FIC: For Worse or For Better, Chapter 4
Title: For Worse or For Better, Chapter 4
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,808 this chapter; 20,636 total (GAH)
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Notes: Written for reel_merlin Take 2 prompt: The Proposal. Huge thanks to krazykipper for the britpicking, and as always to marzilla for the beta, and for somehow always convincing me that I want to write, even when I swear that I'm quitting. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
Notes Part 2: I don't really know anything about how all this immigration stuff works, so it may or may not be exactly right- I just followed the movie. And also, for the sake of storytelling, we're just going to pretend that same sex marriage is legal and enforceable in the US, 'kay? =)
Disclaimer: Merlin and The Proposal are properties of BBC/Shine and Touchstone Pictures respectively. Sadly, I'm making no money off this.
Arthur woke slowly, fighting consciousness every step of the way. He was incredibly warm and comfortable. Burrowing down deeper into his pillow, he took a deep breath, content.
The bed shifted next to him. He opened his eyes slowly and found himself face-to-face with a sleeping Merlin. Unlike the first night, where they’d kept strictly to their respective sides of the bed, they’d gravitated toward each other this time. Merlin was close enough to touch.
Rousing further, he studied his sleeping assistant. No, not his assistant anymore.
Merlin had always had a kind of boyish charm to him. It rarely came out in Arthur’s presence, but he’d seen it when Merlin was joking with his co-workers, the way his wide, happy grin completely captivated everyone around him.
He’d never thought of Merlin as anything other than his annoying, yet oddly endearing, assistant. He’d only noticed the extremes: his ridiculous ears, his clumsiness, how thin he was. But now there were other things-the dark line of his eyelashes against his pale skin, the faint freckles scattered across his nose. His lips, full, looking every bit as soft as they’d felt that first afternoon when they’d kissed, parted softly as he slept. He wondered what it’d be like if he were allowed to kiss Merlin whenever he wanted; or to wake up like this every day and be able to reach over and touch him, just because he wanted to.
The thought filled him with such want that it rendered him temporarily breathless.
It didn’t stop there. He wanted to know what it’d be like to have Merlin smile at him the way he smiled at everyone else, to have Merlin greet him with the same enthusiasm and affection he’d shown Lancelot.
God help him, he wanted all of it.
He lifted his hand, reaching cautiously toward Merlin’s face, wanting just to brush aside the hair that’d fallen across his forehead while he slept. Before he could, there was a sharp knock at the door.
Arthur snatched his hand back as he heard Hunith’s voice through the door.
“Merlin? Arthur? We’ve brought you some breakfast.”
“Uh, just a minute,” Arthur called, giving Merlin a shake.
“Wha--?” Merlin snuffled, burying his face in his pillow.
“You mum and Gaius are at the door with breakfast,” Arthur said, pulling himself up to sit against the headboard. He dragged the comforter up around his waist.
“They are? Right,” Merlin said groggily. He yawned as he sat up, hair adorably askew. Then, to Arthur’s surprise, he sagged back against Arthur, drawing one of his arms around his shoulder. Arthur immediately tensed-sleep-warm and solid, Merlin felt incredibly good pressed up against him.
Merlin felt it, because he tensed as well and said, “Just for show, yeah?”
“Right, of course,” Arthur croaked as Merlin called for his family to enter. To Merlin, it was all still a show. It didn’t matter what was going on in Arthur’s head, because Merlin didn’t feel the same way.
No, they just needed to get through this so that Arthur could get his head on straight. All of this enforced intimacy and talk of family and weddings was just messing about with his head. One more day-they just had to get through Gaius’s party tomorrow, then they could go back to New York and everything would be normal again.
“Good morning,” Hunith said cheerily, carrying a plate of delicious-looking sweet rolls. Gaius followed her with the tea tray.
“What’s going on, mum?” Merlin asked, still sounding half asleep. His head dropped back onto Arthur’s shoulder, like it was too heavy for him to hold up any longer. Arthur resisted the urge to stick his face in Merlin’s hair and inhale deeply.
Yes, they definitely needed to get out of here.
“Your mother and I were talking,” Gaius said as they set down their trays, “and we’ve come up with an idea. We-“
“We want you to get married here tomorrow,” Hunith blurted, unable to contain herself.
Arthur’s heart slammed against his rib cage. Married? Tomorrow?
“What?” Merlin asked, equally stunned. “No, mum, you don’t have to-“
“We want to,” she insisted.
“We don’t want to intrude on your big day,” Arthur said to Gaius, his heart still doing a strange dance inside him.
“Please,” Gaius said dismissively, “I’ve had plenty of birthdays and God willing, many more. But how many times will I get to see my favourite nephew get married?”
A stab of guilt tore through Arthur. “I’m your only nephew,” Merlin said weakly. Gaius sat on the bed and rested a hand on Merlin’s leg over the duvet.
“Merlin, you’re like a son to me. You know that. It would me a lot to me and to your mother.”
Arthur felt it the moment Merlin gave in. “Okay, Gaius,” he said, putting his hand over his uncle’s, “we’ll do it here.”
Hunith let out a happy yell. “Oh, this is wonderful. You don’t have to worry; we’ll take care of everything!” She dragged Gaius up off the bed. “Come on, then, lots to do!”
Arthur watched them go, feeling hollow and utterly helpless.
As soon as the door closed, Merlin sat forward and covered his face with his hands. “Oh God. Oh God. What are we doing? They’re so happy. When they find out, it’s going to kill them. Oh God.”
“It’ll be fine,” Arthur said with a confidence he didn’t feel. “They won’t find out.”
Merlin made a strangled sound into his hands. Without thinking, Arthur scooted forward and slipped an arm around Merlin, rubbing his hand up and down Merlin’s arm soothingly.
“Come on,” he said, lightly gripping Merlin’s other arm. “This doesn’t change anything. We were going to have to go through with it anyway. They won’t find out,” he repeated. He rested his chin on Merlin’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He felt like such an ass comforting Merlin over a situation he’d practically forced him into.
Merlin’s head drooped until it was resting against Arthur’s, and he took a deep breath. “You’re right,” he said, fingers coming up to toy with Arthur’s where they were wrapped around his arm. “We can still stick to the plan and be fine.”
Arthur was too distracted by Merlin’s proximity to reply. That and the fact that rather than pushing him away, or being angry at Arthur for having them here in the first place, he seemed to be welcoming the comfort. Merlin seemed to realize the same thing, for he lifted his head and looked at Arthur, his brow wrinkling.
Feeling suddenly awkward, Arthur pulled away carefully-reluctantly.
“Want some tea?” he asked, clearing his throat when his voice broke.
Merlin nodded. Arthur slid off the bed and went to the tray, busying himself preparing and then pouring the tea. He kept his eyes trained on what he was doing, but he could feel Merlin watching him.
“Thanks,” Merlin said when Arthur passed him his tea. Arthur poured some for himself and sat on the edge of the bed. The rolls smelled wonderful, but his stomach was too knotted up to eat.
“I was thinking of going to town to pick up some things,” Merlin said. “Do you want to come?” When Arthur arched an eyebrow at him, he shrugged. “We haven’t spent much time together since we got here.”
“That’s good, though, right?” he joked weakly, thinking it an odd thing for Merlin to say. Merlin didn’t answer, staring into his mug for a long while before Arthur finally said, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to keep up appearances.”
“Right,” Merlin agreed, an odd note to his voice.
++++
Their first stop was Ealdor’s general store. Merlin made a beeline for the lone rack of books while Arthur stopped to look around. The store was empty aside from them and the clerk behind the register. Arthur’s eyes widened.
Sophia.
“Bugger,” he hissed, ducking behind a large display of galoshes. Was there anywhere in this bloody town than she didn’t work?
He knew it was ridiculous, hiding from that tiny slip of a woman, but given their previous encounters, he wanted nothing to do with her.
“Arthur?” he heard from behind him. He turned to see Merlin standing there with a book, looking puzzled.
“Shhh,” he said, motioning toward Sophia.
Merlin cocked his head. “Are you hiding?”
“Shut up,” he hissed. “You’ll blow my cover.” Merlin smiled at that, a mischievous gleam in his eye that set bells off in Arthur’s head. “Don’t you dare.”
“Sophia!” Merlin called, waving enthusiastically. He heard her return the greeting, hoping that would be it, only to have that hope dashed when he heard her footsteps approaching.
Cursing Merlin silently, he stood up just as she came into sight. Her face lit up when she saw him.
“Arthur! I didn’t see you there behind the display.”
“I was just, err, tying my shoe,” he said lamely, motioning at the floor. She looked down at his brown loafers and frowned. “Well, fixing them. There was a rock. You know what I mean.” Merlin had hidden himself behind Arthur, and he could feel the bastard laughing. “So how are you?” he asked, trying to divert her attention.
“Fine, thank you. Is there anything I can help you find?” she asked, looking eager.
“Oh, no, I’m just tagging along with Merlin. I think he’s almost done, actually. Aren’t you?” He turned to Merlin, who’d composed himself, and gave him a pleading look.
Merlin looked for a moment as though he might give in, but then he tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Weren’t you telling me yesterday that there was something you needed?”
“I don’t remember,” Arthur answered through clenched teeth. “I’m sure it wasn’t important.”
“I know!” Merlin said, putting a finger up to indicate he’d just had a brilliant idea. “Let’s take a few turns about the shop-maybe that would help you remember.”
“That’s a wonderful idea,” Sophia said. “In fact, I’ve some new things that I’d like to show you.”
Merlin grinned at him when she turned her back. Arthur took a swing at him, but he danced laughingly away and went to catch up with Sophia. Feeling extremely sorry for himself, Arthur had no choice but to follow.
++++
“You know, after we’re married, I’m going to beat that mischievous streak right out of you,” Arthur said once they’d left the shop safely behind. Sophia had nattered on for almost an hour.
Merlin laughed. “You think?” he asked, his voice taking on a teasing tone. “I’m not so sure-I think I might just loosen you up a bit instead.”
“Don’t count on it,” Arthur said, bumping him with his shoulder. He wasn’t really annoyed with Merlin. It felt too good to laugh with him about it. It felt natural, almost like they were friends. Arthur liked it. A lot.
He spotted a café advertising internet access. “Would you mind if we stopped for a minute? I’d love to check my email-I’m sure Bayard’s terrorising someone somewhere.”
“Sure.”
Merlin went and got them some tea while Arthur got settled at a computer. He pulled up CHP’s website and logged into his email, whimpering at the number of new messages.
“Here you go,” Merlin said, setting down the cup. “Listen, while you do this, I’m going to run outside, all right?”
Arthur waved him away, smiling at he took a sip of his tea. Perhaps they weren’t doomed to bicker all the time after all.
He spent a good while clearing his inbox, finally looking up once the last email was sent. Merlin still wasn’t back, so Arthur signed off and got up, gathering his things. As he looked for somewhere to throw his trash, he glanced out the window front and saw Merlin talking to Lancelot. They were leaning against the hood of Lancelot’s truck. Merlin was laughing at something the other man said, and they were sharing Merlin’s tea between them.
Arthur looked down at his own cup, feeling like he’d been doused with ice water. His chest tight, he crumpled the cup in his hand, tossing it on the table. How could he have forgotten? Even if they could manage to not argue the whole time, this was nothing more than a business arrangement for Merlin. Watching him with Lancelot, he was quite certain that Merlin would never look that happy with him.
Because Merlin wanted someone he loved, and he didn’t love Arthur.
“Cute couple, aren’t they?”
Arthur started at the voice next to him. Stunned, he turned to look at Nimueh.
“What are you doing here?”
“My job,” she said brightly. “I’ve been making friends with all the locals-they’re all quite nice. Very chatty.” She gave him a suggestive smile. “You two are the talk of the town.”
Arthur was too angry to reply. How dare she come here and harass everyone.
“Give it up,” she said to him. “I know your attorney told you about the deal I offered. Take it.” Her voice softened. “Do you really want him to go to jail because of you?”
All his anger crumpled under the weight of his guilt, the guilt that had wormed its way into him the minute he’d met Merlin’s family and had been growing ever since. She was right. He finally let himself acknowledge what Morgana had been trying to tell him. It wasn’t just Merlin’s freedom-it was his family, his reputation, his friends. All because Arthur had been selfish.
Seeing the look on his face, Nimueh smiled triumphantly. She tucked a card into the breast pocket of his shirt. “My number where I’m staying. I promised to give you until Monday, and I will. But if you leave here with me before then, it’ll be much easier.”
“What the hell is going on?”
They turned to see Merlin standing behind them. Arthur had been so preoccupied that he hadn’t noticed Lancelot leave. Merlin took one look at his face and then narrowed his eyes at Nimueh. “What are you doing? What did you say to him?”
The small part of Arthur’s brain that wasn't completely wracked with guilt noted that Merlin sounded angry. Nimueh smiled at him. “We were just having a chat. Weren’t we, Arthur?” she asked, reaching to pat him on the arm. Suddenly, Merlin was there, putting himself between her and Arthur.
“Leave him alone,” he snapped, surprising Arthur into looking up. Nimueh arched an eyebrow, looking curiously back and forth between them.
“I just want the truth, Mr. Emrys.”
“The truth? Here’s the truth.”
“Merlin-“ Arthur started, grabbing for his arm. Merlin brushed him off.
“I started working for Arthur three years ago. A year ago, we started dating, we fell in love, and he proposed,” Merlin said, sticking to their story. “We’re getting married tomorrow. And I’d better not see you anywhere near my family’s property.”
She arched her eyebrow at the threat, looking more amused than anything. Merlin grabbed Arthur’s wrist. “Come on, Arthur.”
Nimueh looked meaningfully at him as Merlin towed him toward the door.
“That absolute cunt,” Merlin exploded once they’d gotten clear of the café. “I can’t believe she came here. What’s she going to do, stalk us for the next two years?”
Arthur was a little surprised at the level of Merlin’s anger. “Probably,” he said, her words still niggling at him. “She’s been talking to people around town, you know.”
Merlin shrugged. “They won’t be able to tell her anything.”
Arthur hummed in reply. Merlin peered at him. “What?”
“Nothing.”
Merlin grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to a stop. “Don’t ‘nothing’ me. I know the look on your face, I can tell something’s up.”
The vision of Merlin and Lancelot still fresh in his mind, he said, “I’m just starting to have my doubts, is all.”
“Doubts? What doubts?”
“It’s just….” Arthur trailed off. How did he explain that he only now understood the full extent of what he’d done? That he didn’t want to hurt Merlin or his family? That he actually cared, when he hadn’t before? “Are you really sure you want to go through with this?”
Merlin blinked. “It’s a bit late to be asking, don’t you think?”
Arthur sighed. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“No one’s going to get hurt.”
“How do you know?”
“You said it yourself this morning. They won’t find out.”
“What about Lancelot?” Arthur asked suddenly, looking Merlin dead in the face.
“Lancelot?” Merlin repeated, completely taken aback. “What-“
“There you two are!”
Hunith popped up beside them, seemingly out of nowhere. Merlin blinked at his mother, looking extremely put out.
“What are you two doing here?” Arthur asked, smiling at the way Hunith was shuffling Gaius along.
“We need to borrow you,” she said, taking him by the arm. “You can have him back in a little while,” she told Merlin when he started to protest. “Run along.”
Secretly glad they’d interrupted the conversation, he gave Merlin a helpless shrug and let them drag him away. They wound up at a small store that looked like it sold formalwear.
“I already know Merlin’s size,” Hunith explained, half hidden in a cabinet, “but I need your measurements. For your tuxedo tomorrow.”
“Oh, right,” Arthur said, uneasy. He stood still, letting Hunith rearrange his limbs as she worked. Gaius watched from the side, handing her things as she needed them.
“Hmm,” she said after a while. “You know, I think there might be something here that would fit you already.”
She disappeared, re-emerging with a garment bag. “We’ve been storing this here,” she said, unzipping it to reveal an elegant, old-fashioned tuxedo. “It was my father’s. I’d always intended for Merlin to wear it, but he’s not broad enough. I think you are.”
Arthur’s stomach dropped. “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly-“
“Of course you could,” she said, shoving it at him. “Go try it on.”
He took it reluctantly into the dressing room and started to change. The fact that she was willing to share this with him touched him deeply, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. He wished that he was the person she thought him to be.
The tuxedo actually fit him quite well. The pants would need to be taken in, but overall it was almost a perfect fit. He stepped out of the room to show Merlin’s family. Hunith made a delighted sound.
“Oh, look how well it fits. Almost as though it were made for him.”
Gaius stood and adjusted Arthur’s collar. The paternal gesture warmed him. “Yes, it is quite nice, isn’t it?”
Hunith busied herself with the few alterations he’d need. “You know,” she said after a while, “I was thinking that we could come and visit you and Merlin for the holidays this year.”
Arthur looked at himself in the mirror, smoothing down the lapels. “New York is lovely around the holidays,” he said absently. “Of course, we could always come see you as well.”
She didn’t answer right away. “That would be nice,” she said, her voice wavering. Arthur turned to see her eyes brimming with tears. “I would actually like that very much,” she said, covering her face with her hands as she burst into tears. Gaius shook his head apologetically at Arthur.
“For heaven’s sake, woman,” he said fondly, “pull yourself together. Go fetch us some tea.” He steered her toward the back of the shop. Arthur watched her go, bewildered, feeling oddly compelled to comfort her.
“Should I--?” he asked, indicating the direction in which Hunith had gone. Gaius shook his head, smiling.
“No, she’ll be all right. She’s just over excited. The wedding is very important to her. To both of us, actually.”
He didn’t even know what to say to that, so he just nodded.
“She’s been through so much, the poor thing,” Gaius continued. “All she ever wanted was for Merlin to find someone and settle down. Someone to be happy with. And here you are,” Gaius said, grabbing him by the arms and giving him an affectionate shake. “I know you’ll take good care of him.”
It’d been a long time since Arthur had felt a part of anything special, and here these people were, trusting, welcoming him into their family without a second thought. Treating him like he belonged with them. He wanted to belong with them, with these warm, caring, giving people.
But he didn’t.
Hunith returned, looking much more composed. “Forgive me,” she said, “I’m not normally this hysterical.”
“It’s all right,” he said, quick to reassure her. “I’d be worried if you weren’t making a fuss.”
She smiled at him warmly, coming over and placing her hand on his chest. “You’re a good man, Arthur. Merlin is lucky to have you.” Arthur looked down into her warm, trusting eyes. She couldn’t possibly know how wrong she was.
On both counts.
++++
Later, back in the room, Arthur stared out the window as he contemplated what to do.
He’d never really cared what anyone other than his father thought of him. He always just did what he needed or wanted and then just expected everyone to fall in line behind him. Those that didn’t fall in line, or those that didn’t like him, ceased to matter. So he wasn’t sure what it was about this place that changed that. It was the complete opposite of everything he was used to: quiet when he knew nothing but noise, warm when he’d gotten used to being cold. And here he was, riddled with guilt and completely sick over what they’d think of him if they ever found out--or worse, if he got Merlin landed in jail.
He didn’t know how they’d gotten under his skin when he was so used to keeping people away.
Behind him, the door opened and Merlin poked his head in.
“There you are,” he said. “You disappeared after we got back.”
“Just took a walk,” he answered. Truthfully, he’d been hiding again, though from whom he couldn’t say. Merlin crossed the room and stood next to him.
“Nice, isn’t it?” he asked.
“It is,” Arthur agreed. “More than nice.”
They were quiet for a few more minutes before Merlin ventured, “Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“Are you?”
Merlin shrugged. “Yeah, I think so. I mean, I was upset at first. But I guess it makes sense. Things won’t change all that much, and we’re both getting something out of it, right?”
There was something about the way he asked that suggested there was more to the question than there appeared, but Arthur wasn’t brave enough to deal with it at the moment. He just hoped that when the time came, he’d be brave enough to do the right thing.
Whatever that might be.
Chapter 5
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,808 this chapter; 20,636 total (GAH)
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Notes: Written for reel_merlin Take 2 prompt: The Proposal. Huge thanks to krazykipper for the britpicking, and as always to marzilla for the beta, and for somehow always convincing me that I want to write, even when I swear that I'm quitting. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
Notes Part 2: I don't really know anything about how all this immigration stuff works, so it may or may not be exactly right- I just followed the movie. And also, for the sake of storytelling, we're just going to pretend that same sex marriage is legal and enforceable in the US, 'kay? =)
Disclaimer: Merlin and The Proposal are properties of BBC/Shine and Touchstone Pictures respectively. Sadly, I'm making no money off this.
Arthur woke slowly, fighting consciousness every step of the way. He was incredibly warm and comfortable. Burrowing down deeper into his pillow, he took a deep breath, content.
The bed shifted next to him. He opened his eyes slowly and found himself face-to-face with a sleeping Merlin. Unlike the first night, where they’d kept strictly to their respective sides of the bed, they’d gravitated toward each other this time. Merlin was close enough to touch.
Rousing further, he studied his sleeping assistant. No, not his assistant anymore.
Merlin had always had a kind of boyish charm to him. It rarely came out in Arthur’s presence, but he’d seen it when Merlin was joking with his co-workers, the way his wide, happy grin completely captivated everyone around him.
He’d never thought of Merlin as anything other than his annoying, yet oddly endearing, assistant. He’d only noticed the extremes: his ridiculous ears, his clumsiness, how thin he was. But now there were other things-the dark line of his eyelashes against his pale skin, the faint freckles scattered across his nose. His lips, full, looking every bit as soft as they’d felt that first afternoon when they’d kissed, parted softly as he slept. He wondered what it’d be like if he were allowed to kiss Merlin whenever he wanted; or to wake up like this every day and be able to reach over and touch him, just because he wanted to.
The thought filled him with such want that it rendered him temporarily breathless.
It didn’t stop there. He wanted to know what it’d be like to have Merlin smile at him the way he smiled at everyone else, to have Merlin greet him with the same enthusiasm and affection he’d shown Lancelot.
God help him, he wanted all of it.
He lifted his hand, reaching cautiously toward Merlin’s face, wanting just to brush aside the hair that’d fallen across his forehead while he slept. Before he could, there was a sharp knock at the door.
Arthur snatched his hand back as he heard Hunith’s voice through the door.
“Merlin? Arthur? We’ve brought you some breakfast.”
“Uh, just a minute,” Arthur called, giving Merlin a shake.
“Wha--?” Merlin snuffled, burying his face in his pillow.
“You mum and Gaius are at the door with breakfast,” Arthur said, pulling himself up to sit against the headboard. He dragged the comforter up around his waist.
“They are? Right,” Merlin said groggily. He yawned as he sat up, hair adorably askew. Then, to Arthur’s surprise, he sagged back against Arthur, drawing one of his arms around his shoulder. Arthur immediately tensed-sleep-warm and solid, Merlin felt incredibly good pressed up against him.
Merlin felt it, because he tensed as well and said, “Just for show, yeah?”
“Right, of course,” Arthur croaked as Merlin called for his family to enter. To Merlin, it was all still a show. It didn’t matter what was going on in Arthur’s head, because Merlin didn’t feel the same way.
No, they just needed to get through this so that Arthur could get his head on straight. All of this enforced intimacy and talk of family and weddings was just messing about with his head. One more day-they just had to get through Gaius’s party tomorrow, then they could go back to New York and everything would be normal again.
“Good morning,” Hunith said cheerily, carrying a plate of delicious-looking sweet rolls. Gaius followed her with the tea tray.
“What’s going on, mum?” Merlin asked, still sounding half asleep. His head dropped back onto Arthur’s shoulder, like it was too heavy for him to hold up any longer. Arthur resisted the urge to stick his face in Merlin’s hair and inhale deeply.
Yes, they definitely needed to get out of here.
“Your mother and I were talking,” Gaius said as they set down their trays, “and we’ve come up with an idea. We-“
“We want you to get married here tomorrow,” Hunith blurted, unable to contain herself.
Arthur’s heart slammed against his rib cage. Married? Tomorrow?
“What?” Merlin asked, equally stunned. “No, mum, you don’t have to-“
“We want to,” she insisted.
“We don’t want to intrude on your big day,” Arthur said to Gaius, his heart still doing a strange dance inside him.
“Please,” Gaius said dismissively, “I’ve had plenty of birthdays and God willing, many more. But how many times will I get to see my favourite nephew get married?”
A stab of guilt tore through Arthur. “I’m your only nephew,” Merlin said weakly. Gaius sat on the bed and rested a hand on Merlin’s leg over the duvet.
“Merlin, you’re like a son to me. You know that. It would me a lot to me and to your mother.”
Arthur felt it the moment Merlin gave in. “Okay, Gaius,” he said, putting his hand over his uncle’s, “we’ll do it here.”
Hunith let out a happy yell. “Oh, this is wonderful. You don’t have to worry; we’ll take care of everything!” She dragged Gaius up off the bed. “Come on, then, lots to do!”
Arthur watched them go, feeling hollow and utterly helpless.
As soon as the door closed, Merlin sat forward and covered his face with his hands. “Oh God. Oh God. What are we doing? They’re so happy. When they find out, it’s going to kill them. Oh God.”
“It’ll be fine,” Arthur said with a confidence he didn’t feel. “They won’t find out.”
Merlin made a strangled sound into his hands. Without thinking, Arthur scooted forward and slipped an arm around Merlin, rubbing his hand up and down Merlin’s arm soothingly.
“Come on,” he said, lightly gripping Merlin’s other arm. “This doesn’t change anything. We were going to have to go through with it anyway. They won’t find out,” he repeated. He rested his chin on Merlin’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He felt like such an ass comforting Merlin over a situation he’d practically forced him into.
Merlin’s head drooped until it was resting against Arthur’s, and he took a deep breath. “You’re right,” he said, fingers coming up to toy with Arthur’s where they were wrapped around his arm. “We can still stick to the plan and be fine.”
Arthur was too distracted by Merlin’s proximity to reply. That and the fact that rather than pushing him away, or being angry at Arthur for having them here in the first place, he seemed to be welcoming the comfort. Merlin seemed to realize the same thing, for he lifted his head and looked at Arthur, his brow wrinkling.
Feeling suddenly awkward, Arthur pulled away carefully-reluctantly.
“Want some tea?” he asked, clearing his throat when his voice broke.
Merlin nodded. Arthur slid off the bed and went to the tray, busying himself preparing and then pouring the tea. He kept his eyes trained on what he was doing, but he could feel Merlin watching him.
“Thanks,” Merlin said when Arthur passed him his tea. Arthur poured some for himself and sat on the edge of the bed. The rolls smelled wonderful, but his stomach was too knotted up to eat.
“I was thinking of going to town to pick up some things,” Merlin said. “Do you want to come?” When Arthur arched an eyebrow at him, he shrugged. “We haven’t spent much time together since we got here.”
“That’s good, though, right?” he joked weakly, thinking it an odd thing for Merlin to say. Merlin didn’t answer, staring into his mug for a long while before Arthur finally said, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to keep up appearances.”
“Right,” Merlin agreed, an odd note to his voice.
++++
Their first stop was Ealdor’s general store. Merlin made a beeline for the lone rack of books while Arthur stopped to look around. The store was empty aside from them and the clerk behind the register. Arthur’s eyes widened.
Sophia.
“Bugger,” he hissed, ducking behind a large display of galoshes. Was there anywhere in this bloody town than she didn’t work?
He knew it was ridiculous, hiding from that tiny slip of a woman, but given their previous encounters, he wanted nothing to do with her.
“Arthur?” he heard from behind him. He turned to see Merlin standing there with a book, looking puzzled.
“Shhh,” he said, motioning toward Sophia.
Merlin cocked his head. “Are you hiding?”
“Shut up,” he hissed. “You’ll blow my cover.” Merlin smiled at that, a mischievous gleam in his eye that set bells off in Arthur’s head. “Don’t you dare.”
“Sophia!” Merlin called, waving enthusiastically. He heard her return the greeting, hoping that would be it, only to have that hope dashed when he heard her footsteps approaching.
Cursing Merlin silently, he stood up just as she came into sight. Her face lit up when she saw him.
“Arthur! I didn’t see you there behind the display.”
“I was just, err, tying my shoe,” he said lamely, motioning at the floor. She looked down at his brown loafers and frowned. “Well, fixing them. There was a rock. You know what I mean.” Merlin had hidden himself behind Arthur, and he could feel the bastard laughing. “So how are you?” he asked, trying to divert her attention.
“Fine, thank you. Is there anything I can help you find?” she asked, looking eager.
“Oh, no, I’m just tagging along with Merlin. I think he’s almost done, actually. Aren’t you?” He turned to Merlin, who’d composed himself, and gave him a pleading look.
Merlin looked for a moment as though he might give in, but then he tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Weren’t you telling me yesterday that there was something you needed?”
“I don’t remember,” Arthur answered through clenched teeth. “I’m sure it wasn’t important.”
“I know!” Merlin said, putting a finger up to indicate he’d just had a brilliant idea. “Let’s take a few turns about the shop-maybe that would help you remember.”
“That’s a wonderful idea,” Sophia said. “In fact, I’ve some new things that I’d like to show you.”
Merlin grinned at him when she turned her back. Arthur took a swing at him, but he danced laughingly away and went to catch up with Sophia. Feeling extremely sorry for himself, Arthur had no choice but to follow.
++++
“You know, after we’re married, I’m going to beat that mischievous streak right out of you,” Arthur said once they’d left the shop safely behind. Sophia had nattered on for almost an hour.
Merlin laughed. “You think?” he asked, his voice taking on a teasing tone. “I’m not so sure-I think I might just loosen you up a bit instead.”
“Don’t count on it,” Arthur said, bumping him with his shoulder. He wasn’t really annoyed with Merlin. It felt too good to laugh with him about it. It felt natural, almost like they were friends. Arthur liked it. A lot.
He spotted a café advertising internet access. “Would you mind if we stopped for a minute? I’d love to check my email-I’m sure Bayard’s terrorising someone somewhere.”
“Sure.”
Merlin went and got them some tea while Arthur got settled at a computer. He pulled up CHP’s website and logged into his email, whimpering at the number of new messages.
“Here you go,” Merlin said, setting down the cup. “Listen, while you do this, I’m going to run outside, all right?”
Arthur waved him away, smiling at he took a sip of his tea. Perhaps they weren’t doomed to bicker all the time after all.
He spent a good while clearing his inbox, finally looking up once the last email was sent. Merlin still wasn’t back, so Arthur signed off and got up, gathering his things. As he looked for somewhere to throw his trash, he glanced out the window front and saw Merlin talking to Lancelot. They were leaning against the hood of Lancelot’s truck. Merlin was laughing at something the other man said, and they were sharing Merlin’s tea between them.
Arthur looked down at his own cup, feeling like he’d been doused with ice water. His chest tight, he crumpled the cup in his hand, tossing it on the table. How could he have forgotten? Even if they could manage to not argue the whole time, this was nothing more than a business arrangement for Merlin. Watching him with Lancelot, he was quite certain that Merlin would never look that happy with him.
Because Merlin wanted someone he loved, and he didn’t love Arthur.
“Cute couple, aren’t they?”
Arthur started at the voice next to him. Stunned, he turned to look at Nimueh.
“What are you doing here?”
“My job,” she said brightly. “I’ve been making friends with all the locals-they’re all quite nice. Very chatty.” She gave him a suggestive smile. “You two are the talk of the town.”
Arthur was too angry to reply. How dare she come here and harass everyone.
“Give it up,” she said to him. “I know your attorney told you about the deal I offered. Take it.” Her voice softened. “Do you really want him to go to jail because of you?”
All his anger crumpled under the weight of his guilt, the guilt that had wormed its way into him the minute he’d met Merlin’s family and had been growing ever since. She was right. He finally let himself acknowledge what Morgana had been trying to tell him. It wasn’t just Merlin’s freedom-it was his family, his reputation, his friends. All because Arthur had been selfish.
Seeing the look on his face, Nimueh smiled triumphantly. She tucked a card into the breast pocket of his shirt. “My number where I’m staying. I promised to give you until Monday, and I will. But if you leave here with me before then, it’ll be much easier.”
“What the hell is going on?”
They turned to see Merlin standing behind them. Arthur had been so preoccupied that he hadn’t noticed Lancelot leave. Merlin took one look at his face and then narrowed his eyes at Nimueh. “What are you doing? What did you say to him?”
The small part of Arthur’s brain that wasn't completely wracked with guilt noted that Merlin sounded angry. Nimueh smiled at him. “We were just having a chat. Weren’t we, Arthur?” she asked, reaching to pat him on the arm. Suddenly, Merlin was there, putting himself between her and Arthur.
“Leave him alone,” he snapped, surprising Arthur into looking up. Nimueh arched an eyebrow, looking curiously back and forth between them.
“I just want the truth, Mr. Emrys.”
“The truth? Here’s the truth.”
“Merlin-“ Arthur started, grabbing for his arm. Merlin brushed him off.
“I started working for Arthur three years ago. A year ago, we started dating, we fell in love, and he proposed,” Merlin said, sticking to their story. “We’re getting married tomorrow. And I’d better not see you anywhere near my family’s property.”
She arched her eyebrow at the threat, looking more amused than anything. Merlin grabbed Arthur’s wrist. “Come on, Arthur.”
Nimueh looked meaningfully at him as Merlin towed him toward the door.
“That absolute cunt,” Merlin exploded once they’d gotten clear of the café. “I can’t believe she came here. What’s she going to do, stalk us for the next two years?”
Arthur was a little surprised at the level of Merlin’s anger. “Probably,” he said, her words still niggling at him. “She’s been talking to people around town, you know.”
Merlin shrugged. “They won’t be able to tell her anything.”
Arthur hummed in reply. Merlin peered at him. “What?”
“Nothing.”
Merlin grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to a stop. “Don’t ‘nothing’ me. I know the look on your face, I can tell something’s up.”
The vision of Merlin and Lancelot still fresh in his mind, he said, “I’m just starting to have my doubts, is all.”
“Doubts? What doubts?”
“It’s just….” Arthur trailed off. How did he explain that he only now understood the full extent of what he’d done? That he didn’t want to hurt Merlin or his family? That he actually cared, when he hadn’t before? “Are you really sure you want to go through with this?”
Merlin blinked. “It’s a bit late to be asking, don’t you think?”
Arthur sighed. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“No one’s going to get hurt.”
“How do you know?”
“You said it yourself this morning. They won’t find out.”
“What about Lancelot?” Arthur asked suddenly, looking Merlin dead in the face.
“Lancelot?” Merlin repeated, completely taken aback. “What-“
“There you two are!”
Hunith popped up beside them, seemingly out of nowhere. Merlin blinked at his mother, looking extremely put out.
“What are you two doing here?” Arthur asked, smiling at the way Hunith was shuffling Gaius along.
“We need to borrow you,” she said, taking him by the arm. “You can have him back in a little while,” she told Merlin when he started to protest. “Run along.”
Secretly glad they’d interrupted the conversation, he gave Merlin a helpless shrug and let them drag him away. They wound up at a small store that looked like it sold formalwear.
“I already know Merlin’s size,” Hunith explained, half hidden in a cabinet, “but I need your measurements. For your tuxedo tomorrow.”
“Oh, right,” Arthur said, uneasy. He stood still, letting Hunith rearrange his limbs as she worked. Gaius watched from the side, handing her things as she needed them.
“Hmm,” she said after a while. “You know, I think there might be something here that would fit you already.”
She disappeared, re-emerging with a garment bag. “We’ve been storing this here,” she said, unzipping it to reveal an elegant, old-fashioned tuxedo. “It was my father’s. I’d always intended for Merlin to wear it, but he’s not broad enough. I think you are.”
Arthur’s stomach dropped. “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly-“
“Of course you could,” she said, shoving it at him. “Go try it on.”
He took it reluctantly into the dressing room and started to change. The fact that she was willing to share this with him touched him deeply, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. He wished that he was the person she thought him to be.
The tuxedo actually fit him quite well. The pants would need to be taken in, but overall it was almost a perfect fit. He stepped out of the room to show Merlin’s family. Hunith made a delighted sound.
“Oh, look how well it fits. Almost as though it were made for him.”
Gaius stood and adjusted Arthur’s collar. The paternal gesture warmed him. “Yes, it is quite nice, isn’t it?”
Hunith busied herself with the few alterations he’d need. “You know,” she said after a while, “I was thinking that we could come and visit you and Merlin for the holidays this year.”
Arthur looked at himself in the mirror, smoothing down the lapels. “New York is lovely around the holidays,” he said absently. “Of course, we could always come see you as well.”
She didn’t answer right away. “That would be nice,” she said, her voice wavering. Arthur turned to see her eyes brimming with tears. “I would actually like that very much,” she said, covering her face with her hands as she burst into tears. Gaius shook his head apologetically at Arthur.
“For heaven’s sake, woman,” he said fondly, “pull yourself together. Go fetch us some tea.” He steered her toward the back of the shop. Arthur watched her go, bewildered, feeling oddly compelled to comfort her.
“Should I--?” he asked, indicating the direction in which Hunith had gone. Gaius shook his head, smiling.
“No, she’ll be all right. She’s just over excited. The wedding is very important to her. To both of us, actually.”
He didn’t even know what to say to that, so he just nodded.
“She’s been through so much, the poor thing,” Gaius continued. “All she ever wanted was for Merlin to find someone and settle down. Someone to be happy with. And here you are,” Gaius said, grabbing him by the arms and giving him an affectionate shake. “I know you’ll take good care of him.”
It’d been a long time since Arthur had felt a part of anything special, and here these people were, trusting, welcoming him into their family without a second thought. Treating him like he belonged with them. He wanted to belong with them, with these warm, caring, giving people.
But he didn’t.
Hunith returned, looking much more composed. “Forgive me,” she said, “I’m not normally this hysterical.”
“It’s all right,” he said, quick to reassure her. “I’d be worried if you weren’t making a fuss.”
She smiled at him warmly, coming over and placing her hand on his chest. “You’re a good man, Arthur. Merlin is lucky to have you.” Arthur looked down into her warm, trusting eyes. She couldn’t possibly know how wrong she was.
On both counts.
++++
Later, back in the room, Arthur stared out the window as he contemplated what to do.
He’d never really cared what anyone other than his father thought of him. He always just did what he needed or wanted and then just expected everyone to fall in line behind him. Those that didn’t fall in line, or those that didn’t like him, ceased to matter. So he wasn’t sure what it was about this place that changed that. It was the complete opposite of everything he was used to: quiet when he knew nothing but noise, warm when he’d gotten used to being cold. And here he was, riddled with guilt and completely sick over what they’d think of him if they ever found out--or worse, if he got Merlin landed in jail.
He didn’t know how they’d gotten under his skin when he was so used to keeping people away.
Behind him, the door opened and Merlin poked his head in.
“There you are,” he said. “You disappeared after we got back.”
“Just took a walk,” he answered. Truthfully, he’d been hiding again, though from whom he couldn’t say. Merlin crossed the room and stood next to him.
“Nice, isn’t it?” he asked.
“It is,” Arthur agreed. “More than nice.”
They were quiet for a few more minutes before Merlin ventured, “Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“Are you?”
Merlin shrugged. “Yeah, I think so. I mean, I was upset at first. But I guess it makes sense. Things won’t change all that much, and we’re both getting something out of it, right?”
There was something about the way he asked that suggested there was more to the question than there appeared, but Arthur wasn’t brave enough to deal with it at the moment. He just hoped that when the time came, he’d be brave enough to do the right thing.
Whatever that might be.
Chapter 5