Jokes and overdue announcement of temporary hiatus
To my flist, I am so overdue on posting this and I apologize. I am temporarily out of commission with a broken rib and a mending punctured lung. I do get online but I can't sit down at the PC so I stand to go through email and then wander back to bed when my legs get tired. I will be back when my rib is a little more settled because I really don't feel like having it poke a hole in my lung again. So bear with me and don't boot my pathetic ass off your flist while I'm mending. *insert pouty lip here*
Now on to the jokes that I got from 2 friends in my Inbox that made me laugh and subsequently hurt myself in the process...
A man was in a long line at Wal-Mart.
As he got to the register he realized
he had forgotten to get condoms, so
he asked the checkout girl if she could
have some brought up to the register.
She asked, 'What size condoms?'
The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants.
He did.
She reached over the counter, grabbed
hold of him and called over the intercom,
'One box of large condoms, Register 5.'
The next man in line thought this was
interesting, and like most of us, was up
for a cheap thrill.
When he got up to the register, he
told the checker that he too had
forgotten to get condoms, and asked
if she could have some brought to the
register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated
that he didn't know. She asked him to
drop his pants. He did.
She gave him a quick feel, picked up
the intercom and said, 'One box of
medium-sized condoms, Register 5 .'
A few customers back was this teenage
boy. He thought what he had seen was
way too cool. He had never had any type
of sexual contact with a live female, so
he thought this was his chance.
When he got to the register he told the
checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said
he didn't know.? She asked him to drop
his pants and he did. She reached over
the counter, gave him a quick squeeze,
then picked up the intercom and said...
(you'll love this one...................)
'Cleanup, Register 5'
RETIREMENT BONUS, Navy Style If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humor impaired!
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early Retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.
He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of My weenie to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider; explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did.
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back.
'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
The old Chief calmly replied, 'Vietnam.'
Now on to the jokes that I got from 2 friends in my Inbox that made me laugh and subsequently hurt myself in the process...
A man was in a long line at Wal-Mart.
As he got to the register he realized
he had forgotten to get condoms, so
he asked the checkout girl if she could
have some brought up to the register.
She asked, 'What size condoms?'
The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants.
He did.
She reached over the counter, grabbed
hold of him and called over the intercom,
'One box of large condoms, Register 5.'
The next man in line thought this was
interesting, and like most of us, was up
for a cheap thrill.
When he got up to the register, he
told the checker that he too had
forgotten to get condoms, and asked
if she could have some brought to the
register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated
that he didn't know. She asked him to
drop his pants. He did.
She gave him a quick feel, picked up
the intercom and said, 'One box of
medium-sized condoms, Register 5 .'
A few customers back was this teenage
boy. He thought what he had seen was
way too cool. He had never had any type
of sexual contact with a live female, so
he thought this was his chance.
When he got to the register he told the
checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said
he didn't know.? She asked him to drop
his pants and he did. She reached over
the counter, gave him a quick squeeze,
then picked up the intercom and said...
(you'll love this one...................)
'Cleanup, Register 5'
RETIREMENT BONUS, Navy Style If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humor impaired!
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early Retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.
He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of My weenie to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider; explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did.
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back.
'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
The old Chief calmly replied, 'Vietnam.'