keeping things vague

[animachiara]

Perhaps this is the way we vanish from the world, from the force in the world, so that we cease to affect it -- we vanish silently, not clamorously, and perhaps we begin dying before we do. We begin dying the moment things cease to matter. The moment we become floaters, without a goal or ambition, without a purpose, without direction. Because it is

Comments

[tiffly]

love to you! i must tell you more, but in private, *giggle*! :)

[mathsounds]

"Am I the only one who does this? Maybe it is my way of testing the strength of the thing, of testing fate or love or whatever, pushing things to an extreme, pushing myself to extreme abstinence, to the limits of emotion, to see if I can endure it, to see how much my heart can bear. This is my story."

Wow, you said it perfectly. I feel like I do the same thing, and it's so... frustrating. It's so hard to break one's instincts. Or perhaps, it's so hard to overcome the too-practiced habits of going against one's instincts? Even being conscious of your emotions and habits doesn't mean it's easy to change. You're not alone!