(no subject)
On September 22nd I found myself enthralled by a string of videos I had found on youtube. In these videos, high school students told their stories and secrets. Many of them involved bullying, all of them involved the teen disclosing the very things about themselves that caused them the most anguish or self-consciousness. In short, they revealed all the things that made them who they were, most of which included things that bothered them. What made their stories so riveting and evocative for me was the way they were "told". Sometimes silence, usually music, but no words spoken from the students. Just index cards held up, one at a time, telling their stories.
The one that touched me the most was from a girl named Amanda . She wrote about how when she was 12 she flashed someone on a webcam and since then the man who she had flashed had made her life a living hell; blackmailing her, blackballing her, threatening her, calling her names. The video spoke to me in a profound way because as I was struggling with my own sexuality (and I don't mean sexual orientation, I mean coming to realize that I am a sexual being), I began to experience a lot of bullying from those in my grade. Rumors were started that boys only liked me because of my big breasts. And over the course of several months that escalated into boys I didn't know, coming up to me, calling me a slut, and asking "how much."
I didn't feel that my experience was remotely on par with Amanda's, but I sent her a message on youtube nonetheless. I told her a little about my story and assured her that things would get better with time. I told her she was already a brave, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, strong person and to take care of herself and get the help she needed. I told her I believed in her.
And on September 30th I got a message back. She thanked me over and over again. She told me my message meant so much to her and recounted, to me, her latest suicide attempt and cutting session. She told me she knew it wasn't the way to solve problems and she felt so bad for her mother because she was really struggling watching her daughter go through all this pain. She told me that she had made an appointment with a tattooist to have a special phrase tatooed on her. She thanked me again. She said it was so hard, but she was just going to keep her head up and keep going.
I am wise enough now to know that if someone wants to kill themselves...really really wants to kill themselves...you can't stop them. As long as there is a desire to live, you may be able to. But if they really are determined...then you won't. Nonetheless, I am glad I wrote her. She was thankful for it. And I like to think that it helped a little. Even if it was only for a day.
That being said, have I ever mentioned how much I like Anonymous? They may be the only extremists I will ever like.
The one that touched me the most was from a girl named Amanda . She wrote about how when she was 12 she flashed someone on a webcam and since then the man who she had flashed had made her life a living hell; blackmailing her, blackballing her, threatening her, calling her names. The video spoke to me in a profound way because as I was struggling with my own sexuality (and I don't mean sexual orientation, I mean coming to realize that I am a sexual being), I began to experience a lot of bullying from those in my grade. Rumors were started that boys only liked me because of my big breasts. And over the course of several months that escalated into boys I didn't know, coming up to me, calling me a slut, and asking "how much."
I didn't feel that my experience was remotely on par with Amanda's, but I sent her a message on youtube nonetheless. I told her a little about my story and assured her that things would get better with time. I told her she was already a brave, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, strong person and to take care of herself and get the help she needed. I told her I believed in her.
And on September 30th I got a message back. She thanked me over and over again. She told me my message meant so much to her and recounted, to me, her latest suicide attempt and cutting session. She told me she knew it wasn't the way to solve problems and she felt so bad for her mother because she was really struggling watching her daughter go through all this pain. She told me that she had made an appointment with a tattooist to have a special phrase tatooed on her. She thanked me again. She said it was so hard, but she was just going to keep her head up and keep going.
I am wise enough now to know that if someone wants to kill themselves...really really wants to kill themselves...you can't stop them. As long as there is a desire to live, you may be able to. But if they really are determined...then you won't. Nonetheless, I am glad I wrote her. She was thankful for it. And I like to think that it helped a little. Even if it was only for a day.
That being said, have I ever mentioned how much I like Anonymous? They may be the only extremists I will ever like.
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