I'm alive!
It's been a ridiculously long time since I last updated, hasn't it? I honestly didn't mean to abandon my livejournal, these past few months have just been pretty rough I guess, and it's easier for me to keep up with plurk and tumblr.
While I don't know how much detail I want to go into, but I guess the bulk of it started in August? I ended up getting into a big argument with my mother about gay marriage - there was yelling and crying and everything. A lot of what she said was offensive and really upset me. To be honest, I still don't like thinking about it. Then, just the very next day, I got into an argument with my older brother. He ended up insulting me and making me feel like shit for my sexuality. Those arguments seemed to be the catalyst for everything going to hell. A lot of things kept going wrong and around my birthday I ended up getting in another argument with my brother, which resulted in him trying to strangle me and threatening my life. Yeah.
September is kind of a blur to me, what with Devon starting school and everything, but nothing really got any better. The relationship I have with my parents is strained even in the best of times, and a lot of things have started coming to a head. Especially with my father. He doesn't really have the best opinion of me, and it seems like it's gotten worse. The past few weeks in particular have been a clusterfuck and I was honest to god lost on what to do anymore.
But, while things aren't 100%, and probably won't be for a while, I'm feeling better. When all this starting going down, I lost my motivation to a lot of things - especially when it came to doing anything creative, which sucked, because that was usually my way of feeling better. There was just this ugly feeling in me that kept growing and growing. I think the other day is when I finally hit rock-bottom emotionally. It's hard to admit, but I was frighteningly and dangerously desperate. I had no idea what to do. After talking to dualshine though, and I will never have enough words for how grateful I am Dual, I'm feeling centered again.
It is the best feeling I've had in months.
Just today I've applied for a job at three different publishing companies, and sometime in the next week I will be going to meet one of my old teachers in hopes of getting a nomination to become a paraprofessional. I have a goal again, and it's the best fucking thing in the world.
In any case, I'm going to try my best at being active over here again. I'll probably still be on plurk and tumblr more than anything, but I do miss posting here.
Wish me luck!
While I don't know how much detail I want to go into, but I guess the bulk of it started in August? I ended up getting into a big argument with my mother about gay marriage - there was yelling and crying and everything. A lot of what she said was offensive and really upset me. To be honest, I still don't like thinking about it. Then, just the very next day, I got into an argument with my older brother. He ended up insulting me and making me feel like shit for my sexuality. Those arguments seemed to be the catalyst for everything going to hell. A lot of things kept going wrong and around my birthday I ended up getting in another argument with my brother, which resulted in him trying to strangle me and threatening my life. Yeah.
September is kind of a blur to me, what with Devon starting school and everything, but nothing really got any better. The relationship I have with my parents is strained even in the best of times, and a lot of things have started coming to a head. Especially with my father. He doesn't really have the best opinion of me, and it seems like it's gotten worse. The past few weeks in particular have been a clusterfuck and I was honest to god lost on what to do anymore.
But, while things aren't 100%, and probably won't be for a while, I'm feeling better. When all this starting going down, I lost my motivation to a lot of things - especially when it came to doing anything creative, which sucked, because that was usually my way of feeling better. There was just this ugly feeling in me that kept growing and growing. I think the other day is when I finally hit rock-bottom emotionally. It's hard to admit, but I was frighteningly and dangerously desperate. I had no idea what to do. After talking to dualshine though, and I will never have enough words for how grateful I am Dual, I'm feeling centered again.
It is the best feeling I've had in months.
Just today I've applied for a job at three different publishing companies, and sometime in the next week I will be going to meet one of my old teachers in hopes of getting a nomination to become a paraprofessional. I have a goal again, and it's the best fucking thing in the world.
In any case, I'm going to try my best at being active over here again. I'll probably still be on plurk and tumblr more than anything, but I do miss posting here.
Wish me luck!