Apr 29, 2011 00:11
I've realized one thing after 1 month of working.
I can work with people, but not work for people.
Rather than letting one person making the decision, whether it's the boss or the underling, I like it if both parties could give opinions and look for the pros and cons together. I always feel that working together is the only way to get anything done with everyone feeling satisfied. I don't want to say, let's do this, without asking how the other person feels about it. I have never believed in a hierarchical organization. Sure, I agree with Mom that when you're on top, she should remain as the superior so that your employees will respect you and listen to you. But...I don't know, I don't like earning respect without making them feel comfortable with me at the same time.
In the end, I'm more of a service person, rather than someone who works for money and reputation. I want people to be happy for what I do, and respect me for that. I don't know how many times I've said sorry to my mini-bosses today because of troubles I'd caused. And it's not that I want to point fingers at anyone, but my big boss...could he at least give me a chance to explain and not jump to conclusions in a loud voice that makes me cringe in guilt? Remember that I have really bad childhood trauma as a result of angry raised voices? It still makes me feel so bad inside. And I thought I was hired to make the website, not to set up the business itself. Could've told me that they never had a PayPal account, 'cause he was the one who suggested using it and I ended up assuming that he did have one, but lo and behold. Sigh.
I'm tired, I don't think I can do it anymore what with my self-esteem getting lower every day, and wish that it's over soon. I just want to do something that's more suitable for myself and doesn't make me feel like crying every night.
work,
emotions,
me