I'm sleepy...but i wanna update this 'fore i forget...
I've been doin' a lot of thinkin' lately, and i got one question for everybody (though it's a retorical cuz i think th'vast majority of ya have predictable answers and therefore i don't wanna hear it)....when was the last time you can remember being 100% perfectly happy? I mean, totally completely at peace with you and th'world around you, able to let your guard down, and just enjoy yourself....even just for a moment...when was the last time you had that moment?
Well, my answer to that question is kinda disturbing...i honestly can't remember...i can't remember ever being "perfectly happy"....and i don't see it happening any time soon....
now that i've got that part delt with, i think i'll update a bit...
i went out last night for th'first time since NYE...i got so upset at m'self that i have been afraid t'go ever since....funny huh? i get hassled by some bum and i'm out th'next week, i get a lil' more drunk than usual and i'm afraid to go again...man i'm a weirdo...
i decided that i wasn't gonna do anything that i thought was "different" for me....no dressin' up, no fancy coat or "pretty" clothes....i wore baggy jeans, an old black t-shirt with a dragon on th'back that i used to refer to as my "lucky shirt", and that good ol' reliable black leather trenchcoat...
my pre-game ritual was a lil' different though...i decided (after i shaved and showered) that i was gonna hit th'heavy bag a bit...just t'get my adrenilene (sp?, i know i fucked that up) flowin'....i just meant to do a few light kicks and punches, but by th'time i was finished, i was winded and had a bloody knuckle on each hand...it was almost like i had some frustration t'get out or something *shrugs*....
newayz, since it was th'first time i went out since NYE, and since i dimly recall making a few drunken calls over m'mom's cellie, i decided to call those people back and apologize...th'first one i called (cuz i knew i could inquire 'bout Ann while i did it) was Star...
what followed turned out to be a conversation that lasted well over an hour, and the only reason i cut it off was because th'battery to the cellie was goin' dead and i knew i'd need it to call a cab t'get home that night...
unfortunately, since i took so long t'get to a club, by th'time i got to one, th'dancefloor was so crowded i knew i wouldn't be able to move, and havin' no "get me pumped up" session outside of what i did at th'house, i knew i'd be unable t'fully get into th'club scene that evenin'....so i went to Firebelly...the bar right next to Soapbox (where i usually am located)...after havin' a couple drinks, i went for m'third and ran into a female at th'bar (though not literally "ran into" her)...i'd already ordered my drink and was waitin' t'get it when i turned around and saw this slightly short slightly more full-figured than i'm usually interested in redhead standin' beside me...she laughed and said:
"sorry, i'm tryin' t'see over you"
"i could duck down if that'd help"
"sure...go ahead"
*so i do*
"No! i was kidding, you can get up"
"hey, no big, i have a kid sister and a mom that're both about your height, and they ARE serious when they tell me to duck...i'm used to it..."
she laughs and i take my drink, but th'bartender didn't take my money....so i stand there for a minute waitin' for him t'get back, and make th'comment to th'girl "y'know, if i was th'dishonest type, i'd just walk off and he'd be screwed..." after finally gettin' t'bartender's attention, i hand him th'5 and thank the girl for givin' me somebody to talk to, then go back to my corner...there were two girls playin' air hockey near me, and th'girl i talked to joined 'em...saying "some cute guy talked to me at th'bar"...i kinda grinned and leaned back so they couldn't see me and just listenend for a seccond...
"what was his name?"
"i dunno....he didn't say it..."
*i speak up* "His name is Angel"
*she looks slightly embarassed but smiles* "oh hey! there you are! Wait a seccond...what is your name?"
"Angel"
"it is not"
"Ok, you caught me, it's just what m'friends call me, it's a nickname"
"Ok then, i'll call you Angel...i'm {Rose}, this is my friend {Mai} and her sister {Indie} (same name as my old friend, so same nickname just spelled different)"...
they invited me to sit with 'em while i watched 'em take turns playin' Air Hockey....and i tended t'mesh better with Mai...i later found out that Rose was married, but that she didn't mind talkin' to me, and the evening ended with them askin' for my number..."We throw parties a lot, and next time we do we'll give ya a call" "please do"
So that was last night...tonight, i called Star back cuz we actually had a decent convo last night and i didn't see a problem with talking to her if she doesn't mind talking to me...hell, i'm just reachin' out for whoever will accept me at this point....and we talked for almost an hour again tonight...we got off th'phone cuz Chip called t'talk to m'mom...so i jumped on th'computer and after a whole lotta surfin' with no real goal i got on here and updated....
so that's it...i'm tired....i think i'll turn in....
-Just a lil' trip inside my head...hope you enjoyed the ride...
Well, my answer to that question is kinda disturbing...i honestly can't remember...i can't remember ever being "perfectly happy"....and i don't see it happening any time soon....
now that i've got that part delt with, i think i'll update a bit...
i went out last night for th'first time since NYE...i got so upset at m'self that i have been afraid t'go ever since....funny huh? i get hassled by some bum and i'm out th'next week, i get a lil' more drunk than usual and i'm afraid to go again...man i'm a weirdo...
i decided that i wasn't gonna do anything that i thought was "different" for me....no dressin' up, no fancy coat or "pretty" clothes....i wore baggy jeans, an old black t-shirt with a dragon on th'back that i used to refer to as my "lucky shirt", and that good ol' reliable black leather trenchcoat...
my pre-game ritual was a lil' different though...i decided (after i shaved and showered) that i was gonna hit th'heavy bag a bit...just t'get my adrenilene (sp?, i know i fucked that up) flowin'....i just meant to do a few light kicks and punches, but by th'time i was finished, i was winded and had a bloody knuckle on each hand...it was almost like i had some frustration t'get out or something *shrugs*....
newayz, since it was th'first time i went out since NYE, and since i dimly recall making a few drunken calls over m'mom's cellie, i decided to call those people back and apologize...th'first one i called (cuz i knew i could inquire 'bout Ann while i did it) was Star...
what followed turned out to be a conversation that lasted well over an hour, and the only reason i cut it off was because th'battery to the cellie was goin' dead and i knew i'd need it to call a cab t'get home that night...
unfortunately, since i took so long t'get to a club, by th'time i got to one, th'dancefloor was so crowded i knew i wouldn't be able to move, and havin' no "get me pumped up" session outside of what i did at th'house, i knew i'd be unable t'fully get into th'club scene that evenin'....so i went to Firebelly...the bar right next to Soapbox (where i usually am located)...after havin' a couple drinks, i went for m'third and ran into a female at th'bar (though not literally "ran into" her)...i'd already ordered my drink and was waitin' t'get it when i turned around and saw this slightly short slightly more full-figured than i'm usually interested in redhead standin' beside me...she laughed and said:
"sorry, i'm tryin' t'see over you"
"i could duck down if that'd help"
"sure...go ahead"
*so i do*
"No! i was kidding, you can get up"
"hey, no big, i have a kid sister and a mom that're both about your height, and they ARE serious when they tell me to duck...i'm used to it..."
she laughs and i take my drink, but th'bartender didn't take my money....so i stand there for a minute waitin' for him t'get back, and make th'comment to th'girl "y'know, if i was th'dishonest type, i'd just walk off and he'd be screwed..." after finally gettin' t'bartender's attention, i hand him th'5 and thank the girl for givin' me somebody to talk to, then go back to my corner...there were two girls playin' air hockey near me, and th'girl i talked to joined 'em...saying "some cute guy talked to me at th'bar"...i kinda grinned and leaned back so they couldn't see me and just listenend for a seccond...
"what was his name?"
"i dunno....he didn't say it..."
*i speak up* "His name is Angel"
*she looks slightly embarassed but smiles* "oh hey! there you are! Wait a seccond...what is your name?"
"Angel"
"it is not"
"Ok, you caught me, it's just what m'friends call me, it's a nickname"
"Ok then, i'll call you Angel...i'm {Rose}, this is my friend {Mai} and her sister {Indie} (same name as my old friend, so same nickname just spelled different)"...
they invited me to sit with 'em while i watched 'em take turns playin' Air Hockey....and i tended t'mesh better with Mai...i later found out that Rose was married, but that she didn't mind talkin' to me, and the evening ended with them askin' for my number..."We throw parties a lot, and next time we do we'll give ya a call" "please do"
So that was last night...tonight, i called Star back cuz we actually had a decent convo last night and i didn't see a problem with talking to her if she doesn't mind talking to me...hell, i'm just reachin' out for whoever will accept me at this point....and we talked for almost an hour again tonight...we got off th'phone cuz Chip called t'talk to m'mom...so i jumped on th'computer and after a whole lotta surfin' with no real goal i got on here and updated....
so that's it...i'm tired....i think i'll turn in....
-Just a lil' trip inside my head...hope you enjoyed the ride...