a miscellany of
thoughts:
1) I have to drive across the state tomorrow: a 6 hour drive... after a full day of work. I am so very much not looking forward to such an onward-past-midnight journey. I'm too old for this... I like my evenings. I like my schedule and especially when work tires me out so much, every day, the idea of piling a good quarter-day's driving on top of that just sounds overwhelming.
2) To make this situation more fun, I'm driving all this way to spend an intense 24 hours with one of the most triggering women I know. I do not have confirmed that she is AN... but in the "it takes one to know one" and the "I've read literally thousands of pages on the psychology and pathology of eating disorders" levels, this woman is textbook. She's a food-pusher who takes visible pride in not eating any of the endless sweets and treats she presses on everyone around her... and it's exhausting. Exhausting. Especially right now, with the amount of body issues I've been trying to keep at bay. I cannot (read: do not want to) deal with this.
3) Everything would be better if my stomach were flatter and my thighs weren't as squishy. Right? Everything. Better. Yes.
4) Point 3 could be accomplished much more efficiently if I had the energy or the drive to actually go to the gym...
5) Hanna is a really fascinating, disturbing movie. I don't quite know what I was expecting, but it whumped me. It has style and bite and doesn't pander to expected "action movie" story arcs. Snazzy.
6) All I want to do most days is listen to The Mountain Goats, play board games, and eat. I think this may mean something.
7) The Spokane River is beautiful this time of year. Standing on the bridge, watching the water get tangled in submerged trees is surreal and dizzying.
8) I want so, so very badly for it to be spring. The idea of having to shrug on 2 or 3 shirts just to stay warm every morning, even though the sun is out, is somehow far more depressing than the winter's grey.
9) Everything these days makes me cry. Car ads. TV shows. emails. Tweets. Casual touching. Going to work. Coming home. Everything.
10) But my feet are awesome:
1) I have to drive across the state tomorrow: a 6 hour drive... after a full day of work. I am so very much not looking forward to such an onward-past-midnight journey. I'm too old for this... I like my evenings. I like my schedule and especially when work tires me out so much, every day, the idea of piling a good quarter-day's driving on top of that just sounds overwhelming.
2) To make this situation more fun, I'm driving all this way to spend an intense 24 hours with one of the most triggering women I know. I do not have confirmed that she is AN... but in the "it takes one to know one" and the "I've read literally thousands of pages on the psychology and pathology of eating disorders" levels, this woman is textbook. She's a food-pusher who takes visible pride in not eating any of the endless sweets and treats she presses on everyone around her... and it's exhausting. Exhausting. Especially right now, with the amount of body issues I've been trying to keep at bay. I cannot (read: do not want to) deal with this.
3) Everything would be better if my stomach were flatter and my thighs weren't as squishy. Right? Everything. Better. Yes.
4) Point 3 could be accomplished much more efficiently if I had the energy or the drive to actually go to the gym...
5) Hanna is a really fascinating, disturbing movie. I don't quite know what I was expecting, but it whumped me. It has style and bite and doesn't pander to expected "action movie" story arcs. Snazzy.
6) All I want to do most days is listen to The Mountain Goats, play board games, and eat. I think this may mean something.
7) The Spokane River is beautiful this time of year. Standing on the bridge, watching the water get tangled in submerged trees is surreal and dizzying.
8) I want so, so very badly for it to be spring. The idea of having to shrug on 2 or 3 shirts just to stay warm every morning, even though the sun is out, is somehow far more depressing than the winter's grey.
9) Everything these days makes me cry. Car ads. TV shows. emails. Tweets. Casual touching. Going to work. Coming home. Everything.
10) But my feet are awesome: