Charley's log, day forty-seven aka 29 to go.
It's earlier than I thought.
I didn't do much today. Just sat, tidied, watched, looked at prices for a mini fridge which I might get back home.
Made a necklace. Was better in my head.
Watched Alaska, which led to Excess Baggage (which reminds me that Andrew from Buffy is in Transformers with new hair), which led ultimately to What Dreams May Come.
First of all the son from Alaska is as annoying and teenagery as he is in Angel. Having watched Hairspray, Christopher Walken, after years of creeping me the fuck out, no longer has that effect on me. So I could watch Excess baggage in peace. Also- why isn't Alicia Silverstone on my list? (It's the voice Charley-but voice doesn't count Charley- yes it does Charley.) Ok so now I know.
Lastly. There is only one film in the world that makes me cry from very beginning to very end (there is one film that makes me cry from beginningish to end and that's Truly, Madly, Deeply- fuck that's an incredible (Alan Rickman) film) and it's What Dreams May Come. I would put those two films above The Notebook. They are just...amazing.
I recorded What Dreams May Come a long time ago because I really liked Robin Williams and I decided to record to watch it later. When I did watch it I could hardly see it I was crying so much- it was and still is one of those films it physically hurts to watch. After that first time I couldn't watch it again, I kept it, thinking I would but every time I wanted to I knew that it would just make me go somewhere I wasn't prepared to go.
I don't know how I was able to watch it tonight, but it's funny how it evoked the very same things it did the first time in terms of emotion, questions, thoughts- and I feel the exact same way afterwards that I did alllll those years ago.
Things change and people change and yet there's something underneath all of that. Connection. And it's just the state of being there. I long for it all the time, I look for it everywhere and it's one of those things I just can't seem to get and it feels harder everyday to even want it. I suppose once you've had it you never want to lose it and it never came to my mind that I would.
I haven't written in so long. It's been just over 10 months since I've felt it properly. Sometimes I think that I've never wished for anything so hard, but I know that isn't true. But it's been longer than that, there are things I've forgotten how to feel for/about. And I can't remember the importance of their places in my life. Or what my life was. Or decide on what it is.
Old things jolt me, make me remember briefly what's not there. I still don't know how to get it back after all this time I still don't.
)0(
I didn't do much today. Just sat, tidied, watched, looked at prices for a mini fridge which I might get back home.
Made a necklace. Was better in my head.
Watched Alaska, which led to Excess Baggage (which reminds me that Andrew from Buffy is in Transformers with new hair), which led ultimately to What Dreams May Come.
First of all the son from Alaska is as annoying and teenagery as he is in Angel. Having watched Hairspray, Christopher Walken, after years of creeping me the fuck out, no longer has that effect on me. So I could watch Excess baggage in peace. Also- why isn't Alicia Silverstone on my list? (It's the voice Charley-but voice doesn't count Charley- yes it does Charley.) Ok so now I know.
Lastly. There is only one film in the world that makes me cry from very beginning to very end (there is one film that makes me cry from beginningish to end and that's Truly, Madly, Deeply- fuck that's an incredible (Alan Rickman) film) and it's What Dreams May Come. I would put those two films above The Notebook. They are just...amazing.
I recorded What Dreams May Come a long time ago because I really liked Robin Williams and I decided to record to watch it later. When I did watch it I could hardly see it I was crying so much- it was and still is one of those films it physically hurts to watch. After that first time I couldn't watch it again, I kept it, thinking I would but every time I wanted to I knew that it would just make me go somewhere I wasn't prepared to go.
I don't know how I was able to watch it tonight, but it's funny how it evoked the very same things it did the first time in terms of emotion, questions, thoughts- and I feel the exact same way afterwards that I did alllll those years ago.
Things change and people change and yet there's something underneath all of that. Connection. And it's just the state of being there. I long for it all the time, I look for it everywhere and it's one of those things I just can't seem to get and it feels harder everyday to even want it. I suppose once you've had it you never want to lose it and it never came to my mind that I would.
I haven't written in so long. It's been just over 10 months since I've felt it properly. Sometimes I think that I've never wished for anything so hard, but I know that isn't true. But it's been longer than that, there are things I've forgotten how to feel for/about. And I can't remember the importance of their places in my life. Or what my life was. Or decide on what it is.
Old things jolt me, make me remember briefly what's not there. I still don't know how to get it back after all this time I still don't.
)0(