Turning Point?
It's been a while since I last updated. A lot's happened, to say the least. My grandfather died. I wasn't as sad as when my grandmother died late last year. I wasn't as close to my grandfather and he was really old (95!) so everyone kind of saw it coming. It was still sad seeing all my aunts and uncles crying. Some good things did come out of it; I got to hang out with my cousins more, one of my Canadian cousins, who I haven't seen in years, even came down to visit.
After the funeral stuff everyone started stressing out over my sister moving into college. It's her first year and she's going to school six hours away so to say she was stressed about it is kind of an understatement. In the end, things worked out alright and she seems to be doing fine.
I hadn't been to work for a while. When I got back to work yesterday, the big boss had some stern words for me. He was surprisingly nice about it, though. But basically, I haven't been doing my job and I don't seem like I want to be there. It's completely true (although, I will say that it's also true for a good majority of the other employees. I'm just less genre savvy about it...and about life in general, but that's for another blog post). So big boss asked me a simple, straightforward question: "Do you want this job?" I really wanted to say "no". I don't like the job and I'd rather be doing something else but in the end, I'm not going to find a better job in this economy, I really need the money and I really don't want to tell my parents that I quit/was fired after less than a year and without another job to fall back on. But also, I had to think about why I disliked the job. It took me out of my comfort zone. Sure the occasional rude customer had something to do with it, but most of my dislike came from having to make small talk, help people, do mild physical labor, etc. If I had quit, I would have taken the easy way out. I would have gone back to doing the things that I've always done instead of challenging myself. All of that went through my mind within miliseconds and before I knew it, I'd taken a chance and said "Yes, sir. I want this job." In doing so I agreed to be informally put on probation for that day and probably for the coming weeks. The customer service aspect of the job was my sole responsibility and my coworkers were only there to observe and occasionally advise.
I'm only 19 years old so it's not too much of a stretch to say that it was one of the best decisions I've made yet. Without much warning, I was thrown right in. It was sink or swim and surprisingly, I was able to do considerably more than just keep my head above the water. When my coworker had to report back to the big boss, he said that I was great and that both he and my other coworker were pleasantly surprised. So for now at least, my job is in stable condition. But even better, I've discovered that I'm fully capable of being friendly and conversational. I honestly never knew I had it in me. I think this best illustrates my new outlook on life: It doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable, the world keeps moving and if you don't at least try to keep up then you'll be trampled by it. Sure I was uncomfortable with having to be the one to greet the customers and make smalltalk with them but it didn't matter. I had to do it because if I didn't then I would have lost my job. When you frame things that way, you realize that there's no time to be afraid or self conscious. In a way, it's kind of refreshing. Instead of thinking about the possible outcomes: failure or success, you start to think about the possible choices: to do something or to do nothing. This puts you in a position of power. Instead of being subjected to the consequences of the outcome you are proactively considering your options.
On a lighter and completely unrelated not, I've just finished a first draft of a singable English translation of Wenn Ich Tanzen Will. It's not completely original, it's based on a translation done by the Sisi Fan Album community here on LJ. I found that a lot of parts were really good but there were a few lines that just sounded really awkward. I also tried to make my version a little closer to the German lyrics (btw, I an not a native speaker of German nor have I studied German, my version is based on several different English translations):
When I Want to Dance
E: What a great triumph!
D: My triumph
E: A great success
D: My success
E: My rivals are helpless against me
D:
And so you've changed the world to suite my needs
We're so closely bound together
E: I care not for the world
D: Not for the world
E: But for me!
D: For me!
E: Now life is mine to live as I wish
D:
They laughed at you behind your back
They doubted you, but in the end
You prevailed
E:
They tied me up and held the strings
As their puppet they made me dance and sing
Now I'm nobody's marionette anymore
When I want to dance
I'll only dance as pleases me
I alone will choose the music
Only I choose how and when
When I want to dance
Then I will dance in my own style, in my own way
Around the abyss
Or only where I'll feel your gaze
D: Now you're free to fly
E: I fly
D: I alone
E: Alone
D: Will guide you through the storm and darkness
E:
I won't be led by anyone, not even you
I'll be controlled by no one
D: You're
free because of me
E: Because of me
D: Just for me
E: For me
D: You'll walk down the path I send you
E:
The course I set is mine alone
I walk a different path than you
Leave me in peace
D:
You know I can set you free
That is why you desire me
No one can understand you except me
E & D:
When I want to dance
I'll only dance as pleases me
I alone will choose the music
Only I choose how and when
When I want to dance
Then I will dance in my own style, in my own way
Around the abyss
Or only where I'll feel your gaze
E: I am strong enough alone
D: You think yourself strong as long as others think you weak
E: I don't need you
D: You will need me
E: I don't want you
D: You will want me
E: I've only begun to love my life!
D: But soon you'll begin to hate it!
E & D:
When I want to dance
I'll only dance as pleases me
I alone will choose the music
Only I choose how and when
When I want to dance
Then I will dance in my own style, in my own way
Around the abyss
Or only where I'll feel your gaze
When I want to dance and with whom I want to dance
The choice is mine alone!
After the funeral stuff everyone started stressing out over my sister moving into college. It's her first year and she's going to school six hours away so to say she was stressed about it is kind of an understatement. In the end, things worked out alright and she seems to be doing fine.
I hadn't been to work for a while. When I got back to work yesterday, the big boss had some stern words for me. He was surprisingly nice about it, though. But basically, I haven't been doing my job and I don't seem like I want to be there. It's completely true (although, I will say that it's also true for a good majority of the other employees. I'm just less genre savvy about it...and about life in general, but that's for another blog post). So big boss asked me a simple, straightforward question: "Do you want this job?" I really wanted to say "no". I don't like the job and I'd rather be doing something else but in the end, I'm not going to find a better job in this economy, I really need the money and I really don't want to tell my parents that I quit/was fired after less than a year and without another job to fall back on. But also, I had to think about why I disliked the job. It took me out of my comfort zone. Sure the occasional rude customer had something to do with it, but most of my dislike came from having to make small talk, help people, do mild physical labor, etc. If I had quit, I would have taken the easy way out. I would have gone back to doing the things that I've always done instead of challenging myself. All of that went through my mind within miliseconds and before I knew it, I'd taken a chance and said "Yes, sir. I want this job." In doing so I agreed to be informally put on probation for that day and probably for the coming weeks. The customer service aspect of the job was my sole responsibility and my coworkers were only there to observe and occasionally advise.
I'm only 19 years old so it's not too much of a stretch to say that it was one of the best decisions I've made yet. Without much warning, I was thrown right in. It was sink or swim and surprisingly, I was able to do considerably more than just keep my head above the water. When my coworker had to report back to the big boss, he said that I was great and that both he and my other coworker were pleasantly surprised. So for now at least, my job is in stable condition. But even better, I've discovered that I'm fully capable of being friendly and conversational. I honestly never knew I had it in me. I think this best illustrates my new outlook on life: It doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable, the world keeps moving and if you don't at least try to keep up then you'll be trampled by it. Sure I was uncomfortable with having to be the one to greet the customers and make smalltalk with them but it didn't matter. I had to do it because if I didn't then I would have lost my job. When you frame things that way, you realize that there's no time to be afraid or self conscious. In a way, it's kind of refreshing. Instead of thinking about the possible outcomes: failure or success, you start to think about the possible choices: to do something or to do nothing. This puts you in a position of power. Instead of being subjected to the consequences of the outcome you are proactively considering your options.
On a lighter and completely unrelated not, I've just finished a first draft of a singable English translation of Wenn Ich Tanzen Will. It's not completely original, it's based on a translation done by the Sisi Fan Album community here on LJ. I found that a lot of parts were really good but there were a few lines that just sounded really awkward. I also tried to make my version a little closer to the German lyrics (btw, I an not a native speaker of German nor have I studied German, my version is based on several different English translations):
When I Want to Dance
E: What a great triumph!
D: My triumph
E: A great success
D: My success
E: My rivals are helpless against me
D:
And so you've changed the world to suite my needs
We're so closely bound together
E: I care not for the world
D: Not for the world
E: But for me!
D: For me!
E: Now life is mine to live as I wish
D:
They laughed at you behind your back
They doubted you, but in the end
You prevailed
E:
They tied me up and held the strings
As their puppet they made me dance and sing
Now I'm nobody's marionette anymore
When I want to dance
I'll only dance as pleases me
I alone will choose the music
Only I choose how and when
When I want to dance
Then I will dance in my own style, in my own way
Around the abyss
Or only where I'll feel your gaze
D: Now you're free to fly
E: I fly
D: I alone
E: Alone
D: Will guide you through the storm and darkness
E:
I won't be led by anyone, not even you
I'll be controlled by no one
D: You're
free because of me
E: Because of me
D: Just for me
E: For me
D: You'll walk down the path I send you
E:
The course I set is mine alone
I walk a different path than you
Leave me in peace
D:
You know I can set you free
That is why you desire me
No one can understand you except me
E & D:
When I want to dance
I'll only dance as pleases me
I alone will choose the music
Only I choose how and when
When I want to dance
Then I will dance in my own style, in my own way
Around the abyss
Or only where I'll feel your gaze
E: I am strong enough alone
D: You think yourself strong as long as others think you weak
E: I don't need you
D: You will need me
E: I don't want you
D: You will want me
E: I've only begun to love my life!
D: But soon you'll begin to hate it!
E & D:
When I want to dance
I'll only dance as pleases me
I alone will choose the music
Only I choose how and when
When I want to dance
Then I will dance in my own style, in my own way
Around the abyss
Or only where I'll feel your gaze
When I want to dance and with whom I want to dance
The choice is mine alone!