languages (or just being asian)
Coworker 1 just told us a story about what she heard on the radio a couple years ago. The DJs called one of the Chinatown Bus companies and a woman who spoke no English answered the phone. I don't know exactly what happened in the conversation, but basically it ended with the DJs telling her to stick up her middle finger and point it at herself.
This gave my coworker a bad feeling, and it gives me a bad feeling. It would have given me a bad feeling had I heard it. Similar exchanges that I have heard myself gave me bad feelings.
The conversation was and will actually be about language, but mockery related to a lot of other things give me bad feelings. People being mean-spirited or cruel towards other people in general gives me bad feelings. I mean the kind of mean-spirited and cruel that is a demonstration of power where it is extremely pointless and unnecessary. It's a situation where the mocker takes what he/she obviously has without contest, and uses it to deride the mocked. It's depressing. Arguments about what the mocked could have or should have done to avoid it aside. I mean, nobody can be everything. Everyone has the potential to be the mocked or the mocker regarding something. But does that mean everyone feels the need to be such a mocker?
Back to language, I think it might have to go in another post, but I can start some thoughts.
I really enjoy talking to coworker 2 because she reminds me of my mother in the way that she thinks, but she is in a better position to share her insights with me. They're both from Taiwan. But my coworker is young, and there is more for the talking. She's sort of in between my mother and me in terms of experiences. For example, we both have Taiwan bred Chinese mothers. Um. Yeah.
Anyway, we were talking about language, English in America, Asian immigrant people in America, and their children. And how intolerant of their parents the children can be.
And it just came up that my coworker wondered about the Asian-American kids that insist on hanging out with each other. I wondered this all the time. Why are there those masses of Asian-American kids who seem to only hang out with other Asian-American kids.
Awhile back Smoot said in the most knowing and slightly bored way that people hang out with people like themselves. Hm. He's certainly right.
I suppose I had been operating under the assumption that people who grow up in those very similar (read: same) schools and environments are actually at their core very similar. I still do think that is true. But significant aspects of their identity are still necessarily different.
During the conversation with my coworker, I did finally realize that the large Asian cliques happen because they relate to each other. It's a little lonely and isolating not to have your best and closest friends quite understand embarrassment or frustration that your parents have accents, and that they don't get certain cultural norms. It's extremely lonely to not have anyone nearby who can relate at all (which was certainly not the case for me). And it's a major perk for relating to someone when you both understand language and cultural references technically foreign to your environment and most people in it.
It's not that these Asian-American kids (btw, they do subcategorize - Chinese-American kids hang with other Chinese-Americans and Korean-Americans hang with Korean-Americans... actually, it's more like light-skinned-Eastern-Asian-Americans are together, and the darker-skinned South-Asian-Americans hang, and then there are the haves and the have-nots within those) ONLY congregate with other Asians. They do have white friends. And sometimes white people are best friends (such as a black girl on the U of I campus whose BEST friend is white, while all her other friends are black). But without much explanation or effort these racial groups just occur.
It all comes out as very obvious. After the realization, I mean.
Speaking of that black girl whose best friend is white, she is just one example. I think she's probably one of few. She was an example given in a feature piece in an Alumni magazine about black and white on the U of I campus. The point was that they are still separate. They just don't relate to each other culturally.
I don't know if this is all more obvious to people who experience it more. I didn't grow up with a whole lot of Asian-American kids. Some, but not like in California. A girl I knew (in California) mostly had Asian friends, and mostly hung out with the Asian friends. But she had white friends. I asked about it a little, and she didn't really know what to say. I guess she didn't give it that much thought. But it does ultimately come down to people you can relate to most.
Most of the Asian kids I knew went into two categories: highly educated children of highly educated professors from Taiwan, or the probably monetarily poor Vietnamese kids who lived in the pseudo refugee camp. I don't actually know what the deal with that place was, but eventually they built houses there for subsidized purchase.
Sometime during middle school I had this revelation about studiousness, achievement and performance, and my concept of being Asian in America up until that point. Until then I don't think I tried especially hard to be or not to be Asian. But after that point, I became much more conscious about what I did, where I was going, what I was doing, who I did it with, and why.
Last year at the airport in Dublin, Brian (who is Korean) had to ask me why I didn't want to be seen with him. ! It wasn't that I didn't want to be seen with him. I was just somewhat annoyed that it was assumed that I was traveling with him and only him, not alone, or with Andy who is blond as blond gets. All 3 on U.S. passports. It's perfectly normal, acceptable, and really expected that the lady at the airport thought what she thought, but she was actually being a bit of a bitch, and the reason she asked if we were traveling together was for a random luggage check, so really Andy should have been checked as well, or I should have been left out.
My point being that if it's not already obvious to my friends, I kind of steer away from Asian people. And being around a lot of Asians actually weirds me out, unless they're very open and friendly, which most of Ben's coworkers actually are. Which is lucky and great because he works with a few Asians and the social circle is more Asians than I've been used to. However, even now including the current group, most Asian people I have extended voluntary interactions with are basically bananas who mostly have white people for friends or else might as well be white. Or are actually more diverse.
So there we go, another aspect of my personality babbled into writing. Race itself may not count, but it goes hand in hand with culture, which is everything. I actually got off of language in particular, so that might still happen in another post. Actually it's mostly about English.
This gave my coworker a bad feeling, and it gives me a bad feeling. It would have given me a bad feeling had I heard it. Similar exchanges that I have heard myself gave me bad feelings.
The conversation was and will actually be about language, but mockery related to a lot of other things give me bad feelings. People being mean-spirited or cruel towards other people in general gives me bad feelings. I mean the kind of mean-spirited and cruel that is a demonstration of power where it is extremely pointless and unnecessary. It's a situation where the mocker takes what he/she obviously has without contest, and uses it to deride the mocked. It's depressing. Arguments about what the mocked could have or should have done to avoid it aside. I mean, nobody can be everything. Everyone has the potential to be the mocked or the mocker regarding something. But does that mean everyone feels the need to be such a mocker?
Back to language, I think it might have to go in another post, but I can start some thoughts.
I really enjoy talking to coworker 2 because she reminds me of my mother in the way that she thinks, but she is in a better position to share her insights with me. They're both from Taiwan. But my coworker is young, and there is more for the talking. She's sort of in between my mother and me in terms of experiences. For example, we both have Taiwan bred Chinese mothers. Um. Yeah.
Anyway, we were talking about language, English in America, Asian immigrant people in America, and their children. And how intolerant of their parents the children can be.
And it just came up that my coworker wondered about the Asian-American kids that insist on hanging out with each other. I wondered this all the time. Why are there those masses of Asian-American kids who seem to only hang out with other Asian-American kids.
Awhile back Smoot said in the most knowing and slightly bored way that people hang out with people like themselves. Hm. He's certainly right.
I suppose I had been operating under the assumption that people who grow up in those very similar (read: same) schools and environments are actually at their core very similar. I still do think that is true. But significant aspects of their identity are still necessarily different.
During the conversation with my coworker, I did finally realize that the large Asian cliques happen because they relate to each other. It's a little lonely and isolating not to have your best and closest friends quite understand embarrassment or frustration that your parents have accents, and that they don't get certain cultural norms. It's extremely lonely to not have anyone nearby who can relate at all (which was certainly not the case for me). And it's a major perk for relating to someone when you both understand language and cultural references technically foreign to your environment and most people in it.
It's not that these Asian-American kids (btw, they do subcategorize - Chinese-American kids hang with other Chinese-Americans and Korean-Americans hang with Korean-Americans... actually, it's more like light-skinned-Eastern-Asian-Americans are together, and the darker-skinned South-Asian-Americans hang, and then there are the haves and the have-nots within those) ONLY congregate with other Asians. They do have white friends. And sometimes white people are best friends (such as a black girl on the U of I campus whose BEST friend is white, while all her other friends are black). But without much explanation or effort these racial groups just occur.
It all comes out as very obvious. After the realization, I mean.
Speaking of that black girl whose best friend is white, she is just one example. I think she's probably one of few. She was an example given in a feature piece in an Alumni magazine about black and white on the U of I campus. The point was that they are still separate. They just don't relate to each other culturally.
I don't know if this is all more obvious to people who experience it more. I didn't grow up with a whole lot of Asian-American kids. Some, but not like in California. A girl I knew (in California) mostly had Asian friends, and mostly hung out with the Asian friends. But she had white friends. I asked about it a little, and she didn't really know what to say. I guess she didn't give it that much thought. But it does ultimately come down to people you can relate to most.
Most of the Asian kids I knew went into two categories: highly educated children of highly educated professors from Taiwan, or the probably monetarily poor Vietnamese kids who lived in the pseudo refugee camp. I don't actually know what the deal with that place was, but eventually they built houses there for subsidized purchase.
Sometime during middle school I had this revelation about studiousness, achievement and performance, and my concept of being Asian in America up until that point. Until then I don't think I tried especially hard to be or not to be Asian. But after that point, I became much more conscious about what I did, where I was going, what I was doing, who I did it with, and why.
Last year at the airport in Dublin, Brian (who is Korean) had to ask me why I didn't want to be seen with him. ! It wasn't that I didn't want to be seen with him. I was just somewhat annoyed that it was assumed that I was traveling with him and only him, not alone, or with Andy who is blond as blond gets. All 3 on U.S. passports. It's perfectly normal, acceptable, and really expected that the lady at the airport thought what she thought, but she was actually being a bit of a bitch, and the reason she asked if we were traveling together was for a random luggage check, so really Andy should have been checked as well, or I should have been left out.
My point being that if it's not already obvious to my friends, I kind of steer away from Asian people. And being around a lot of Asians actually weirds me out, unless they're very open and friendly, which most of Ben's coworkers actually are. Which is lucky and great because he works with a few Asians and the social circle is more Asians than I've been used to. However, even now including the current group, most Asian people I have extended voluntary interactions with are basically bananas who mostly have white people for friends or else might as well be white. Or are actually more diverse.
So there we go, another aspect of my personality babbled into writing. Race itself may not count, but it goes hand in hand with culture, which is everything. I actually got off of language in particular, so that might still happen in another post. Actually it's mostly about English.