A Secret for the Homesick
i just spent 2 hours writing and deleting a huge thing to all the college people complaining about how much they hate it here for the summer. cos there are a lot of them. and i tried to put into words again what i told mike. not because he hates it here, but just about balancing the happiness in your life, and things like that. so, on my final attempt, i shall try to explain to you the state of mind that has gotten me through my life. why? because me entire life has been like the past three months of your lives, and if you are complaining this soon into it, you are never going to come out of this on top. youve been at this 2, 3 months. ive been at this for like 10 years. so here goes.
you have to love your life. wherever you ARE.
right now, i am in texas. i have never liked living here, ever. thats no secret. but you know what i think about every day? here, i have millie. i have caitlin. i have 40 adopted families that treat me as their own child that i love more than anything. i have the most unbelievable lacrosse organisation out there. and you know what? in a week, i wont have that anymore. i will have none of it in any physical grasp. sure millie and i text message like 40 times a day, but i wont be able to hug her. sure, i will talk to caitlin on aim whenever shes there, but i wont be able to drive over to her house to watch a lacrosse game and see her family. i send out emails to every one of those 40 families every month, and they love it, but they wont be able to come running across a lacrosse field just to give me a squeeze.
i love those things so, so much. i cant even tell you how much i value them. and they know it, ive spent my whole summer with them at parties, tournaments, and hanging out. and i wont be able to do that in a week. right now, because of that, i l.o.v.e. it here. i could care less about how shitty the weather is or how high the drinking age is, i love it.
next week, i will be in canada. toronto is amazing. college is amazing. i have 300 people i love hanging out with, all living in the same building. i watch family guy for 6 hours at a time with my three favourite people there, and love every second of it. i have a pub with all of the best people there, 50 yards from my room, that always welcome me with a hug and a kiss, and an old english drinking song. i have a fantastic boyfriend, and an amazing group of friends that would help me in the blink of an eye. sure, julian can visit me once, but i cant hug him or watch a movie with him. i can talk to cynthia online but we cant go for a subway run at 3am.
my college life is amazing, and i love every minute of it. i miss my friends and my lacrosse girls more than i can say, but i also know that in 3 months, then 2, and then a week, i cant go clubbing downtown until 3 am. and i wont be able to hug my boyfriend.
if you live these next three years based on where you love and where you dont want to be, what is it going to be like when it ends???? and thats not to spoil the ride - its to make you appreciative of whats around you and what you have at your very disposal wherever you are that day. because what you have today, you wont always have tomorrow. and the sad part is that, alot of the time, you know you are going to lose it and WHEN! its loving whats around you, when youve got it around you. its taking the best of everything youve got, even when you dont necessarily like the colours in the background. and the reason i am so accustomed to this is that, from the day my passport was legal, i have been moved around the world to places i have loved more than any other on earth, and places i dont want to really experience ever again. i hated panama city as a place to live. every day i missed the first friends i had ever really had back in the UK, i missed the food, and i actually missed walking to school. but i told myself "ok. today i have a beach. i have this new sport they call "softball" that i am going to try. boy i wish i knew what the hell that was. and its really warm and sunny outside" and i lived with it, and got some new experiences out of it. and you have to deal with that for more than three months and a summer. ive dealth with it since i was 10. sitting here at 1:40 in the morning on a random wednesday and i still miss my walk to school, i miss my room with the window over the river, and i miss those first friends, that i happen to still talk to a couple of times a month. but then i remember
today i have millies hugs, today i have caitlins hickups and her laugh, and today i played summer league with some of the greatest people i know.
next week i will be missing the hugs, missing the laughs, and missing the teammates i love so much. but i will have a house full of 300 of the funniest people i have ever met, i will have fantastic weather with no humidity, and i will still be smiling- because there is always something to smile about.
love your life, wherever you happen to be reading this.
-anne
(omg. i started this thing at 11:25....its quarter of 2..... )
you have to love your life. wherever you ARE.
right now, i am in texas. i have never liked living here, ever. thats no secret. but you know what i think about every day? here, i have millie. i have caitlin. i have 40 adopted families that treat me as their own child that i love more than anything. i have the most unbelievable lacrosse organisation out there. and you know what? in a week, i wont have that anymore. i will have none of it in any physical grasp. sure millie and i text message like 40 times a day, but i wont be able to hug her. sure, i will talk to caitlin on aim whenever shes there, but i wont be able to drive over to her house to watch a lacrosse game and see her family. i send out emails to every one of those 40 families every month, and they love it, but they wont be able to come running across a lacrosse field just to give me a squeeze.
i love those things so, so much. i cant even tell you how much i value them. and they know it, ive spent my whole summer with them at parties, tournaments, and hanging out. and i wont be able to do that in a week. right now, because of that, i l.o.v.e. it here. i could care less about how shitty the weather is or how high the drinking age is, i love it.
next week, i will be in canada. toronto is amazing. college is amazing. i have 300 people i love hanging out with, all living in the same building. i watch family guy for 6 hours at a time with my three favourite people there, and love every second of it. i have a pub with all of the best people there, 50 yards from my room, that always welcome me with a hug and a kiss, and an old english drinking song. i have a fantastic boyfriend, and an amazing group of friends that would help me in the blink of an eye. sure, julian can visit me once, but i cant hug him or watch a movie with him. i can talk to cynthia online but we cant go for a subway run at 3am.
my college life is amazing, and i love every minute of it. i miss my friends and my lacrosse girls more than i can say, but i also know that in 3 months, then 2, and then a week, i cant go clubbing downtown until 3 am. and i wont be able to hug my boyfriend.
if you live these next three years based on where you love and where you dont want to be, what is it going to be like when it ends???? and thats not to spoil the ride - its to make you appreciative of whats around you and what you have at your very disposal wherever you are that day. because what you have today, you wont always have tomorrow. and the sad part is that, alot of the time, you know you are going to lose it and WHEN! its loving whats around you, when youve got it around you. its taking the best of everything youve got, even when you dont necessarily like the colours in the background. and the reason i am so accustomed to this is that, from the day my passport was legal, i have been moved around the world to places i have loved more than any other on earth, and places i dont want to really experience ever again. i hated panama city as a place to live. every day i missed the first friends i had ever really had back in the UK, i missed the food, and i actually missed walking to school. but i told myself "ok. today i have a beach. i have this new sport they call "softball" that i am going to try. boy i wish i knew what the hell that was. and its really warm and sunny outside" and i lived with it, and got some new experiences out of it. and you have to deal with that for more than three months and a summer. ive dealth with it since i was 10. sitting here at 1:40 in the morning on a random wednesday and i still miss my walk to school, i miss my room with the window over the river, and i miss those first friends, that i happen to still talk to a couple of times a month. but then i remember
today i have millies hugs, today i have caitlins hickups and her laugh, and today i played summer league with some of the greatest people i know.
next week i will be missing the hugs, missing the laughs, and missing the teammates i love so much. but i will have a house full of 300 of the funniest people i have ever met, i will have fantastic weather with no humidity, and i will still be smiling- because there is always something to smile about.
love your life, wherever you happen to be reading this.
-anne
(omg. i started this thing at 11:25....its quarter of 2..... )