That awesome feeling when you no longer give a damn!
I guess it's obvious when I say I have trouble letting things go sometimes, because I'm massively sentimental.
More so true with people, because once I get attached it's REALLY hard to let go.
So there used to be someone. The two of us were really close, and I'm sure most of you have either met this person or at least know who I'm talking about.
It was the kind of friend that you spend every day with. Couldn't hang out together? We'd be antsy until we could see each other again and talk about anything and everything.
It was really the perfect friendship. Went to the same school, rode the same bus, liked the same food, had the same interests. People actually thought we either grew up together or were somehow related. There's no stretch of the truth when I say we were close. I guess the proper metaphor here would be that we were Hikaru and Kaoru (Or better yet, Fred and George, since we were both Harry Potter fans), finishing each others sentences, plotting pranks (april fool's was her favorite 'holiday', and her pranks were utterly genius), and were perfectly content in being in our own world.
Then of course, practically out of nowhere it stopped being perfect, and suddenly it wasn't there.
As time went forward, the logical line of thinking was I did something wrong, I needed to apologize, etc etc etc. Though that's pretty much the part of the situation everyone is familiar with.
Eventually, I accepted that I had done something wrong, and that I've learned to not make that same mistake.
But after a while, I couldn't help but wonder...what DID I do wrong?
It didn't feel right, I figured it was a lack of maturity back then or something, and was really something that should be so easy to fix.
It made sense to me, at least, and even though I didn't expect perfection again, it's still nice to have good friends.
And that's where the adventure started.
No idea if it came from the maturing that's happened in the last couple of years, or lessons learned from a magical Hayo Miyazaki adventure that was erased from memory; but when I looked back, I saw something else.
My focus had shifted from the perfect friendship events, to the actual person.
When I looked at who she had been, and who she was now, I didn't see the brilliant, funny, and caring person I had always treasured.
I realized that she was, and always had been, an egotistical and stuck up prima donna.
It's so hard to word, what's going through my mind. Other than the realization that she didn't like me, she liked the attention she got from me. She liked being better, funnier, smarter than me.
Then memories and feelings of always needing to catch up, always needing to prove myself, always having to back off so she could be in the spotlight. She let me feel like we were close, and looking back? If we really had been that close, then I would have known more about her.
And from what I've seen of her today? She's still stuck up, and has a bit of mean streak now. Looks like if you're not beneficial to her in some way, you're not worth her time.
All and all, I started the quest with, "I need to fix this!" and walked away from the moment, shaking my head saying: "Why was I ever friends with that person?"
I don't feel guilty anymore, hell, I don't even care.
Long lasting, worthwhile friendships have flaws and imperfections. There isn't an "attention quota" that you have to achieve everyday just to keep their friendship.
Admittedly, after coming to this conclusion, I've felt REALLY happy the past couple of days. Like, REALLY happy. I guess I didn't know how badly it was eating away at me, and how much it was affecting my life. Kind of scary, really, guess the feeling was such a normal thing to feel that I wasn't even aware of it anymore.
There's still other baggage, sure, but it looks and feels as though the heaviest trunk has been cut away. And nothing but dead weight was lost.
I'm not really much of a twin anyways~ I'm more of a Tamaki, with an awesome Kyoya. ♥♥
Cheers! Here's to kicking snooty princesses out of the Host Club!
And to best friends who matter. ♥
Adieu et au revior, mes amies!
More so true with people, because once I get attached it's REALLY hard to let go.
So there used to be someone. The two of us were really close, and I'm sure most of you have either met this person or at least know who I'm talking about.
It was the kind of friend that you spend every day with. Couldn't hang out together? We'd be antsy until we could see each other again and talk about anything and everything.
It was really the perfect friendship. Went to the same school, rode the same bus, liked the same food, had the same interests. People actually thought we either grew up together or were somehow related. There's no stretch of the truth when I say we were close. I guess the proper metaphor here would be that we were Hikaru and Kaoru (Or better yet, Fred and George, since we were both Harry Potter fans), finishing each others sentences, plotting pranks (april fool's was her favorite 'holiday', and her pranks were utterly genius), and were perfectly content in being in our own world.
Then of course, practically out of nowhere it stopped being perfect, and suddenly it wasn't there.
As time went forward, the logical line of thinking was I did something wrong, I needed to apologize, etc etc etc. Though that's pretty much the part of the situation everyone is familiar with.
Eventually, I accepted that I had done something wrong, and that I've learned to not make that same mistake.
But after a while, I couldn't help but wonder...what DID I do wrong?
It didn't feel right, I figured it was a lack of maturity back then or something, and was really something that should be so easy to fix.
It made sense to me, at least, and even though I didn't expect perfection again, it's still nice to have good friends.
And that's where the adventure started.
No idea if it came from the maturing that's happened in the last couple of years, or lessons learned from a magical Hayo Miyazaki adventure that was erased from memory; but when I looked back, I saw something else.
My focus had shifted from the perfect friendship events, to the actual person.
When I looked at who she had been, and who she was now, I didn't see the brilliant, funny, and caring person I had always treasured.
I realized that she was, and always had been, an egotistical and stuck up prima donna.
It's so hard to word, what's going through my mind. Other than the realization that she didn't like me, she liked the attention she got from me. She liked being better, funnier, smarter than me.
Then memories and feelings of always needing to catch up, always needing to prove myself, always having to back off so she could be in the spotlight. She let me feel like we were close, and looking back? If we really had been that close, then I would have known more about her.
And from what I've seen of her today? She's still stuck up, and has a bit of mean streak now. Looks like if you're not beneficial to her in some way, you're not worth her time.
All and all, I started the quest with, "I need to fix this!" and walked away from the moment, shaking my head saying: "Why was I ever friends with that person?"
I don't feel guilty anymore, hell, I don't even care.
Long lasting, worthwhile friendships have flaws and imperfections. There isn't an "attention quota" that you have to achieve everyday just to keep their friendship.
Admittedly, after coming to this conclusion, I've felt REALLY happy the past couple of days. Like, REALLY happy. I guess I didn't know how badly it was eating away at me, and how much it was affecting my life. Kind of scary, really, guess the feeling was such a normal thing to feel that I wasn't even aware of it anymore.
There's still other baggage, sure, but it looks and feels as though the heaviest trunk has been cut away. And nothing but dead weight was lost.
I'm not really much of a twin anyways~ I'm more of a Tamaki, with an awesome Kyoya. ♥♥
Cheers! Here's to kicking snooty princesses out of the Host Club!
And to best friends who matter. ♥
Adieu et au revior, mes amies!