Im going to be good again
I am going to grab you by the collar, push my lips to your ear and whisper in my most murderous tone "I am not only a good girl I am the best good girl there is." When you kiss me, I won't even like it. It won't matter how the blood rushes to the surface of my cheeks, the hair on the back of my neck stands up or my heart beats right out of my chest, I will limply stand there and politely push you away. No way are you making me be bad.
I am such a good girl I floss before and after meals. I have three kinds of toothpaste, one for plaque, one for tartar, and one for whitening, I use them all at once in a cleansing puddle on my angled handle, extended reach toothbrush. I wash with five kinds of soap, so I am as clean, moisturized, sanitized, freshened and deodorized as a person can be. I am that good
I say please, thank you, yes sir, no ma'am, you're very kind to say that, don't go to any trouble for me, I'd be happy to help you, please let me take care of that, and thanks, but I can manage just fine; often in the same breath.
I do not take shortcuts, tell white lies or lies of any color, wish for beauty, dream of opulence or sleep with the light on. I recycle. I am decaffeinated, smoke free, a teetotaler, and I cross my legs at the ankles, never the knees. I will let you in ahead of me in traffic if you need to change lanes.
I'm asleep by ten and up by six, I drink eight to ten glasses of water a day. I get 45 minutes of cardiovascular exercise four times a week and I rigidly adhere to the food pyramid guidelines. I just had a serving of fruit.
My dishes are done, not just washed, but dried and put away, I give my old clothes to goodwill. I am punctual, attentive and speak exclusively when spoken to. I can be trusted. I use liquid fabric softener, added to the cycle at just the right time, yes with bluing for extra whiteness. It's simply the right thing to do.
It goes without saying I am kind to children and animals. I wait a full 30 minutes after eating before I swim. If I receive a gift, I write a thank you note by hand on lilac stationery, and send it in a matching envelope. There are no misspellings.
Do I need to tell you all the ways I am a good girl? Are the rest easy to see from where you're standing? Come closer to get a better look; I will offer you a fresh stick of gum from my purse where there is no lint, change or paper scraps tumbling about. See inside? There are tiny pockets for everything, and I have a small change purse. Twice a month I empty it into a jelly jar, so I can roll the coins and donate the money to orphans. Now please remove your hand from my cheek, and let's not mess up this beautiful friendship.
I am such a good girl I floss before and after meals. I have three kinds of toothpaste, one for plaque, one for tartar, and one for whitening, I use them all at once in a cleansing puddle on my angled handle, extended reach toothbrush. I wash with five kinds of soap, so I am as clean, moisturized, sanitized, freshened and deodorized as a person can be. I am that good
I say please, thank you, yes sir, no ma'am, you're very kind to say that, don't go to any trouble for me, I'd be happy to help you, please let me take care of that, and thanks, but I can manage just fine; often in the same breath.
I do not take shortcuts, tell white lies or lies of any color, wish for beauty, dream of opulence or sleep with the light on. I recycle. I am decaffeinated, smoke free, a teetotaler, and I cross my legs at the ankles, never the knees. I will let you in ahead of me in traffic if you need to change lanes.
I'm asleep by ten and up by six, I drink eight to ten glasses of water a day. I get 45 minutes of cardiovascular exercise four times a week and I rigidly adhere to the food pyramid guidelines. I just had a serving of fruit.
My dishes are done, not just washed, but dried and put away, I give my old clothes to goodwill. I am punctual, attentive and speak exclusively when spoken to. I can be trusted. I use liquid fabric softener, added to the cycle at just the right time, yes with bluing for extra whiteness. It's simply the right thing to do.
It goes without saying I am kind to children and animals. I wait a full 30 minutes after eating before I swim. If I receive a gift, I write a thank you note by hand on lilac stationery, and send it in a matching envelope. There are no misspellings.
Do I need to tell you all the ways I am a good girl? Are the rest easy to see from where you're standing? Come closer to get a better look; I will offer you a fresh stick of gum from my purse where there is no lint, change or paper scraps tumbling about. See inside? There are tiny pockets for everything, and I have a small change purse. Twice a month I empty it into a jelly jar, so I can roll the coins and donate the money to orphans. Now please remove your hand from my cheek, and let's not mess up this beautiful friendship.