thinking more
So now I am half-way through mine and jasen's 5 day "break"..well really 4 day cause monday I talked to him meaning to try and make things better sooner, and just made it worse...ugh. So far just a couple days of not being with or talking to jasen has brought along several new ideas, thoughts, realizations- whatever you wanna call them.
First, I write in my lj more often and talk to my friends more often when I'm not constantly focused on jasen.
Second, I feel good. I mean, I felt good before- but it is nice to know that I can feel good without him directly in my life all the time.
Third, I am more productive- I still procrastinate on my homework (dealing with that tomorrow sadly) but I clean more and organize more and also want to go out and do stuff and hang out with ppl more.
And to add to all this I have never done this so successfully before. Yeah sure I called himtwice today- both voicemails. And the first was about his case and the second was cause I got really good news and wanted to tell him...I don't see anything wrong with those calls..and tonight I texted him telling him I have a questin and its cool if he doesn't answer. The question is about friday..I want to know if I can go through with what I wanted to plan for our anniversary...
He never responded to either voicemail or my text..is it bc of our "agreement" you think he could just answer cause I'm not calling crying saying I miss him or anything...just saying typical shit...idk.
It worries me because I think he may not want to get back together...maybe he really doesn't love me anymore or wanna be with me?
I have been doing a pretty good job just being ok and moderately happy. I'm hurting inside and all those worries I just typed are living in the pit of my thoughts...I really love him and wish I could just talk to him..
But talking would only make it worse..sigh.
I hope that this is all worth it..this is really hard for me to do, he knows it....I am just not sure he is planning on staying with me once this is over..
Idk. But if anything if we do stay together, I'm glad we did this cause I think this is going to be a great benefit for our relationship long term and short term
First, I write in my lj more often and talk to my friends more often when I'm not constantly focused on jasen.
Second, I feel good. I mean, I felt good before- but it is nice to know that I can feel good without him directly in my life all the time.
Third, I am more productive- I still procrastinate on my homework (dealing with that tomorrow sadly) but I clean more and organize more and also want to go out and do stuff and hang out with ppl more.
And to add to all this I have never done this so successfully before. Yeah sure I called himtwice today- both voicemails. And the first was about his case and the second was cause I got really good news and wanted to tell him...I don't see anything wrong with those calls..and tonight I texted him telling him I have a questin and its cool if he doesn't answer. The question is about friday..I want to know if I can go through with what I wanted to plan for our anniversary...
He never responded to either voicemail or my text..is it bc of our "agreement" you think he could just answer cause I'm not calling crying saying I miss him or anything...just saying typical shit...idk.
It worries me because I think he may not want to get back together...maybe he really doesn't love me anymore or wanna be with me?
I have been doing a pretty good job just being ok and moderately happy. I'm hurting inside and all those worries I just typed are living in the pit of my thoughts...I really love him and wish I could just talk to him..
But talking would only make it worse..sigh.
I hope that this is all worth it..this is really hard for me to do, he knows it....I am just not sure he is planning on staying with me once this is over..
Idk. But if anything if we do stay together, I'm glad we did this cause I think this is going to be a great benefit for our relationship long term and short term