Full Circle: Ch. 4
Title: Full Circle: Silence
Author: annethundr05
Fandom: SM
Pairing: None for now
Rating: T
Summary: No one said telling the truth was easy.
Disclaimer: SM doesn't belong to me, property of the rich folks. I am playing with them for fun. :-)
A/N: Rating may go up at a later date.
"Silence is the most powerful scream"
Unknown
Silence. There are some who can't enjoy silence. I'm not one of those people. Silence is and has always been my friend. When one has been alone for as long as I have, you either learn to love it or you hate it. For such a long time I hated the silence. I went out of my way to make my empty apartment feel less lonely, less quiet. The sad thing was it wasn't less lonely. Less quiet sure, but it was no less lonely. The girls made my house feel more like a home. Then I lost Seiya and I found myself living my days in a blur. One of sound but no words. One of people but no faces. One of various locations but no places. I became a broken, vague, and distorted image of the fierce woman I used to be. And I finally cried. And silence embraced me. It let me cry. It let me scream, shout, and rage. There were no false words adn strange hugs of consolation, no pitied stares, and with that I embraced the silence.
So I left Seiya to his silence, his thoughts and my dust. I walked away and it felt so good. I felt cleansed for the first time in awhile. And yet as good as I felt having told Seiya what he could do for me, I knew in my mind and in my heart that there was one more stop that I had to make before I could go home. Before I could truly be free and go back to being myself, even if I was no long the same me as I was before this fiasco. Before I could truly register in my mind where I was headed my feet lead me to the place where I spent most of my high school life and the entirety of my senshi career.
Hikawa Jinja
~~~~~Flashback~~~~~
Makoto slowly, but steadily ascended the steps to the Cherry Hill Temple. Hesitation couldn't be found anywhere near her person. For once she felt completely calm and sure of herself. The surety showed in her stride, her body language, on her face.
Taking the time to take in her surroundings Makoto could only admire the trees and marvel at the foliage that surrounded the property. It truly was beautiful and that made her sad as this was one of the few places she ever found herself at complete peace. With that in mind she slowed down her pace and enjoyed the calm that over came her every time she set foot on the property. Coming to a complete stop at the top of the stairs, Makoto made a quick left towards her favorite Oak tree. Placing her hands on the trunk, despite never being overly religious, she said a prayer. Asking silently for the courage and patience to face the torrent of anger she knew would be waiting for her on the other side of the door. She asked for understanding and the ability to explain. Mostly she asked luck to be with her on her long journey, as she was sure this would be her last time here as well.
"Makoto-chan! How are you? The girls are inside do you want me to let them know you were here…" Turning rapidly Mako-chan merely hugged Rei's grandfather. Being the sweet old lech he was, no complaints were given.
"What was that for?" Smiling lightly Mako tuned to the bag she picked up on the way here.
"These are for you, dango; I know how much you love them. Granted they're not homemade but consider this a thank you for all you've done for us. It can't have been easy having five squealing girls in you home all the time."
"No that's where you are wrong. It was good to have a house full of people. Kami-sama knows my Rei-chan needed friends. She's a good girl but here temper runs people away. And even though it's her way of not getting hurt, by not letting anyone get to close. I was glad to see there were some people who didn't take no for an answer. And she's so much better for it. So no I thank you."
And with a bright smile and a low bow, he left her as she was.
"Alright let's do this."
Turning to glance around her one last time, with renewed vigor and spirit Makoto made her way to Rei's room.
"I still don't understand it, why would Mako-chan say those things. Come-on Usa-chan we need to know the whole story. We can't really be a team if they're secrets."
"…"
"Get it together meatball head! We're trying to help you." Obvious frustration littered Rei's voice. But more than that Usagi's silence was starting to worry her. She has never been this quiet for as long as she'd been lately. It seemed Makoto's words really got to her. 'But then I guess I would be the same way if one my friends said those things to me…
~~~Memory~~~
"I'm still senshi in spirit, in power and in my heart but I'm done now. Setsuna-san said that our times for trials are over for the moment. I intend to take advantage of that. But I am done now; I have protected you princess always. And in another life I gave your mother my word therefore I will do my duty as a member of the alliance, whatever that may be. But never forget this Princess I fought with you, for you, and beside you. And you in your thoughtless, selfishness brought harm to me and my best friend. You are she, who will always be my princess, but are no longer my friend."
~~~Memory end~~~
"Be nice Rei. She's just had a good friend tell her she's a selfish bitch and go to hell."
"Minako!" Ami admonished, and then hazard a glance at Usagi who seemed not hear her at all.
"What!... Oh come off it Ami-chan let's be real here. Makoto did, in the nicest way as she knew how, but she did. She told them to fuck-off and essentially is abandoning us! It's not fair that she… Mako, my best-friend is leaving, she won't return my calls. No-bodies saying anything about what the hell is going on and your acting like my mom casue I brought it up!" Tears welled in Minako's eyes and unconsciously her hands hand rendered the Kleenex she was holding to pieces.
Her frustration rising as well, Ami tried not to show it. "I know that but you don't need to keep repeating it. And Rei neither do you. She'll tell us when the time comes. And as for Mako-chan, we just need to give her some space. She will probably come around, whenever she's ready."
"I don't see why we can't just go over to Mako-chan's place and make her tell us what's going on. I mean it's all her fault for Usagi being this way. She needs to take responsibility for her actions." Rei rose, teapot in hand, and began heading for the kitchen.
"Really Rei-san. I need to take responsibility for my actions?" Making her prescience finally known, Makoto steps out from the shadows.
"How long were you standing there?" Concern pierced Ami's tone.
"Long enough." Came her short, clipped reply.
"I'm glad every bodies here. We need to talk." Makoto said pulling her shoes off at the door.
"Yes the hell we do!" Rei stated with barely contained rage. "Where the hell have you been? You don't answer your phone. You ignore your communicator! Who do you think you are? I mean after all Usagi-chan has done for you. You have the audacity to say she's no longer your friend! Where do you get off thinking you can do that!"
"Rei!" Minako and Ami shout at the same time.
"Are you done?" Surprised by the calmness of her voice all four turned to look at Makoto.
"What do you mean am I done? I haven't even scratched the surface yet."
"Then please go ahead and finish your tirade. I would much rather you have it all out of your system before I begin; I won't take kindly to being interrupted. So if you will, continue." Makoto promptly sat down facing her, knees curled underneath herself, and waited.
Rei unfortunately couldn't seem to bring herself to say anything at all.
"Why?" Minako's words trembled, blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Why, tell me why. Why do you want to leave us? What did we do that was so terrible that you feel as if there is nothing left for you here? Did we miss something so important that you can't trust us to help you anymore? I just don't understand…."
Makoto felt the guilt she had buried, in regards to her leaving the senshi, resurface a little bit at Minako's obvious heartbreak.
"Understand this Min-chan it's not you. It's not Rei, or Ami-chan's fault. This is something that I have to do. And yes you were oblivious to my problems but we are different people than we where in high school. We're still friends but I didn't expect you to notice that Seiya had broke my heart or that Usagi had betrayed my trust. It's because of them that I have to go."
Resigned Rei spoke, "You keep saying that but why. Tell us why. Usagi won't say anything. Seiya changes the subject. The outers tell us to ask "the princess." But nobody will give us a straight answer. Please Mako, what's going on."
"Fine you want to know why I have to go, why I want to go. I'll tell you. I'll explain everything. Oh and Usagi pay attention because I know you're listening."
~~~~~Flashback~~~~~
Then and there I laid it all on the line.
Read & Review
Author: annethundr05
Fandom: SM
Pairing: None for now
Rating: T
Summary: No one said telling the truth was easy.
Disclaimer: SM doesn't belong to me, property of the rich folks. I am playing with them for fun. :-)
A/N: Rating may go up at a later date.
"Silence is the most powerful scream"
Unknown
Silence. There are some who can't enjoy silence. I'm not one of those people. Silence is and has always been my friend. When one has been alone for as long as I have, you either learn to love it or you hate it. For such a long time I hated the silence. I went out of my way to make my empty apartment feel less lonely, less quiet. The sad thing was it wasn't less lonely. Less quiet sure, but it was no less lonely. The girls made my house feel more like a home. Then I lost Seiya and I found myself living my days in a blur. One of sound but no words. One of people but no faces. One of various locations but no places. I became a broken, vague, and distorted image of the fierce woman I used to be. And I finally cried. And silence embraced me. It let me cry. It let me scream, shout, and rage. There were no false words adn strange hugs of consolation, no pitied stares, and with that I embraced the silence.
So I left Seiya to his silence, his thoughts and my dust. I walked away and it felt so good. I felt cleansed for the first time in awhile. And yet as good as I felt having told Seiya what he could do for me, I knew in my mind and in my heart that there was one more stop that I had to make before I could go home. Before I could truly be free and go back to being myself, even if I was no long the same me as I was before this fiasco. Before I could truly register in my mind where I was headed my feet lead me to the place where I spent most of my high school life and the entirety of my senshi career.
Hikawa Jinja
~~~~~Flashback~~~~~
Makoto slowly, but steadily ascended the steps to the Cherry Hill Temple. Hesitation couldn't be found anywhere near her person. For once she felt completely calm and sure of herself. The surety showed in her stride, her body language, on her face.
Taking the time to take in her surroundings Makoto could only admire the trees and marvel at the foliage that surrounded the property. It truly was beautiful and that made her sad as this was one of the few places she ever found herself at complete peace. With that in mind she slowed down her pace and enjoyed the calm that over came her every time she set foot on the property. Coming to a complete stop at the top of the stairs, Makoto made a quick left towards her favorite Oak tree. Placing her hands on the trunk, despite never being overly religious, she said a prayer. Asking silently for the courage and patience to face the torrent of anger she knew would be waiting for her on the other side of the door. She asked for understanding and the ability to explain. Mostly she asked luck to be with her on her long journey, as she was sure this would be her last time here as well.
"Makoto-chan! How are you? The girls are inside do you want me to let them know you were here…" Turning rapidly Mako-chan merely hugged Rei's grandfather. Being the sweet old lech he was, no complaints were given.
"What was that for?" Smiling lightly Mako tuned to the bag she picked up on the way here.
"These are for you, dango; I know how much you love them. Granted they're not homemade but consider this a thank you for all you've done for us. It can't have been easy having five squealing girls in you home all the time."
"No that's where you are wrong. It was good to have a house full of people. Kami-sama knows my Rei-chan needed friends. She's a good girl but here temper runs people away. And even though it's her way of not getting hurt, by not letting anyone get to close. I was glad to see there were some people who didn't take no for an answer. And she's so much better for it. So no I thank you."
And with a bright smile and a low bow, he left her as she was.
"Alright let's do this."
Turning to glance around her one last time, with renewed vigor and spirit Makoto made her way to Rei's room.
"I still don't understand it, why would Mako-chan say those things. Come-on Usa-chan we need to know the whole story. We can't really be a team if they're secrets."
"…"
"Get it together meatball head! We're trying to help you." Obvious frustration littered Rei's voice. But more than that Usagi's silence was starting to worry her. She has never been this quiet for as long as she'd been lately. It seemed Makoto's words really got to her. 'But then I guess I would be the same way if one my friends said those things to me…
~~~Memory~~~
"I'm still senshi in spirit, in power and in my heart but I'm done now. Setsuna-san said that our times for trials are over for the moment. I intend to take advantage of that. But I am done now; I have protected you princess always. And in another life I gave your mother my word therefore I will do my duty as a member of the alliance, whatever that may be. But never forget this Princess I fought with you, for you, and beside you. And you in your thoughtless, selfishness brought harm to me and my best friend. You are she, who will always be my princess, but are no longer my friend."
~~~Memory end~~~
"Be nice Rei. She's just had a good friend tell her she's a selfish bitch and go to hell."
"Minako!" Ami admonished, and then hazard a glance at Usagi who seemed not hear her at all.
"What!... Oh come off it Ami-chan let's be real here. Makoto did, in the nicest way as she knew how, but she did. She told them to fuck-off and essentially is abandoning us! It's not fair that she… Mako, my best-friend is leaving, she won't return my calls. No-bodies saying anything about what the hell is going on and your acting like my mom casue I brought it up!" Tears welled in Minako's eyes and unconsciously her hands hand rendered the Kleenex she was holding to pieces.
Her frustration rising as well, Ami tried not to show it. "I know that but you don't need to keep repeating it. And Rei neither do you. She'll tell us when the time comes. And as for Mako-chan, we just need to give her some space. She will probably come around, whenever she's ready."
"I don't see why we can't just go over to Mako-chan's place and make her tell us what's going on. I mean it's all her fault for Usagi being this way. She needs to take responsibility for her actions." Rei rose, teapot in hand, and began heading for the kitchen.
"Really Rei-san. I need to take responsibility for my actions?" Making her prescience finally known, Makoto steps out from the shadows.
"How long were you standing there?" Concern pierced Ami's tone.
"Long enough." Came her short, clipped reply.
"I'm glad every bodies here. We need to talk." Makoto said pulling her shoes off at the door.
"Yes the hell we do!" Rei stated with barely contained rage. "Where the hell have you been? You don't answer your phone. You ignore your communicator! Who do you think you are? I mean after all Usagi-chan has done for you. You have the audacity to say she's no longer your friend! Where do you get off thinking you can do that!"
"Rei!" Minako and Ami shout at the same time.
"Are you done?" Surprised by the calmness of her voice all four turned to look at Makoto.
"What do you mean am I done? I haven't even scratched the surface yet."
"Then please go ahead and finish your tirade. I would much rather you have it all out of your system before I begin; I won't take kindly to being interrupted. So if you will, continue." Makoto promptly sat down facing her, knees curled underneath herself, and waited.
Rei unfortunately couldn't seem to bring herself to say anything at all.
"Why?" Minako's words trembled, blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Why, tell me why. Why do you want to leave us? What did we do that was so terrible that you feel as if there is nothing left for you here? Did we miss something so important that you can't trust us to help you anymore? I just don't understand…."
Makoto felt the guilt she had buried, in regards to her leaving the senshi, resurface a little bit at Minako's obvious heartbreak.
"Understand this Min-chan it's not you. It's not Rei, or Ami-chan's fault. This is something that I have to do. And yes you were oblivious to my problems but we are different people than we where in high school. We're still friends but I didn't expect you to notice that Seiya had broke my heart or that Usagi had betrayed my trust. It's because of them that I have to go."
Resigned Rei spoke, "You keep saying that but why. Tell us why. Usagi won't say anything. Seiya changes the subject. The outers tell us to ask "the princess." But nobody will give us a straight answer. Please Mako, what's going on."
"Fine you want to know why I have to go, why I want to go. I'll tell you. I'll explain everything. Oh and Usagi pay attention because I know you're listening."
~~~~~Flashback~~~~~
Then and there I laid it all on the line.
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