Open your eyes.
i haven't posted during the day in forever, time to bring back some old routines.
So as I guessed, I've just been working day in and out, getting good hours and awful tips, and doing business as usual at the OG even though I hate it. The amount of work input does not match the overall money output; and it's getting old fast. I've applied at several other places, plan to apply at many more, and hope to have a second job in the making within the month. OG isn't close anymore, isn't reliable, and with endless pasta/salad/soup running your ass off it's just hitting me how much easier it must be to work at other places. I'm done.
Other than that I've just been in the new place doing, well, nothing. I've played cards a few times with the guys, and other than that, I truly have just sat and reflected and done nothing. it's been nice to just think, and something came across me that I'm really glad it did, and I wanna get it all out here so here we go.
I think it's great how facebook has just overrun myspace and that everyone posts what they're doing, all the time, for anyone/everyone to see and sees no shame in it. I am embarrassed for most of these people, because almost all of them have their moments, where they are drinking away or smoking themselves retarded. And they shouldn't be ashamed; people should live their lives as they want to. But in feeling some regret of leaving MA right after veacationing last month, and after being out here all alone and without any tangible support by my side for months upon months now, I have reflected and could not be happier I left that shithole.
I wouldn't call it pride exactly, but to have a a couple of beers at a party or while playing some poker with the guys, or even to take a single hit of weed when someone offers it on occasion when people are at my own place or are in a controlled environment, proud is the only word that comes to mind. I no longer feel the need to chug-a-lug til I can't even feel, or get black-out drunk by spending tons of money on alcohol, only to feel like absolute shit the entire next day and embarrass myself over the course of the night before. People, including myself, are not themselves when drunk, no matter how much they try to pretend to be or fake to be or tell you they are fine; it is a mind-distorting depressant that does nothing but negatives in overuse, and it is unfortunate how vast a majority of our general age group and overall population just gives in and overdoes anything alcohol related. Whether someone blames it on peer pressure, to have "fun", because it's there, because everyone else is doing it, not to be lame, WHATEVER the reasoning, it's not reasoning; it's excuses to drown out feelings or distort a not-so-optimal reality. People need to learn to be happy without it, and not make excuses for their own actions. I have learned, and with the shit i've been through and the things i've seen and done under the influence in the past, I could not be more happy about it.
In relation to that, no longer do I feel the need or even desire to smoke as often as some of these people do, or even to see it as lightly as most people do. It's considered the lightest of drugs and argued as to whether it should be illegal or not; people overlook the face that it truly CHANGES who you are when you do it often or even excessively on occasion. It is illegal, even if lightly looked upon, for a reason. A reason I see clearly now. And as I said, facebook and friendly interaction with those I see in these situations has shown me most of this. Even in my good friends and those close to me, i see it all too often; it's like a cycle that never ends and a desire to inebriate and toast away and distort any true feelings that just, never stops.
I remember why I did all the things I did with drugs and alcohol in the past, and I know why I did them. I always blamed it on other people having or doing it, or being peer-pressured into it, or just doing it to pass the time. These are the true excuses of an addict; I did it because I wasn't happy with my life, because I didn't want to feel how I felt, because I didn't like where I was at. And now I know I can change my course and alter my future without drugs or alcohol while staying in the same, fucked up place. In the snap of a finger, and with swift, righteous action, I can change my fate and alter my future as it should be, not distort and change my perception of where I am without changing a fucking stitch of it. I pity all the people drinking/smoking their life away, and from a sober, full-minded perception of it all, I just wanted to vent that pity for the vast majority who falls under this category at one time or another, no matter how often it may be.
I stand tall on my own accord.