The Nerd Ch 12 Part 1
The two teens rode in Naruto's car in complete silence.
Sasuke wanted Naruto to talk, to flirt, anything, but the blond kept his eyes locked on the road and occasionally cleared his throat. The raven sighed. His arm was sore and now his best friend… When had Naruto become his best friend? How could Naruto be his best friend when the spiky haired teen already had a best friend, Kiba?
"Don't think so hard, Sas. You're going to burst a blood vessel or something," Naruto snickered.
"Are we best friends?" Sasuke blurted out. He didn't understand how the question just forced its way out of his mouth. He hadn’t wanted to ask that. He’d wanted to shoot off his own friendly insult, not make himself seem like some sort of needy loser. ‘God.’ Maybe he was slowly going insane. He caught the shocked expression on Naruto's face and immediately felt like sinking down into the passenger seat.
Naruto blinked. Where the hell had that come from? He came to a red traffic light and took a few seconds to ponder over the question. Kiba was his best friend, but Sasuke… Sasuke was definitely a close friend too. He could tell Sasuke things that he sometimes kept from Kiba. The two brunettes were exact opposites and he loved them both for that reason. Loved. There was that stupid fucking word again.
"You don't have to answer that," Sasuke added. He turned to look out the window, wishing that Naruto would just hurry up and get him back to Itachi's bike so he could go home.
"I would want to give you another title," Naruto said, ignoring Sasuke's previous statement, "you're something different, a special word that I can't think of." He began driving again when the light turned green. "You know, in all honesty, you, Kiba, and Gaara are the only people I can let my guard down with." He snorted, his hand tapping against the steering wheel. "Although, it's hard to spend time with Gaara with Neji always around."
"What's your deal with Hyuuga? Why don't you like him?" Sasuke asked. He was starting to think that maybe Naruto had a crush on Gaara.
Naruto shook his head, "It's not that I don't like him. He owes me an apology that he has yet to give me." He turned to glance out of the window. "You know that fight that Gaara and I got into at the beginning of the school year?"
Sasuke nodded his head. He remembered that fight. He'd witnessed it. He had never seen two friends tear into each other so powerfully. If it wasn't for Iruka-sensei being in the right place at the right time, the blond and the red head probably would have killed each other.
"Neji was the cause of it," he didn't wait for Sasuke to ask how before he continued with his explanation. "At the beginning of the year we went to that party that everyone was talking about, the one where the college kids ended up showing up. Gaara had to leave early to go to work and I agreed to give Neji a ride home because he and I both wanted to stay. Anyway," Naruto glanced over at Sasuke, his eyes briefly locked on the Uchiha's lips. He pushed down the urge to lean forward and kiss them. "To make a long story short, some idiot slipped something into Neji's drink. He got all horny and out of it and started coming on to me. I turned him down. He kissed me. I took him back to his house and made sure that he was okay. Hinata was over there, so she watched him to make sure he didn't have any problems. I left and went home. When we went back to school on Monday Gaara tried to kill me because Neji told him that I came on to him. He said that I got him drunk and tried to fuck him at the party because he was ashamed about what happened and didn't want me telling Gaara the truth."
Sasuke's eyes widened with shock, "Why would Neji do something like that?"
Naruto shrugged, "Because Neji is in love with Gaara and love makes people do stupid things, I assume."
Sasuke held back a frown. It wasn't like he heard Naruto use the word "love" often, but when he did, the blond sometimes spat it out like it left a horrible taste in his mouth. "It's just a word, dobe. You don't have to say it like it's tearing apart your insides."
Naruto had just pulled into his driveway, parking his car in the empty space, but leaving enough room for Jiraiya to park his own car as well. "It feels like it," Naruto said softly.
Sasuke opened his mouth, but Naruto's voice caused him to halt in what he was about to say. Naruto was about to tell him something important. He could just feel it.
"Can I tell you something, Sasuke?" Naruto asked. He had wanted to get this off of his chest for years. He had never told Kiba, never told anyone because he was ashamed. He knew he risked losing Sasuke as a friend if he told him, but there was something inside of him, telling him that it would be okay if he let his secret out to just one person.
"Yeah," Sasuke replied. He shifted in his seat, bringing his body to face Naruto's own. The intensity of the blue eyes boring into him made him want to blush and look down at the floor, but he forced himself to meet the blond's gaze.
"I've only ever told one person that I loved them," Naruto began. "It wasn't the type of love that a couple would have. It was more of a love that, you know, you'd have with your mom."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, not knowing or understanding what on earth Naruto was talking about, "What do you-"
"I know this is random, but just listen because you're the first person that I'm telling this to and I'll probably never tell anyone again."
Sasuke quickly snapped his mouth shut.
"You already know that my mom died giving birth to me. But when I was two, dad had found someone that he fell in love with," Naruto had a far off look in his eyes. His hands gripped the steering wheel and he exhaled slowly. "Her name was Chinisa, but I always called her Chi-Nee. Anyway, she was with my dad for four years and in those four years we were like a family. Chi-Nee always took care of me. She gave me baths, let me help cook, read me bedtime stories… Just like I'd imagine a mom would be," Naruto removed his hands from the steering wheel and began to pick at his fingernails.
Sasuke listened intently. He watched as Naruto moved around in his seat. The blond was nervous. He looked like he was going to give up whatever he was trying to say, but Sasuke hoped that wouldn't happen. He longed to reach his hand out and place it on Naruto's thigh just to calm him enough to keep going, but he hesitated halfway through the action and ended up resting his hand on his own thigh.
"One day, the day before my birthday, I was in my kindergarten class and we were talking about moms and dads. I listened to the kids talk about their moms and all the great things about them," he chuckled. "Everything they said, Chi-Nee did and I felt bad because I had never called her ‘mom’. So I decided that when I went to bed that night that I would call Chi-Nee ‘mom’, and tell her that I loved her. I had never told her that either," Naruto said with a shake of his head.
He let out a long sigh before continuing. It was hard to keep going with Sasuke sitting there staring at him like that. "That night, after Chi-Nee read me The Cat in the Hat like she did every night. She tucked me in and…" Naruto paused and took a deep breath. "I'll never forget it," he said to Sasuke. "She tucked me in and the last words I said to her were: ‘Good night, mommy. I love you.’ She didn't say anything back. She just gave me a small smile and walked out of my room and closed the door," Naruto let out a tired and sad snicker.
"The next morning, my birthday, I woke up and went down stairs only to find my dad crying. My uncle Jiraiya was there. I asked him why my daddy was crying, but all he did was hug me. My dad looked at me with really sad eyes and told me that he was sorry. Two weeks later he left to go over seas and Jiraiya moved in to take care of me," Naruto swallowed a lump in his throat. He eyes were blurry and he forced himself not to sniffle in front of Sasuke.
"It wasn't until later, I think around when I was ten, that I found out that on the night that I told Chi-Nee that I loved her, she emptied out my dad's bank account and the account that my mom had set up for me when she was pregnant with me. It had money for me to go to college in it. But I think the worse thing about it for dad was that she took a small gold fox statue that my mom had won back in her college days. Dad said she won it because she had to do a project about inspiration. She chose him as her inspiration. She painted a picture of him and wrote a poem about him and she won the fox for coming in third place. And Chi-Nee…she…she took it and…"
The lump in his throat had come back with a vengeance. His eyes burned. His heart beat rapidly in his chest. "…it was my fault. I fucked it up, Sasuke," Naruto whispered. "Because I was stupid kid and I said that fucking word. One word and I screwed up everything we had. We were happy. Chi-Nee was happy being Chi-Nee, not mommy. I shouldn't have told her that I loved her. She wouldn't have left and-"
"Naruto, you didn't-" Sasuke began.
"Yes I did!" Naruto shouted, losing control of his emotions. "I ruined everything. With one stupid word from one stupid kid, I ruined three lives! All because I wanted to have a mom like everyone else and everyone hates me for it."
"No one hates you, Naruto," Sasuke said softly. Had Naruto been holding this in for almost twelve years? Did he honestly think that telling this Chi-Nee woman that he loved her caused her to do so many horrible things?
"They left me," Naruto said more to himself than to Sasuke. "Dad left me. Chi-Nee left, and Jiraiya's…" he pointed to empty parking space next to his car, "…he's hardly ever here. He wanted to enjoy being a bachelor, but he had to take care of me. I even ruined his life."
Sasuke let out a small gasp when he saw a single tear stream down Naruto's face. To see someone that was always so happy and proud, crying, made Sasuke's heart hurt. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to talk about this anymore. He wanted Naruto to smile. Why was he telling him all of this? What did it mean?
"So I promised myself that I would never tell anyone that I loved them ever again. That I would never love another person. And then Kiba somehow managed to slip in there without even trying, but Kiba has proven that he'll be there for me no matter how many times I fuck up. I know he won't leave me, but y-" Naruto caught himself, "but other people, I don't know. I don't ever want to feel the way I felt when I realized it was my fault that dad and Chi-Nee left. I love my dad. I loved Chi-Nee."
Naruto locked eyes with Sasuke, pulling the raven in with his heavy gaze and refusing to let him turn away. He needed Sasuke to see, needed him to understand what he couldn't say, understand why he couldn't say it, "And if I feel like this from just loving someone…" He had to say it. He had to. It was eating away at him. He could go back to being himself tomorrow. He could pretend it had never happened. Sasuke had Kankuro to focus on. The two of them would forget all about it. But right now, right now he had to say it, "…imagine how I would feel," he licked slightly dry lips, "if I were in love with them."
Sasuke swallowed, ignoring his heart, which sounded like it was beating inside of his ears. What the hell was Naruto saying? Was he trying to tell Sasuke that he wanted to be more than just friends, that he liked him? Loved him? Why wouldn't the idiot just spit it out?! If Naruto wanted to be with him then they could do that. Definitely. Sasuke wouldn’t think twice about Kankuro. Yes, yes. All the blond had to do was say it. Just say it. Please say it.
"Anyway," Naruto started as he pulled his head back. "Listen to me sounding like some stupid, emotional, chick that's on the rag with all this nobody-loves-me-bullshit," he snorted.
"People love you, Naruto," Sasuke said. It was the only thing he could say at that moment. This was another side of Naruto that he had never seen. It made Sasuke want him even more, more than he had ever wanted anyone else. It must hurt, to go so long with such ridiculous, childish, thinking. Naruto wasn't dumb (even if he acted that way sometimes). Why would he believe something so stupid? He didn't know the deal with Jiraiya or with Naruto's dad, but it was obvious that Chi-Nee was some sort of con artist. But perhaps he was blaming himself because it was easier that way.
"Yeah?" Naruto cocked his head to the side. He stared at Sasuke, giving the other teen a lopsided grin. "Do you love me, Sasuke?"
Sasuke's eyes grew wide for a split second. He choked on his own saliva before coughing and clearing his throat.
Naruto chuckled. "I'm just fucking with you. You're not gonna get Kankuro to beat me up, are you?" he teased.
Sasuke actually did sigh this time. It seemed as though Naruto's moment of being open was over, and Sasuke didn't get the confession that he wanted. He got something, but it could be interpreted in so many different ways. Who would have known that the dobe could be so complex?
"Well enough of this," Naruto said, finally opening his car door, "I'm hungry, so I'm gonna head inside."
Sasuke followed his lead, opening the passenger side door and stepping outside. He was a man of few words and right now he was simply speechless, but he needed something to say before Naruto closed off entirely. He had to keep him talking, needed to know more about what he wanted, in general, in life, in a… relationship. If he knew those things then he could-
"So I guess I'll see you in school tomorrow?"
Too late. Too fucking late. Not only had Naruto closed himself off, he was telling Sasuke in the nicest way possible to get lost. Damn.
"Yeah, you will," Sasuke agreed.
"Alright. Take care of your tattoo. Don't let it get infected or anything like that," Naruto said as he shut the door to his car.
"Got it." Sasuke walked over to Naruto's porch and grabbed his helmet from off one of the three chairs that sat on it. "Remember to study tonight," he said rather lamely.
"Yes, sensei," Naruto grinned. He watched as the raven made his way back to the bike. His eyes roamed over leather clad legs and thighs as Sasuke straddled the bike. Fingerless, gloved, hands slid the helmet onto his head. Naruto waited until Sasuke removed his hands from the helmet before shouting over to him. "You look really hot today, by the way!"
He received a single finger, sticking straight up into the air before the raven started up the bike and drove off. Naruto laughed for a second before his face faltered. He had been so close to telling Sasuke that he had feelings for him, but things would be better this way. Sasuke hadn't seemed too interested anyway. It didn't matter. How could he be in love with the Uchiha after only one month? It was nothing more than really strong lust.
He and Sasuke were friends. That was all they could ever be, so why did Naruto keep overstepping boundaries that he'd set up for himself. Why didn't he want anyone else to have Sasuke? Why did he tell him all of that stuff from his past? Because no matter what he told himself, he was in love with Sasuke; that's why. And it didn't matter that he was afraid to say it. It didn't matter that it had been only a little over a month. And it didn't matter that he had never been in love before. He loved Sasuke. He was in love with Sasuke, but Sasuke… wasn't in love with him. And if he could just get that through his fucking head, his life would go back to normal.
He couldn't keep doing this to himself and he couldn't keep doing it to Sasuke. He’d ruined enough lives; he wasn't going to ruin Sasuke's too.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, Naruto found himself settled in a classroom surrounded by nothing, but males. The principal (and her huge rack) decided that today the students would learn about sex education. It was dumb in his opinion. Naruto could put a condom on with his eyes closed and one hand tied behind his back. He probably knew more about birth control pills then most of his female peers. Regardless of what people believed, he didn't just stick his dick in anyone. He'd never had an STD and he planned to keep it that way. This class was not intended for him! The people who needed this class were the three boys sitting in the front row that were struggling with trying to put one lousy condom on a cucumber.
Naruto glanced over at Kiba and snickered. The idiot was comparing the size of his cucumber to the person sitting next to him. The blond shook his head and continued to look around the room. It was all a big joke and a stupid waste of time. That was, of course, until he caught sight of Sasuke rolling the latex down a cucumber. His hands and fingers didn't fumble or shake like some of the other guys in class. He didn't look bored like some people, but he didn't look anxious either. He was sure that Sasuke wasn't trying to, but the whole act was very sensual. Naruto wanted to have those pale fingers on him like that, caressing him, making him as hard as that damned cucumber.
"Okay, everyone, put your condoms and cucumbers off to the side," a brunet man with a spiky ponytail and a scar going across his nose said.
"Can I keep my cucumber, Iruka-sensei?" Sai asked.
Iruka blinked at the pale skinned teen before turning away from him slowly, without answering his question.
"Now for this next experiment…"
Naruto then ignored everything else his teacher went on to say. He laughed at the look on Sai's face. He had never got his answer about keeping his cucumber. It didn't matter. The pervert was going to keep it anyway.
The bright haired teen decided that he would do some people watching. Besides Iruka-sensei there were also four other teachers in the classroom; Kakashi, Gai, Asuma, and Ibiki. The five of them had agreed to teach the males all they knew about sex education.
Iruka started out with the introductions and the general handling of everything, but Ibiki was the first person to actually give a speech to the class. His whole speech consisted of the "Rules of Sexual Engagement". He made intercourse sound more like a job than something that was supposed to be enjoyable. He was also really stern about the students putting the condoms on the cucumbers correctly. One student had learned that the hard way. He’d laughed at the assignment instead of actually doing it and Ibiki had walked over to him, snatched his cucumber away and then bit it in half. The class was deadly silent after that.
Gai, Kakashi, and Asuma were pretty much there to answer questions and to just give general information. For instance, the students were given links from Kakashi about several different condoms. He recommended Paradise Original Super Sensitive, but wouldn't explain anything about it. He also went over some different types of condoms, which were; Super Sensitive condoms, Extra Strength condoms, Textured condoms, Studded condoms, Ribbed condoms, Polyurethane condoms, Non Lubricated condoms, Small condoms, Colored condoms, and finally Flavored condoms.
Naruto had succeeded in blocking out everything that Kakashi-sensei said until he noticed the huge blush on Iruka-sensei's face at the mention of flavored condoms. He snickered, silently calling his teacher a closet pervert before focusing on Gai and Ibiki who began passing out latex gloves to everyone.
The gloves were meant to be their condoms and wearing the "condom" was optional. After each student received their glove they either put them on or didn't. Naruto didn't hesitate to put his glove on. It broke as he slid it down on hand and he couldn't stop the bark of laughter that escaped his mouth. "Iruka-sensei, my condom broke," the blond announced.
The class laughed and Naruto grinned like an idiot.