Howdy, Howdy, Howdy
Zane has been through hell for the last week. Not understanding why these things have to happen to my family. I stand and watch the pain that goes across their faces. I hate it when there is nothing I can do to help. Just to sit back and watch things like this happen. I’m just a natural crier. I cry over the damned things. I hate to see anyone in pain. I wish god would let me take their pain away. It’s like your going a long you’re doing great and you don’t see the brick wall and you hit at full force. Especially when you are all ready at wits end over stress from what life has already brought you. It’s like they say God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle. I think that’s right.
My surgery went great. Couple things I didn’t suspect but I got through them. I’m only experiencing slight pain in my right middle abdomen and around my belly button. I had to stay overnight though for observation. The nurses and the techs took good care of me. One was cuter then hell. He graduated the same year as my sister Jacque well the year that she would of.
Thanksgiving wasn’t all that fun I went into anxiety attacks all because I thought Grainger didn’t want to spend time with me that day. Some days I wonder if he even wants to be with me. Lately I have been thinking that Jamie might be right that I shouldn’t have taken him back. But other days I am glad that I did. I just wish that what I truly want for Christmas to come true. But knowing my luck it won’t happen.
Plus I have been a real screw up the meds that they have me on are not working. I took grandma’s head of and made her cry. I am such a bitch! I apologized for it though but I still feel bad. Mom tried to get me in sooner at Wasatch Mental but they didn’t have any openings so I have to wait till my appointment this month. I am thinking of going on Lithium because it is one of the medications that is listed in a book that mom borrowed from someone that used to be in our ward. Mom wants to try me on Xanex. My Uncle Zane is on it he acts like a dork and I don’t think I want to do that. But I am willing to try anything right now to be normal. Not Prefect just so I can be a normal person.
My Step-dad is back in Utah. Right now I am scared that I am going to lose my Mom. I just don’t know what is going to happen.
I finally got back into seen Monroe (My Therapist) I haven’t seen him in over a month because I didn’t have no proof of income. Finally Mom found a piece of paper proofing I have no income except for food stamps. I hate were Monroe works I love my therapist but the place he works for are jerks! They cater to the Mexicans. I hate it!! I have an appointment again with him tomorrow then again next week.
My surgery went great. Couple things I didn’t suspect but I got through them. I’m only experiencing slight pain in my right middle abdomen and around my belly button. I had to stay overnight though for observation. The nurses and the techs took good care of me. One was cuter then hell. He graduated the same year as my sister Jacque well the year that she would of.
Thanksgiving wasn’t all that fun I went into anxiety attacks all because I thought Grainger didn’t want to spend time with me that day. Some days I wonder if he even wants to be with me. Lately I have been thinking that Jamie might be right that I shouldn’t have taken him back. But other days I am glad that I did. I just wish that what I truly want for Christmas to come true. But knowing my luck it won’t happen.
Plus I have been a real screw up the meds that they have me on are not working. I took grandma’s head of and made her cry. I am such a bitch! I apologized for it though but I still feel bad. Mom tried to get me in sooner at Wasatch Mental but they didn’t have any openings so I have to wait till my appointment this month. I am thinking of going on Lithium because it is one of the medications that is listed in a book that mom borrowed from someone that used to be in our ward. Mom wants to try me on Xanex. My Uncle Zane is on it he acts like a dork and I don’t think I want to do that. But I am willing to try anything right now to be normal. Not Prefect just so I can be a normal person.
My Step-dad is back in Utah. Right now I am scared that I am going to lose my Mom. I just don’t know what is going to happen.
I finally got back into seen Monroe (My Therapist) I haven’t seen him in over a month because I didn’t have no proof of income. Finally Mom found a piece of paper proofing I have no income except for food stamps. I hate were Monroe works I love my therapist but the place he works for are jerks! They cater to the Mexicans. I hate it!! I have an appointment again with him tomorrow then again next week.