Big Bang 2013: Have Hatred and Gravity Won - 18/19

[anniespinkhouse]

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Part Eighteen



Dating wasn't so hard, Jensen decided. They didn't announce their relationship to the student group, but they naturally gravitated to work together. On the days Jared had classes he would rush to put in extra time alone on the project with Jensen, before they ate together. It had been awkward at first, with Jared embarrassed at not being able to pay for his own meals, but Jensen pointed out that the extra hours he worked made Jensen's job easier.

The last of the window sealant went in as daylight faded. Jared wiped his hands on his jeans and stood back to admire their work. “It looks good.”

Jensen stood back and admired Jared. He couldn't resist a tease. “Well you're washing the glass. It's got your huge, sticky paw-prints all over it.”

“It's going to be covered in dust as soon as we start work again.”

“Just like you. Luckily, I like my boy dirty.” Jensen lowered his voice until it was husky. He leaned across to kiss Jared, and Jared kissed him back, passionate and deep.

They pulled apart with wet lips and a satisfied hum, and set about clearing their tools. “I was wondering if you were able to go somewhere with me on Sunday,” Jared asked suddenly, as if it made him nervous.

It occurred to Jensen that most of their time fell naturally into working, eating out or eating in, then relaxing in front of the television, or on the games console. He felt like a shitty boyfriend. “Yeah. I'd love to. Where are we going?”

“It's a surprise. I'll bring a picnic.”

Jensen looked out of the new window, “You are kidding? Have you seen the weather lately?”

Jared kissed him again. “Bring a raincoat, and boots.”

“Yessir.” Jensen saluted him. Sometimes it was hard to believe they were the same people who had been at the President's ranch together, and other times it was obvious. Jensen unconsciously felt the scar on his cheek. Jared had come a long way from the selfish brat he had once been. Sometimes, he worried that Jared would notice that Jensen wasn't good enough for him.

That night, they went to a bar for a change. They drank too much beer, and played pool until it was late. Jensen insisted on walking Jared home, and he weaved his steps beside Jensen. Apparently, he was a lightweight when it came to drinking. They stopped by the dorm, and Jensen pressed Jared against the corridor wall to support him while he opened the door. Jared lurched into Jensen with sudden fervor and his shirt buttons popped. Jared's tongue laved at Jensen's neck, distracting him while he fumbled with the door handle. “I know you want it daddy.” Jared murmured, before diving in to unfasten Jensen's pants. "Little boys shouldn't make you wait. I can be good for you.”

Jensen groaned. He could feel his own arousal matching the bulge growing in Jared's pants, but Jared was drunk, and he sounded uncomfortably like he was back at the Road House. Jensen silently counted to five and pushed him away. Jared stumbled, banged his head on the wall, and slumped to the floor.

“Don't you want me?”

Oh great! Jared's eyes were watery with drunken tears.  Jensen offered a hand, “You know I do. You're killing me here.”

“I'm used up. You did that to me,” Jared slurred. “You left me there. You said you'd come back and you left me there. Now you don't want me.” His voice was loud and distressed.

“Jared c'mon, you're drunk. You don't want to do it like this.”

“I do it every way. I'm a whore!” Jared’s self disgust was evident in his declaration. He reached for Jensen’s hand, to get up, and missed. He fell back on his ass with a whumpf.

The door beside them opened and light flooded out. Christian and Steve were on Jensen in a moment. “Get off him!” Steve snarled, pulling Jensen away. Jensen instinctively tensed for a fight and formed a fist.

Jared blinked up blearily, “Don't hit him,” he muttered, without it being clear who he meant. Jensen uncurled his fist. Jared was right, his dorm-mates were kids, and he could do too much harm.

Christian and Steve glared at Jensen, looking at his loose zipper, and Jared's unbuttoned shirt. Chris helped Jared up. “What are you doing to him?”

For once, Jensen wasn't playing a role. He didn't know what to say. “He's drunk,” is all he could force out.

“And you thought you could take advantage.” Steve accused him, angrily.

“S'my daddy,” blurted Jared.

They took a moment to study Jensen and note his age, rough stubble on his chin, and his scar, “Oh,” they said, and their confusion simultaneously turned to disgust.

Jensen put his hands up, “I'm not actually his daddy.”

Christian squared up to Jensen. He manhandled Jared into Steve's arms. “Get him inside and lock the door.” He grabbed Jensen's arm, to march him out, and Jensen gritted his teeth to prevent himself from reacting. Logically, he knew what Jared's dorm-buddies were seeing looked bad, and Jared was no help.

“It's not what you think, but I'm going.”

Christian shoved him through the main exit. “You sick fuck. Leave Jared alone, or we'll call security.”

Jensen shouted as the door closed on him, “Make sure he has water, and he lies on his side. Don't let him choke.” Christian gave him a one-fingered salute on the other side of the glass panel.

Jensen walked home, sobering rapidly in the cool night air. He needed to talk to Jared about his self-esteem, but it would wait until their hangovers were gone.



Jared's head was pounding. His mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool and his stomach was staging a mutiny. He groaned and put a pillow over his head. Steve removed it.

“Drink!”

Jared forced his eyes open to a glass of water by his face.

“C'mon you moose. Time to wake up. Chris and I have to go to class. We've called you in sick, but you have to have a drink.” Steve was firm but sympathetic. Jared suspected that he and Chris been in Jared’s condition on numerous occasions.

Jared took the glass gratefully and sipped, “Ugh, what happened.”

“You've got to be more careful, dude. You brought some creep back last night. God knows what would have happened if we hadn't been here.”

Fragments of memory came back to Jared and he groaned again. He'd made an idiot of himself and he had no idea what he'd said to Steve and Chris. The enormity of what he might have revealed about himself, hit him hard. His stomach rolled and he ran for the bathroom.

Steve brought some Tylenol into the bathroom for him. “Take these. If you have any problems, I've got my cell on.”

“I'm an idiot. What did I say last night?”

“You rambled about a load of nonsense. Have you considered the creative writing course? Because you have an active imagination.”

Jared huffed. “I love fantasy books.” At least it wasn't an outright lie.

“Go back to bed,” Steve ordered.

Jared shuffled into the dorm and crawled back under his covers.

He awoke confused, to the racket of a cockerel crowing, remembered Jensen changing his text alert and felt about for his cell phone.

How's your head? Do you forgive me? xJensenx

He couldn't handle the noise, so he turned it off, covered his eyes from daylight and retreated under the covers. He'd return the text soon.

The next time he woke, Christian was shaking him, and it was afternoon. “You need to eat.” He threw a Snickers bar on the cover of Jared's bed.

“Thanks man, I owe you one.”

“Next time I come in drunk off my ass, you can cover for me.”

Jared bit in to the chocolate and chewed enthusiastically. He was suddenly hungry. There was a knock at the door and it opened slowly. Jensen poked his head around. “Is it safe?” he asked.

Christian made a rush for the door, and Jensen side stepped him, catching him easily in an arm lock. “Ow, ow, fuck you!” Christian yelled, as he struggled unsuccessfully to get free.

“Once is enough. If Jared wants me to leave, he can tell me himself. Understand?” Jensen's voice was laced with threat. He looked at Jared, who put a hand to his head.

“Can't you play nicely? I have a headache. Jensen, put him down. Christian, leave Jensen alone.”

“Do you remember what this douche did to you last nigh…”

Jensen increased his pressure on Christian's arm.

“Ow, ouch.”

“Stop it!” Jared whined.

“Do you want me to go?” Jensen asked Jared, with his hold on Christian unwavering.

“No, no. I want you to stay and cuddle me better.” Jared knew he sounded pathetic. It was how he felt.

“Did you hear that, college boy?” Jensen shook Chris, and relaxed his hold when he nodded vigorously.

“I'm sorry.” Jared aimed the apology in the general direction of both Christian and Jensen. “I seem to remember being a dick last night, or maybe going after dick. That was out of order. Then I fell on the floor, and I don't remember much after that.” He sat up quickly, and his head reeled with sharp pain, “Uh, what happened after that? How did you get home, Jen?”

Jensen released Christian, and sat on the edge of Jared's bed, “Your friends accused me of debauchery and threw me out.”

“Hmm, but I wanted to be debauched,” Jared grouched. He leaned into Jensen's side. “I am never drinking again.”

Christian snorted, “Until next time.” He looked at Jensen, before asking Jared, “How well do you know this dude?”

Jensen put his arm around Jared's waist and smoothed his hand over Jared's skin under his tee-shirt.

Jared yawned. “I guess I'm busted. This is Jensen Ackles. He's my boyfriend.”

Christian's eyes almost bugged out of his head. He looked concerned. “Ackles? The one you're doing the station project with? I knew you were putting in a lot of hours! Man, do you think it's wise?”

Jared shrugged. "It's not like it's a part of my grades, and he's not a lecturer.”

Christian narrowed his eyes, assessing Jensen’s comforting arm around Jared. He seemed satisfied. “It's your business Jared; I'm going to leave you to it.”

Jared waited for the “If you hurt him …,” speech, but Chris skirted around Jensen cautiously on the way out. Jared nudged Jensen after the door closed. “You didn't have to scare him.”

“That wasn't scary.”

It was a reminder that Jensen was a whole lot more dangerous than an arm lock. Jared couldn't help wondering how many victims Jensen had tackled that way and how many of them still lived. A shiver traveled down his spine when he thought about it. He wasn't sure if it was fear or arousal. “Do you miss it?” he wondered.

“Miss what?”

“Being a soldier. Having all that power.”

Jensen regarded him seriously. “Sometimes. It gave me a buzz that you can't get in civvie life. Do I want to go back to it? No. I like having you with me, and there's a different sort of satisfaction in rebuilding. It's enough. How about you? Is this what you thought it would be?” He waved a hand around the dorm.

“It's not fraternity life, but I never wanted that. It's good. It beats the alternative.” Jared gave a twisted smile.

“Yeah, well, the alternative was shitty, and I'm sorry I did that to you.”

“It may have been unorthodox, but you saved my life, when you could have left me dead in a shallow grave. I should have acknowledged that before now. You've apologized enough.”

Jensen turned his eyes to the floor in embarrassment. “I should never have put you in that position in the first place.”

Jared noted his discomfort, and changed the subject with a cheerful suggestion, “Since the jungle telegraph will have outed us to the entire campus, let me treat you to dinner. I've been saving coupons.”

There was a certain relief in no longer keeping their relationship a secret. Rachel decided it was tragic that two hot guys should be hot for each other, and there were a few disapproving glances, but there were no mean comments. On the whole, Jared thought it went well. They were four months into the refurbishment of the railway station, and it was ninety percent complete, so if the faculty had a problem with them, it would be short lived. Jared knew his next assignment would be a social project, and he dreaded giving up the hours he worked with Jensen.

They tumbled into Jensen's apartment, a mess of limbs crashing on the sofa, with Jared sprawling arms and legs over Jensen, and demanding a kiss. It was met with soft lips, a slick slide, and fingers that clutched into Jared's hair. Jared closed his eyes, felt it all, and wondered if he had the courage to ask for more.

“What are you thinking?” Jensen asked softly.

“How perfect that kiss was. That it's going to suck when my assignment changes. That I'm not drunk, and I might be in love with you." Jared bit his lip, and let his hair hide his eyes. He felt exposed and vulnerable. He'd made the same declaration, a lifetime ago, and Jensen had laughed at him and betrayed him. It had to be a form of madness to make the same declaration and risk that hurt again.

Before answering, Jensen pulled him across so Jared was sitting sideways on his lap, and Jared wrapped octopus-arms around his neck to cling to him. “We could have more time together, and save money, if you moved in with me. I checked the rules for your funding, and it wouldn't alter. Mouse could visit without worrying what anyone thinks.”

It wasn't the romantic response Jared had been looking for, but Jensen's fingers curled in the ends of his hair and his anxious expression told him that Jensen cared, and had thought about his proposal for a while.

“I'd love to stay.” Jared squeezed Jensen. “I'll have to work the hours my program sets, and I’ll still do college stuff. I promised Chris and Steve I'd go to see them play, and there's quiz nights.”

“Of course. You deserve to be young.”

“You can come with me.”

“I don't want to be the creepy old guy.”

Jared kissed him. “Never! Well, maybe a little.”

“Watch-out, baby boy. I might have to spank your ass.”

Jared wriggled suggestively on Jensen's lap. “Promises, promises.”

“You don't have to go back to the dorm tonight. We could practice living together.” Jensen peppered Jared's shoulder with light kisses.

“We could practice other things together. I need to test the bed.” Jared grinned at Jensen.

“Are you sure you're ready? Just you and me, here and now. No faking or ghosts?”

Jared sucked Jensen's earlobe, “Just you and me, and I never faked it with you.”

“Hold on tight there's something I always wanted to do.” Jensen growled. Jared could feel Jensen's muscles tense. He clung on to him as he was lifted and carried to the bedroom. “I'm going to carry you over the threshold.”

Jared landed on the bed with a whump, and a laugh. The mattress bounced under him and the wood creaked ominously. “First part of the test - we're going to need a new bed,” he decided.

“I swear you're still growing,” groused Jensen, tumbling onto the bed beside him, “And we're seriously failing the second part of the test.”

“What's that?” mumbled Jared, nuzzling into Jensen's neck, inhaling him.

“Getting naked.” Jensen tugged Jared's tee shirt over his head.

“Mm. I can go for that.” He licked a stripe up Jensen's neck, tasting salt and feeling the coarse evidence of his stubble, while his fingers fumbled with the buttons of Jensen's shirt.

They took their time, with no ulterior motives, no glance at a clock to calculate fees, and nobody to please but themselves. Jared traced patterns of hearts and flowers in the maze of Jensen's freckles, and Jensen counted his moles in retaliation, even the tiny one that nestled at the top of his thigh. Jensen licked and teased and nipped at Jared's nipples until he begged and squirmed out from under him, only to scoot down between Jensen's thighs, and suck and lick noisily at his balls. Jensen took his turn in wriggling away, only to scoot to the very end of the bed, where he made Jared screech with laughter, tickling as he mouthed wetly around his toes.

When their hands might have been done exploring, their eyes had taken their fill, their mouths tasted every part of each other, they made love, and there were still more sensations to feel and sounds to make. Jared moaned and snapped his hips impatiently while Jensen opened his furled muscle, a finger at a time. He was stubbornly careful, thick with lube and achingly slow. Jensen knelt between Jared's thighs, face to face, looking into his incredible foxy eyes as he eased the head of his cock into Jared's tight heat. Jared watched Jensen's eyelashes flutter over green eyes darkened with lust. He cried out and ground against Jensen, eager for more. Jensen buried himself deep, and they lost themselves in the slick and slide, skin on skin, flesh in flesh. The air around them seemed to crackle with heat and was heavy with the smell of sweat and passion.

Jensen whispered obscenities of all the things he wanted to do to his baby boy, into the shell of Jared's ear, and Jared yelled his own commentary, with no consideration for the neighbors, “There, there, oh fucking, sweet, son of a bitch, don't stop, nngh.”

Jensen paused in his thrust, to tease him. In revenge, Jared leaned up to suck a hickey by Jensen’s Adam's apple. At last, when he could hold out no longer, Jensen took Jared's proud cock in his hand. He stroked its length, squeezed the head and dipped a finger into the slit, wet with pearls of precome. “Come with me,” he whispered. Jared arched up into his touch, and Jensen thrust deep into Jared, against the nub of his prostate. He felt the flutter of muscle clench around Jensen, and the spatter of warm come on his belly, as he let the white lightning of his orgasm take over. Somewhere, in his consciousness he noticed the cracking sound of breaking wood and felt a sideways tilt, but it wasn't what mattered.

They collapsed into each other, panting and exhausted, and thoroughly sated. They still kissed, mouths, red and swollen with their passion. When Jensen pulled out they shuffled to settle together with Jared curled into Jensen's side. Jensen took a deep breath and spoke up, “You aren't a whore and never will be again. It was a job and it's over. You're a student, you're young. You're as good, no better, than anyone else here. You have to stop punishing yourself for what I did to you. I should have told you it sooner. You're perfect. I love you.”

Jared reached to hold his hand and squeeze it tight. His eyes glistened with tears, and he didn't know if it was because memories still hurt, or because he had waited so long to hear those three words from Jensen. “I know. I just need time.” He chuckled, to break the tension, and joked, “I love you so much - we broke the bed,” Should we do something?”

Jensen used his shirt to wipe them both, “Nah. Let's sleep.”

They shut their eyes and pressed together. The next day they would wake on the floor, and make love there, ignoring the neighbor below, who protested by banging a broomstick on the ceiling. “Perhaps we should think about a different apartment for our new bed,” commented Jensen.



Jensen dropped Jared off ten minutes late for his first class of the day. When he was alone in his car, he turned his phone in his hand, deep in thought. He pulled up a number and dialed. A woman's sultry voice answered.

“Danni?” Jensen asked, “Is it done?”

Part nineteen