Runaways ~NC17 ~ Liam/Spike (William) ~ AU Human ~ Chapter 12
Well here it is guys. The final chapter of Runaways. There is an epilogue that is written and beta'd. Just have to go through and correct the errors. Now, we've been basically posting this story one chapter a week. So if we stay on the schedule, the epilogue won't be posted until this weekend. But if you would like to have it soon, we can be bribed with some pretty begging (lol). Hope you like how we ended this story and that it doesn't disappoint.
We would also, once again, thank velvetwhip for nominating this story over at The Sunnydale Memorial FanFic Awards. You really made our day when we found out about that.
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Title: Runaways
Authors: angelspike69 and anamcara420
Pairing: Liam/Spike (William)
Rating: Adult. This story contains M/M sex. If that isn’t your cup of tea then go away now and don’t read any farther.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Angel and Spike don’t belong to us. If they did, they’d be following up all their fighting and snarking with each other with lots of manly shagging.
Spoilers: No spoilers at all as this is a story that takes place in an alternate universe where our boys are totally human and have never been vampires. We’re not even sure if they believe in them.
Feedback: AngelSpike69 and Anamcara420
Notes: Would like to extend our sincere thanks to makd for her beta of our story. You are the best sweetie!!!!! Previous chapters can be found in my memories here or in our archive here. The poem Spike quotes is Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven, quoted from here.
Summary: Two damaged young men meet by chance in the woods in Vermont. Through conflict and kindness and the special magic of Christmas, they stop running from their pasts and help each other to heal.
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Chapter 12
Liam looked at the clock. It was ten a.m., and they had to check out at eleven. He slipped from beneath Spike’s arms and went in to shower. He finished quickly, hoping that Spike would join him but knowing that it was better if he didn’t. He hardened at the memory of last night and turned the shower on cold. When he came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, Spike was just opening his eyes.
Liam smiled at his lover's rumpled hair and the sleep wrinkles on his pale face. “Hey there. Gotta hurry, Spike. Check out is in forty-five minutes.”
Spike stretched and groaned. “Bollocks. Need more sleep,” he grumbled.
“You can sleep in the car on the way home.” Liam replied. He removed the damp towel and threw it. He chuckled when he heard Spike protest. He turned and began to dress until a hard, slender body pressed itself against him and thin, but strong arms encircled his waist. “Spike, I’d love to, but we have to leave.”
Spike sighed and continued to grumble, but he released Liam and walked naked into the bathroom. Liam stood for another minute. He was thinking of last night - the wild passion and tender lovemaking, and then falling asleep in each other’s arms. He never expected to feel like this again, but Spike had crashed into his life and each day brought new challenges, new excitement, new feelings of love, devotion and of course, worry. Liam didn’t think he’d ever stop worrying. He just had to control it and hope for the best. Hopefully therapy would help him with that. His life with David had been perfect until David got sick. He didn’t think he’d ever have that again. He pulled himself out of his reverie and packed their suitcases. Spike came out of the shower toweling his hair, the tufts sticking up all over his head. Liam bit his lip to stop his feelings of arousal.
Morning was the one time that Spike wasn’t chatty, so they were able to finish packing quickly. They checked out, but went into the dining room for breakfast.
“We’re gonna make a little side trip on the way home.” Liam said.
“Yeah? Where?” Spike asked.
“It’s a surprise.” Liam responded and smiled at his still sleepy companion.
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As soon as Liam started the truck, Spike fell asleep. As Liam drove, he glanced over at Spike, who didn’t stir until Liam parked the vehicle at their destination. He opened his eyes and stared around groggily.
“What’s this then?”
“It’s the Edgar Allan Poe Cottage.” Liam replied with a smile.
Spike sat up quickly, fully awake. “What?”
“This was the last house Poe lived in before he died…” Liam began.
Spike’s blue eyes widened as he interrupted. “I know. I know. The Raven was published while he lived here.” He began to quote:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door,
Only this and nothing more.
“I love that poem!” Spike declared. His voice was animated as he continued sharing what he knew. “His wife died of tuberculosis here. Did you know he created the detective story? The Murders in the Rue Morgue was the first detective story. The Purloined Letter was a mystery, too. Letter was hidden in plain sight!” His face was flushed with happy anticipation as he chattered on. “He lived in Philadelphia, too. I saw the house he lived in on the Web. In the basement there is a brick wall which looks like the one he described in The Black Cat - the one where the man buried the cat and his wife!” He continued barely taking a breath. “He went to West Point for a while and some of his friends there gave him money to get his first book published. Someone has put a rose and a half bottle of cognac on his grave in Baltimore on his birthday, January 19, ever since his death in 1849.”
Liam parked the truck. He kept smiling as he watched Spike and listened to his excited ramblings. I am so glad I brought him here. He is thrilled and happy! Spike jumped out of the truck and kept talking. “I love his stories - really weird, otherworldly. The Cask of Amontillado where Montressor walls up Fortunato. He had a thing for being buried alive. The Fall of the House of Usher - weird and very very cool. Mrs. Jenkins loaned me a collection of his stories and poems and I read them all.” He stopped speaking suddenly as they approached the tiny cottage. As they entered, they were greeted by a grey-haired woman who offered to show them around.
“Would it be okay if we wandered around ourselves?” Liam asked quietly.
She smiled. “Of course. That’s what most people want to do.”
They walked quietly, almost reverently around the rooms. The little house had been refurbished to look as it did when Poe and Virginia lived in it; even the walls were painted the same colors. Spike stood silently at the desk for a long while, awestruck. It did not belong to the author but it was similar to one that he might have used. They climbed quietly up the stairs to the couple’s bedroom. Liam had to lower his head since the ceiling was barely six feet tall. Spike stood perfectly still and silent for several minutes. Spike didn't say a word inside the cottage.
Although nothing was growing in the cold winter, they walked through the little garden toward a bench. Spike pointed to it and walked over to it, and sat down. He looked up at Liam and smiled; Liam returned the smile and joined him. They sat there in silence, enjoying the pale winter sun. Liam was startled when Spike took his hand and scooted closer to him. He moved Liam’s arm up and lay down, placing Liam’s hand on his stomach. Liam looked around nervously. They were alone. He looked down as he felt Spike start to play with his fingers. Spike grinned up at him, and directed Liam to come down with a crook of his finger. He raised his head from Liam’s lap and met his lips half way with his own.
Their lips met briefly and Liam drew back and cast an anxious glance around again. He wanted to be certain they were alone. This was the first time they had shown each other affection in public. Liam worried about people’s reactions. Not everyone was comfortable with affection between two men.
“No worries, Liam. We’re alone here. ‘Sides, what does it matter what people think?” Spike asked matter-of-factly.
“Um…Not worried.”
“Yeah, right. I see that look on your face. Didn’t you and David ever hold hands or kiss in public? Or did you two just save that for when you were home?”
“No, we did…sometimes…but the city…people are more…accepting of…a gay lifestyle…this…this is different.”
“Don’t see the difference.” He touched Liam’s face. “I know what you’re thinking,’ Liam. ‘Bout the difference in our ages. Weren’t you years younger than David? Did he worry about what people would think, him being with a young, hot thing like yourself?” Spike couldn’t help but laugh as Liam’s face turned a nice shade of pink.
“Yes, he did at first, he was…he wasn’t demonstrative in public.” Liam flushed a deeper pink. He looked down at Spike who stared up at him, a knowing smirk curling his mouth. Liam sighed and his lips twitched. “I wore him down eventually.” Liam replied with a smile as he gave Spike’s slender fingers a slight squeeze. Liam squirmed a bit on the bench as Spike continued to play with his fingers and rub his head in his lap. It was having a decidedly stiffening effect on Liam’s cock.
Liam looked at his watch, noticing the time. “We need to get going Spike, if we are going to get home early enough to pick up Mac and Bella. You ready to go?”
Spike laughed again at Liam’s discomfort, since he knew the effect he was having on Liam. “Yeah, let’s go.” He sat up and then stood, grabbing hold of Liam’s hand to pull him from the bench. He didn’t let it go, and they walked to the truck holding hands, stopping to thank the old woman who greeted them. Spike whistled all the way from the house to the truck.
Once in the vehicle, Spike looked over at Liam. He touched the larger man’s thigh and leaned toward him, kissing him. “Thanks, Liam.”
Liam smiled. “Well, you talked about him a lot so I knew you liked him.”
“I’ve…I’ve never visited an author’s house before and Poe…” He trailed off and neither of them spoke for several miles. Spike’s hand never left Liam’s thigh.
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When they arrived on the island, Liam and Spike went straight to Mrs. Jenkins' to pick up Mac and Bella. The dog pranced around them and barked quietly. Even regal Bella walked in and out of Spike’s legs and meowed until he picked her up. Mrs. Jenkins invited them for dinner and they shared their escapades with her. Spike was sparkling and did most of the talking. He told her everything about the trip. Liam watched him and his heart fluttered at Spike's happiness. He remembered the not-so-joyful scenes but quickly pushed them out of his mind. Spike reached across the table to touch his hand when he told Mrs. Jenkins about the Poe house. The elderly woman felt joy and hope for the two young men who were so important in her life. She didn't want either of them to have any more sorrow.
They said good-night and drove home. Bella and Mac were happy to be back in the cabin. Mac danced around and Bella strolled regally toward the cold fireplace and turned to look at Liam as if to encourage him to build up the fire. He laughed and hurried to do her bidding. After he had the fire blazing comfortably, he carried the suitcases into the bedroom and began to unpack. Arms surrounded his waist and pressed him back against a hard slender body. The arms released him and Liam turned to face the smaller man.
Spike grinned at him and wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck. He soon has his legs wrapped around the larger man’s waist. Liam placed his hands underneath Spike to help support him. He could see the tears glittering in Spike’s eyes and his breath caught as the old fear blazed in his heart. The two men stared at each other for a long moment.
Finally, Spike spoke, his voice thick with emotion. “Thank you, Liam. Never…never had…never saw so many amazing things. Never would have if you didn’t take me. I’ll never forget it.” He moved his head forward and captured Liam’s mouth in a deep, passionate kiss. Then, the two men gazed into each other’s eyes. They continued to kiss as Liam walked them both over to the large bed. He placed one knee and then the other on the soft mattress, then bent forward and gently positioned Spike on the bed. Spike continued to hold him, as they both lay down in the center of the large bed. Liam removed Spike’s arms from his neck and moved off the slender body beneath him, worried that he would crush the smaller man. They undressed each other slowly, taking their time, brushing lips and hands over heated flesh.
They kissed and caressed, reveling in each other’s body. This was something that Spike still wasn’t used to. His life before had been filled with slam, bam, and a quick fuck. At first, Liam’s slowness made him crazy. He soon learned that the slower pace was much more sensual. He loved being tenderly touched, especially when the person touching him was Liam. His big hands were surprisingly gentle as they stroked him. They seemed to know where to touch to make Spike’s body tremble with need.
Liam kissed down the length of Spike’s body, caressing the pale skin with his fingers and mouth. He licked down Spike’s slender neck and flushed chest until he reached an erect nipple. He paused there, laving it with his tongue and nipping it with his teeth, while his hand continued to travel down Spike’s heated, lean body. Spike writhed and moaned in pleasure. Liam’s fingers paused at his navel. He circled it with light touches and then grazed his hand down until he reached the coarse hair of Spike’s groin. He threaded his fingers through the curls and grasped the base of the smaller man’s hardened cock. Leaving the pert nub, Liam licked his way down Spike’s stomach. He circled his navel with his tongue a few times before dipping into it. He started stroking Spike’s cock slowly with his hand, as he inched farther down the lean body.
Spike had been pushing his hips up into Liam’s hand, begging for more…pleading, but the larger man continued his gentle, deliberate loving of Spike’s body. Liam was amazed at his responsiveness, given his past. He was glad to know that Spike hadn’t lost this passionate part of him…that Spike felt safe enough to not hold back.
As he moved down, he swiped his tongue across the tip of Spike’s cock, lapping up the pre-come that was pooling at the tip. The taste exploded across his tongue as he took the length of it into his mouth. Ignoring his own cock, he bobbed his head up and down the shaft, keeping a slight grip on the base. Every now and then he’d gently scrape his teeth along the length, teasing Spike further with his tongue.
Spike rose off the mattress as he reached down and threaded his fingers gently but firmly in Liam’s hair. “Oh God Liam…please…”
Liam ignored Spike’s plea as he moved his other hand to the inside of Spike’s quivering thigh and softly ran his fingers along the tender flesh. He took his balls into his hand and massaged them. He moved his fingers along his perineum until they reached their destination. He circled the small opening with his index finger, before slowly sliding it in.
“Yesssssssss.” Spike moaned as he pressed down to let Liam in. He reached clumsily to the table next to the bed and grabbed one of the packets laying there. With shaky fingers, he got it open and removed the latex. He handed it to the man that was wreaking tender havoc on his body. “Please Liam…don’t think I’m going to last much longer. Need you….now! Inside me.”
Liam smiled as he took the condom from Spike. Sitting up, he put it on his cock, his hands trembling slightly with anticipation and desire. Spike got up on his elbow to watch Liam. He was breathing heavily. As Liam crawled toward Spike on his knees, Spike bent his legs, and put his bare feet flat on the bed and spread his thighs. He watched as Liam came closer, stroking his own cock. Liam reached for the table and removed the tube of slick, popping the lid and squirting a generous amount into his hand. He never took his eyes off the young man laying there, his blue eyes dilated with passion, his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath and slow his heartbeat.
He lifted Spike’s legs up and put them over his shoulders. He moved forward, bending Spike in half. He lined up his cock to Spike’s opening and slowly began to press inside.
Spike was having none of the agonizingly slow pace. Before Liam realized what he was doing, Spike pressed down and the larger man was fully seated within Spike. Liam glanced at Spike, wanting to make sure he was okay. Spike just grinned back at him and started moving himself, back and forth, fucking himself on Liam’s cock. Soon Liam was moving with him, slowly at first, but then faster and harder as Spike demanded.
Spike took his cock into his own hand and fisted it furiously as Liam continued to thrust into his body hard and fast. Spike kept egging him on to go faster and harder and Liam complied, unable to control himself.
Spike was soon grunting as he came all over his hand, his semen spurting out of his cock and landing on his chest. As Liam saw Spike come and felt his muscles clench around his cock, he lowered himself and proceeded to lick some of the milky white fluid from Spike’s skin. He came with a groan as the tangy liquid hit his taste buds. He continued to move within Spike until his cock emptied. Liam covered Spike with his own heated body, and lay still, buried inside his ass. Liam brushed away the damp curls on Spike’s forehead and dropped soft kisses onto the pale slick skin of his face and neck. He blew his warm breath into Spike’s ear and licked and kissed the outer rim of his earlobe, making him shudder and moan.
Spike took Liam by the shoulders and drew him away from his neck. They stared at each other for a long moment; lost in each other's eyes, moist with desire. Spike raised his head off the bed and gave Liam a soul-searing kiss. Liam rolled them over, but their lips stayed locked in the kiss. His sated, softened cock slipped out of Spike’s still quivering ass. Releasing Liam’s mouth, Spike nestled into the crook of his neck, tasting the salty goodness that was the man who had changed his life. He reached down and removed the condom from Liam’s spent cock and tossed it into the basket next to the bed.
Sighing, he grabbed the blanket they had pushed to the end of the bed and covered their bodies. He wanted to fall asleep within Liam’s gentle but powerful embrace. They lay for a while, each man breathing heavily until their racing hearts slowed down.
Liam was just about to succumb to sleep when he heard an almost silent whisper from Spike. “I love you, Liam.”
Startled by the sleepy confession, it was a long while before Liam was able to fall asleep.
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When Liam awoke, Spike was lying next to him, his head resting on Liam's chest. He lay for a while thinking, remembering and marveling at the change in his life since he found Spike nearly frozen in the woods. Liam purposely imprisoned his heart; he forgot how to feel until the slender man beside him forced him to care. He replayed Spike’s words as he fell asleep: I love you, Liam. He never expected to hear those words again. Part of him was happy and the other part was frightened- the same old terror - that he would be left alone - again.
He eased himself away from Spike - who groaned - but didn’t wake. He threw on a pair of sweats, grabbed clean clothes and went into the kitchen. He let Mac out and fixed food for him and Bella. He opened the door when the dog barked and then hurried into the bathroom for a quick shower. The words Spike said repeated in his mind: I love you, Liam.
Do I love Spike? Of course you do. You’ve loved him although you wouldn’t allow yourself to believe it. Will I be enough for him? Will he run away? Does he mean it or is he just grateful? Should I risk my heart again? Your heart’s already lost, Liam. Even if he leaves, isn’t it better to have his love now? Already you’ve filled your memories with him.
Liam turned off the shower and dressed, then went to the kitchen to make tea. Spike was walking out of the bedroom in Liam’s robe. It was obvious he had nothing on underneath. Liam was disgusted by his lustful thoughts. He is just so…
“Morning, Spike.”
“Hmmm,” he said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
“What do you want for breakfast?”
“Whatever you want. Not that hungry, though. Ate too much at Mrs. Jenkins’. I’ll get a quick shower, okay?” He looked up and Liam had to bite his lips to calm his lustful thoughts. Jesus, I’m like a teenager - thinking about sex all the time!
Spike went into shower and Liam willed down his arousal and made bacon and eggs.
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After breakfast, Liam had to work out in the barn on several commissions. Spike was going to work on using the stylus on the computer, but he sat for a long while thinking of what he had whispered to Liam as he slept. He had never said that before. He had never felt it before and although he had no experience with a truly loving relationship with anyone, he knew what he had with Liam was what love was; what all the love songs were about. You sodding ponce, William! All sappy and gushy. Romantic crap! But he couldn’t deny feeling that he was safe; that he belonged somewhere. He couldn’t deny the warmth that suffused his heart and body because he loved someone for the first time. But questions plagued his mind. Did Liam feel the same? Could he possibly love me, with my ugly past and all my baggage? Spike sighed and turned on the computer.
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Spike opened the huge door in the barn. “Hey, Liam, defrosted some of Mrs. Jenkins’ soup for lunch.”
Liam looked up from the lathe and smiled. “Great!” He turned off the machines and tamped down the fire in the stove. The two men walked together back to the cabin.
As they were cleaning up from lunch, Liam remarked, “I think I’ve been spoiled by our trip, Spike. I want to be outside walking around.”
“Yeah, I was a little antsy this mornin’ too I almost threw the sodding stylus across the room!” Spike replied.
They walked outside to find snow falling heavily. “Oh bloody hell, more snow!” Spike groused. “When does it stop snowin’ - July?”
Liam’s heart clenched and he tried to calm down. You sometimes get tired of snow too. Stop with the angst!
“Last year the snow ended in March.”
“March! Ain’t that spring?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, spring is the end of March. But we’re near Canada and it’s cold for a long time up here.”
Mac was rolling around in the snow. Liam grinned. “Ever made snow angels, Spike?”
Spike looked puzzled. “What are snow angels?”
To Spike’s astonishment, Liam dropped to the ground and spread his arms and legs out to the side and brushed back and forth a few times. Mac danced around barking gleefully. Liam stood up. “See, an angel.”
Spike laughed. He was surprised that Liam would do such a childish thing but he dropped down and made an angel of his own. They spent a little while tossing snow at each other and at Mac. They walked through the woods and out onto the tiny strip of sand that bordered Lake Champlain. The wind was much stronger coming in off the water and they were soon shivering.
“Race you back, Spike!” Liam called over his shoulder as he pounded across the snowy ground. Spike followed laughing. This is a sodding fairy tale. I’m happy. Bloody hell, I’m happy! Been happy for days! And nothin’ bad has happened!
They took off their wet clothes and wrapped themselves in blankets and sat for a while in front of the fire. They dressed finally in sweats, had dinner and watched a movie - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Spike had seen it when he was much younger and didn’t remember much. He lay in Liam’s lap and clasped the larger man’s hand to his chest. Liam watched the movie and Spike. After the film, Spike went into the bedroom. Liam let Mac out, made sure the fire was tamped down, and then let the dog back in. Spike was lying naked in the middle of the bed, his eyes closed. “Took ya long enough ponce, my dick is almost frozen!” He opened one eye and laughed at the look on Liam’s face. They wrestled a bit and then spent a long time making passionate love until they could no longer stay awake. Holding each other, the two men fell asleep, the warm glow of their fun together pushing all other thoughts away.
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The next morning Liam and Spike drove into Burlington. They wandered around the town, stopping in the art shop, the book store and a comic book shop. As Liam browsed the racks with Spike, he whispered. “Your strips are more finely drawn than many of these.”
Spike could barely contain his joy. He grinned up at Liam and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. They ate lunch and made their way over to the University hospital for their appointments with the therapists. Both men entered the large outer office with trepidation and when they separated to meet with their individual therapists for an initial session, both of them were filled with dread.
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Two hours later, Spike and Liam left the building in tense silence. As they neared the car, Liam finally spoke. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to go anywhere else? Stay for dinner?”
“No. Just want to go back to the island.”
Liam stiffened when Spike said he wanted to go back to the island. He usually said he wanted to go home. Liam’s thoughts careened through his mind and his emotions collided with each other - anger, fear, sadness, despair. He clutched the steering wheel with white fingers as he drove far too fast back to North Hero. They listened to music in the car and didn’t talk. As they drove closer to the cabin Spike finally spoke, but did not look over at Liam. “Could you drop me at Mrs. Jenkins? Feel like reading some Poe right now; need to borrow her book. Don’t wait. I’ll…I’ll call.”
“Ah…sure.”
Spike jumped out of the car before it came to a full stop and bounded up the steps of the elderly woman’s porch. He never turned around to wave.
Liam continued to drive home. He was furious. His session began with him telling the psychologist that he had been in therapy before - David convinced him to talk with someone about his father’s behavior and how he felt about it. Liam told the therapist about David and his death and the man listened and took copious notes. Finally he spoke and Liam was not happy with what he said. The therapist questioned his relationship with Spike, asked pointedly what the relationship was. He verbalized all of Liam’s thoughts against loving Spike. He made Liam feel like a predator. When the psychologist saw Liam’s anger, he told him to think about why he was angry and they would discuss it next time in their individual session.
Next time! There will be no next time! He thinks I’m a pervert! And what’s with Spike? Why did he want to stop at Mrs. Jenkins? What did his therapist say? What did he tell Spike? What did Spike tell him? Does everything have to be difficult? Will I never find the peace and love that I had with David before he got sick?
Liam recalled the day before - a walk in the woods, snow angels, a movie and bed. Yes, great sex, but I heard Spike. I heard him say I love you.
Liam stomped into the house. He took Mac out and the dog could sense something was wrong. He didn’t dance around in the snow as he usually did. Liam fed the animals but ate nothing himself. He soaked for a long time in the tub and lay awake for hours in the lonely bed. He cried, he cursed, and finally fell asleep exhausted.
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Mrs. Jenkins opened the door before Spike had a chance to knock. She noticed his flushed face and his clenched hands. “Come in, Spike. Is Liam parking the truck?”
“No, he dropped me off.”
“Oh, tea? I made some of those chocolate chip cookies you like. I was going to bring them over tomorrow.” She looked intently at Spike. It was obvious something was seriously wrong.
“Just tea, thanks.”
Spike paced the room, muttering to himself.
“Spike?” Mrs. Jenkins said softly as she handed him the mug of tea. “Something’s wrong. How can I help?”
The young man looked directly at her and she gasped silently at the pain and fear she saw in his glittering eyes. He blinked furiously to keep his tears at bay.
“Come, sit.”
Mrs. Jenkins sat in her rocking chair - the rocking chair that Liam made for her. Spike sat stiffly on the sofa for a few minutes and then jumped up and stalked around the room.
“Sodding therapist! Asked too many questions.”
The elderly woman didn’t respond. She knew Spike had to speak in his own time.
“Didn’t want to talk about my parents. Parents? Hah. They weren’t parents - no white picket fence for me. Drinkin’ and whorin’. That’s all they knew.” Spike stopped and looked at Mrs. Jenkins when he realized what he said. “Sorry.”
She said nothing, just smiled and nodded and sipped her tea. Spike turned and walked to the window. He was silent for a few minutes as he stared out into the snow heavy sky. He began to pace again.
“Wanted me to talk about David! Bloody sod. Perfect. Rich.” He whirled around to face the elderly woman. “Liam still loves him. Know he compares me to him. I’m street scum and David…he was a bloody famous architect. Liam showed me some buildings that he designed in New York. He’s dead but he’s everywhere. Can’t get away from him!”
Spike stomped over to the couch and sat down, only to jump up and pace again. “He’s there in the cabin. Liam still has some of his things in the attic. Bloody ghost! Haunts my dreams. Tells me I’m no good. Follows me around smirking, telling me Liam doesn’t really want me here. That he feels sorry for me. Sad, hopeless Spike!”
He turned back to the window and rested his head on the cold glass. He wasn’t aware of the tears flooding his cheeks. He wasn’t aware that his body was trembling.
“Spike, everyone has memories of someone they loved. You told me that Liam looked at the photo albums to remember when his father loved him. We need to know that we were loved by someone.” Mrs. Jenkins stood next to Spike at the window. She placed a hand on his arm. “I think of my husband every day. I think of my dead son.”
Spike turned to look at her. “Your son died?”
“Yes, he was fifteen. He took the boat out without telling us and he was caught in a squall. They never found his body.”
“I’m…I’m really sorry, Mrs. Jenkins.” Spike said quietly.
“I’m telling you this because like Liam, I’ve canonized my son.” When Spike looked puzzled, she explained. “I’ve forgotten his faults and all I remember are the good memories. Perhaps Liam is doing that. He’s been alone for several years and all he’s had are his memories.”
She paused and took a sip of tea. “None of us really knew Liam before you came. He kept to himself; had little to say to anyone. All he had to comfort him were his memories and his woodworking.”
“And guilt.” Spike whispered. “He told me he wanted David to die when he got so sick.”
The elderly woman nodded. “I wanted my husband to die. He was suffering terribly.”
“I’m not like David. I lived on the streets. I was…I was…”
“What you were doesn’t matter. I only see what you are now, Spike. I see the difference you’ve made in Liam. I see that you care for him deeply. That doesn’t mean that each of you won’t get angry at each other or hurt each other. We’re human beings. We make mistakes.”
Spike didn’t answer. He leaned back and rested his head on the sofa. His body was less tense but he still clenched and unclenched his hands.
“Spike, would you like to stay here tonight. Maybe you and Liam need some time apart.”
He opened his beautiful blue eyes bright with tears. He nodded but didn’t answer.
Mrs. Jenkins called Liam. The conversation was very short. She hurt for both of them. She knew that both had been damaged by their pasts, but she thought things were better. The therapy was forcing them to face their deepest fear and anger. It was a painful process.
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Liam hung up the phone. Spike wasn’t coming home. It’s better. I need time. Time to what - think about my perversion? Living with an eighteen-year old?
Liam sat on the sofa staring into the fire, remembering everything since he found Spike. He hadn’t forced him to do anything. Spike made the first move. But I’m older. The adult…should have known better. Despite his adult lifestyle, he’s…what? He’s eighteen. You were eighteen when you began to live with David. He was six years older than you. Yes, but I’m nine years older than Spike. But he’s probably experienced more things than I have - at least physically and sexually, but emotionally he’s very young. I pushed him away when he first tried to… Did he think he had to pay me with his body because I took him in? That’s what he knew.
Painful thoughts collided with each other as Liam sat staring into the fire all night; he never slept.
Mrs. Jenkins called the next morning. Doc Clayton had taken Spike to work at John’s. He was going to Ann’s afterward for tutoring.
Liam went out to his workshop and tried to concentrate. He worked carefully on the hope chest for Pat Adams’ daughter. He drew plans for several of the commissioned pieces, but Spike’s face was always in his mind. He thought about the therapist’s suggestions…accusations, over and over. He was exhausted and when he nearly cut his finger with the table saw, he closed down the workshop and went back to the cabin. It was so quiet…too quiet. He forgot how quiet it had been before Spike crashed into his life. He didn’t like it at all; he needed to hear something. He walked over to the stereo and turned it on. He spun the volume knob until the music screamed out of the speakers, and drowned out the quiet.
Although he hadn't eaten anything since the day before, he wasn’t hungry; he drank some tea and ate a slice of toast. He wanted to be distracted by the images, but Spike haunted him. He always had a running commentary during the films. He hooted and laughed and responded emotionally to every movie they watched. His drawings - full of pain and loneliness. His grin. His blue eyes. His devotion to Bella and Mac. His rants. His irrational behavior. Liam felt his angry tears course down his face. He was angry with himself, with his therapist, with Spike, with his father, everyone. He fell into an exhausted sleep near dawn.
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Spike and Liam didn’t see each other until late that night. Spike had eaten at John’s and went to Ann’s to work on history. The sheriff dropped him off. “Bloody knackered, goin’ to bed.” He said in a soft, harsh voice when he entered the cabin.
Liam slept poorly on the sofa; he was up before dawn, showered and dressed. Their initial joint therapy appointment was today at eleven, but he wanted to cancel. He didn’t think they would be able to talk together. Spike had obviously been upset with whatever he had discussed privately with his therapist and he had been seething and silent during the last few minutes of his individual session. He called to talk to his Aunt Margaret and her gentle but firm encouragement gave him a little courage.
He had to wake Spike at nine. He walked into the room and saw him sleeping. As he watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest, all the anger fled his heart. Spike’s hair was wildly tousled; his mouth hung slightly open; his face rested on his hands against the pillow. Liam wanted to trace his fingers on Spike’s sharp cheekbones as he often did when they slept together. He pushed those thoughts away and touched Spike’s shoulder.
“Spike, wake up. We…we have to…be in Burlington by eleven.”
Spike mumbled something he could not hear and turned onto his stomach. Liam had to smile at him. He was so cute in the morning. Shit! Cute! Yeah, cute because he’s…
Liam spoke again but this time loudly and harshly. “Spike, come on, wake up. We need to leave soon. Do you want breakfast?”
Spike flicked open his eyes and shut them quickly. Pale sunlight was streaming through the skylight. “No food. Just that honey tea.”
“Okay, you’ll get up and get your shower?”
Spike rolled over and Liam saw his morning erection tenting his underwear. He quickly turned and walked out of the bedroom. A few minutes later, Spike went into the bathroom to shower, taking but a few minutes to dispel the effects of his dream.
*************************
They were both tensely quiet on the drive to Burlington, but Liam asked Spike about work and his history lesson, so he responded. Spike then fiddled with the radio for the remainder of the drive.
The joint session quickly became stormy. Liam’s therapist brought up what they had discussed privately - his relationship with Spike, who was several years younger than he. Liam grasped the arms of the chair tightly and spoke in a soft, but clenched voice.
“I was in a relationship when I was eighteen with a man six years older than I. I pursued him until he gave in. We had eight wonderful years together until he died. He helped me to grow up. He helped me recover from my father’s…behavior. He was there for me when my parents abandoned me. He made me finish school. He gave me experiences around the world that I would never have had. In many ways he was like the perfect older brother, except that we…we were lovers. There was nothing sordid about our relationship unless you think a relationship between two men is sordid. Young women marry men twenty years their senior and very little is said. Why is it different with men?”
Before his therapist could speak, Spike stood up abruptly, his face flushed and his eyes flashing fury. “You bloody doctors have to see ugly everywhere! You don’t know ugly! Liam saved my life. We’re friends and…and I…I…years mean nothing. I…my…my life was hard. I grew up fast. In many ways, I’m older than Liam. He’s…he’s been…protected. I’ve never been protected…'til I came here. I’m not a kid…haven’t been a kid for a long time. Bugger off about the age difference between us.”
Spike sat down and for a few minutes no one spoke. The two therapists scribbled in their notes and Liam and Spike sat rigidly in their chairs.
*************************
After they left the therapists’ office, Liam asked Spike if he wanted to shop for anything. “Yeah, maybe get a journal like those doctors said. I…I speak through my drawings, but guess I need…need to write my thoughts down. You gettin’ one?”
Liam nodded and they browsed in the bookstore, had fancy coffee and went to the car.
“Do you want to have lunch? You didn’t eat breakfast; neither did I.” Liam asked.
“Rather go back home.”
Liam’s heart lifted when Spike said home.
They talked a little on the way out of the city. Spike told Liam about the history that he was studying with Ann. Liam shared what he had been creating in his workshop. As they drove over the bridge onto the island, Spike began to talk - about David.
“You canonize David, Liam. He’s like some saint who never did anything wrong. You’ve got him on a pedestal so high, no one could possibly measure up…I can’t measure up to a ghost. No one can. I’m not educated, not rich, didn’t design huge buildings that everyone admires. Take him off the pedestal, Liam. You said you were glad when he died - why…?”
Liam interrupted, his voice filled with anger. “Don’t talk about him. You know nothing. You know only your own little warped world. You don’t know what love is. You’ve never had a relationship - unless you count the ones that lasted a few minutes with money left on the bed…” Liam stopped speaking.
Spike glared at Liam; his face white with rage, his voice a vicious snarl. “And you know what a relationship is? You’re in love with a ghost. Oh poor Liam - so alone, so sad. His lover died of…Stop the fucking car. You can have your ghost. Stop the fucking car or I’ll jump out.”
Liam pulled onto the side of the road and Spike threw himself out of the truck. Liam jumped out and followed him. He grabbed Spike’s shoulder and spun him around. He held him tightly with his large hands and spoke through clenched teeth. “Running away again, Spike? You’re good at that. Ran 3,000 miles to get away from your sordid life. You’ll never get past it, Spike. You don’t want to. I want pity? How about you? Mrs. Jenkins, Ann, everyone wants to take care of you. Poor orphan Spike.”
Liam stopped, drained. He stared into the face that he had grown to love and he saw the hurt that his words had inflicted. He saw the tears glittering in Spike’s beautiful eyes; the rigid posture of the slender body that he needed to hold. He couldn’t…he couldn’t lose this man who had filled his life; who had given him back his life. His heart hurt at the horrible things they said to each other. They needed each other to help them heal from the wounds of their pasts.
Liam pulled Spike to him in a crushing hug and moaned into his hair. “Oh, God, Spike, I love you! I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I heard you. I heard you say you loved me. I…I was afraid to give my heart away, again, but…I already had.”
Spike wrapped his arms around Liam’s waist and leaned back to gaze up into his face. He looked serious and spoke in a rush. “Wasn’t sure what love was… then you…you took me in, a stranger. Was feeling somethin’ for you - your kindness and patience; the way you looked at me…your touch. Then I knew…what I felt for you was love. Never thought I was loveable; never thought you could love me. You…you taught me how to love someone…even how to love myself a little.”
He stopped for a moment and took a breath, then grinned mischievously. “You were so sexy…without trying. I wanted you…almost from the first.” A look of intense longing appeared suddenly on Spike’s face and he lowered his head to rest against Liam’s chest. “Wanted these huge arms around me. Keep me safe…and loved.” He lifted his head and looked hopefully at Liam.
Liam was silent for a moment and then took Spike’s lips in a long, deep kiss. They separated and looked into each other’s eyes; eyes that promised a long life together. Suddenly they realized snow was falling heavily.
“Let’s go home, Liam. Make some snow angels.”
Liam smiled. “Yes, let’s go home.”
** THE END **
Epilogue
We would also, once again, thank velvetwhip for nominating this story over at The Sunnydale Memorial FanFic Awards. You really made our day when we found out about that.
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Title: Runaways
Authors: angelspike69 and anamcara420
Pairing: Liam/Spike (William)
Rating: Adult. This story contains M/M sex. If that isn’t your cup of tea then go away now and don’t read any farther.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Angel and Spike don’t belong to us. If they did, they’d be following up all their fighting and snarking with each other with lots of manly shagging.
Spoilers: No spoilers at all as this is a story that takes place in an alternate universe where our boys are totally human and have never been vampires. We’re not even sure if they believe in them.
Feedback: AngelSpike69 and Anamcara420
Notes: Would like to extend our sincere thanks to makd for her beta of our story. You are the best sweetie!!!!! Previous chapters can be found in my memories here or in our archive here. The poem Spike quotes is Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven, quoted from here.
Summary: Two damaged young men meet by chance in the woods in Vermont. Through conflict and kindness and the special magic of Christmas, they stop running from their pasts and help each other to heal.
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Chapter 12
Liam looked at the clock. It was ten a.m., and they had to check out at eleven. He slipped from beneath Spike’s arms and went in to shower. He finished quickly, hoping that Spike would join him but knowing that it was better if he didn’t. He hardened at the memory of last night and turned the shower on cold. When he came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, Spike was just opening his eyes.
Liam smiled at his lover's rumpled hair and the sleep wrinkles on his pale face. “Hey there. Gotta hurry, Spike. Check out is in forty-five minutes.”
Spike stretched and groaned. “Bollocks. Need more sleep,” he grumbled.
“You can sleep in the car on the way home.” Liam replied. He removed the damp towel and threw it. He chuckled when he heard Spike protest. He turned and began to dress until a hard, slender body pressed itself against him and thin, but strong arms encircled his waist. “Spike, I’d love to, but we have to leave.”
Spike sighed and continued to grumble, but he released Liam and walked naked into the bathroom. Liam stood for another minute. He was thinking of last night - the wild passion and tender lovemaking, and then falling asleep in each other’s arms. He never expected to feel like this again, but Spike had crashed into his life and each day brought new challenges, new excitement, new feelings of love, devotion and of course, worry. Liam didn’t think he’d ever stop worrying. He just had to control it and hope for the best. Hopefully therapy would help him with that. His life with David had been perfect until David got sick. He didn’t think he’d ever have that again. He pulled himself out of his reverie and packed their suitcases. Spike came out of the shower toweling his hair, the tufts sticking up all over his head. Liam bit his lip to stop his feelings of arousal.
Morning was the one time that Spike wasn’t chatty, so they were able to finish packing quickly. They checked out, but went into the dining room for breakfast.
“We’re gonna make a little side trip on the way home.” Liam said.
“Yeah? Where?” Spike asked.
“It’s a surprise.” Liam responded and smiled at his still sleepy companion.
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As soon as Liam started the truck, Spike fell asleep. As Liam drove, he glanced over at Spike, who didn’t stir until Liam parked the vehicle at their destination. He opened his eyes and stared around groggily.
“What’s this then?”
“It’s the Edgar Allan Poe Cottage.” Liam replied with a smile.
Spike sat up quickly, fully awake. “What?”
“This was the last house Poe lived in before he died…” Liam began.
Spike’s blue eyes widened as he interrupted. “I know. I know. The Raven was published while he lived here.” He began to quote:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door,
Only this and nothing more.
“I love that poem!” Spike declared. His voice was animated as he continued sharing what he knew. “His wife died of tuberculosis here. Did you know he created the detective story? The Murders in the Rue Morgue was the first detective story. The Purloined Letter was a mystery, too. Letter was hidden in plain sight!” His face was flushed with happy anticipation as he chattered on. “He lived in Philadelphia, too. I saw the house he lived in on the Web. In the basement there is a brick wall which looks like the one he described in The Black Cat - the one where the man buried the cat and his wife!” He continued barely taking a breath. “He went to West Point for a while and some of his friends there gave him money to get his first book published. Someone has put a rose and a half bottle of cognac on his grave in Baltimore on his birthday, January 19, ever since his death in 1849.”
Liam parked the truck. He kept smiling as he watched Spike and listened to his excited ramblings. I am so glad I brought him here. He is thrilled and happy! Spike jumped out of the truck and kept talking. “I love his stories - really weird, otherworldly. The Cask of Amontillado where Montressor walls up Fortunato. He had a thing for being buried alive. The Fall of the House of Usher - weird and very very cool. Mrs. Jenkins loaned me a collection of his stories and poems and I read them all.” He stopped speaking suddenly as they approached the tiny cottage. As they entered, they were greeted by a grey-haired woman who offered to show them around.
“Would it be okay if we wandered around ourselves?” Liam asked quietly.
She smiled. “Of course. That’s what most people want to do.”
They walked quietly, almost reverently around the rooms. The little house had been refurbished to look as it did when Poe and Virginia lived in it; even the walls were painted the same colors. Spike stood silently at the desk for a long while, awestruck. It did not belong to the author but it was similar to one that he might have used. They climbed quietly up the stairs to the couple’s bedroom. Liam had to lower his head since the ceiling was barely six feet tall. Spike stood perfectly still and silent for several minutes. Spike didn't say a word inside the cottage.
Although nothing was growing in the cold winter, they walked through the little garden toward a bench. Spike pointed to it and walked over to it, and sat down. He looked up at Liam and smiled; Liam returned the smile and joined him. They sat there in silence, enjoying the pale winter sun. Liam was startled when Spike took his hand and scooted closer to him. He moved Liam’s arm up and lay down, placing Liam’s hand on his stomach. Liam looked around nervously. They were alone. He looked down as he felt Spike start to play with his fingers. Spike grinned up at him, and directed Liam to come down with a crook of his finger. He raised his head from Liam’s lap and met his lips half way with his own.
Their lips met briefly and Liam drew back and cast an anxious glance around again. He wanted to be certain they were alone. This was the first time they had shown each other affection in public. Liam worried about people’s reactions. Not everyone was comfortable with affection between two men.
“No worries, Liam. We’re alone here. ‘Sides, what does it matter what people think?” Spike asked matter-of-factly.
“Um…Not worried.”
“Yeah, right. I see that look on your face. Didn’t you and David ever hold hands or kiss in public? Or did you two just save that for when you were home?”
“No, we did…sometimes…but the city…people are more…accepting of…a gay lifestyle…this…this is different.”
“Don’t see the difference.” He touched Liam’s face. “I know what you’re thinking,’ Liam. ‘Bout the difference in our ages. Weren’t you years younger than David? Did he worry about what people would think, him being with a young, hot thing like yourself?” Spike couldn’t help but laugh as Liam’s face turned a nice shade of pink.
“Yes, he did at first, he was…he wasn’t demonstrative in public.” Liam flushed a deeper pink. He looked down at Spike who stared up at him, a knowing smirk curling his mouth. Liam sighed and his lips twitched. “I wore him down eventually.” Liam replied with a smile as he gave Spike’s slender fingers a slight squeeze. Liam squirmed a bit on the bench as Spike continued to play with his fingers and rub his head in his lap. It was having a decidedly stiffening effect on Liam’s cock.
Liam looked at his watch, noticing the time. “We need to get going Spike, if we are going to get home early enough to pick up Mac and Bella. You ready to go?”
Spike laughed again at Liam’s discomfort, since he knew the effect he was having on Liam. “Yeah, let’s go.” He sat up and then stood, grabbing hold of Liam’s hand to pull him from the bench. He didn’t let it go, and they walked to the truck holding hands, stopping to thank the old woman who greeted them. Spike whistled all the way from the house to the truck.
Once in the vehicle, Spike looked over at Liam. He touched the larger man’s thigh and leaned toward him, kissing him. “Thanks, Liam.”
Liam smiled. “Well, you talked about him a lot so I knew you liked him.”
“I’ve…I’ve never visited an author’s house before and Poe…” He trailed off and neither of them spoke for several miles. Spike’s hand never left Liam’s thigh.
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When they arrived on the island, Liam and Spike went straight to Mrs. Jenkins' to pick up Mac and Bella. The dog pranced around them and barked quietly. Even regal Bella walked in and out of Spike’s legs and meowed until he picked her up. Mrs. Jenkins invited them for dinner and they shared their escapades with her. Spike was sparkling and did most of the talking. He told her everything about the trip. Liam watched him and his heart fluttered at Spike's happiness. He remembered the not-so-joyful scenes but quickly pushed them out of his mind. Spike reached across the table to touch his hand when he told Mrs. Jenkins about the Poe house. The elderly woman felt joy and hope for the two young men who were so important in her life. She didn't want either of them to have any more sorrow.
They said good-night and drove home. Bella and Mac were happy to be back in the cabin. Mac danced around and Bella strolled regally toward the cold fireplace and turned to look at Liam as if to encourage him to build up the fire. He laughed and hurried to do her bidding. After he had the fire blazing comfortably, he carried the suitcases into the bedroom and began to unpack. Arms surrounded his waist and pressed him back against a hard slender body. The arms released him and Liam turned to face the smaller man.
Spike grinned at him and wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck. He soon has his legs wrapped around the larger man’s waist. Liam placed his hands underneath Spike to help support him. He could see the tears glittering in Spike’s eyes and his breath caught as the old fear blazed in his heart. The two men stared at each other for a long moment.
Finally, Spike spoke, his voice thick with emotion. “Thank you, Liam. Never…never had…never saw so many amazing things. Never would have if you didn’t take me. I’ll never forget it.” He moved his head forward and captured Liam’s mouth in a deep, passionate kiss. Then, the two men gazed into each other’s eyes. They continued to kiss as Liam walked them both over to the large bed. He placed one knee and then the other on the soft mattress, then bent forward and gently positioned Spike on the bed. Spike continued to hold him, as they both lay down in the center of the large bed. Liam removed Spike’s arms from his neck and moved off the slender body beneath him, worried that he would crush the smaller man. They undressed each other slowly, taking their time, brushing lips and hands over heated flesh.
They kissed and caressed, reveling in each other’s body. This was something that Spike still wasn’t used to. His life before had been filled with slam, bam, and a quick fuck. At first, Liam’s slowness made him crazy. He soon learned that the slower pace was much more sensual. He loved being tenderly touched, especially when the person touching him was Liam. His big hands were surprisingly gentle as they stroked him. They seemed to know where to touch to make Spike’s body tremble with need.
Liam kissed down the length of Spike’s body, caressing the pale skin with his fingers and mouth. He licked down Spike’s slender neck and flushed chest until he reached an erect nipple. He paused there, laving it with his tongue and nipping it with his teeth, while his hand continued to travel down Spike’s heated, lean body. Spike writhed and moaned in pleasure. Liam’s fingers paused at his navel. He circled it with light touches and then grazed his hand down until he reached the coarse hair of Spike’s groin. He threaded his fingers through the curls and grasped the base of the smaller man’s hardened cock. Leaving the pert nub, Liam licked his way down Spike’s stomach. He circled his navel with his tongue a few times before dipping into it. He started stroking Spike’s cock slowly with his hand, as he inched farther down the lean body.
Spike had been pushing his hips up into Liam’s hand, begging for more…pleading, but the larger man continued his gentle, deliberate loving of Spike’s body. Liam was amazed at his responsiveness, given his past. He was glad to know that Spike hadn’t lost this passionate part of him…that Spike felt safe enough to not hold back.
As he moved down, he swiped his tongue across the tip of Spike’s cock, lapping up the pre-come that was pooling at the tip. The taste exploded across his tongue as he took the length of it into his mouth. Ignoring his own cock, he bobbed his head up and down the shaft, keeping a slight grip on the base. Every now and then he’d gently scrape his teeth along the length, teasing Spike further with his tongue.
Spike rose off the mattress as he reached down and threaded his fingers gently but firmly in Liam’s hair. “Oh God Liam…please…”
Liam ignored Spike’s plea as he moved his other hand to the inside of Spike’s quivering thigh and softly ran his fingers along the tender flesh. He took his balls into his hand and massaged them. He moved his fingers along his perineum until they reached their destination. He circled the small opening with his index finger, before slowly sliding it in.
“Yesssssssss.” Spike moaned as he pressed down to let Liam in. He reached clumsily to the table next to the bed and grabbed one of the packets laying there. With shaky fingers, he got it open and removed the latex. He handed it to the man that was wreaking tender havoc on his body. “Please Liam…don’t think I’m going to last much longer. Need you….now! Inside me.”
Liam smiled as he took the condom from Spike. Sitting up, he put it on his cock, his hands trembling slightly with anticipation and desire. Spike got up on his elbow to watch Liam. He was breathing heavily. As Liam crawled toward Spike on his knees, Spike bent his legs, and put his bare feet flat on the bed and spread his thighs. He watched as Liam came closer, stroking his own cock. Liam reached for the table and removed the tube of slick, popping the lid and squirting a generous amount into his hand. He never took his eyes off the young man laying there, his blue eyes dilated with passion, his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath and slow his heartbeat.
He lifted Spike’s legs up and put them over his shoulders. He moved forward, bending Spike in half. He lined up his cock to Spike’s opening and slowly began to press inside.
Spike was having none of the agonizingly slow pace. Before Liam realized what he was doing, Spike pressed down and the larger man was fully seated within Spike. Liam glanced at Spike, wanting to make sure he was okay. Spike just grinned back at him and started moving himself, back and forth, fucking himself on Liam’s cock. Soon Liam was moving with him, slowly at first, but then faster and harder as Spike demanded.
Spike took his cock into his own hand and fisted it furiously as Liam continued to thrust into his body hard and fast. Spike kept egging him on to go faster and harder and Liam complied, unable to control himself.
Spike was soon grunting as he came all over his hand, his semen spurting out of his cock and landing on his chest. As Liam saw Spike come and felt his muscles clench around his cock, he lowered himself and proceeded to lick some of the milky white fluid from Spike’s skin. He came with a groan as the tangy liquid hit his taste buds. He continued to move within Spike until his cock emptied. Liam covered Spike with his own heated body, and lay still, buried inside his ass. Liam brushed away the damp curls on Spike’s forehead and dropped soft kisses onto the pale slick skin of his face and neck. He blew his warm breath into Spike’s ear and licked and kissed the outer rim of his earlobe, making him shudder and moan.
Spike took Liam by the shoulders and drew him away from his neck. They stared at each other for a long moment; lost in each other's eyes, moist with desire. Spike raised his head off the bed and gave Liam a soul-searing kiss. Liam rolled them over, but their lips stayed locked in the kiss. His sated, softened cock slipped out of Spike’s still quivering ass. Releasing Liam’s mouth, Spike nestled into the crook of his neck, tasting the salty goodness that was the man who had changed his life. He reached down and removed the condom from Liam’s spent cock and tossed it into the basket next to the bed.
Sighing, he grabbed the blanket they had pushed to the end of the bed and covered their bodies. He wanted to fall asleep within Liam’s gentle but powerful embrace. They lay for a while, each man breathing heavily until their racing hearts slowed down.
Liam was just about to succumb to sleep when he heard an almost silent whisper from Spike. “I love you, Liam.”
Startled by the sleepy confession, it was a long while before Liam was able to fall asleep.
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When Liam awoke, Spike was lying next to him, his head resting on Liam's chest. He lay for a while thinking, remembering and marveling at the change in his life since he found Spike nearly frozen in the woods. Liam purposely imprisoned his heart; he forgot how to feel until the slender man beside him forced him to care. He replayed Spike’s words as he fell asleep: I love you, Liam. He never expected to hear those words again. Part of him was happy and the other part was frightened- the same old terror - that he would be left alone - again.
He eased himself away from Spike - who groaned - but didn’t wake. He threw on a pair of sweats, grabbed clean clothes and went into the kitchen. He let Mac out and fixed food for him and Bella. He opened the door when the dog barked and then hurried into the bathroom for a quick shower. The words Spike said repeated in his mind: I love you, Liam.
Do I love Spike? Of course you do. You’ve loved him although you wouldn’t allow yourself to believe it. Will I be enough for him? Will he run away? Does he mean it or is he just grateful? Should I risk my heart again? Your heart’s already lost, Liam. Even if he leaves, isn’t it better to have his love now? Already you’ve filled your memories with him.
Liam turned off the shower and dressed, then went to the kitchen to make tea. Spike was walking out of the bedroom in Liam’s robe. It was obvious he had nothing on underneath. Liam was disgusted by his lustful thoughts. He is just so…
“Morning, Spike.”
“Hmmm,” he said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
“What do you want for breakfast?”
“Whatever you want. Not that hungry, though. Ate too much at Mrs. Jenkins’. I’ll get a quick shower, okay?” He looked up and Liam had to bite his lips to calm his lustful thoughts. Jesus, I’m like a teenager - thinking about sex all the time!
Spike went into shower and Liam willed down his arousal and made bacon and eggs.
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After breakfast, Liam had to work out in the barn on several commissions. Spike was going to work on using the stylus on the computer, but he sat for a long while thinking of what he had whispered to Liam as he slept. He had never said that before. He had never felt it before and although he had no experience with a truly loving relationship with anyone, he knew what he had with Liam was what love was; what all the love songs were about. You sodding ponce, William! All sappy and gushy. Romantic crap! But he couldn’t deny feeling that he was safe; that he belonged somewhere. He couldn’t deny the warmth that suffused his heart and body because he loved someone for the first time. But questions plagued his mind. Did Liam feel the same? Could he possibly love me, with my ugly past and all my baggage? Spike sighed and turned on the computer.
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Spike opened the huge door in the barn. “Hey, Liam, defrosted some of Mrs. Jenkins’ soup for lunch.”
Liam looked up from the lathe and smiled. “Great!” He turned off the machines and tamped down the fire in the stove. The two men walked together back to the cabin.
As they were cleaning up from lunch, Liam remarked, “I think I’ve been spoiled by our trip, Spike. I want to be outside walking around.”
“Yeah, I was a little antsy this mornin’ too I almost threw the sodding stylus across the room!” Spike replied.
They walked outside to find snow falling heavily. “Oh bloody hell, more snow!” Spike groused. “When does it stop snowin’ - July?”
Liam’s heart clenched and he tried to calm down. You sometimes get tired of snow too. Stop with the angst!
“Last year the snow ended in March.”
“March! Ain’t that spring?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, spring is the end of March. But we’re near Canada and it’s cold for a long time up here.”
Mac was rolling around in the snow. Liam grinned. “Ever made snow angels, Spike?”
Spike looked puzzled. “What are snow angels?”
To Spike’s astonishment, Liam dropped to the ground and spread his arms and legs out to the side and brushed back and forth a few times. Mac danced around barking gleefully. Liam stood up. “See, an angel.”
Spike laughed. He was surprised that Liam would do such a childish thing but he dropped down and made an angel of his own. They spent a little while tossing snow at each other and at Mac. They walked through the woods and out onto the tiny strip of sand that bordered Lake Champlain. The wind was much stronger coming in off the water and they were soon shivering.
“Race you back, Spike!” Liam called over his shoulder as he pounded across the snowy ground. Spike followed laughing. This is a sodding fairy tale. I’m happy. Bloody hell, I’m happy! Been happy for days! And nothin’ bad has happened!
They took off their wet clothes and wrapped themselves in blankets and sat for a while in front of the fire. They dressed finally in sweats, had dinner and watched a movie - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Spike had seen it when he was much younger and didn’t remember much. He lay in Liam’s lap and clasped the larger man’s hand to his chest. Liam watched the movie and Spike. After the film, Spike went into the bedroom. Liam let Mac out, made sure the fire was tamped down, and then let the dog back in. Spike was lying naked in the middle of the bed, his eyes closed. “Took ya long enough ponce, my dick is almost frozen!” He opened one eye and laughed at the look on Liam’s face. They wrestled a bit and then spent a long time making passionate love until they could no longer stay awake. Holding each other, the two men fell asleep, the warm glow of their fun together pushing all other thoughts away.
*************************
The next morning Liam and Spike drove into Burlington. They wandered around the town, stopping in the art shop, the book store and a comic book shop. As Liam browsed the racks with Spike, he whispered. “Your strips are more finely drawn than many of these.”
Spike could barely contain his joy. He grinned up at Liam and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. They ate lunch and made their way over to the University hospital for their appointments with the therapists. Both men entered the large outer office with trepidation and when they separated to meet with their individual therapists for an initial session, both of them were filled with dread.
*************************
Two hours later, Spike and Liam left the building in tense silence. As they neared the car, Liam finally spoke. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to go anywhere else? Stay for dinner?”
“No. Just want to go back to the island.”
Liam stiffened when Spike said he wanted to go back to the island. He usually said he wanted to go home. Liam’s thoughts careened through his mind and his emotions collided with each other - anger, fear, sadness, despair. He clutched the steering wheel with white fingers as he drove far too fast back to North Hero. They listened to music in the car and didn’t talk. As they drove closer to the cabin Spike finally spoke, but did not look over at Liam. “Could you drop me at Mrs. Jenkins? Feel like reading some Poe right now; need to borrow her book. Don’t wait. I’ll…I’ll call.”
“Ah…sure.”
Spike jumped out of the car before it came to a full stop and bounded up the steps of the elderly woman’s porch. He never turned around to wave.
Liam continued to drive home. He was furious. His session began with him telling the psychologist that he had been in therapy before - David convinced him to talk with someone about his father’s behavior and how he felt about it. Liam told the therapist about David and his death and the man listened and took copious notes. Finally he spoke and Liam was not happy with what he said. The therapist questioned his relationship with Spike, asked pointedly what the relationship was. He verbalized all of Liam’s thoughts against loving Spike. He made Liam feel like a predator. When the psychologist saw Liam’s anger, he told him to think about why he was angry and they would discuss it next time in their individual session.
Next time! There will be no next time! He thinks I’m a pervert! And what’s with Spike? Why did he want to stop at Mrs. Jenkins? What did his therapist say? What did he tell Spike? What did Spike tell him? Does everything have to be difficult? Will I never find the peace and love that I had with David before he got sick?
Liam recalled the day before - a walk in the woods, snow angels, a movie and bed. Yes, great sex, but I heard Spike. I heard him say I love you.
Liam stomped into the house. He took Mac out and the dog could sense something was wrong. He didn’t dance around in the snow as he usually did. Liam fed the animals but ate nothing himself. He soaked for a long time in the tub and lay awake for hours in the lonely bed. He cried, he cursed, and finally fell asleep exhausted.
*************************
Mrs. Jenkins opened the door before Spike had a chance to knock. She noticed his flushed face and his clenched hands. “Come in, Spike. Is Liam parking the truck?”
“No, he dropped me off.”
“Oh, tea? I made some of those chocolate chip cookies you like. I was going to bring them over tomorrow.” She looked intently at Spike. It was obvious something was seriously wrong.
“Just tea, thanks.”
Spike paced the room, muttering to himself.
“Spike?” Mrs. Jenkins said softly as she handed him the mug of tea. “Something’s wrong. How can I help?”
The young man looked directly at her and she gasped silently at the pain and fear she saw in his glittering eyes. He blinked furiously to keep his tears at bay.
“Come, sit.”
Mrs. Jenkins sat in her rocking chair - the rocking chair that Liam made for her. Spike sat stiffly on the sofa for a few minutes and then jumped up and stalked around the room.
“Sodding therapist! Asked too many questions.”
The elderly woman didn’t respond. She knew Spike had to speak in his own time.
“Didn’t want to talk about my parents. Parents? Hah. They weren’t parents - no white picket fence for me. Drinkin’ and whorin’. That’s all they knew.” Spike stopped and looked at Mrs. Jenkins when he realized what he said. “Sorry.”
She said nothing, just smiled and nodded and sipped her tea. Spike turned and walked to the window. He was silent for a few minutes as he stared out into the snow heavy sky. He began to pace again.
“Wanted me to talk about David! Bloody sod. Perfect. Rich.” He whirled around to face the elderly woman. “Liam still loves him. Know he compares me to him. I’m street scum and David…he was a bloody famous architect. Liam showed me some buildings that he designed in New York. He’s dead but he’s everywhere. Can’t get away from him!”
Spike stomped over to the couch and sat down, only to jump up and pace again. “He’s there in the cabin. Liam still has some of his things in the attic. Bloody ghost! Haunts my dreams. Tells me I’m no good. Follows me around smirking, telling me Liam doesn’t really want me here. That he feels sorry for me. Sad, hopeless Spike!”
He turned back to the window and rested his head on the cold glass. He wasn’t aware of the tears flooding his cheeks. He wasn’t aware that his body was trembling.
“Spike, everyone has memories of someone they loved. You told me that Liam looked at the photo albums to remember when his father loved him. We need to know that we were loved by someone.” Mrs. Jenkins stood next to Spike at the window. She placed a hand on his arm. “I think of my husband every day. I think of my dead son.”
Spike turned to look at her. “Your son died?”
“Yes, he was fifteen. He took the boat out without telling us and he was caught in a squall. They never found his body.”
“I’m…I’m really sorry, Mrs. Jenkins.” Spike said quietly.
“I’m telling you this because like Liam, I’ve canonized my son.” When Spike looked puzzled, she explained. “I’ve forgotten his faults and all I remember are the good memories. Perhaps Liam is doing that. He’s been alone for several years and all he’s had are his memories.”
She paused and took a sip of tea. “None of us really knew Liam before you came. He kept to himself; had little to say to anyone. All he had to comfort him were his memories and his woodworking.”
“And guilt.” Spike whispered. “He told me he wanted David to die when he got so sick.”
The elderly woman nodded. “I wanted my husband to die. He was suffering terribly.”
“I’m not like David. I lived on the streets. I was…I was…”
“What you were doesn’t matter. I only see what you are now, Spike. I see the difference you’ve made in Liam. I see that you care for him deeply. That doesn’t mean that each of you won’t get angry at each other or hurt each other. We’re human beings. We make mistakes.”
Spike didn’t answer. He leaned back and rested his head on the sofa. His body was less tense but he still clenched and unclenched his hands.
“Spike, would you like to stay here tonight. Maybe you and Liam need some time apart.”
He opened his beautiful blue eyes bright with tears. He nodded but didn’t answer.
Mrs. Jenkins called Liam. The conversation was very short. She hurt for both of them. She knew that both had been damaged by their pasts, but she thought things were better. The therapy was forcing them to face their deepest fear and anger. It was a painful process.
*************************
Liam hung up the phone. Spike wasn’t coming home. It’s better. I need time. Time to what - think about my perversion? Living with an eighteen-year old?
Liam sat on the sofa staring into the fire, remembering everything since he found Spike. He hadn’t forced him to do anything. Spike made the first move. But I’m older. The adult…should have known better. Despite his adult lifestyle, he’s…what? He’s eighteen. You were eighteen when you began to live with David. He was six years older than you. Yes, but I’m nine years older than Spike. But he’s probably experienced more things than I have - at least physically and sexually, but emotionally he’s very young. I pushed him away when he first tried to… Did he think he had to pay me with his body because I took him in? That’s what he knew.
Painful thoughts collided with each other as Liam sat staring into the fire all night; he never slept.
Mrs. Jenkins called the next morning. Doc Clayton had taken Spike to work at John’s. He was going to Ann’s afterward for tutoring.
Liam went out to his workshop and tried to concentrate. He worked carefully on the hope chest for Pat Adams’ daughter. He drew plans for several of the commissioned pieces, but Spike’s face was always in his mind. He thought about the therapist’s suggestions…accusations, over and over. He was exhausted and when he nearly cut his finger with the table saw, he closed down the workshop and went back to the cabin. It was so quiet…too quiet. He forgot how quiet it had been before Spike crashed into his life. He didn’t like it at all; he needed to hear something. He walked over to the stereo and turned it on. He spun the volume knob until the music screamed out of the speakers, and drowned out the quiet.
Although he hadn't eaten anything since the day before, he wasn’t hungry; he drank some tea and ate a slice of toast. He wanted to be distracted by the images, but Spike haunted him. He always had a running commentary during the films. He hooted and laughed and responded emotionally to every movie they watched. His drawings - full of pain and loneliness. His grin. His blue eyes. His devotion to Bella and Mac. His rants. His irrational behavior. Liam felt his angry tears course down his face. He was angry with himself, with his therapist, with Spike, with his father, everyone. He fell into an exhausted sleep near dawn.
*************************
Spike and Liam didn’t see each other until late that night. Spike had eaten at John’s and went to Ann’s to work on history. The sheriff dropped him off. “Bloody knackered, goin’ to bed.” He said in a soft, harsh voice when he entered the cabin.
Liam slept poorly on the sofa; he was up before dawn, showered and dressed. Their initial joint therapy appointment was today at eleven, but he wanted to cancel. He didn’t think they would be able to talk together. Spike had obviously been upset with whatever he had discussed privately with his therapist and he had been seething and silent during the last few minutes of his individual session. He called to talk to his Aunt Margaret and her gentle but firm encouragement gave him a little courage.
He had to wake Spike at nine. He walked into the room and saw him sleeping. As he watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest, all the anger fled his heart. Spike’s hair was wildly tousled; his mouth hung slightly open; his face rested on his hands against the pillow. Liam wanted to trace his fingers on Spike’s sharp cheekbones as he often did when they slept together. He pushed those thoughts away and touched Spike’s shoulder.
“Spike, wake up. We…we have to…be in Burlington by eleven.”
Spike mumbled something he could not hear and turned onto his stomach. Liam had to smile at him. He was so cute in the morning. Shit! Cute! Yeah, cute because he’s…
Liam spoke again but this time loudly and harshly. “Spike, come on, wake up. We need to leave soon. Do you want breakfast?”
Spike flicked open his eyes and shut them quickly. Pale sunlight was streaming through the skylight. “No food. Just that honey tea.”
“Okay, you’ll get up and get your shower?”
Spike rolled over and Liam saw his morning erection tenting his underwear. He quickly turned and walked out of the bedroom. A few minutes later, Spike went into the bathroom to shower, taking but a few minutes to dispel the effects of his dream.
*************************
They were both tensely quiet on the drive to Burlington, but Liam asked Spike about work and his history lesson, so he responded. Spike then fiddled with the radio for the remainder of the drive.
The joint session quickly became stormy. Liam’s therapist brought up what they had discussed privately - his relationship with Spike, who was several years younger than he. Liam grasped the arms of the chair tightly and spoke in a soft, but clenched voice.
“I was in a relationship when I was eighteen with a man six years older than I. I pursued him until he gave in. We had eight wonderful years together until he died. He helped me to grow up. He helped me recover from my father’s…behavior. He was there for me when my parents abandoned me. He made me finish school. He gave me experiences around the world that I would never have had. In many ways he was like the perfect older brother, except that we…we were lovers. There was nothing sordid about our relationship unless you think a relationship between two men is sordid. Young women marry men twenty years their senior and very little is said. Why is it different with men?”
Before his therapist could speak, Spike stood up abruptly, his face flushed and his eyes flashing fury. “You bloody doctors have to see ugly everywhere! You don’t know ugly! Liam saved my life. We’re friends and…and I…I…years mean nothing. I…my…my life was hard. I grew up fast. In many ways, I’m older than Liam. He’s…he’s been…protected. I’ve never been protected…'til I came here. I’m not a kid…haven’t been a kid for a long time. Bugger off about the age difference between us.”
Spike sat down and for a few minutes no one spoke. The two therapists scribbled in their notes and Liam and Spike sat rigidly in their chairs.
*************************
After they left the therapists’ office, Liam asked Spike if he wanted to shop for anything. “Yeah, maybe get a journal like those doctors said. I…I speak through my drawings, but guess I need…need to write my thoughts down. You gettin’ one?”
Liam nodded and they browsed in the bookstore, had fancy coffee and went to the car.
“Do you want to have lunch? You didn’t eat breakfast; neither did I.” Liam asked.
“Rather go back home.”
Liam’s heart lifted when Spike said home.
They talked a little on the way out of the city. Spike told Liam about the history that he was studying with Ann. Liam shared what he had been creating in his workshop. As they drove over the bridge onto the island, Spike began to talk - about David.
“You canonize David, Liam. He’s like some saint who never did anything wrong. You’ve got him on a pedestal so high, no one could possibly measure up…I can’t measure up to a ghost. No one can. I’m not educated, not rich, didn’t design huge buildings that everyone admires. Take him off the pedestal, Liam. You said you were glad when he died - why…?”
Liam interrupted, his voice filled with anger. “Don’t talk about him. You know nothing. You know only your own little warped world. You don’t know what love is. You’ve never had a relationship - unless you count the ones that lasted a few minutes with money left on the bed…” Liam stopped speaking.
Spike glared at Liam; his face white with rage, his voice a vicious snarl. “And you know what a relationship is? You’re in love with a ghost. Oh poor Liam - so alone, so sad. His lover died of…Stop the fucking car. You can have your ghost. Stop the fucking car or I’ll jump out.”
Liam pulled onto the side of the road and Spike threw himself out of the truck. Liam jumped out and followed him. He grabbed Spike’s shoulder and spun him around. He held him tightly with his large hands and spoke through clenched teeth. “Running away again, Spike? You’re good at that. Ran 3,000 miles to get away from your sordid life. You’ll never get past it, Spike. You don’t want to. I want pity? How about you? Mrs. Jenkins, Ann, everyone wants to take care of you. Poor orphan Spike.”
Liam stopped, drained. He stared into the face that he had grown to love and he saw the hurt that his words had inflicted. He saw the tears glittering in Spike’s beautiful eyes; the rigid posture of the slender body that he needed to hold. He couldn’t…he couldn’t lose this man who had filled his life; who had given him back his life. His heart hurt at the horrible things they said to each other. They needed each other to help them heal from the wounds of their pasts.
Liam pulled Spike to him in a crushing hug and moaned into his hair. “Oh, God, Spike, I love you! I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I heard you. I heard you say you loved me. I…I was afraid to give my heart away, again, but…I already had.”
Spike wrapped his arms around Liam’s waist and leaned back to gaze up into his face. He looked serious and spoke in a rush. “Wasn’t sure what love was… then you…you took me in, a stranger. Was feeling somethin’ for you - your kindness and patience; the way you looked at me…your touch. Then I knew…what I felt for you was love. Never thought I was loveable; never thought you could love me. You…you taught me how to love someone…even how to love myself a little.”
He stopped for a moment and took a breath, then grinned mischievously. “You were so sexy…without trying. I wanted you…almost from the first.” A look of intense longing appeared suddenly on Spike’s face and he lowered his head to rest against Liam’s chest. “Wanted these huge arms around me. Keep me safe…and loved.” He lifted his head and looked hopefully at Liam.
Liam was silent for a moment and then took Spike’s lips in a long, deep kiss. They separated and looked into each other’s eyes; eyes that promised a long life together. Suddenly they realized snow was falling heavily.
“Let’s go home, Liam. Make some snow angels.”
Liam smiled. “Yes, let’s go home.”
** THE END **
Epilogue