J's LJ Party - Another Gift
The video you requested is in the previous post sissy. Here's the story. The one shot that would never end, lol I have no idea why my under the cut thingy isn't working right but it's not, so no surprise here, lol
Title: Cooplee Again (just because I'm too tired to come up with something more clever, lol)
Disclaimer: Not my characters. They belong to GL *hands out tissues to everyone* Yeah, I know that sucks, lol
Rating: PG (no smut, sorry, lol)
Timeframe: The day Ashlee found out that Coop was seeing someone else, when they were in Company.
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Sitting on the stool at Company, she stared at the door he had just walked out of. The pain she felt was acute, and somewhat unexpected. It had been six months since she’d walked away from him. A single act of fear that had taken her till this very moment to fully regret.
Six months. She hadn’t realized it had been that long. Time to fix herself was what she had needed. She’d found the answers she needed. Had finally came to terms with her self image. She’d found some peace about that and although she was still working on it, she’d made enough progress to know that she made a mistake walking away from him. How could she have let everything get so messed up?
The problem was, she hadn’t really realized how messed up things were until he patted her arm just before he left. Brushing her aside. So eager to walk into another woman’s arms. Pain and nausea assaulted her all at once. Closing her eyes, she fought against the panic, resisting the urge to eat.
Damn it, she thought, when will that urge ever leave? Never, screamed the devil on her shoulder. She’d fought for months against that devil. The very beast feeding her self image with endless helpings of negativity. Mentally she took out a gun and shot the bastard. At least this time she wouldn‘t end up in juvie, she thought, trying to stifle the giggles that bubbled out.
“What‘s so funny?” Buzz asked around the gum he was chewing, his deep voice immediately soothing her nerves.
Opening her eyes, she smiled at him. “I was just thinking that mentally I can shoot whoever I want and not go to jail.”
The chewing slowed and one eyebrow raised, hesitation dragging out his question. “Who are you shooting?”
“Mentally shooting” she corrected.
“Thank God for small favors.” He took the pitcher of tea from under the counter and filled her glass. “Who are you mentally shooting and more importantly why?”
“The devil on my shoulder” she said, then laughed as she realized where Coop got his confused look from. It was odd, she thought, that she’d never noticed that before. “He’s taunting me again.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning” he said, clearly still confused.
She wasn’t sure that she should clear things up for him though. Oh, she could talk to Buzz about Coop. Of that she was certain. After all, she’d done it many times before. But how did she explain something she hadn’t even realized herself until a half hour ago? Repressed emotions whirled inside of her, causing her already upset stomach to churn.
“Ashlee?” Buzz prompted when she didn’t continue. His hand covered hers, calming her nerves once again. “What’s wrong kiddo?”
She sighed in resignation. “Why can’t we go back and fix what we’ve messed up?”
He laughed softly, shaking his head. “Is this about Alan?”
“No” she dragged out the word. Unconsciously, her eyes darted to the door, then dropped to the bar.
“Ah.” Understanding dawned for Buzz. “This is about Coop.” It was a statement and not a question. “I thought you were starting to talk again. That things were going pretty well.” He squeezed her hand. “Did you have a fight?”
She shook her head, unable to meet his eyes. “I made a mistake Buzz, and now it’s too late.”
He had known this day would come. He just hadn’t known when it would be. He thought for a moment and then chose his words carefully. “I know a little something about making mistakes” he said, taking the stool next to hers. “Mistakes aren’t always a bad thing you know. Sometimes mistakes help you see what you couldn’t see before. Sometimes” he leaned closer, pressing his shoulder to hers “mistakes make you realize what you had really was what you wanted and needed, even if you didn‘t know it at the time.” She could hear the smile in his voice. “Once you realize that, it’s not the mistake that‘s important. It‘s what you do to fix it that matters.”
She turned to him. “He’s seeing someone else Buzz. He’s moved on.” On a whisper she said “I can‘t fix this.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. You shot Alan. Got out of juvie well before you were supposed to. Made my son chase you before he could get you. Rigged an election. Thank you for thinking that much of me by the way” he said kissing her head. “Managed to stay out of jail for that. Stood up to Lizzie, Ava, and your mom. I’d say you can do pretty much anything you set your mind to.”
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Patting her arm and walking out of Company had taken all of the willpower he could muster. He made it as far as around the corner before he stopped and leaned his back against the wall, dragging air into his suddenly empty lungs. Adjusting his backpack, he realized his hands were shaking. A growl of frustration escaped him and he sighed.
It had been six months. When the hell would the shaking stop? Every time he saw her it happened. And he’d touched her. What the hell had he been thinking? Pushing off the wall, he headed towards the Beacon, focused on placing one foot in front of the other until he reached his destination.
Ten minutes later he slid the card in the door of the room and let himself in. Tossing his backpack on the floor, he flopped on the bed, spread eagle. Closing his eyes, he let his mind drift.
Five of the last six months had been almost unbearable. Nothing distracted him from the pain. Not teaching. Not the many hours of classes he took. Certainly not writing. Oh he had tried. He had tried more times than he cared to remember. But every time he opened his laptop, all that stared at him from the screen was a blank page. No words came. It was if she had packed up his inspiration when she left and took that too.
And then, about a month ago, he had ran in to Beth at school. Literally. He bought her a cup of coffee, helped her with her paper, and one thing led to another. He was drawn to her. And her to him. For no other reason than the same sadness they saw reflected in each other. When he was with Beth, she numbed his pain. And he relished the brief reprieves from the constant sadness.
She was who he had been leaving the message for when Ashlee walked up. He rubbed his chest, trying to erase the pain. He needed the numbness. Where was Beth, he thought, exhaling forcefully.
A soft knock on the door brought him to his feet. Thankful that the numbness was coming, he went to let her in. Another deep breath exhaled forcefully, a smile that didn’t reach his eyes pasted on his face, and he opened the door. His smile faltered.
“Umm, uh” he stuttered. “What are you doing here?”
She smiled tentatively, nervously pushing her hair back. With a deep breath she said “I’m trying to fix a mistake.”
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The urge to bolt was strong. So strong that she reached out to hold on to the door to keep the urge from winning. The look on his face didn’t say he was happy to see her. She pushed her hair back and took a deep, fortifying breath.
“I’m trying to fix a mistake.”
If she hadn’t been so nervous, she would have laughed at the confused look on his face. He looked just like Buzz.
“Um, I’m sorry Ashlee” he stuffed his hands into his front pockets “I don’t understand.”
“Can I come in?” She watched an array of emotions cross his face. Resignation finally settled there and a ball of anxiety rolled around in her stomach. What if Buzz was wrong? What if she couldn’t fix this? It didn’t matter, she resolved. She had to try. “Please.”
His body language dripped reluctance as he stepped back and opened the door wider. One last glance around the hallway and Coop closed the door. The silence stretched uncomfortably.
Shrugging out of her jacket, she wasn’t surprised Coop reached for it. She was surprised, however, that his hand was shaking. Her eyes narrowed on it and then darted to his face. Tilting her head in question, he cleared his throat and moved to lay the coat on the chair. He was nervous, she realized, and for some reason she couldn’t explain, her confidence was bolstered.
She watched him stuff his hands into his pockets as he cleared his throat again. “So, I don’t um” he trailed off.
Who would have thought you could feel confident and nervous at the same time. She wouldn’t have but she knew it was possible because that’s how she felt. Another fortifying breath.
“I don’t know where to start.”
“What are you starting?”
“A story. I’m starting a story” she moved closer to him. She needed to bridge the gap, physically and emotionally. “I’m going to start a story and maybe you could write the ending.”
“Ash” he shook his head, uneasiness rolling in waves off of him “I’m having a little problem writing right now, so I don’t think….” Again he trailed off.
Guilt filled her. Somehow she knew that she was the reason he was having problems with his writing. The magnitude of her mistake hit her then. She had known how she had suffered after the breakup. But she hadn’t known how he had. Only now was she beginning to get a bigger picture. Regret welled up inside her.
“Coop” she whispered reaching out to him “I’m so sorry.”
He stepped back, enough to keep him out of her reach. “Don’t. Ashlee, what are you doing here?” he asked her harshly.
She flinched. She’d hurt him far worse than she ever imagined. She tried hard not to let that discourage her. She had known it wouldn’t be easy. Had told Buzz it wouldn’t be easy. But she heard his voice in her head “I’d say you can do pretty much anything you set your mind to”. It was time to start doing.
“Ok. Let me start at the beginning.” She stepped back, giving him a little space, and saw him visibly relax. If this was how it had to be, then she’d take that. Standing here with him was more than she’d had in far too long.
“Two years ago. That’s my beginning.” She fidgeted with her hands. “I met this great guy and he became my best friend. And I fell in love with him.” She knew the exact moment he realized she was telling their story. Encouraged when he didn’t stop her, she continued.
“He was slower to fall in love with me.”
“He was in love with you” he said softly. “He just didn’t know it.”
She smiled small. “It took him forever to realize it.” He smiled too. “But it was the best day of my life when he did.”
His smile disappeared. “Ashlee” his tone warned her.
“Coop, I made a mistake the day I broke up with you. Wait” she said, putting her hand up to stop him from interrupting. “I made a mistake that day, but I need to explain. I need you to understand what I know now.”
He crossed his arms in front of him, pressed his lips together. When he didn’t say anything, she continued.
“I’ve spent my entire life being judged by my appearance. I know you don’t know how that is but I can tell you it’s something that stays with you. Always. And it wasn’t just outsiders. Doris judged me too. I was never good enough. I don‘t think she realized how broken that made me.” His jaw clenched and he rocked back on the heels of his feet. She could feel the tension radiating off of him.
“She’s different now Coop.” He gave a short, sardonic laugh. “She is. Remember, she told me not to ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She thinks you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I’m glad she’s different” he said sincerely.
“She’s right.”
“About what?”
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Coop,” she began, almost pleadingly “I told you before that I didn’t know how you could love me when I didn’t love myself.”
“Ashlee, I told you-”
“I know. If you could let me see me the way you see me.”
“That’s right. You would have had no doubts then.”
“I would have still had doubts. But not because of you. Because of me.” She moved closer to him.
“Please spare me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line. I heard that six months ago.” She was slightly taken aback by his retort.
“That wasn’t a line Coop. It really was me” she said, reaching her hand out, touching his arm. He tensed but didn’t pull away. “I understand now though.”
“You understand what now?”
“As good looking as you are, it wasn’t your looks I fell in love with. I fell in love with who you are. And that’s what you did too. You fell in love with who I am and not what I look like.”
“Ashlee, I think you’re beautiful. I‘ve always thought you‘re beautiful” he said, exasperation punctuating his words.
“I know” she smiled. “You don’t love me because I’m beautiful though. I’m beautiful because you love me. And I absolutely wouldn’t want it any other way.”
She moved her hands to the front of his shirt and toyed with it. “I had to figure that out for myself. And I was afraid that if I stayed with you, you’d start believing what I believed. And I didn’t want you to believe my doubts about myself. I wanted to believe you. Or the way you saw me.’
“I don’t know Ashlee.” She could see him wavering.
“Coop” she said, fear making her voice barely a whisper. “Do you still love me?”
“Yes” he said without hesitation, his voice hoarse with emotion.
“Do you still want us?” she asked, her words colored with hope.
“I don’t know.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “What I wanted didn’t seem to matter six months ago. Why does it matter now?”
“Coop.” She pulled his arms free of themselves, running her hands down his arms and taking his hands in hers. “You told me once that you were trying to figure things out. Between me and Ava. Do you remember that”
He looked up in frustration, pressing his lips together, licking them, then looking back at her. Her eyes followed the movement of his tongue and she forgot for just a moment what she was saying. He cleared his throat and she jumped.
“Sorry” she said focusing once again, a pink blush tingeing her cheeks.
“Yes” he said “I remember.”
“I had to figure things out too. I am ready for this Coop Cooper” she said, repeating his words from what felt like a lifetime before.
“When I told you that, you made me chase you” he said, eyebrow raised, just a hint of a smile on his lips.
“You want me to chase you?” She moved closer, her dimples dancing. “I can run pretty fast now Coop Cooper.”
His bark of laughter made her feel almost giddy. She knew. She knew he would be hers again. Her eyes met his and desire replaced wariness.
“I can’t lose you again. I can’t go through that again Ashlee.”
“You won’t ever have to worry about that again.” she promised.
“How do I know that” he said, his finger unconsciously reaching out to push the hair back from her face. He curled a silky strand around his finger. “You broke me Ash.”
“Coop” she said on a whisper. “I knew I was broken when I was with you, but I didn’t realize I’m not complete without you. You make everything-” she struggled to find a word. “You make me whole.”
“I have your heart?” he asked.
“You have my body, heart, and soul” she cupped his face in her hand. “If you want it.”
He pulled her close, burying his face in her hair, pressing as close to her as he could. She heard him moan and smiled. “Does that mean you do?” she teased.
Dragging his lips along her jaw, they settled on her mouth. He took her mouth, plunging his tongue inside, devouring and possessing. She whimpered when he finally pulled back, laying his forehead against hers, both of them trying to catch their breath. “That means I do.”
She smiled. “I love you Coop Cooper.”
“I love you too Ashlee Wolfe. Now” he said, backing her up until her legs touched the bed. “Lets start with the wanting your body part.”
Laughing, she fell on the bed and pulled him with her. Then she let him show her how he loved her body, heart and soul.
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Beth closed the door quietly, careful not to disturb the two people in the room. She leaned against the wall in the hallway and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled it, letting the realization that what she had had with Coop was done. The little bit she had witnessed was proof of that.
She’d gotten his voice mail and the tug of war that always ensued inside her began. She had decided to break things off with him. Deep down she knew that she loved the power of Alan too much to ever be truly happy with Coop.
She’d miss him, or at least the sex. But she was relieved. Pushing off the wall, she felt the pressure leave her. It was time to go home.