Getting the nightmares again...
Very seldom do I sleep and not dream. Often times I don't even remember the dreams when I wake up but I know I was dreaming nonetheless. Other times I'll remember them but they'll just be weird or beyond comprehension.
Yet every so often, I get these spurts of nightmares. Every night for a week or two. Often times they're just terribly unnerving, and other times I wake up in a cold sweat or in tears. This on and off occurrence of nightmares has been happening to me for about five years now. This round has been kind of scattered so far through out the month. Taking a break every couple of days, then starting up again. It's got me at my wits ends about it. I'm actually SCARED to go to sleep. The worst one yet arose just last night.
It wasn't disgusting or ghostly terrifying in any way. It was how real it was that really scared me. I get a call from my father telling me that my brother, Christopher has died. I can't remember now what the cause was, but it was explained quite clearly at the time. He wanted to tell me but still wanted to keep it a secret from my mom for a while. Chris was always so caught up in college life so she wouldn't miss him for a while. The dream felt something like a soon to be deja vu, which only scares me more. The remainder of the dream was mostly just me caught up in my own internal mourning, which spanned somehow to several weeks until my father and I had to sit our mom down and tell her the news.
I woke so disoriented and upset that I thought that my brother was still dead and had to lay there and cry for several minutes, still not sure if what had happened was a dream or what had been going on for the past 2 weeks. I wanted to call home or my brother, but was too terrified that he might actually be dead if I did.
It wasn't until almost three or four hours later I was able to separate reality from what I had dreamed. I had never had so much trouble with it before. Usually you wake up, you're a little wigged out for a few minutes and then you're good.
I'm getting so tired of all this...
Yet every so often, I get these spurts of nightmares. Every night for a week or two. Often times they're just terribly unnerving, and other times I wake up in a cold sweat or in tears. This on and off occurrence of nightmares has been happening to me for about five years now. This round has been kind of scattered so far through out the month. Taking a break every couple of days, then starting up again. It's got me at my wits ends about it. I'm actually SCARED to go to sleep. The worst one yet arose just last night.
It wasn't disgusting or ghostly terrifying in any way. It was how real it was that really scared me. I get a call from my father telling me that my brother, Christopher has died. I can't remember now what the cause was, but it was explained quite clearly at the time. He wanted to tell me but still wanted to keep it a secret from my mom for a while. Chris was always so caught up in college life so she wouldn't miss him for a while. The dream felt something like a soon to be deja vu, which only scares me more. The remainder of the dream was mostly just me caught up in my own internal mourning, which spanned somehow to several weeks until my father and I had to sit our mom down and tell her the news.
I woke so disoriented and upset that I thought that my brother was still dead and had to lay there and cry for several minutes, still not sure if what had happened was a dream or what had been going on for the past 2 weeks. I wanted to call home or my brother, but was too terrified that he might actually be dead if I did.
It wasn't until almost three or four hours later I was able to separate reality from what I had dreamed. I had never had so much trouble with it before. Usually you wake up, you're a little wigged out for a few minutes and then you're good.
I'm getting so tired of all this...