Musical Memories 5/5
Chapters: 5/5
Author: angelzli
Pairing: Reita x Ruki
Rating: PG-13? idk, read warnings
Warning: mentions of murder, mentions of rape
Genre: drama, maybe others...
Disclaimer: lies. lies. all lies!
Summary: Reita started leading a life down the wrong path. One day he finally gets caught and is awaiting his hearing, when it finally gets here the sentencing isn't quite what he expected...
A/N: HI, anyone remember me? ha, ya, been a while, ne? finally after like...2 centuries i finished this. gomen it took me so uber long -_- anywayz, for those of you who DO remember this fic and waited for me to finish, here it is...fin! XD
The hospital wouldn't allow Reita to go in to see Ruki but they wouldn't say why. He began the morning by skipping breakfast and leaving a sleeping Uruha in his room. He didn't remember when or how, but somehow Uruha had helped him up to his room, which he was grateful for.
He placed himself in a chair directly across the hall from the room Ruki was staying in. Every time the door would open he leaned over to try and get a glance at Ruki. Two hours into it though, all he managed to see were Ruki's feet covered by a blanket.
“Your not going to get anywhere by sitting here all day Reita” came Uruha's voice.
“Your awake I see…” Reita said as he stood up, still keeping his eyes on Ruki's room.
“And your changing the subject, but thank you for letting me sleep. Any more word on him?” he asked, glancing at Ruki's door.
“I know your not a morning person. And no, none.”
Reita and Uruha stood silently for several moments. Reita knew he couldn't sit here all day he had to do something or he would go mad.
'I'm going up to his room, I'd ask you to come along, but...I don't think Ruki would appreciate to find out if you ever went in there and...'
“No worries, Rei, I understand. How about I just hang out in your room playing video games or something for awhile. You know...in case you need me or wanna talk?” Uruha smiled. There was much concern in his eyes, and his smile was genuine and it make Reita feel a little better.
“Sure Uru, If you wouldn't mind that is…”
“Haha, of course not Reita!” Uruha replied as he swung his arm around Reita's shoulders and led him back up the stairs to the room.
Uruha broke off from Reita and headed to Reita's room as Reita headed up to Ruki's room. He hesitated letting Reita go there himself, it could create more mental anguish for him in the end, but he knew Reita wouldn't listen to reason and still go.
Reita approached Ruki's room as slowly and cautiously as he had the night before. Images of Ruki lying motionless in the bathtub surrounded by his own blood haunted his mind. He couldn't shake the lingering feeling of Ruki's body against his, growing so cold so fast. The almost sickening paleness of his skin, the blood that marred his beautiful skin. He shook his head, and tried focusing his mind. He had to stay clear and focused for Ruki, he had to figure out what was going on inside his mind that would cause him to do this.
He slowly opened Ruki's door, this time the only difference being that he had to turn the handle. As he stepped into the room, more images flashed before his eyes of that night and he could still smell the lingering fragrance of Ruki's shampoo in the air. The bathroom door was wide open leaving the bathtub in full view of him. He pushed aside the images of Ruki in the tub again, as best he could as he approached it.
All the bloody water and blood on the floor had been completely cleaned up. Reita slowly let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, thankful someone had done it before he had seen it, he didn't think he could bare to see it all again. The room itself looked as if nothing had happened there. As if it didn't witness Ruki trying to kill himself, or Reita trying to save him.
He took a deep breath and went back into Ruki's room where his guitar and notepad had been placed on the bed. He slowly ran his fingers over the guitar, feeling its shiny gloss coating like silk. He strummed a few strings as he picked up Ruki’s notepad and flipped through it. Few words stood out to him, he had been hoping for some clue, a note of goodbye, anything to help him understand why Ruki would do such a thing.
A soft tap behind him snapped him out it. He turned just in time to see the door finish swinging open as Hiroto stood just outside the door.
“Your back I see” Reita said, wishing it was on better circumstances.
Hiroto said nothing as he walked into the room, silently looking around as if looking for something.
“Hai, and I heard about Ruki too. Happened last night right?”
Reita nodded in response, it seemed Hiroto didn’t need to be briefed on what was going on. However he found out, through rumors or nurses, he was grateful he wouldn’t have to relive the night over again by being bombarded with questions. However he would have done it knowing Hiroto was Ruki’s friend and would have needed, or wanted to know.
“As sad as it is it doesn’t surprise me, he’s attempted this before. He really isn’t stable, least that’s what they like us to think. Ruki is depressed, severely, suicidal and apparently silenced himself for whatever reasons he gives himself. His only living family chucked him here because they couldn’t deal with his depression, wouldn’t that make you more depressed as well? “
Reita hummed in response, sitting down into Ruki’s bed and holding his guitar. “Ruki and I haven’t spoke for awhile. I thought things were going really well, then he closed himself off to me. I went to confront him to make peace with him for whatever it was I did wrong when I….when I found him.” Reita lowered his head, images flashing through his mind like a TV program. “I was so scared, honestly, I was scared to lose him” he whispered.
Hiroto joined him on the bed, sighing as they both fell into silence. Both pondering what had happened, what to do next and above all what was best for Ruki.
“I need to see him, talk to him but…I don’t even know if he would want to see me since we hadn’t been speaking. The nurses wouldn’t even let me go into his room this morning”
“Give him a few days to heal Reita, then you can try to speak with him. I can’t say he’ll be back to normal but he’ll at least be better then he is now physically.” Hiroto said as he stood, resting his hand on Reita’s shoulder in sympathy.
“Thanks Hiroto” Reita responded, doing his best to give a reassuring smile.
“No need, didn’t do anything…wish I could do more. But I wanted to stop in at least. I’ve actually been here for about a week, but you know…wasn’t able to venture out till now.”
“So you’ll be leaving soon then?’ Reita asked.
“Probably. I’m going to try my best to get them to let me stay for Ruki’s sake, they all know we spent a lot of time together over the last several years. So we’ll have to see what happens. In the meantime I’m heading down for breakfast, starving myself won’t help Ruki any” Hiroto smiled reassuringly as possible as he walked out.
Reita’s stomach growled at the thought of food. Thinking Hiroto was right he headed down to his room to grab Uruha and then headed to breakfast.
~
Uruha and Hiroto were gone within a few days. They only let them stay out of emotional support for whom they were there for. Reita felt awful that Uruha gave up so much of his time to stay with him at the hospital but he was also very grateful. Having someone to talk to, bounce ideas off of, and have the occasional emotional meltdown on was relieving.
Hiroto had said Ruki didn’t respond much to him when he was able to visit him. Reita had been hoping he would be able to show some insight into what happened to Ruki. But Hiroto had done more talking then Ruki was writing or letting on he was even listening.
It had been a week since that night and Reita still hadn’t seen Ruki. He wasn’t sure how Ruki would react to him and thought it better if he would stay away, he didn’t want to upset the other any. Not being a hundred percent sure it wasn’t him that did something wrong or that he would be mad Reita saved him. It was after all a suicide attempt.
But not seeing him around the facility, coming down for breakfast and to go to his therapy sessions was concerning him. If Ruki was recovering well enough he should be making his own way around now.
He was deep in thought and didn’t hear the chair on the other side of his table move. He had no idea anyone was even in front of him until a familiar looking notebook was slid across the table and came to a rest in front of him.
Reita jumped but immediately recognized the notebook. He slowly raised his head until his eyes met Ruki’s. He could feel his skin grow clammy and heart beating insanely in his chest. All week he had been looking for Ruki, waiting, and hoping he was alright, wondering how he was doing and now that Ruki stood right in front of him he couldn’t utter a single word. His mouth hung open as if he were trying to catch flies and his eyes shifted towards Ruki’s wrists.
Ruki, sensing what he was looking at, put his hands behind his back and bowed his head towards the notebook.
Finally some response from Ruki and Reita found himself not wanting to know what was written on that little piece of paper.
“Can we talk?”
Reita stared at Ruki, finally noticing his weight-loss, paler then usual skin, and slightly sunken cheeks. Reita nodded as he slid the notepad back over to him.
Ruki took the notepad and began writing.
Reita sat quietly, not really knowing what to say. He had no idea what Ruki was going to say, he dreaded knowing, but he needed to know.
After a few moments Ruki stopped writing and looked up at Reita. They stared at one another for several moments before Ruki finally moved, sliding the notebook back over to Reita.
“This is pretty hard for me to do, and I had to do a lot of thinking before coming to you. But…I wanted to thank you.”
Reita sat confused, dumbfounded even. He couldn’t comprehend why Ruki would be thanking him. Hadn’t he kept Ruki from taking his life like he wanted? Hadn’t he done something to make Ruki mad at him and kept him from talking to him?
“Ruki…” Reita began, but was interrupted by Ruki taking the notebook back and started writing again.
After several moments Ruki slid his notebook back over to Reita and bowed his head.
“ Hiroto told me you think you done something wrong. You never have Reita, it wasn’t your fault! I…I’ve done it before. Got so depressed I’ve tried to kill myself one other time. About a year after I got here and the thought that I’d never leave terrified me.”
Reita sighed a bit in relief, but the thought that he had done something wrong still lingered.
“But Ruki…we hadn’t talked and you avoided me, I…I thought I had done something wrong. I feel guilty I…”
Ruki interrupted him again standing quickly walking over and sitting next to Reita, grabbed the notebook and began to write very fast. Reita began to read as he wrote:
“I felt really guilty, and still do. I didn’t believe I deserved to be as happy as I was around you. I’m the sole survivor of my family, and I didn’t believe that I had the right to move on, afraid that I would forget them and I don’t want to forget a single detail about them. All I could do was hide while…that monster killed my family! And I did nothing to help them! I could never get over the guilt that I did nothing to help them and I believed this life was my punishment.”
Ruki stopped writing for a moment, staring at the words he wrote on the paper, seemingly lost in thought. Reita didn’t know if he should say something. Ruki had to feel tremendous amount of guilt that he was the only one to survive as he watched his family die before his eyes. He spent so much time alone with his own thoughts he truly believes it’s his fault.
“But it’s not your fault Ruki, never was, and never will be! You done what everyone else would have done in that same position, you never did anything wrong. You are the sole survivor and for a reason, and that reason is to live, live the life they didn’t get the chance to live.”
Ruki’s eyes began to tear up, Reita was afraid he had upset the younger too much. Unsure of what to do he simply put his arms around Ruki’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug, one that Ruki hesitantly returned, giving into Reita’s warmth now surrounding his body.
They stayed like that for a while. No one disturbing them, only staring as they walked by. Occasionally they would hear a random outburst from one of the other patience, but they both ignored them, never wanting to lose focus on the moment. Reita leaned closer, resting his chin on Ruki’s head, smelling the familiar fragrance of his shampoo, a slight smile gracing his lips.
If he had it his way they would like this forever, locked in each others arms to a world that didn’t exist, that didn’t have rapes and murders to leave families in ruins in their wake. For the first time in a long time Reita felt like things were going to be alright.
Reita pushed Ruki away slightly, turning his body to face his own. He immediately noticed the tear stains and wiped them away, smiling. “They would not want you in here, sulking, being depressed and wanting to harm yourself. They loved you Ruki, we all do, and we all want you to be happy as they would want you to be. You’ll never forget Ruki, you never do, and I’ll be here to make sure, ok?”
Ruki stared at Reita with wide eyes. Wiping his eyes and nose on his shirt sleeves, he reached over and grabbed his notebook and began to scribble once again.
“You…you love me?”
Reita’s mind froze, realizing the meaning Ruki had taken in by what he said. Did he really mean it that way? Did he really love Ruki in that way? Sure he had found himself attracted to Ruki with their first meeting but he didn’t know if he had developed those deep of feelings for him. He didn’t want to hurt Ruki either.
Reita looked into Ruki’s large dark eyes, never blinking, waiting for an answer. He quickly began to search inside every thought and feeling he had ever had while he was with Ruki. How happy he always was when they were together. Then there was the kiss on his cheek and how it had made him feel, how he had wanted more and to never be away from the other.
Ruki shifted nervously, snapping Reita out of his thoughts and with out anymore hesitation Reita nodded his head.
Ruki stared back at him, honestly not knowing what to think or say. No one had ever told him that before. He felt something inside him, a sudden burst of happiness he had never felt. His body felt warm all over, heat filling his cheeks, turning them to a light rouge and he smiled, shyly.
Reita nervously leaned closer to Ruki, reaching up and placing his hand on his cheek, thumb lightly swiping across his cheek, erasing the last sign of any tears. He gathered every ounce of courage that existed in his body and slowly leaned forward, placing his lips against Ruki’s.
Ruki almost fell out of his chair in shock as a slight squeak escaped his lips. He did not expect this and did not know how to react, so he just sat there as Reita pulled away, heart pounding in his chest.
Reita let out a nervous sigh, unsure if he had gone too far and would scare Ruki off again. But the smile that slowly crept across Ruki face completely eliminated any doubt Reita was feeling.
Slowly Ruki reached over and grabbed Reita’s hand, intertwining their fingers. This was the happiest he had ever felt and knew Reita could and would make him even happier.
~
Ruki yawned and rolled out of bed, heading straight for the bathroom to start his shower. Today was going to the best day of the rest of his life in his opinion. He has yet to tell the whole story to Reita, and someday he will find the courage to do so. He knew Reita must have a thousand questions but none that couldn’t wait till he was ready to answer them.
It had been four months since his attempt to take his own life. He had still felt much regret over attempting to do it so selfishly thinking no one would care whether he was there or not. Reita was right, in everything and he had helped Ruki see this, giving him something new and fresh to look forward to from now on.
The hospital had released Reita of his duties with full recommendations by the hospital administration and was taken off of his parole limitations. He spent a lot of hours away recently that sometimes made Ruki feel very lonely and some days he felt as if Reita wasn’t going to come back for him. But each and every time he has, and each and every time he gained more and more of Ruki’s trust.
Reita walked into Ruki’s room after knocking to the sound of the shower. He smiled mischievously and crept over to the bathroom door. Just as he was about to knock on the door it flew open revealing a very wet and half naked Ruki standing in just his towel around his waist.
Reita began laughing as he watched Ruki turn a very bright tomato red, before he slammed the door in his face. Reita chuckled as he reached over to grab Ruki ‘s clothes off the bed, figuring that’s what he was coming out for.
“Ruki? Don’t you want your clothes?” he asked in a sing song tone.
The door cracked open to reveal one of Ruki’s eyes, he nodded his head slowly, pink still tinting his cheeks. He opened the door to grab his clothes but instead Reita grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the bathroom and into his arms.
Ruki squeaked as Reita wrapped his arms around his waste, pulling him into a kiss that Ruki would had very much liked to never end.
“Don’t be so shy Ru” he laughed.
Ruki merely blushed and grabbed his clothes out of Reita’s hands and dashed back into the bathroom to dress.
Reita laughed at Ruki’s silliness, knowing he was already nervous enough as today was a big day for Ruki.
“So your ready for today right Ru?”
Ruki opened the door grinning from ear to ear, tackling Reita to the bed.
“I’ll take that as a yes!” he laughed, pulling Ruki closer into a bear hug. Ruki leaned down, initiating a kiss between the two. He had gained a significant amount of confidence over the last four months but he was still very shy and had not uttered a single word. But Reita knew that in due time he would speak, and no longer feared that he never would.
Reita lifted Ruki’s shirt, running his fingers over his still damp skin as he deepened the kiss between them. He could feel Ruki’s body shutter against his own, goose pimples forming all over his back.
Ruki broke the kiss, silently staring at Reita’s grinning face. Ruki still found himself very nervous under such touches by Reita. He gave one last peck on his lips and jumped off the bed to finish dressing. He grabbed his bags with one hand and his guitar in the other.
He walked over to Reita holding the door open for him. He gave one last look around the room that he called home for so many years, still unable to believe that he would never call this home again. And he vowed to work very hard so that it never would become a possibility in the future.
He turned back to Reita, smiled and nodded. Reita grabbed his bags, leaving Ruki to carry just his guitar. It was true, the hospital had finally deemed Ruki well enough to leave the hospital after seeing such good improvements with him in the last four months. Giving Reita full credit they released him from his duties as well. So he had spent the last couple weeks looking for a place to stay and a job to support them.
He had found a job easily enough but the apartment proved to be tedious with his age and lack of income against him. He got very lucky one day to come across a renter who said she knew his father, that he had helped her out so much that she wanted to return the favor by allowing him the chance to move in without any troubles of money knowing he already had a job. He would be behind on the rents for a bit, but she was willing to work with him and that was all he needed.
They arrived to the apartment a few hours later to a full house. Uruha had arranged for a little welcoming party made up of himself, Kai, Aoi, and Hiroto who was hanging on the arm of a very tall, dark haired man who they later learned that his name was Tora, long time on again off again boyfriend of his.
Ruki walked in to cheers and hugs, much more personal space being violated then he was used to but he managed to get through it quite well. He had heard from Reita that Uruha tended to be the touchy feely type and loved to hug people, the others only followed his example. Ruki tried to find it cute and endearing, but in the end still felt weird about it.
The small party carried on for hours, seemingly never ending until finally Reita had had enough and ordered everyone out. He loved them for trying so hard to make Ruki’s first night out of the hospital a memorable one, but Reita had also wanted to make their own memories of the night.
After shoving the last person out Reita turned to see Ruki sitting huddled up on the couch hugging a pillow. He was afraid it was too much excitement and got very worried of the look on Ruki’s face.
He quietly walked over and sat by him, pulling him into a hug. “Something wrong, Ruki? You didn’t have a good time?”
Ruki shook his head excitedly yes and picked up his notepad.
“Yes, I did! It was a lot of fun, just a lot of fun and a lot of people I’m not used to.”
He smiled, reinforcing the fact that he was indeed ok, just tired. But something nagged at the corner of his thoughts so Reita made a mental note to bring it up tomorrow after they’ve rested.
“C’mere Ru, I wanna show you something” Reita said offering his hand to him.
Ruki grabbed Reita’s hand and followed him over the balcony window and watched as Reita shoved open the curtains. Ruki quickly let out a gasp as he was looking directly out over Tokyo. It’s massive amounts of lights in every color lighting up the sky. Shades of red and blue magically blinking on and off, shades of greens and yellows bouncing off the clouds shining back down onto the streets and buildings below. Ruki couldn’t remember seeing such a pretty sight before.
Reita opened the sliding glass doors and pulled Ruki out onto the balcony. He placed Ruki in front of him to get a better view of the night sky, slipping his arms around his waist.
They stood their for several moments, watching the city lights flicker on and off, colors mixing with colors and listening to the cars whizzing by on the streets below.
Reita hugged Ruki tighter, kissing his ear softly and whispered “I love you Ruki.”
Ruki blinked a few times and turned to face Reita, he looked as deep into his eyes as he possibly could and he saw nothing but love in them. Ruki felt his heart swell with just as much love. He wanted to convey the same love back, to tell Reita he loved him to and just as much.
Ruki wrapped his arms around the others neck, pulling him down into a deep kiss that seemed to last forever. Actions can prove louder than words, Ruki knows this probably more then most would understand. But sometimes, when you love some one so much words can heighten actions, can bring new and more meaning.
Ruki pulled away, looked deep into Reita’s eyes, wishing above all else to never let go of the man in his arms right now, to forever convey how much he loves him. In actions, as well as words.
“I…love you too…Reita”
More A/N: thx to anyone and everyone who commented, asked about this, supported it, cuz it helped. and again, sry so long for the late update. hopefully if i start anything new it wont be this way XD also ty V-chan you REALLY helped inspire me so much lately, i owe u a great deal for it *hugs*
Author: angelzli
Pairing: Reita x Ruki
Rating: PG-13? idk, read warnings
Warning: mentions of murder, mentions of rape
Genre: drama, maybe others...
Disclaimer: lies. lies. all lies!
Summary: Reita started leading a life down the wrong path. One day he finally gets caught and is awaiting his hearing, when it finally gets here the sentencing isn't quite what he expected...
A/N: HI, anyone remember me? ha, ya, been a while, ne? finally after like...2 centuries i finished this. gomen it took me so uber long -_- anywayz, for those of you who DO remember this fic and waited for me to finish, here it is...fin! XD
The hospital wouldn't allow Reita to go in to see Ruki but they wouldn't say why. He began the morning by skipping breakfast and leaving a sleeping Uruha in his room. He didn't remember when or how, but somehow Uruha had helped him up to his room, which he was grateful for.
He placed himself in a chair directly across the hall from the room Ruki was staying in. Every time the door would open he leaned over to try and get a glance at Ruki. Two hours into it though, all he managed to see were Ruki's feet covered by a blanket.
“Your not going to get anywhere by sitting here all day Reita” came Uruha's voice.
“Your awake I see…” Reita said as he stood up, still keeping his eyes on Ruki's room.
“And your changing the subject, but thank you for letting me sleep. Any more word on him?” he asked, glancing at Ruki's door.
“I know your not a morning person. And no, none.”
Reita and Uruha stood silently for several moments. Reita knew he couldn't sit here all day he had to do something or he would go mad.
'I'm going up to his room, I'd ask you to come along, but...I don't think Ruki would appreciate to find out if you ever went in there and...'
“No worries, Rei, I understand. How about I just hang out in your room playing video games or something for awhile. You know...in case you need me or wanna talk?” Uruha smiled. There was much concern in his eyes, and his smile was genuine and it make Reita feel a little better.
“Sure Uru, If you wouldn't mind that is…”
“Haha, of course not Reita!” Uruha replied as he swung his arm around Reita's shoulders and led him back up the stairs to the room.
Uruha broke off from Reita and headed to Reita's room as Reita headed up to Ruki's room. He hesitated letting Reita go there himself, it could create more mental anguish for him in the end, but he knew Reita wouldn't listen to reason and still go.
Reita approached Ruki's room as slowly and cautiously as he had the night before. Images of Ruki lying motionless in the bathtub surrounded by his own blood haunted his mind. He couldn't shake the lingering feeling of Ruki's body against his, growing so cold so fast. The almost sickening paleness of his skin, the blood that marred his beautiful skin. He shook his head, and tried focusing his mind. He had to stay clear and focused for Ruki, he had to figure out what was going on inside his mind that would cause him to do this.
He slowly opened Ruki's door, this time the only difference being that he had to turn the handle. As he stepped into the room, more images flashed before his eyes of that night and he could still smell the lingering fragrance of Ruki's shampoo in the air. The bathroom door was wide open leaving the bathtub in full view of him. He pushed aside the images of Ruki in the tub again, as best he could as he approached it.
All the bloody water and blood on the floor had been completely cleaned up. Reita slowly let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, thankful someone had done it before he had seen it, he didn't think he could bare to see it all again. The room itself looked as if nothing had happened there. As if it didn't witness Ruki trying to kill himself, or Reita trying to save him.
He took a deep breath and went back into Ruki's room where his guitar and notepad had been placed on the bed. He slowly ran his fingers over the guitar, feeling its shiny gloss coating like silk. He strummed a few strings as he picked up Ruki’s notepad and flipped through it. Few words stood out to him, he had been hoping for some clue, a note of goodbye, anything to help him understand why Ruki would do such a thing.
A soft tap behind him snapped him out it. He turned just in time to see the door finish swinging open as Hiroto stood just outside the door.
“Your back I see” Reita said, wishing it was on better circumstances.
Hiroto said nothing as he walked into the room, silently looking around as if looking for something.
“Hai, and I heard about Ruki too. Happened last night right?”
Reita nodded in response, it seemed Hiroto didn’t need to be briefed on what was going on. However he found out, through rumors or nurses, he was grateful he wouldn’t have to relive the night over again by being bombarded with questions. However he would have done it knowing Hiroto was Ruki’s friend and would have needed, or wanted to know.
“As sad as it is it doesn’t surprise me, he’s attempted this before. He really isn’t stable, least that’s what they like us to think. Ruki is depressed, severely, suicidal and apparently silenced himself for whatever reasons he gives himself. His only living family chucked him here because they couldn’t deal with his depression, wouldn’t that make you more depressed as well? “
Reita hummed in response, sitting down into Ruki’s bed and holding his guitar. “Ruki and I haven’t spoke for awhile. I thought things were going really well, then he closed himself off to me. I went to confront him to make peace with him for whatever it was I did wrong when I….when I found him.” Reita lowered his head, images flashing through his mind like a TV program. “I was so scared, honestly, I was scared to lose him” he whispered.
Hiroto joined him on the bed, sighing as they both fell into silence. Both pondering what had happened, what to do next and above all what was best for Ruki.
“I need to see him, talk to him but…I don’t even know if he would want to see me since we hadn’t been speaking. The nurses wouldn’t even let me go into his room this morning”
“Give him a few days to heal Reita, then you can try to speak with him. I can’t say he’ll be back to normal but he’ll at least be better then he is now physically.” Hiroto said as he stood, resting his hand on Reita’s shoulder in sympathy.
“Thanks Hiroto” Reita responded, doing his best to give a reassuring smile.
“No need, didn’t do anything…wish I could do more. But I wanted to stop in at least. I’ve actually been here for about a week, but you know…wasn’t able to venture out till now.”
“So you’ll be leaving soon then?’ Reita asked.
“Probably. I’m going to try my best to get them to let me stay for Ruki’s sake, they all know we spent a lot of time together over the last several years. So we’ll have to see what happens. In the meantime I’m heading down for breakfast, starving myself won’t help Ruki any” Hiroto smiled reassuringly as possible as he walked out.
Reita’s stomach growled at the thought of food. Thinking Hiroto was right he headed down to his room to grab Uruha and then headed to breakfast.
~
Uruha and Hiroto were gone within a few days. They only let them stay out of emotional support for whom they were there for. Reita felt awful that Uruha gave up so much of his time to stay with him at the hospital but he was also very grateful. Having someone to talk to, bounce ideas off of, and have the occasional emotional meltdown on was relieving.
Hiroto had said Ruki didn’t respond much to him when he was able to visit him. Reita had been hoping he would be able to show some insight into what happened to Ruki. But Hiroto had done more talking then Ruki was writing or letting on he was even listening.
It had been a week since that night and Reita still hadn’t seen Ruki. He wasn’t sure how Ruki would react to him and thought it better if he would stay away, he didn’t want to upset the other any. Not being a hundred percent sure it wasn’t him that did something wrong or that he would be mad Reita saved him. It was after all a suicide attempt.
But not seeing him around the facility, coming down for breakfast and to go to his therapy sessions was concerning him. If Ruki was recovering well enough he should be making his own way around now.
He was deep in thought and didn’t hear the chair on the other side of his table move. He had no idea anyone was even in front of him until a familiar looking notebook was slid across the table and came to a rest in front of him.
Reita jumped but immediately recognized the notebook. He slowly raised his head until his eyes met Ruki’s. He could feel his skin grow clammy and heart beating insanely in his chest. All week he had been looking for Ruki, waiting, and hoping he was alright, wondering how he was doing and now that Ruki stood right in front of him he couldn’t utter a single word. His mouth hung open as if he were trying to catch flies and his eyes shifted towards Ruki’s wrists.
Ruki, sensing what he was looking at, put his hands behind his back and bowed his head towards the notebook.
Finally some response from Ruki and Reita found himself not wanting to know what was written on that little piece of paper.
“Can we talk?”
Reita stared at Ruki, finally noticing his weight-loss, paler then usual skin, and slightly sunken cheeks. Reita nodded as he slid the notepad back over to him.
Ruki took the notepad and began writing.
Reita sat quietly, not really knowing what to say. He had no idea what Ruki was going to say, he dreaded knowing, but he needed to know.
After a few moments Ruki stopped writing and looked up at Reita. They stared at one another for several moments before Ruki finally moved, sliding the notebook back over to Reita.
“This is pretty hard for me to do, and I had to do a lot of thinking before coming to you. But…I wanted to thank you.”
Reita sat confused, dumbfounded even. He couldn’t comprehend why Ruki would be thanking him. Hadn’t he kept Ruki from taking his life like he wanted? Hadn’t he done something to make Ruki mad at him and kept him from talking to him?
“Ruki…” Reita began, but was interrupted by Ruki taking the notebook back and started writing again.
After several moments Ruki slid his notebook back over to Reita and bowed his head.
“ Hiroto told me you think you done something wrong. You never have Reita, it wasn’t your fault! I…I’ve done it before. Got so depressed I’ve tried to kill myself one other time. About a year after I got here and the thought that I’d never leave terrified me.”
Reita sighed a bit in relief, but the thought that he had done something wrong still lingered.
“But Ruki…we hadn’t talked and you avoided me, I…I thought I had done something wrong. I feel guilty I…”
Ruki interrupted him again standing quickly walking over and sitting next to Reita, grabbed the notebook and began to write very fast. Reita began to read as he wrote:
“I felt really guilty, and still do. I didn’t believe I deserved to be as happy as I was around you. I’m the sole survivor of my family, and I didn’t believe that I had the right to move on, afraid that I would forget them and I don’t want to forget a single detail about them. All I could do was hide while…that monster killed my family! And I did nothing to help them! I could never get over the guilt that I did nothing to help them and I believed this life was my punishment.”
Ruki stopped writing for a moment, staring at the words he wrote on the paper, seemingly lost in thought. Reita didn’t know if he should say something. Ruki had to feel tremendous amount of guilt that he was the only one to survive as he watched his family die before his eyes. He spent so much time alone with his own thoughts he truly believes it’s his fault.
“But it’s not your fault Ruki, never was, and never will be! You done what everyone else would have done in that same position, you never did anything wrong. You are the sole survivor and for a reason, and that reason is to live, live the life they didn’t get the chance to live.”
Ruki’s eyes began to tear up, Reita was afraid he had upset the younger too much. Unsure of what to do he simply put his arms around Ruki’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug, one that Ruki hesitantly returned, giving into Reita’s warmth now surrounding his body.
They stayed like that for a while. No one disturbing them, only staring as they walked by. Occasionally they would hear a random outburst from one of the other patience, but they both ignored them, never wanting to lose focus on the moment. Reita leaned closer, resting his chin on Ruki’s head, smelling the familiar fragrance of his shampoo, a slight smile gracing his lips.
If he had it his way they would like this forever, locked in each others arms to a world that didn’t exist, that didn’t have rapes and murders to leave families in ruins in their wake. For the first time in a long time Reita felt like things were going to be alright.
Reita pushed Ruki away slightly, turning his body to face his own. He immediately noticed the tear stains and wiped them away, smiling. “They would not want you in here, sulking, being depressed and wanting to harm yourself. They loved you Ruki, we all do, and we all want you to be happy as they would want you to be. You’ll never forget Ruki, you never do, and I’ll be here to make sure, ok?”
Ruki stared at Reita with wide eyes. Wiping his eyes and nose on his shirt sleeves, he reached over and grabbed his notebook and began to scribble once again.
“You…you love me?”
Reita’s mind froze, realizing the meaning Ruki had taken in by what he said. Did he really mean it that way? Did he really love Ruki in that way? Sure he had found himself attracted to Ruki with their first meeting but he didn’t know if he had developed those deep of feelings for him. He didn’t want to hurt Ruki either.
Reita looked into Ruki’s large dark eyes, never blinking, waiting for an answer. He quickly began to search inside every thought and feeling he had ever had while he was with Ruki. How happy he always was when they were together. Then there was the kiss on his cheek and how it had made him feel, how he had wanted more and to never be away from the other.
Ruki shifted nervously, snapping Reita out of his thoughts and with out anymore hesitation Reita nodded his head.
Ruki stared back at him, honestly not knowing what to think or say. No one had ever told him that before. He felt something inside him, a sudden burst of happiness he had never felt. His body felt warm all over, heat filling his cheeks, turning them to a light rouge and he smiled, shyly.
Reita nervously leaned closer to Ruki, reaching up and placing his hand on his cheek, thumb lightly swiping across his cheek, erasing the last sign of any tears. He gathered every ounce of courage that existed in his body and slowly leaned forward, placing his lips against Ruki’s.
Ruki almost fell out of his chair in shock as a slight squeak escaped his lips. He did not expect this and did not know how to react, so he just sat there as Reita pulled away, heart pounding in his chest.
Reita let out a nervous sigh, unsure if he had gone too far and would scare Ruki off again. But the smile that slowly crept across Ruki face completely eliminated any doubt Reita was feeling.
Slowly Ruki reached over and grabbed Reita’s hand, intertwining their fingers. This was the happiest he had ever felt and knew Reita could and would make him even happier.
~
Ruki yawned and rolled out of bed, heading straight for the bathroom to start his shower. Today was going to the best day of the rest of his life in his opinion. He has yet to tell the whole story to Reita, and someday he will find the courage to do so. He knew Reita must have a thousand questions but none that couldn’t wait till he was ready to answer them.
It had been four months since his attempt to take his own life. He had still felt much regret over attempting to do it so selfishly thinking no one would care whether he was there or not. Reita was right, in everything and he had helped Ruki see this, giving him something new and fresh to look forward to from now on.
The hospital had released Reita of his duties with full recommendations by the hospital administration and was taken off of his parole limitations. He spent a lot of hours away recently that sometimes made Ruki feel very lonely and some days he felt as if Reita wasn’t going to come back for him. But each and every time he has, and each and every time he gained more and more of Ruki’s trust.
Reita walked into Ruki’s room after knocking to the sound of the shower. He smiled mischievously and crept over to the bathroom door. Just as he was about to knock on the door it flew open revealing a very wet and half naked Ruki standing in just his towel around his waist.
Reita began laughing as he watched Ruki turn a very bright tomato red, before he slammed the door in his face. Reita chuckled as he reached over to grab Ruki ‘s clothes off the bed, figuring that’s what he was coming out for.
“Ruki? Don’t you want your clothes?” he asked in a sing song tone.
The door cracked open to reveal one of Ruki’s eyes, he nodded his head slowly, pink still tinting his cheeks. He opened the door to grab his clothes but instead Reita grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the bathroom and into his arms.
Ruki squeaked as Reita wrapped his arms around his waste, pulling him into a kiss that Ruki would had very much liked to never end.
“Don’t be so shy Ru” he laughed.
Ruki merely blushed and grabbed his clothes out of Reita’s hands and dashed back into the bathroom to dress.
Reita laughed at Ruki’s silliness, knowing he was already nervous enough as today was a big day for Ruki.
“So your ready for today right Ru?”
Ruki opened the door grinning from ear to ear, tackling Reita to the bed.
“I’ll take that as a yes!” he laughed, pulling Ruki closer into a bear hug. Ruki leaned down, initiating a kiss between the two. He had gained a significant amount of confidence over the last four months but he was still very shy and had not uttered a single word. But Reita knew that in due time he would speak, and no longer feared that he never would.
Reita lifted Ruki’s shirt, running his fingers over his still damp skin as he deepened the kiss between them. He could feel Ruki’s body shutter against his own, goose pimples forming all over his back.
Ruki broke the kiss, silently staring at Reita’s grinning face. Ruki still found himself very nervous under such touches by Reita. He gave one last peck on his lips and jumped off the bed to finish dressing. He grabbed his bags with one hand and his guitar in the other.
He walked over to Reita holding the door open for him. He gave one last look around the room that he called home for so many years, still unable to believe that he would never call this home again. And he vowed to work very hard so that it never would become a possibility in the future.
He turned back to Reita, smiled and nodded. Reita grabbed his bags, leaving Ruki to carry just his guitar. It was true, the hospital had finally deemed Ruki well enough to leave the hospital after seeing such good improvements with him in the last four months. Giving Reita full credit they released him from his duties as well. So he had spent the last couple weeks looking for a place to stay and a job to support them.
He had found a job easily enough but the apartment proved to be tedious with his age and lack of income against him. He got very lucky one day to come across a renter who said she knew his father, that he had helped her out so much that she wanted to return the favor by allowing him the chance to move in without any troubles of money knowing he already had a job. He would be behind on the rents for a bit, but she was willing to work with him and that was all he needed.
They arrived to the apartment a few hours later to a full house. Uruha had arranged for a little welcoming party made up of himself, Kai, Aoi, and Hiroto who was hanging on the arm of a very tall, dark haired man who they later learned that his name was Tora, long time on again off again boyfriend of his.
Ruki walked in to cheers and hugs, much more personal space being violated then he was used to but he managed to get through it quite well. He had heard from Reita that Uruha tended to be the touchy feely type and loved to hug people, the others only followed his example. Ruki tried to find it cute and endearing, but in the end still felt weird about it.
The small party carried on for hours, seemingly never ending until finally Reita had had enough and ordered everyone out. He loved them for trying so hard to make Ruki’s first night out of the hospital a memorable one, but Reita had also wanted to make their own memories of the night.
After shoving the last person out Reita turned to see Ruki sitting huddled up on the couch hugging a pillow. He was afraid it was too much excitement and got very worried of the look on Ruki’s face.
He quietly walked over and sat by him, pulling him into a hug. “Something wrong, Ruki? You didn’t have a good time?”
Ruki shook his head excitedly yes and picked up his notepad.
“Yes, I did! It was a lot of fun, just a lot of fun and a lot of people I’m not used to.”
He smiled, reinforcing the fact that he was indeed ok, just tired. But something nagged at the corner of his thoughts so Reita made a mental note to bring it up tomorrow after they’ve rested.
“C’mere Ru, I wanna show you something” Reita said offering his hand to him.
Ruki grabbed Reita’s hand and followed him over the balcony window and watched as Reita shoved open the curtains. Ruki quickly let out a gasp as he was looking directly out over Tokyo. It’s massive amounts of lights in every color lighting up the sky. Shades of red and blue magically blinking on and off, shades of greens and yellows bouncing off the clouds shining back down onto the streets and buildings below. Ruki couldn’t remember seeing such a pretty sight before.
Reita opened the sliding glass doors and pulled Ruki out onto the balcony. He placed Ruki in front of him to get a better view of the night sky, slipping his arms around his waist.
They stood their for several moments, watching the city lights flicker on and off, colors mixing with colors and listening to the cars whizzing by on the streets below.
Reita hugged Ruki tighter, kissing his ear softly and whispered “I love you Ruki.”
Ruki blinked a few times and turned to face Reita, he looked as deep into his eyes as he possibly could and he saw nothing but love in them. Ruki felt his heart swell with just as much love. He wanted to convey the same love back, to tell Reita he loved him to and just as much.
Ruki wrapped his arms around the others neck, pulling him down into a deep kiss that seemed to last forever. Actions can prove louder than words, Ruki knows this probably more then most would understand. But sometimes, when you love some one so much words can heighten actions, can bring new and more meaning.
Ruki pulled away, looked deep into Reita’s eyes, wishing above all else to never let go of the man in his arms right now, to forever convey how much he loves him. In actions, as well as words.
“I…love you too…Reita”
More A/N: thx to anyone and everyone who commented, asked about this, supported it, cuz it helped. and again, sry so long for the late update. hopefully if i start anything new it wont be this way XD also ty V-chan you REALLY helped inspire me so much lately, i owe u a great deal for it *hugs*