I see you're really pissed off about this, and I understand what you're saying, but I think you're taking her far too literally about some things. I don't think she ever said that EVERY fat person was X or EVERY fat person FELT X. I think she's making a general commentary stating that until fat people accept that yes, they are whatever weight they are, they can't get on with their lives. I know far too many people who have the "once I lose weight I'll..." syndrome, and they're not trying to address their weight, and meanwhile their life is passing them by. I think that's what she's commenting on. If it doesn't apply to you, perhaps you're not the target audience and you have already accepted that you're you and you're living your life with a good objective view. Many women feel that if they're fat -- from a little overweight to morbidly obese -- they really can't justify doing anything they want to do until they lose weight. Again, it may not apply to you but I cannot COUNT how many women I KNOW of that this does apply to. Maybe you already accept yourself as you are?
By fat acceptance, I think she's trying to say that if there are so many overweight women in the world, and we decided to accept that fact and JUST GET ON WITH IT ANYWAY, they/we could accomplish so much more and get more out of life. Whether they lose weight or not, the clock is ticking, and she's suggesting that if they'd just accept that yes, they are whatever size they are, they won't have that obstacle of denying themselves because of their weight as if it's a hurdle they can't seem to get around before they can do anything else. In that light, I think she's absolutely correct. It's not about what size you are, it's about the attitude she's suggesting women take. She does mention taking care of oneself and imply that after we accept we are whatever size we are, then we can do something about it if we choose, but the point of it is to face the fact that yes, we're fat, and get over it and live our lives with passion anyway in the meantime. I was inspired by what she wrote. Maybe you just took it in a way she didn't mean it?
I get that what she has to say probably applies to a number of people. I'm not one of them, though, and the way she said it makes it sound like she's talking to every fat person who's not already absolutely delighted with her fat life. If she meant only a subset -- and I still don't think what she has to say applies at all to anyone who's truly obese -- then she should've been more careful about specifying which group she was addressing.
I disagree that she means we should accept that we are fat; obviously we're interpreting her differently there.
I know I'm fat; that kind of denial has never been a problem of mine. [wry smile] I also hate being fat and I'm working on changing it. I have no interest in accepting my fat self, or being satisfied with the way I am, or letting go of my goal of losing weight. If she believes she's fat (I still don't see it, but whatever) and is happy the way she is, and has a full and satisfying life, then that's great, seriously. And if there are women out there who think their entire lives (including aspects which have nothing to do with their weight, like writing a novel [boggle]) have to be on hold until they lose weight, then yeah, rethinking that little personal blockage would probably be a good idea.
But I'm never going to join the "I'm fat and that's great!" camp. I'm just not. And that's what I see her as saying, that you can't lose weight anyway, or if you do then you'll just gain it all back and more, and so you should just accept that you are the size you are and be happy about it since you can't change it. I don't accept that I can't change it, though, and I'm not going to take the word of some chick who looks like she's maybe twenty or thirty pounds overweight, if that, about how I "should" feel or think or see myself. :/
Honestly at first I wondered about that accepting fat deal too. But then as she goes on, she more carefully defines it and does talk about becoming healthy, etc., which I interpreted as her saying yes, you can do things about your weight, but you first have to accept that you have a life AS A FAT PERSON that you are entitled to live, and you have to stop killing yourself with these stupid fad diets. I don't think she meant that you CAN'T lose weight, just that fad dieting doesn't work because it's abnormal. I do think she could have worded that part more carefully, but I think that's what she was getting at. I think she was not saying that making better food choices and exercising to gradually drop weight isn't fine, just that pulling some stupid "I'm not going to eat anything but one food group and then I'll be skinny and have a life omg!" is really not the answer.
Maybe she should have used more careful wording, but I do think that's the point she was getting at. That people need to stop killing themselves to get to some imaginary ideal and just understand that they are wherever they are and they're allowed to live a full life anyway in the meantime, even if they're trying to lose weight. I have a ton of clothes in my closet that don't fit me, but I hang onto them because there's this imaginary life I have in my head that they'll fit into if I ever lose weight. That's the sort of thing she's talking about, and I could really relate to a lot of it. I think you're angry because she wrote a generalization about a TENDENCY that she observed in fat women, and it doesn't apply SPECIFICALLY to you, but that doesn't make what she said invalid, it just makes you better adjusted and accepting of yourself. Are you angry that you happen to be fat and it doesn't apply to you? It sounds like that's what you're saying, but I see that no different than if she were to talk about unsafe sexual practices gay men tend to have in the club scene, and you happened to be a gay man who uses condoms. If it doesn't apply to you, that doesn't make it any less valid for those it applies to, and that group DOES exist. Do you see what I'm saying?
but I see that no different than if she were to talk about unsafe sexual practices gay men tend to have in the club scene, and you happened to be a gay man who uses condoms.
If I were a gay man and was very conscientious about safe sex, and she came along and started lecturing me about it, and telling me I was deluded for thinking that I could have unprotected sex with whomever I pleased and not ever get sick, etc., then yeah, I'd be just as offended and pissed off as I am now. Because she didn't say, "Hey, all you guys who are having unprotected sex!" She said, "Hey, all you gay men!"
Or rather, she's not saying, "Hey, all you fat women who have no lives and think you have to crash-diet down to a size four before you're allowed to do anything with your life!" She's saying, "Hey, all you fat women!" I'm not deluded about being unable to travel or write a novel until I'm down to 8% body fat, but I am a fat woman and her post was addressed to me. Maybe she didn't mean for it to be, but I can only go by how she actually said what she said.
It's a small thing but it's important. And if she's really a professional writer, she should know that.
By fat acceptance, I think she's trying to say that if there are so many overweight women in the world, and we decided to accept that fact and JUST GET ON WITH IT ANYWAY, they/we could accomplish so much more and get more out of life. Whether they lose weight or not, the clock is ticking, and she's suggesting that if they'd just accept that yes, they are whatever size they are, they won't have that obstacle of denying themselves because of their weight as if it's a hurdle they can't seem to get around before they can do anything else. In that light, I think she's absolutely correct. It's not about what size you are, it's about the attitude she's suggesting women take. She does mention taking care of oneself and imply that after we accept we are whatever size we are, then we can do something about it if we choose, but the point of it is to face the fact that yes, we're fat, and get over it and live our lives with passion anyway in the meantime. I was inspired by what she wrote. Maybe you just took it in a way she didn't mean it?
Reply
I disagree that she means we should accept that we are fat; obviously we're interpreting her differently there.
I know I'm fat; that kind of denial has never been a problem of mine. [wry smile] I also hate being fat and I'm working on changing it. I have no interest in accepting my fat self, or being satisfied with the way I am, or letting go of my goal of losing weight. If she believes she's fat (I still don't see it, but whatever) and is happy the way she is, and has a full and satisfying life, then that's great, seriously. And if there are women out there who think their entire lives (including aspects which have nothing to do with their weight, like writing a novel [boggle]) have to be on hold until they lose weight, then yeah, rethinking that little personal blockage would probably be a good idea.
But I'm never going to join the "I'm fat and that's great!" camp. I'm just not. And that's what I see her as saying, that you can't lose weight anyway, or if you do then you'll just gain it all back and more, and so you should just accept that you are the size you are and be happy about it since you can't change it. I don't accept that I can't change it, though, and I'm not going to take the word of some chick who looks like she's maybe twenty or thirty pounds overweight, if that, about how I "should" feel or think or see myself. :/
Angie
Reply
Maybe she should have used more careful wording, but I do think that's the point she was getting at. That people need to stop killing themselves to get to some imaginary ideal and just understand that they are wherever they are and they're allowed to live a full life anyway in the meantime, even if they're trying to lose weight. I have a ton of clothes in my closet that don't fit me, but I hang onto them because there's this imaginary life I have in my head that they'll fit into if I ever lose weight. That's the sort of thing she's talking about, and I could really relate to a lot of it. I think you're angry because she wrote a generalization about a TENDENCY that she observed in fat women, and it doesn't apply SPECIFICALLY to you, but that doesn't make what she said invalid, it just makes you better adjusted and accepting of yourself. Are you angry that you happen to be fat and it doesn't apply to you? It sounds like that's what you're saying, but I see that no different than if she were to talk about unsafe sexual practices gay men tend to have in the club scene, and you happened to be a gay man who uses condoms. If it doesn't apply to you, that doesn't make it any less valid for those it applies to, and that group DOES exist. Do you see what I'm saying?
Reply
If I were a gay man and was very conscientious about safe sex, and she came along and started lecturing me about it, and telling me I was deluded for thinking that I could have unprotected sex with whomever I pleased and not ever get sick, etc., then yeah, I'd be just as offended and pissed off as I am now. Because she didn't say, "Hey, all you guys who are having unprotected sex!" She said, "Hey, all you gay men!"
Or rather, she's not saying, "Hey, all you fat women who have no lives and think you have to crash-diet down to a size four before you're allowed to do anything with your life!" She's saying, "Hey, all you fat women!" I'm not deluded about being unable to travel or write a novel until I'm down to 8% body fat, but I am a fat woman and her post was addressed to me. Maybe she didn't mean for it to be, but I can only go by how she actually said what she said.
It's a small thing but it's important. And if she's really a professional writer, she should know that.
Angie
Reply
Leave a comment