(no subject)
I've been working on my thesis for the past 8 hours minus a few breaks and all I have to show for it is almost one and a half pages... I really hope I get to be an editor... I'm so much better at organizing people and events and directing the creation of things. Then again I feel like it's the cop-out. I dunno... I'm just so nervous about graduating in just over a year. I don't want it to happen because I'm afraid of the sink or swim that happens right after graduation.
I'm also afraid of a lot of other things. I wish my classes weren't so socially aware or interested in following current events, it's really horribly depressing and stressful. I'd probably be happier stressing over the little everyday things and stopping at that. Like the girl thing. I was angry because I felt very strung along by girls, but then again, who's damn fault is it for getting strung in the first place. Moi. So I want to formally apologise for wishing all of woman-kind into a volcano. I let myself dream up scenerios with people I like and am comfortable with because it gives the immediate gratification of a happy moment. Instead I need to forget about that crap and focus on things like my thesis more, not that my thesis is being very gratifying. I spend as much time as I feel I can fit into my schedual on it without failing my other classes and while still giving myself a chance to breath every one in a while. However this seems not to be working because my High School work ethic has been shot since second semester freshman year. Or rather since I took on Cartoon Allies. Then I had embrased the lack of work ethic toward my classes by being proud of my work ethic for the club, but now I feel like both my classes and the club aren't really up to snuff. Nothing I've done lately has been extrordinary or horrendous, just mediocre all around.
Jessica Able is coming today. I told Teylor I didn't care. I'm scared shitless that I'm a disappointment to her in terms of fulfilling any potential she might have thought that I had when we organized the first Freshmeat together.
Girls aren't so bad. Life is just poop.
I'm also afraid of a lot of other things. I wish my classes weren't so socially aware or interested in following current events, it's really horribly depressing and stressful. I'd probably be happier stressing over the little everyday things and stopping at that. Like the girl thing. I was angry because I felt very strung along by girls, but then again, who's damn fault is it for getting strung in the first place. Moi. So I want to formally apologise for wishing all of woman-kind into a volcano. I let myself dream up scenerios with people I like and am comfortable with because it gives the immediate gratification of a happy moment. Instead I need to forget about that crap and focus on things like my thesis more, not that my thesis is being very gratifying. I spend as much time as I feel I can fit into my schedual on it without failing my other classes and while still giving myself a chance to breath every one in a while. However this seems not to be working because my High School work ethic has been shot since second semester freshman year. Or rather since I took on Cartoon Allies. Then I had embrased the lack of work ethic toward my classes by being proud of my work ethic for the club, but now I feel like both my classes and the club aren't really up to snuff. Nothing I've done lately has been extrordinary or horrendous, just mediocre all around.
Jessica Able is coming today. I told Teylor I didn't care. I'm scared shitless that I'm a disappointment to her in terms of fulfilling any potential she might have thought that I had when we organized the first Freshmeat together.
Girls aren't so bad. Life is just poop.