summer isn't how its supposed to be
ok so school is over now for the summer well it has been since thursday and i'm officialy a senior in highschool!! but it doesn't really seem like it! the last day of school it rained like crazy which me and kirsti decided that was just a sign of a shitty summer! and its rained every day since!
Tim is now graduated and will be leaving September 12 for Marine Basic Training! Its still like 4 months away but it seems like only a couple weeks! Friday night i went to Kentons graduation and then went to henrietta to daryns house where there was a party! Tim was there and at first we didnt' talk much and then we ended up kissing and then later it lead to more! i can't turn him down even if my life depended on it! we went to the park and we had sex 3 times! yea yea yea it was the best sex i've ever had in my life even times with him before! something came over him and it was incredibly amazing! but thats not the point! so i got up the next day and got ready to go to his graduation and got up there and saw him and was like i love that kid with every piece of my heart and soul! and could never regret anything with him! and then after tha graduation i saw him hugged him asked him to take a picture with me he said of course we took the picture and as he started to walk off he held out his hand i put mine in his he rubbed my hand smiled at me and walked away! it almost made me feel like that would be the last time i ever touched him! so then i came home and got ready for the graduation dance and went there! when he got there he saw me and basically avoided me! he never even said hey to me! not once! when ashley macalister got there he walked over to her hugged her and picked her up and stood there talkin to her! i broke down! i felt like a used rag that wiped up a spill and was thrown away! so as i started to leave i hugged all the seniors i talk to bye and poked him in the side and was like bye and he held his arms open for me to hug him so i did and he was like bye i'll talk to you later! and i left! i dont know how to take anything from him anymore! i think the sex is just because he wants it! the looks and the way he touches me i dont know what to think! friday night before we left a song played that was called i miss you in my arms! and the whole time that song played he rubbed my face and gazed into my eyes like he used to when we were dating and thought we were in love! i melted from that one look and touch! all his friends tell me he is just using me for sex before he leaves and that if he does call me while he is on leave from the marines then it will just be to have sex because he knows he can have it from me! and i told them they were probably right but i coulnd't help it because i love him with everything i have and i can't change the way i feel! i've been in love with him for 4 years now and nothing will change that! trust me i've tried to move on! and nothing has worked! i've tried dating others, not thinking about him, being rude to him, ignoring him and nothing has worked and i dont know why! i would give up my world for him to love me the way i love him! ok so he may love me but not how i love him atleast he doesn't tell me he does!
kirsti and me have been hangin out for the past week until today because she had to go to seymour! we've been having a lot of fun! she is pretty awesome for a freshman(well sophomore now)!
"i dont know what my life holds for me but i hope that its great, i've made plenty of mistakes, that most people wouldn't make! i've lost the one guy who meant the world plus a million more to me! my highschool days are soon to end and i dont know where i'll be! should i wait for four years until he returns or should i leave this place of memories to slowly fade away from me! the choice i make then will determine what becomes of me! will i ever see these friends i hold so dear again! or will i let them dissapear with only a few tears! i dont know what my life holds for me but i hope that its great!"
Love Becca
Tim is now graduated and will be leaving September 12 for Marine Basic Training! Its still like 4 months away but it seems like only a couple weeks! Friday night i went to Kentons graduation and then went to henrietta to daryns house where there was a party! Tim was there and at first we didnt' talk much and then we ended up kissing and then later it lead to more! i can't turn him down even if my life depended on it! we went to the park and we had sex 3 times! yea yea yea it was the best sex i've ever had in my life even times with him before! something came over him and it was incredibly amazing! but thats not the point! so i got up the next day and got ready to go to his graduation and got up there and saw him and was like i love that kid with every piece of my heart and soul! and could never regret anything with him! and then after tha graduation i saw him hugged him asked him to take a picture with me he said of course we took the picture and as he started to walk off he held out his hand i put mine in his he rubbed my hand smiled at me and walked away! it almost made me feel like that would be the last time i ever touched him! so then i came home and got ready for the graduation dance and went there! when he got there he saw me and basically avoided me! he never even said hey to me! not once! when ashley macalister got there he walked over to her hugged her and picked her up and stood there talkin to her! i broke down! i felt like a used rag that wiped up a spill and was thrown away! so as i started to leave i hugged all the seniors i talk to bye and poked him in the side and was like bye and he held his arms open for me to hug him so i did and he was like bye i'll talk to you later! and i left! i dont know how to take anything from him anymore! i think the sex is just because he wants it! the looks and the way he touches me i dont know what to think! friday night before we left a song played that was called i miss you in my arms! and the whole time that song played he rubbed my face and gazed into my eyes like he used to when we were dating and thought we were in love! i melted from that one look and touch! all his friends tell me he is just using me for sex before he leaves and that if he does call me while he is on leave from the marines then it will just be to have sex because he knows he can have it from me! and i told them they were probably right but i coulnd't help it because i love him with everything i have and i can't change the way i feel! i've been in love with him for 4 years now and nothing will change that! trust me i've tried to move on! and nothing has worked! i've tried dating others, not thinking about him, being rude to him, ignoring him and nothing has worked and i dont know why! i would give up my world for him to love me the way i love him! ok so he may love me but not how i love him atleast he doesn't tell me he does!
kirsti and me have been hangin out for the past week until today because she had to go to seymour! we've been having a lot of fun! she is pretty awesome for a freshman(well sophomore now)!
"i dont know what my life holds for me but i hope that its great, i've made plenty of mistakes, that most people wouldn't make! i've lost the one guy who meant the world plus a million more to me! my highschool days are soon to end and i dont know where i'll be! should i wait for four years until he returns or should i leave this place of memories to slowly fade away from me! the choice i make then will determine what becomes of me! will i ever see these friends i hold so dear again! or will i let them dissapear with only a few tears! i dont know what my life holds for me but i hope that its great!"
Love Becca