orion delegates helping him to his room."
McCoy watches him leave. "Was that a smirk?" He turns back to Jim, his eyes wide. "Jim, did we--?"
"No. I mean, yes, but not with Spock. He was here to, um, protect me."
"So he was just--sitting there the whole time?"
"Apparently." Jim flops back down. "I don't remember much about last night, but I'm pretty sure we were entertaining."
McCoy sits down carefully on the edge of the bed. "I suppose this'll be the talk of the fleet by tomorrow. What are the odds Pike won't have your head on a platter for causing another damn diplomatic incident?"
Jim shakes his head. "No chance. Spock says I insulted Surak. Pike's probably already reviewing the video."
McCoy flops down beside him. "Well Jim, it's been nice knowing--"
"What the hell?" The gruff voice from the floor makes Jim and McCoy jump, then clutch their heads simultaneously. In another second Pike sits up. "Why am I on the floor? What the hell am I wearing?"
Jim rolls over and stares the scene on the floor beside his bed. Pike is sitting up, looking as bad as Jim feels, dressed in nothing but a kilt. Beside him lies Gaila, still sleeping, wearing only plaid knee socks and half-draped over a naked Scotty. Just beyond their little heap, Sulu and Chekov lie on either side of a still-sleeping Number One.
McCoy looks over Jim's shoulder, then lies back down with a sigh. "Dammit, Jim."
Jim rolls onto his back and smiles at the ceiling. "Bones, it's going to be a good day."
***
ALSO: There is a certain person on my FL who shall remain nameless, to whom I would like to point out
Sarek/Spock Prime Commentfic
EDITED to link to story in public post, oops! All better, now.
*tingles lightly with anticipation of future sexytimes in Special Hell*
Title: Gaila Always Knows
Rating: PG for sexytimes
Gaila Always Knows
Gaila gives Nyota five minutes to put her bag away and gather her shower things before she looks up from her PADD.
"So, Nyota," she says, "Are you going to tell me where you spent the night?"
Nyota is frozen, halfway to the bathroom door. "I was--at the lab," she says, too quickly. "There was a transmission and I was translating and I lost track of time."
Gaila nods slowly. "That happens to me, too. I lose track of time in the lab all the time. No wait--I don't! Confess, Nyota--you were totally having sex!"
"What? No!" Nyota starts to protest, but she's already blushing and Gaila can see the trace of a hickey where her robe is open. Nicely placed, she thinks; out of sight while in uniform.
Gaila shakes her head. "Give it up, Uhura. I can sense it all over you."
"I--you can?"
"It's an Orion thing. 'Acute sensitivity to sexual energy, even lingering traces, up to 12 hours post-mating.'"
Nyota blinks at her. "Why don't I know this about you?"
"Duh. Because you're such a monastic freak of nature, it's never come up before. But now you had sex! So now you have to tell me everything! Starting with, who is he?"
Nyota sits on her bed. "Gaila, I don't know if I'm ready--it might not go anywhere, and then if things don't work out--"
"Uh-uh, no. You're telling me either way. Either you guys keep doing it, in which case I'm going to figure it out, or you don't, in which case you're giving me his comm number anyway so I can take advantage. I'm not letting those skills go to waste. I mean, look at you--your knees are still shaking!"
Nyota presses her knees together guiltily.
"You don't have to tell me," Gaila continues, "I can guess. Have I told you about my Orion sense of smell?" She leans close to Nyota and draws a deep, exaggerated breath.
Nyota laughs in spite of herself. "Gaila, are you serious?"
"Hold still! Let's see, that's you--you smell great, by the way--there he is. Male," she glances up at Nyota, "--predictably. Human? Wait, not human. Nyota, you little minx! Interesting pheromone profile but--I don't recognize it. Whatever he is, I haven't been with one." She regards Nyota with a raised eyebrow. "Nyota, what have you been up to? Was he even humanoid, because I've been with just about all the humanoid species at the Academy--I mean, obviously except for--"
Nyota closes her eyes. "Vulcan."
Gaila nods. "Right, except for Vulcan, no kidding. Tell me something I don't know." Something registers. "Wait--did you just tell me something I don't know?"
Nyota looks at her, and Gaila's eyes go wide. Nyota nods, and Gaila squeals. "THE VULCAN! Oh my god Nyota! You and the Commander!"
"Just--please keep it to yourself," Nyota says, quietly, as if that'll make Gaila lower her voice.
Gaila smiles. "I will, on one condition."
Nyota gives her a look. "You want me to tell you all about it?"
"Oh god please will you? I'm dying for something new to think about while I'm--bored on dates."
Nyota closes her eyes. Gaila can almost hear her counting to ten in her head. "Fine," she says, finally. "Full story in exchange for your silence."
Gaila grins. "Thank you." She hugs Nyota, taking another deep sniff of her neck.
"Smelling's not part of the deal, Gaila."
"Fine." She lets Nyota go and watches her until she closes the bathroom door.
Note to self, Gaila thinks. Add Vulcans to list of possibly available species.
Then she picks up her PADD and resumes studying, humming happily to herself.
***
Title: Just Another Diplomatic Incident
Rating: PG
Just Another Diplomatic Incident
Spock looks up from his PADD when Jim rolls over in bed and groans.
"You are awake," he says, setting the PADD aside.
"Nnnngggghhhhhhhhh..." Jim says, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "What the hell--?" His vision goes blank for a second, replaced by bursts of fireworks, then back to vision again. Sort of.
"You have been intoxicated."
"Yeah," Jim says, rubbing his forehead. His whole body is sore, and he can't get his fingers through his hair. "I guess I don't understand--"
Spock nods. "It was an unfortunate accident. Inexperienced banquet servers switched the desserts intended for the human guests and the Vulcan delegation. You were served a dish containing a Vulcan fruit which, when combined with human physiology, produces a state of euphoria, coupled with loss of sexual inhibition--"
"Oh god, the Vulcan delegation." Snatches of the banquet are coming back to him now, and not in a good way. "Spock, tell me I didn't cause a diplomatic incident."
Spock pauses. "Regrettably, there may have been some offense taken. However as the Vulcan delegation was served the chocolate dessert intended for the human guests, one could argue there were faults on both sides."
"And chocolate does to Vulcans--wait, you're in my bedroom. Spock, did we--?"
"No." There's something playing at the corners of Spock's mouth that would be a smirk, if Vulcans smirked. "Lieutenant Uhura and I were delayed returning to our table when dessert was served, due to--" Spock pauses, his eyes drifting momentarily elsewhere, "--a technical fault in the turbolift. Thus we were able to perceive the mistake in time to avoid partaking of the intoxicants ourselves."
Jim's mouth is dry. There's a glass on the nightstand of some kind of liquid in it, but he decides not to take a chance. "So, you're here to, um, babysit?"
"'Keep from harm' is perhaps more accurate. After your toasts invoking the name of Surak in a sexual context I was concerned that members of the Vulcan delegation--while under the influence of chocolate--might attempt retribution. I felt it best that I remain here until the effects of the chocolate wore off. I believe it is safe now."
Just then he door to the 'fresher bursts open and McCoy stands swaying for a moment, one hand on the doorframe for balance, the other shielding his eyes. "Dammit, Jim!"
Spock picks up his PADD. "If you will excuse me, I must check on my father. He was quite intoxicated last night and I saw several of the Orion delegates helping him to his room."
McCoy watches him leave. "Was that a smirk?" He turns back to Jim, his eyes wide. "Jim, did we--?"
"No. I mean, yes, but not with Spock. He was here to, um, protect me."
"So he was just--sitting there the whole time?"
"Apparently." Jim flops back down. "I don't remember much about last night, but I'm pretty sure we were entertaining."
McCoy sits down carefully on the edge of the bed. "I suppose this'll be the talk of the fleet by tomorrow. What are the odds Pike won't have your head on a platter for causing another damn diplomatic incident?"
Jim shakes his head. "No chance. Spock says I insulted Surak. Pike's probably already reviewing the video."
McCoy flops down beside him. "Well Jim, it's been nice knowing--"
"What the hell?" The gruff voice from the floor makes Jim and McCoy jump, then clutch their heads simultaneously. In another second Pike sits up. "Why am I on the floor? What the hell am I wearing?"
Jim rolls over and stares the scene on the floor beside his bed. Pike is sitting up, looking as bad as Jim feels, dressed in nothing but a kilt. Beside him lies Gaila, still sleeping, wearing only plaid knee socks and half-draped over a naked Scotty. Just beyond their little heap, Sulu and Chekov lie on either side of a still-sleeping Number One.
McCoy looks over Jim's shoulder, then lies back down with a sigh. "Dammit, Jim."
Jim rolls onto his back and smiles at the ceiling. "Bones, it's going to be a good day."
***
ALSO: There is a certain person on my FL who shall remain nameless, to whom I would like to point out
Sarek/Spock Prime Commentfic
EDITED to link to story in public post, oops! All better, now.
*tingles lightly with anticipation of future sexytimes in Special Hell*