(no subject)
oh man, so much stuff has been going on, but not really, it just seems like it because it's been so long since i've updated my page. i had my ultrasound weeks ago and found out i'm having a boy. i'm about 7 1/2 months along. went to the family reunion on the 18th of last month got to see my cousin uly who i haven't seen in about 5 years so that was awesome. about a week after that i got to see my cousing kris who is in the navy and i haven't seen in 3 years and that was so awesome, cause i didn't even know he was coming. pam, i wish you could have been here too, i miss you so much. alora is soooooooooooooooo cute, i think she's even cuter than rose was and that's hard to say. she has your eyes, the lucky baby, people would kill for those eyes, i know i would. :) i've been trying to get this job at cracker barrel for weeks and they kept giving me the runaround, but i kept going up there and kept calling and i finally got the job, i'm ecstatic about that. i love working i always have but i tell you it sucks going back this far along after being a stay at home mom for so long. i hate working when i'm pregnant it sucks. i don't have a lot of energy around the house and especially now. i hate it that i'm the one that has to go back. alex talks a lot but that boy isn't trying. friday will be six weeks that we've been over here and if he had gotten off of his dead ass and tried to get a job we might be able to save our house but there's no way we can. i can't do it by myself, my job is only parttime. between 15-30 hours a week at $7.25 an hour, there's no way i'll make enough in the next threee weeks to pay the rent... hell i won't get a paycheck for two weeks. we're going to have to start packing our stuff up and moving it into a ministorage and i'm devastated. i love that place so much it was so much and it breaks my heart that we have to move out because he's too damned lazy to get off his ass and try and find work. i'm so disgusted in him it's not even funny. i've never known anyone who is that anti-motivated. he says all the right words and i really think he believes he's trying but he isn't doing a damn thing. i hate it. i don't know how someone can be that immature when they've got an almost two year old and another on the way. going to live in a motorhome for the next year, i don't fucking think so. i can only take so much more of this bullshit. even his mom asks me why i'm still with him why i put up with his bullshit. i know because you love him well love just aint enough im so disgusted. he's going to use the deposit on the house to pay off most of his probation and i'm going to save as much money as i can to buy me a car and get it legal. one step at a time to get my shit together little by little and get the hell out cause i know deep down he's not going to change and it breaks my heart cause i do i love him so much. and we've got two children together. but i am not going to live like this for the rest of my life. but i can't leave right now. i talked to my uncle and he said yes he would help me out again if i decided to leave but since i've done it so much and gone right back, that i have to stay at my dads for 30 days first to prove that i'm serious. and that's not his fault, i understand completly. i've left alex so many times and never made it a month away from him. i love him so much and i always forgive him and go running right back. god i think about it now... how different would my life be right now if when i left the first time when i was seven months pregnant with rose i stayed gone?? i don't even want to think about it, it's too depresing. anyways, rose is going to be two years old in 13 days, i can't believe how big she's geting she is such a doll. i guess that's all for now, i've ranted and raved enough.