a depressing day...
along with the rain pouring down so did my tears today. all day long. i woke up with a killer headache and couldnt do anything to cure it. i had to tell the one person who has been able to convince me that i could smile and be happy, and i mean truely happy, this year that i cant be what i really want to be with him. i will never charrish someones kisses the way i will charrish his, so perfect in every way. never missing one spot. always so full of passion and always so soft. i have to do this in order to save myself from complete and utter pain like i had before when i had to let Lee out of my life. in order to tell him this i had to think about it all day, write it out a couple of times and finally call him and tell him. after doing so and talking to him, he didnt really understand what i was trying to tell him. so we agreed to talk about it in perosn when he comes home. which means hes going to see me cry... one of his first questions to me was "you aren't trying to stop talking to me are you? your not trying to only be friends with me like you and Alex are, you know, hi, how are you and thats it?" when i said no of corse not he said "good because we still have to go to new york, you still have to meet my brother and we have to go on that cruise and i have to meet your sister and we have to travel the world and we are going to die on that mountain in denver remember?" how could i have met someone so wonderful, someone who makes me feel so wonderful and have to push them away because i dont want to get hurt? depressing is what it is. "just remember," he says to me, "i want you to know that i do really care about you." aye alejandro....