Starting as I mean to go on
Hurk. Thanks, sis. Just use my e-mail as a conduit to communicate with our technophobe mother, why don'tcha? This is all bound to turn out fun.
New Year's Resolution - stay the fuck away from 'Writers' Forums, woman. THEY JUST MAKE YOU ANGRY. So stop it. Seriously, I just keep wondering why I ever check these things in the first place. They're just full of incorrigible soppies wanting snuggles and boo-boos and to be told that yes indeed, you are talented and yes you do have a shot at writing a bestseller.
It's not healthy. And can we get a motherfucking age limit on these things please? Sick to death of teenage dingbats waltzing in there and asking stupid questions like "So if I'm published before I'm eighteen, do I need my parents to sign my contracts?"
Kid, in a thread further up the page you were asking questions about the correct placement of commas. I'm going to go out on a wild and crazy limb here and say that your being published by the age of eighteen is about as likely as Enoch Powell subbing for Saint fucking Peter at the pearly gates, okay?
The other ones who annoy me enough to cause nosebleeds are the morons who say they want to write but have never read a book since they were forced to do so in High School. And even then they still didn't actually read the book - they watched the movie and read the Cliff Notes.
I really, really don't get that. There isn't a writer in the world who isn't a reader. Even barely-functioning idiot Dan Browne obviously read Holy Blood and Holy Grail (Oh, sure, he said he didn't in court, but what are the odds?) before burping out his facile and half-baked dipwad theories in the face of a goldfish-minded readership. I know Stephenie Meyer annoyed countless people by apparently writing Twilight on a whim, a prayer to abstinence-only sex education and a sparkly dream, but if you're masochistic enough to read the Twilight series it proves that she was, at some point in her life, a reader. Actually you can't miss it, because one of the books is all OMG THIS IS TOTALLY LIEK ROMEO AND JULIET U GUYS!!!111 and another one is more YAY I ARE REWRITING WUTHERING HEIGHTS WIT SPARKLY VAMPIRES I AM SO l33t!!
If you're not a reader and you want to be a writer the best shot you have is having a series of really unnattractive titty jobs, whipping the bazongas out at every opportunity, acting like a bitch on reality TV and selling every detail of your horrid life right down to the gruesome nitty gritty of your mother's vaginal prolapse. Then you'll be famous enough for being a useless waste of space to hire a ghostwriter to pen your inane brainfarts and make a packet out of it. What? It worked for Jordan.
Conversely, you could just start reading books. Yeah. Crazy, I know.
The thing that really baffles me is why would you even want to write a book if you don't love books? I don't want to restore a classic car. I couldn't give a shit about cars, classic or otherwise. I can't even drive. There's no love there. Or even hate. Just total indifference. I suppose I could learn how to restore a classic car if I wanted to, but with a labour of love like that you've got to love. And if there's no love it's not worth doing. You won't make a great job of it because you won't have that passion driving you to create perfection.
And it's not even love sometimes. A lot of writers will tell you that they actually hate writing. It's annoying - that much is true. The feeling of having written is much better, but that doesn't come along too often and is usually followed by AAARRRGHSUBMISSIONTIEM anxiety - which is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. Possibly even worse than rejection. So when the love's not there it's all about the weird compulsion to write. With most writers I think it's a strange habit that begins in childhood. You can't get away from it. You don't know how to not do it and not doing it makes you frustrated and cranky and bored and fuck it...no matter how annoying writing can get it doesn't get nearly as brain-itchingly annoying as not-writing.
New Year's Resolution - stay the fuck away from 'Writers' Forums, woman. THEY JUST MAKE YOU ANGRY. So stop it. Seriously, I just keep wondering why I ever check these things in the first place. They're just full of incorrigible soppies wanting snuggles and boo-boos and to be told that yes indeed, you are talented and yes you do have a shot at writing a bestseller.
It's not healthy. And can we get a motherfucking age limit on these things please? Sick to death of teenage dingbats waltzing in there and asking stupid questions like "So if I'm published before I'm eighteen, do I need my parents to sign my contracts?"
Kid, in a thread further up the page you were asking questions about the correct placement of commas. I'm going to go out on a wild and crazy limb here and say that your being published by the age of eighteen is about as likely as Enoch Powell subbing for Saint fucking Peter at the pearly gates, okay?
The other ones who annoy me enough to cause nosebleeds are the morons who say they want to write but have never read a book since they were forced to do so in High School. And even then they still didn't actually read the book - they watched the movie and read the Cliff Notes.
I really, really don't get that. There isn't a writer in the world who isn't a reader. Even barely-functioning idiot Dan Browne obviously read Holy Blood and Holy Grail (Oh, sure, he said he didn't in court, but what are the odds?) before burping out his facile and half-baked dipwad theories in the face of a goldfish-minded readership. I know Stephenie Meyer annoyed countless people by apparently writing Twilight on a whim, a prayer to abstinence-only sex education and a sparkly dream, but if you're masochistic enough to read the Twilight series it proves that she was, at some point in her life, a reader. Actually you can't miss it, because one of the books is all OMG THIS IS TOTALLY LIEK ROMEO AND JULIET U GUYS!!!111 and another one is more YAY I ARE REWRITING WUTHERING HEIGHTS WIT SPARKLY VAMPIRES I AM SO l33t!!
If you're not a reader and you want to be a writer the best shot you have is having a series of really unnattractive titty jobs, whipping the bazongas out at every opportunity, acting like a bitch on reality TV and selling every detail of your horrid life right down to the gruesome nitty gritty of your mother's vaginal prolapse. Then you'll be famous enough for being a useless waste of space to hire a ghostwriter to pen your inane brainfarts and make a packet out of it. What? It worked for Jordan.
Conversely, you could just start reading books. Yeah. Crazy, I know.
The thing that really baffles me is why would you even want to write a book if you don't love books? I don't want to restore a classic car. I couldn't give a shit about cars, classic or otherwise. I can't even drive. There's no love there. Or even hate. Just total indifference. I suppose I could learn how to restore a classic car if I wanted to, but with a labour of love like that you've got to love. And if there's no love it's not worth doing. You won't make a great job of it because you won't have that passion driving you to create perfection.
And it's not even love sometimes. A lot of writers will tell you that they actually hate writing. It's annoying - that much is true. The feeling of having written is much better, but that doesn't come along too often and is usually followed by AAARRRGHSUBMISSIONTIEM anxiety - which is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. Possibly even worse than rejection. So when the love's not there it's all about the weird compulsion to write. With most writers I think it's a strange habit that begins in childhood. You can't get away from it. You don't know how to not do it and not doing it makes you frustrated and cranky and bored and fuck it...no matter how annoying writing can get it doesn't get nearly as brain-itchingly annoying as not-writing.