A sense of purpose.

[animejunkie]

So here I am again choosing to write down my thoughts on some site. I've decided I don't really feel like putting this on myspace. (Been a bit neurotic about that site lately). Lar and I broke up recently, I don't feel like writing out what happened or the details. I've dragged it on enough. I do find in the absense of my strong relationship with her has left a very.....aimless feeling in me. I have very little homework or projects right now. Every one else is either busy with thiers or going out and doing things that require fair amounts of cash (that I don't have after being fired). So I find myself with more time than I need to think about whats happened and about my feelings. And it never helps. All I do is mull around in my feelings so much that they get all swirled together and hard to understand or control. When this happens I usually tend to drag along the most depressing or unecessary things with the person I miss. Which I'm sure is not helping Lar and I stay friends. I really want to still be in her life, but I don't want to act the way I am now while I'm in it. I'm so tired of being weak and uncertain. I want to stand up and fucking dtermined step in some direction. Anything is better than the emotional nowhere I'm at now.

Goddamn my inability to regulate the strength of my emotion. For once my dad's sagely advice wasn't a help.
"The best way tp get over a girl kid....is to "get over" a girl."
Yeah...not on my list of things to do dad.

Any way all these realizations always come a bit late for them to have made a dent in the problem at hand.

I'm always just "not quite enough" in every aspect of life.