Lucky 13
Setting: sitting on an over-turned bucket next to a long stretch of worn-out highway, asphalt cracked, a few weeds poking through, a straight line from one flat brown horizon to the other...waiting....
On New Year's eve 2011 I posted a long list of wishes for 2012, a definition of my perfect world. Only one of them came true: my family completed the year in excellent health. A few came true partly: I did finish my licensure paperwork, but not early. "Maggie" the psycho is no longer in my families life, but still living frighteningly close by. My mother-in-law has a job she loves, but it doesn't pay great, and unfortunately she'll have to leave it in a couple months. Byrd has a healthy baby boy. I have one cat, and she is all black. My therapy concluded successfully, but my insurance covered only about 15% of the cost.
But Brennan was not accepted to the University of Washington. No, he was accepted to the Ohio State University. And as of this post, I've been living with him in Columbus, Ohio for six days.
Six days down, twelve hundred and forty-three to go.
I have no job, and no means to get a professional license without going back to school because therapist license requirements vary from state to fucking state and Ohio's requirements are stupid. I have no friends. I have no spare financial resources to go and start hobbies like yoga or Spanish classes, and certainly not the luxury of using this time to truly focus on writing. I'm once again on a shoe-string budget for food, meaning the peak of my culinary art will consist of what I can do with "Top Ramen" to make it as close to real ramen as possible (it's all in the broth, folks).
Anyway, in case you can't tell, I'm depressed. Depressed, stressed...and this is why I haven't been writing in LJ for months.
In the weeks before I left my beloved Emerald City, I kept finding myself spontaneously putting out my hands, like I wanted to stop an on-coming object. But there is no stopping time, there is no holding off the future, even when our present is everything we want and the future is determined to take it all away.
Please, please, please, Powers That Be: let this year be better than the last.
On New Year's eve 2011 I posted a long list of wishes for 2012, a definition of my perfect world. Only one of them came true: my family completed the year in excellent health. A few came true partly: I did finish my licensure paperwork, but not early. "Maggie" the psycho is no longer in my families life, but still living frighteningly close by. My mother-in-law has a job she loves, but it doesn't pay great, and unfortunately she'll have to leave it in a couple months. Byrd has a healthy baby boy. I have one cat, and she is all black. My therapy concluded successfully, but my insurance covered only about 15% of the cost.
But Brennan was not accepted to the University of Washington. No, he was accepted to the Ohio State University. And as of this post, I've been living with him in Columbus, Ohio for six days.
Six days down, twelve hundred and forty-three to go.
I have no job, and no means to get a professional license without going back to school because therapist license requirements vary from state to fucking state and Ohio's requirements are stupid. I have no friends. I have no spare financial resources to go and start hobbies like yoga or Spanish classes, and certainly not the luxury of using this time to truly focus on writing. I'm once again on a shoe-string budget for food, meaning the peak of my culinary art will consist of what I can do with "Top Ramen" to make it as close to real ramen as possible (it's all in the broth, folks).
Anyway, in case you can't tell, I'm depressed. Depressed, stressed...and this is why I haven't been writing in LJ for months.
In the weeks before I left my beloved Emerald City, I kept finding myself spontaneously putting out my hands, like I wanted to stop an on-coming object. But there is no stopping time, there is no holding off the future, even when our present is everything we want and the future is determined to take it all away.
Please, please, please, Powers That Be: let this year be better than the last.