Fic: Step by Step [KKBB]
Title: Step by Step
Author: Crow
Characters/Pairings: Harry/Perry
Rating: R for language, sexual stuff
Wordcount: 4, 905
Disclaimer: All I own is the DVD
Summary: It takes a lot for Harry and Perry to go from friends to 'dating', and even longer for Harry to convince Perry to get to the actual sex.
Perry and I are sort of a couple now.
Fuck that sounds gay. I mean yeah, I'm sleeping with the guy, and who even says 'sleeping with' someone anymore? Having sex, fucking, lovemaking if you wanna sound especially....I dunno, sensitive? Gay? I mean, I sometimes call it that. Not out loud, mind you, only in my head and always right after the fact. And only if I wasn't drunk during the whole thing, because then I just pass out before I have a chance to call it anything, even in my head.
What I had with Harmony, that was lovemaking. I mean, Jesus fuck I pined after her for twenty years. Okay, so it didn't work out and now she's back out there sleeping with every asshole except me, but we're friends and stuff now. We always were, so it's like the whole sleeping together thing didn't count. And of course, I had Perry with me.
Perry tried to be nice after Harmony left me. Nothing especially sensitive or mushy, but just stuff like buying me good coffee instead of the cheap shit that tastes like someone's pissed in it, or even getting me something to go with it like a muffin. He'd even let me go out on stakeouts with him and hold the camera while he sat there looking like he was vaguely pissed with the world. The guy still called me an idiot, of course, and a dumb fuck and a moron, and sometimes he'd tell me that he was sure the only reason I managed to last this long is because if I died there would be too much of a void of stupidity left in the world, and no one to fill it. But even that was kinda nice, you know? Because it felt like things were normal between us and nothing had changed.
Except things did change. But not right away or anything, so I didn’t notice. Or maybe I am too much of a fucking idiot to notice these things, like Perry says. Not that it matters, anyway, because I did notice. Kinda hard not to, when a guy has his tongue shoved down your throat and all you can really think are how weird and nice it is to be held by someone bigger than you. Not that I didn't notice before then. It is nice though, you know? Being held by someone Perry's size. I mean, the guy is big, obviously, but not to the point that you feel uncomfortable about it. More like it's enough that, if you fall asleep on the couch next to him watching TV because it might only be ten at night, but you've spent most of the day running around after some idiot who it turned out didn't want anything to do with the chick that had hired us to track him, but with the dog she had- which I don't get because it wasn't even that nice a dog, not that I particularly like dogs since one ate my finger but when I mentioned this in front of our client she got this horrified look on her face while Perry looked like he was getting to beat the crap out of me-
Anyway, the point is. He's the sort of guy that if you're tired and he happens to be next to you, you're gonna want to cuddle. Nothing especially gay, mind you, just resting against him and maybe pressing your face a little into his neck and vaguely wondering why he hasn't pushed you off yet right before dozing off.
Shit. Where was I going with this? Things changing, right.
I mean, when I think back on it, it all seems kinda really fucking obvious, but it’s not like that means shit, really. What is it that they say? 'Hindsight's twenty/ten' or something stupid like that? The point is, it wasn't obvious then even if it seems to be really obvious now.
And it's all the little things, like falling asleep like that with him and waking up to find his arm around me, or like when he'd leave early for work and when I'd wake up there would be pancakes or something made with a note that he wanted me to clean stuff when I was done. Whenever I asked him about that, he always gave me some bullshit about not wanting me to burn down the kitchen while he was gone because I was such a moron I'd probably leave the stove on with a napkin on top of it or something.
I even tried asking him about the cuddling thing once, when we were waiting for his client to show up so we could hand over the photos he'd asked for.
"Hey, Perry?"
He didn't answer at first. Sometimes he does that, maybe hoping I'll actually think about what I'm going to say before it comes out of my mouth.
"Perry?"
"What?" Fuck, he already sounded annoyed. I almost gave up on asking him and considered going with some bullshit question about lunch. But I didn't, probably cause I'm really bad at rethinking stuff anyway.
"You know how when we're on the couch, I sometimes fall asleep?"
"You mean every time I sit down to watch television and you decide it'd be a good time to take a nap on the couch?"
I had to pause, then, because I wasn't sure if he was kidding or if he'd figured it out. Yeah, sometimes I sat down with him just to have an excuse to fall asleep against him, but most of the time I wanted to watch what was on TV that night, even if Perry did have the remote and wouldn't let me flip between channels during commercials.
But now he was starting to stare at me, like maybe I'd forgotten what I was gonna say, so I decided to just play dumb for now. "It's a nice couch and a nice TV. But you know how when I do, I end up...falling asleep on you?" I was trying to make this not sound gay. It still sounded really, really gay to me, but I continued before Perry could reply. "Why don't you push me off?"
I expected some wiseass remark about how pushing me would make me hit my head, and I didn't really have any brain cells left to spare. Instead Perry just stared at me for a minute before frowning and facing forward, like he wasn't really talking to me anymore. "Harry, don't be an idiot. There's our client."
Perry walked away before I could say anything, already heading towards some tall guy with photos in hand. I kinda wanted to shout out to him, but it would have been weird as hell, yelling out 'Why do you let me cuddle?' across a mostly-empty parking lot. And then he might yell at me again for scaring away a client.
The nice stuff sort of stopped after that. I mean, not entirely, since he'd make me breakfast and crap, but he went back to buying the shitty coffee and not getting me any more stuff. He was probably trying to be subtle about it, the bastard, maybe so I'd forget it or stop bringing that sort of thing up.
He even shoved me off, once, when I fell asleep in the middle of a movie, something about a train heist and an assassination of some famous dude, with cowboys and shit. I started to fall asleep when all they did was talk for half an hour, and then next thing I know there's a big hand on my shoulder pushing me away.
I fell back against the armrest and yeah, I hit my head which hurt like a bitch. But then I opened my eyes to see that Perry wasn't even looking at me, just kept right on watching the movie. And it wasn't even an interesting scene, just more talking, and that hurt more than a bump on the head from the stupid armrest.
I got up and just went to my room after that, but not to mope or anything crappy like that. I was still tired, so I just lied in bed for a while and fell asleep. The next day Perry actually avoided me. See what kind of a son of a bitch he is? So I decided to avoid him too, see how he liked it. Eventually I had to go downstairs, though, to grab something I could snack on to pass the time, and without meaning to I sat down to watch TV with the guy. This time, when I fell asleep, he didn't push me off.
The nice stuff came back after that, just not in the same way, so I guess Perry was still trying to be subtle about it. Except he started doing stuff like sitting closer than he used to, or even patting me on the head instead of hitting me. And eventually, and I do mean eventually, like weeks later, that turned into wrapping his arm around me even before I had fallen asleep, and even tugging me closer sometimes. I didn't mind, really. I mean, I still didn't think I was gay, even for Perry, but the touch felt nice so I didn't say anything about it.
I didn't actually notice-notice until we kissed. And by 'we kissed', I mean 'I was minding my own business sleeping on Perry, and when I decide to lift my head to check out what the hell was going on with the movie he leans forward and presses his lips to mine.'
That sort of 'we kissed'.
To my credit, I didn't freak out at first, which I think is saying quite a lot for a guy who's never so much as glanced at another guy's dick while showering in the locker room after P.E. class. Probably cause I was too busy being hung up on Harmony, even then.
Instead I just stared at him for a few seconds, mostly because I was trying not to blurt out anything stupid that might make Perry angry. For a second, though, he actually looked worried, like he wanted to take it back. Which he couldn't, for the record. You don't just suddenly kiss the friend you've been living and working with one day on the couch and then decide you wanna take it back.
So I kissed him before he could. Except then I realized I was kissing Perry, and figured maybe I should pull back now that I'd made my point but his lips were moving now, making this a real kiss, and fuck if it didn't feel nice to just kiss him and press close, right there on the couch. There was a hand on my back, too, and I never realized how nice it could feel to have someone stroke down your spine like that.
Even when we finally broke it off, Perry just stared at me. It was a little unnerving, since he didn't even look angry.
"What?"
"Nothing." He was still stroking down my spine, and it's kinda hard to be annoyed at someone when you're busy trying to not just slump against the sofa and pass out again.
I still had to try, though. "You're staring. And not just staring, but like....really, really looking. And you're not even saying anything or calling me an idiot, and-" Then Perry started kissing me again, and I was about to keep talking anyway but then he did this thing where he bit my bottom lip and just tugged, and I very nearly moaned just from that.
I blame it on a combination of 'god that felt amazing' and 'I really, really haven't gotten laid in a while and having to listen to Perry bringing a guy home every so often didn't help'.
Then the kiss stopped, and he placed a hand over my mouth before I could open it again. "Harry?"
I tried to say 'Yeah'. It came out more like "Mhv?"
"Shut up. Don't ruin the moment." I almost didn't, just to see if he'd kiss me again. But he did it anyway, so I didn't have to say anything else. Which is good, cause I'm pretty sure I would've just made an idiot of myself.
Despite all that, though, we didn't get to sex right away. I guess Perry wanted to get me used to this sort of thing, since I'd have been more than happy to just start fucking like bunnies that very night. Okay so maybe the thought of actual sex was a little scary, all things considered. But that's how much I liked Perry.
So we started with kissing, right? Just simple stuff, kissing on the couch during commercials, just pressing against each other. Later on his hand would stroke lower, down to the small of my back, and then the smug bastard would grin because he'd get me to moan just by rubbing the small of my back.
He also owes me laundry. Not that I have to pay for that sort of thing now, since he has a washing machine at home, but anyway. If I was still going down to the local Laundromat? He'd definitely owe me at least one load, washing and drying.
Here's what happened: we're on the couch, as usual, and the credits have started rolling so there really isn't much distracting us from the kiss. So we keep doing our usual thing, hands moving and lips parting, and then Perry does this thing where he nips at my tongue, like right at the tip. I get distracted so I shift, and don't notice that I'm not exactly leaning against the back of the sofa anymore. So when I lean back and just keep leaning back, my arms come up to grab on to him. Only natural, right? Except he decides to follow, thinking I'm tugging him closer, and next thing I know we've both fallen back on the couch and Perry's got me pinned under him.
Now under any other circumstances, I'd be shoving him off, or at least complaining. Instead Perry decides to move against me, just once, layers and layers of clothes between us, and the friction alone is enough to make me moan and cling like some girl.
And he laughs! He actually grins at me and laughs, because I wasn't nervous enough already. I mean, I wasn't. Like I said I was totally ready for all of this, and if it wasn't for Perry deciding to take things slow- anyway, point is, he laughed. I would have been madder, except he rubbed against me again, and this time I moved back.
Can you see where this is going? No? I mean, two very horny guys, at least I assumed he was and I think I could feel it, but I'd never rubbed against a guy before so I couldn't be sure. So one very horny guy and another possibly horny guy, one of whom is gay, moving and rubbing against each other on the couch while one of them almost but doesn't really cling and maybe just maybe but probably doesn't moan the other guy's name-.... I'm getting distracted.
Point is, things happened. I got really, really focused on the rubbing, especially when Perry leaned down enough that he could start licking at my ear. That was a first from Perry. A very warm, wet, enjoyable first. So of course, my mind drifted to other warm, wet, and enjoyable uses of his tongue. That doesn't make me a pervert; the man just knows how to do some very very good things with his tongue.
I kept getting lost in the thoughts, too, so I didn't notice when I started moving more desperately against Perry. And I sure as hell didn't notice I was so close until I actually came with a cry, pressing more against Perry and most definitely clinging now.
I actually came with my clothes still on. I hadn't done that since I was some stupid teenager hiding porn under my bed because I didn't want to have the 'birds and the bees' talk with my parents. At least Perry was nice enough not to laugh, then, and just kissed me again before pulling away. Probably to keep me from complaining or something.
Not that it worked.
"You ruined my clothes."
"No, you ruined your clothes. What's in your pants right now is not mine."
I was about to keep complaining that it wasn't my fault, though, it was definitely his, before I noticed something. "-you didn't come! That's not fair. Perry..." Yeah, yeah, I sounded whiny. But that sort of thing was....bad. Like 'should be avoided at all costs' bad. Fuck. I'd never worried about that sort of thing. I mean, obviously I did, but generally it seemed like a mutual thing so I'd just end up feeling personal satisfaction at a job well done. Then again, generally I wasn't sitting around on couches rubbing against other guys. Not even when I was sixteen, which is apparently that age that everybody 'experiments' and decides they wanna be gay for a day or some shit like that. Not that I'd know personally; a guy I robbed a house with once told me, though he kept insisting it wasn't from personal experience. ‘I heard from a friend', that sort of thing.
The point being; me coming and Perry not? Bad.
"Stop worrying so much, you idiot. You probably just got overexcited."
"So you didn't...I mean, is there a way you're supposed to do it, then? Because if you'd tell me then maybe we wouldn't have this problem, and I could just do what you actually like and my clothes won't be the only ones ruined." I tried to sound defensive, but I could feel a pit growing in my stomach. If Perry didn't like this, then maybe he didn't like me. I wanted Perry to like me.
I must have looked panicked, because next thing I know there were lips over mine again, and they felt more comforting than 'This is a pity kiss, and boy am I glad I didn't let you into my pants yet’. Comforting, as it turned out, was nice. Nice enough that I ended up just relaxing against Perry like before, despite the growing discomfort of my clothes. There's a part of my teenage years I didn't miss.
"Just shut up and enjoy it. Try not to overload your brain too much before we even get to the actual sex."
So I was pretty sure that was a confirmation that Perry did actually still want in my pants, all things considered. I would've probably lingered more on that if shifting didn't bring a whole new level of uncomfortableness between my legs. "-right. I'd love to cuddle, really, but my pants are gonna get ruined at this rate and a shower would be nice."
Perry pulled back then, and I almost pouted. It's what I wanted and I'm a grown man, but still, that nice feeling was gone. "Go, put those in the wash. Don't let it sit until tomorrow or they'll get ruined, got it? Come back downstairs when you're done."
Oh, did I forget to mention? I got to sleep in Perry's bed now. My bed wasn't the worst, but his had silk sheets. Real silk, the smug bastard. And now I got to sleep on those same silk sheets every night. I had to make sure I didn't drool, though, since after the one time, and it really was only one time and it wasn't even that big of a drool spot, but Perry promised he'd kick me out of bed and make me sleep on a rug on the floor if I got spit all over his sheets again. Then I pointed out the many worse things he'd gotten on those sheets, and how my drool was probably the cleanest bodily fluid on them. I spent twenty minutes sitting on the floor before he'd let me come back to bed again.
I can't tell you how weird it was, sleeping in someone's bed when you weren't actually sleeping with them. Fucking them, same thing. Now don't get me wrong, it was nice and comforting, I didn't even need the TV to sleep anymore, turned out listening to Perry sleep was good enough. And it's not like I'm one to go at it night after night, exactly. I mean there was this one chick that was really into that? I lasted like...three weeks of constant sex, and I do mean constant, before I couldn't even get it up without feeling pain. Fuck off, it was hard.
But this was different. This was 'no sex at all, only heavy make out sessions and occasionally ruining my pants (though I was getting better at that)'. Try waking up with someone glaring at you because apparently your morning wood kept poking their thigh every so often. Which, if you ask me, isn't all that much to get upset over. He could just turn me over or, I dunno, gimme a hand.
- wait, no, scratch that. If Perry ever actually gives me a hand job, I wanna be awake for it. That is not the kind of shit you're supposed to sleep through. I mean, how weird would it be? You wake up; somebody's hand is down your pants. There's probably a fetish like that. People are into all kinds of weird shit. Everybody has their thing, right?
It just got kind of frustrating after a while. Not that the other things weren't nice, but it was just weird. And okay, fine, maybe I was a little worried that Perry didn't actually want me and this really was some sort of pity thing to help me get over Harmony, and yeah I wasn't as good looking or smart or stylish as the guys he used to bring home with him. I mean fuck, I'm missing half a finger and I used to steal shit for a living while they're probably all perfectly normal, amazing, functioning members of society whose ring finger never ended up inside a dog's stomach- See? Frustrated, not worried.
I did actually try to pin him. Me, some scrawny ass dude trying to pin a big guy like Perry.
And it worked, for all of two seconds. All he had to do is shift his body slightly and suddenly I was the one pressed against the bed under him, before I could even say anything. It's a hell of a lot harder to demand things when you're the one that's being pinned. Still, I tried.
"I want sex." Nice and clear, right?
"What the hell, Harry?"
Or maybe not.
"Sex. You know, like real sex. Not just rubbing and touching and crap. I mean, that's really nice and it's probably gonna be involved in sex, too. I doubt gay sex is that different from regular sex, I mean for guys. Two chicks doing it is just kind of awkward, you know? I could never really get into the porn of it because it just looked so weird-"
Perry put his hand over my mouth. I actually considered once if maybe that was a sexual thing for him, like if he'd do it during sex. I'd be busy moaning or something and suddenly, bam! Hand over my mouth. I tried licking it, see if that'd get him to let go, but all it did was make him glare so I stopped. I mean, I considered biting him, but then I might get thrown out of bed for the night, and I'd have to go back to sleeping in my own room. No way I was getting laid then.
"Shut up, idiot. Ever heard of easing into things?" I mostly just mumble against his hand before he finally let go.
"-like I was saying, I'm not some stupid teenager. I mean yeah, first time being gay, but I'm not a stranger to sex. I've had it in my sleep." Not a lie. That's what getting drunk does to you.
Perry put his hand back over my mouth before I could tell him more about my drunken one-night stands, and I figured I'd need to change tactics. Try to be....gayer. Or more sexual. So I tried giving him a sensual look, which was really as much as I could do with a hand covering my face. He laughed, right in my face. He would've probably called me an idiot if he wasn't too busy snickering to himself.
I whined at him, feeling frustrated and annoyed and really embarrassed. And, would you know it, that's what did it. He pulled his hand away and started kissing me, not softly or slow but really eagerly and almost sloppily, the sort of kiss that leaves you dazed and out of breath.
I tried not to linger on the fact that it was me being pathetic, not sexual or forward, that actually seemed to get Perry really hard.
It all gets to be sort of a blur after that. Anticlimactic, right? All these details about what happened before sex, and then I breeze over the actual thing. Well, do you wanna give me a play-by-play of your first time? Yeah, thought not.
We got naked at some point. Duh, right? But I remember because this was the first time I'd seen Perry....well, naked. I'd never seen the man lacking so much as a shirt, despite living and sleeping with him, and I gotta admit it was nice. I mean, I didn't stare like I normally do with women, but I was still hard after seeing him naked, so I figure that's a good sign.
I'll be honest, though. The prep bit you have to do before? Awkward. I mean yeah, it felt nice once I got used to having something inside me, that was a first, but before then I kept wanting to pull away and not look at Perry. And then he did this thing where he...crooked his finger? I dunno, but whatever the hell it was it felt fucking amazing. Probably a good thing we'd been doing stuff before this, since otherwise the whole 'no sex for a while' thing would have made me come right then and there.
I'm pretty sure Perry would've never let me live that down.
I got over the whole not looking at Perry thing really really quickly once sex started, though. It was weird, but it was also great and scary and a million other things. Not to sound like some sex-deprived romantic in a cheap paperback novel, but it's the best way to describe the feeling. It just was.
Luckily for me, Perry definitely didn't seem to mind me clinging during sex. I kept my arms wrapped around him and even pressed into his neck at the beginning, like I would when I'd fall asleep on the couch. It mostly just hurt, when he first started. But then he started moving and I got used to it, and...Fuck it felt amazing. It didn't hurt that he'd even stroke me every so often. It didn't take long before all I could really do was keep mumbling things like 'Fuck, Perry...Perry' against his ear.
Kind of embarrassing, except Perry really didn't seem to mind.
I'm not actually sure how long we were at it for. My head actually banged against the head board at one point, that left a bruise. But at some point I just tensed completely and cried out Perry's name and, thank god, it wasn't long before he did the same.
Lying there next to Perry after, it was a new kind of relaxation. It's weird, but having slept with him for so long made it easier for me to want to sleep after, even though I wasn't drunk. I was exhausted, too, but somehow being held against Perry's chest with my arms wrapped around him just made me feel happier than anything.
"Hey, Perry?"
"Hmm?" I could feel the sound vibrating in his chest; his heartbeat and even his breathing if I listened close enough.
"You're gonna stop bringing guys home now, right? Other guys. You know, like the ones you pick up, and then I have to listen to the two of you have sex."
I figured I must have said something stupid, not that I was really thinking then, because after a long pause Perry raised his hand. I tensed, waiting for the light slap to the back of my head. Instead he ran his fingers through my hair, petting my really, and I relaxed completely.
"Harry, don't be a moron. Why the hell would I bring any of those guys home if I have you?" His nails scratched lightly at my scalp. "And stop listening to other people have sex. That's just fucking weird."
I just laughed and pressed more against him. "Yeah, whatever. Stop being so damn loud about it all the time." I couldn't help it, I was happy. I had Perry. There wasn't much more I could want.
So you know what? Yeah, it's a little gay, saying things like 'we're a couple now' or 'making love'. But fuck if I care. I'm happy living with Perry, probably happier than I've been for years now, and I'm gonna keep being happy no matter what the hell I call it.
Author: Crow
Characters/Pairings: Harry/Perry
Rating: R for language, sexual stuff
Wordcount: 4, 905
Disclaimer: All I own is the DVD
Summary: It takes a lot for Harry and Perry to go from friends to 'dating', and even longer for Harry to convince Perry to get to the actual sex.
Perry and I are sort of a couple now.
Fuck that sounds gay. I mean yeah, I'm sleeping with the guy, and who even says 'sleeping with' someone anymore? Having sex, fucking, lovemaking if you wanna sound especially....I dunno, sensitive? Gay? I mean, I sometimes call it that. Not out loud, mind you, only in my head and always right after the fact. And only if I wasn't drunk during the whole thing, because then I just pass out before I have a chance to call it anything, even in my head.
What I had with Harmony, that was lovemaking. I mean, Jesus fuck I pined after her for twenty years. Okay, so it didn't work out and now she's back out there sleeping with every asshole except me, but we're friends and stuff now. We always were, so it's like the whole sleeping together thing didn't count. And of course, I had Perry with me.
Perry tried to be nice after Harmony left me. Nothing especially sensitive or mushy, but just stuff like buying me good coffee instead of the cheap shit that tastes like someone's pissed in it, or even getting me something to go with it like a muffin. He'd even let me go out on stakeouts with him and hold the camera while he sat there looking like he was vaguely pissed with the world. The guy still called me an idiot, of course, and a dumb fuck and a moron, and sometimes he'd tell me that he was sure the only reason I managed to last this long is because if I died there would be too much of a void of stupidity left in the world, and no one to fill it. But even that was kinda nice, you know? Because it felt like things were normal between us and nothing had changed.
Except things did change. But not right away or anything, so I didn’t notice. Or maybe I am too much of a fucking idiot to notice these things, like Perry says. Not that it matters, anyway, because I did notice. Kinda hard not to, when a guy has his tongue shoved down your throat and all you can really think are how weird and nice it is to be held by someone bigger than you. Not that I didn't notice before then. It is nice though, you know? Being held by someone Perry's size. I mean, the guy is big, obviously, but not to the point that you feel uncomfortable about it. More like it's enough that, if you fall asleep on the couch next to him watching TV because it might only be ten at night, but you've spent most of the day running around after some idiot who it turned out didn't want anything to do with the chick that had hired us to track him, but with the dog she had- which I don't get because it wasn't even that nice a dog, not that I particularly like dogs since one ate my finger but when I mentioned this in front of our client she got this horrified look on her face while Perry looked like he was getting to beat the crap out of me-
Anyway, the point is. He's the sort of guy that if you're tired and he happens to be next to you, you're gonna want to cuddle. Nothing especially gay, mind you, just resting against him and maybe pressing your face a little into his neck and vaguely wondering why he hasn't pushed you off yet right before dozing off.
Shit. Where was I going with this? Things changing, right.
I mean, when I think back on it, it all seems kinda really fucking obvious, but it’s not like that means shit, really. What is it that they say? 'Hindsight's twenty/ten' or something stupid like that? The point is, it wasn't obvious then even if it seems to be really obvious now.
And it's all the little things, like falling asleep like that with him and waking up to find his arm around me, or like when he'd leave early for work and when I'd wake up there would be pancakes or something made with a note that he wanted me to clean stuff when I was done. Whenever I asked him about that, he always gave me some bullshit about not wanting me to burn down the kitchen while he was gone because I was such a moron I'd probably leave the stove on with a napkin on top of it or something.
I even tried asking him about the cuddling thing once, when we were waiting for his client to show up so we could hand over the photos he'd asked for.
"Hey, Perry?"
He didn't answer at first. Sometimes he does that, maybe hoping I'll actually think about what I'm going to say before it comes out of my mouth.
"Perry?"
"What?" Fuck, he already sounded annoyed. I almost gave up on asking him and considered going with some bullshit question about lunch. But I didn't, probably cause I'm really bad at rethinking stuff anyway.
"You know how when we're on the couch, I sometimes fall asleep?"
"You mean every time I sit down to watch television and you decide it'd be a good time to take a nap on the couch?"
I had to pause, then, because I wasn't sure if he was kidding or if he'd figured it out. Yeah, sometimes I sat down with him just to have an excuse to fall asleep against him, but most of the time I wanted to watch what was on TV that night, even if Perry did have the remote and wouldn't let me flip between channels during commercials.
But now he was starting to stare at me, like maybe I'd forgotten what I was gonna say, so I decided to just play dumb for now. "It's a nice couch and a nice TV. But you know how when I do, I end up...falling asleep on you?" I was trying to make this not sound gay. It still sounded really, really gay to me, but I continued before Perry could reply. "Why don't you push me off?"
I expected some wiseass remark about how pushing me would make me hit my head, and I didn't really have any brain cells left to spare. Instead Perry just stared at me for a minute before frowning and facing forward, like he wasn't really talking to me anymore. "Harry, don't be an idiot. There's our client."
Perry walked away before I could say anything, already heading towards some tall guy with photos in hand. I kinda wanted to shout out to him, but it would have been weird as hell, yelling out 'Why do you let me cuddle?' across a mostly-empty parking lot. And then he might yell at me again for scaring away a client.
The nice stuff sort of stopped after that. I mean, not entirely, since he'd make me breakfast and crap, but he went back to buying the shitty coffee and not getting me any more stuff. He was probably trying to be subtle about it, the bastard, maybe so I'd forget it or stop bringing that sort of thing up.
He even shoved me off, once, when I fell asleep in the middle of a movie, something about a train heist and an assassination of some famous dude, with cowboys and shit. I started to fall asleep when all they did was talk for half an hour, and then next thing I know there's a big hand on my shoulder pushing me away.
I fell back against the armrest and yeah, I hit my head which hurt like a bitch. But then I opened my eyes to see that Perry wasn't even looking at me, just kept right on watching the movie. And it wasn't even an interesting scene, just more talking, and that hurt more than a bump on the head from the stupid armrest.
I got up and just went to my room after that, but not to mope or anything crappy like that. I was still tired, so I just lied in bed for a while and fell asleep. The next day Perry actually avoided me. See what kind of a son of a bitch he is? So I decided to avoid him too, see how he liked it. Eventually I had to go downstairs, though, to grab something I could snack on to pass the time, and without meaning to I sat down to watch TV with the guy. This time, when I fell asleep, he didn't push me off.
The nice stuff came back after that, just not in the same way, so I guess Perry was still trying to be subtle about it. Except he started doing stuff like sitting closer than he used to, or even patting me on the head instead of hitting me. And eventually, and I do mean eventually, like weeks later, that turned into wrapping his arm around me even before I had fallen asleep, and even tugging me closer sometimes. I didn't mind, really. I mean, I still didn't think I was gay, even for Perry, but the touch felt nice so I didn't say anything about it.
I didn't actually notice-notice until we kissed. And by 'we kissed', I mean 'I was minding my own business sleeping on Perry, and when I decide to lift my head to check out what the hell was going on with the movie he leans forward and presses his lips to mine.'
That sort of 'we kissed'.
To my credit, I didn't freak out at first, which I think is saying quite a lot for a guy who's never so much as glanced at another guy's dick while showering in the locker room after P.E. class. Probably cause I was too busy being hung up on Harmony, even then.
Instead I just stared at him for a few seconds, mostly because I was trying not to blurt out anything stupid that might make Perry angry. For a second, though, he actually looked worried, like he wanted to take it back. Which he couldn't, for the record. You don't just suddenly kiss the friend you've been living and working with one day on the couch and then decide you wanna take it back.
So I kissed him before he could. Except then I realized I was kissing Perry, and figured maybe I should pull back now that I'd made my point but his lips were moving now, making this a real kiss, and fuck if it didn't feel nice to just kiss him and press close, right there on the couch. There was a hand on my back, too, and I never realized how nice it could feel to have someone stroke down your spine like that.
Even when we finally broke it off, Perry just stared at me. It was a little unnerving, since he didn't even look angry.
"What?"
"Nothing." He was still stroking down my spine, and it's kinda hard to be annoyed at someone when you're busy trying to not just slump against the sofa and pass out again.
I still had to try, though. "You're staring. And not just staring, but like....really, really looking. And you're not even saying anything or calling me an idiot, and-" Then Perry started kissing me again, and I was about to keep talking anyway but then he did this thing where he bit my bottom lip and just tugged, and I very nearly moaned just from that.
I blame it on a combination of 'god that felt amazing' and 'I really, really haven't gotten laid in a while and having to listen to Perry bringing a guy home every so often didn't help'.
Then the kiss stopped, and he placed a hand over my mouth before I could open it again. "Harry?"
I tried to say 'Yeah'. It came out more like "Mhv?"
"Shut up. Don't ruin the moment." I almost didn't, just to see if he'd kiss me again. But he did it anyway, so I didn't have to say anything else. Which is good, cause I'm pretty sure I would've just made an idiot of myself.
Despite all that, though, we didn't get to sex right away. I guess Perry wanted to get me used to this sort of thing, since I'd have been more than happy to just start fucking like bunnies that very night. Okay so maybe the thought of actual sex was a little scary, all things considered. But that's how much I liked Perry.
So we started with kissing, right? Just simple stuff, kissing on the couch during commercials, just pressing against each other. Later on his hand would stroke lower, down to the small of my back, and then the smug bastard would grin because he'd get me to moan just by rubbing the small of my back.
He also owes me laundry. Not that I have to pay for that sort of thing now, since he has a washing machine at home, but anyway. If I was still going down to the local Laundromat? He'd definitely owe me at least one load, washing and drying.
Here's what happened: we're on the couch, as usual, and the credits have started rolling so there really isn't much distracting us from the kiss. So we keep doing our usual thing, hands moving and lips parting, and then Perry does this thing where he nips at my tongue, like right at the tip. I get distracted so I shift, and don't notice that I'm not exactly leaning against the back of the sofa anymore. So when I lean back and just keep leaning back, my arms come up to grab on to him. Only natural, right? Except he decides to follow, thinking I'm tugging him closer, and next thing I know we've both fallen back on the couch and Perry's got me pinned under him.
Now under any other circumstances, I'd be shoving him off, or at least complaining. Instead Perry decides to move against me, just once, layers and layers of clothes between us, and the friction alone is enough to make me moan and cling like some girl.
And he laughs! He actually grins at me and laughs, because I wasn't nervous enough already. I mean, I wasn't. Like I said I was totally ready for all of this, and if it wasn't for Perry deciding to take things slow- anyway, point is, he laughed. I would have been madder, except he rubbed against me again, and this time I moved back.
Can you see where this is going? No? I mean, two very horny guys, at least I assumed he was and I think I could feel it, but I'd never rubbed against a guy before so I couldn't be sure. So one very horny guy and another possibly horny guy, one of whom is gay, moving and rubbing against each other on the couch while one of them almost but doesn't really cling and maybe just maybe but probably doesn't moan the other guy's name-.... I'm getting distracted.
Point is, things happened. I got really, really focused on the rubbing, especially when Perry leaned down enough that he could start licking at my ear. That was a first from Perry. A very warm, wet, enjoyable first. So of course, my mind drifted to other warm, wet, and enjoyable uses of his tongue. That doesn't make me a pervert; the man just knows how to do some very very good things with his tongue.
I kept getting lost in the thoughts, too, so I didn't notice when I started moving more desperately against Perry. And I sure as hell didn't notice I was so close until I actually came with a cry, pressing more against Perry and most definitely clinging now.
I actually came with my clothes still on. I hadn't done that since I was some stupid teenager hiding porn under my bed because I didn't want to have the 'birds and the bees' talk with my parents. At least Perry was nice enough not to laugh, then, and just kissed me again before pulling away. Probably to keep me from complaining or something.
Not that it worked.
"You ruined my clothes."
"No, you ruined your clothes. What's in your pants right now is not mine."
I was about to keep complaining that it wasn't my fault, though, it was definitely his, before I noticed something. "-you didn't come! That's not fair. Perry..." Yeah, yeah, I sounded whiny. But that sort of thing was....bad. Like 'should be avoided at all costs' bad. Fuck. I'd never worried about that sort of thing. I mean, obviously I did, but generally it seemed like a mutual thing so I'd just end up feeling personal satisfaction at a job well done. Then again, generally I wasn't sitting around on couches rubbing against other guys. Not even when I was sixteen, which is apparently that age that everybody 'experiments' and decides they wanna be gay for a day or some shit like that. Not that I'd know personally; a guy I robbed a house with once told me, though he kept insisting it wasn't from personal experience. ‘I heard from a friend', that sort of thing.
The point being; me coming and Perry not? Bad.
"Stop worrying so much, you idiot. You probably just got overexcited."
"So you didn't...I mean, is there a way you're supposed to do it, then? Because if you'd tell me then maybe we wouldn't have this problem, and I could just do what you actually like and my clothes won't be the only ones ruined." I tried to sound defensive, but I could feel a pit growing in my stomach. If Perry didn't like this, then maybe he didn't like me. I wanted Perry to like me.
I must have looked panicked, because next thing I know there were lips over mine again, and they felt more comforting than 'This is a pity kiss, and boy am I glad I didn't let you into my pants yet’. Comforting, as it turned out, was nice. Nice enough that I ended up just relaxing against Perry like before, despite the growing discomfort of my clothes. There's a part of my teenage years I didn't miss.
"Just shut up and enjoy it. Try not to overload your brain too much before we even get to the actual sex."
So I was pretty sure that was a confirmation that Perry did actually still want in my pants, all things considered. I would've probably lingered more on that if shifting didn't bring a whole new level of uncomfortableness between my legs. "-right. I'd love to cuddle, really, but my pants are gonna get ruined at this rate and a shower would be nice."
Perry pulled back then, and I almost pouted. It's what I wanted and I'm a grown man, but still, that nice feeling was gone. "Go, put those in the wash. Don't let it sit until tomorrow or they'll get ruined, got it? Come back downstairs when you're done."
Oh, did I forget to mention? I got to sleep in Perry's bed now. My bed wasn't the worst, but his had silk sheets. Real silk, the smug bastard. And now I got to sleep on those same silk sheets every night. I had to make sure I didn't drool, though, since after the one time, and it really was only one time and it wasn't even that big of a drool spot, but Perry promised he'd kick me out of bed and make me sleep on a rug on the floor if I got spit all over his sheets again. Then I pointed out the many worse things he'd gotten on those sheets, and how my drool was probably the cleanest bodily fluid on them. I spent twenty minutes sitting on the floor before he'd let me come back to bed again.
I can't tell you how weird it was, sleeping in someone's bed when you weren't actually sleeping with them. Fucking them, same thing. Now don't get me wrong, it was nice and comforting, I didn't even need the TV to sleep anymore, turned out listening to Perry sleep was good enough. And it's not like I'm one to go at it night after night, exactly. I mean there was this one chick that was really into that? I lasted like...three weeks of constant sex, and I do mean constant, before I couldn't even get it up without feeling pain. Fuck off, it was hard.
But this was different. This was 'no sex at all, only heavy make out sessions and occasionally ruining my pants (though I was getting better at that)'. Try waking up with someone glaring at you because apparently your morning wood kept poking their thigh every so often. Which, if you ask me, isn't all that much to get upset over. He could just turn me over or, I dunno, gimme a hand.
- wait, no, scratch that. If Perry ever actually gives me a hand job, I wanna be awake for it. That is not the kind of shit you're supposed to sleep through. I mean, how weird would it be? You wake up; somebody's hand is down your pants. There's probably a fetish like that. People are into all kinds of weird shit. Everybody has their thing, right?
It just got kind of frustrating after a while. Not that the other things weren't nice, but it was just weird. And okay, fine, maybe I was a little worried that Perry didn't actually want me and this really was some sort of pity thing to help me get over Harmony, and yeah I wasn't as good looking or smart or stylish as the guys he used to bring home with him. I mean fuck, I'm missing half a finger and I used to steal shit for a living while they're probably all perfectly normal, amazing, functioning members of society whose ring finger never ended up inside a dog's stomach- See? Frustrated, not worried.
I did actually try to pin him. Me, some scrawny ass dude trying to pin a big guy like Perry.
And it worked, for all of two seconds. All he had to do is shift his body slightly and suddenly I was the one pressed against the bed under him, before I could even say anything. It's a hell of a lot harder to demand things when you're the one that's being pinned. Still, I tried.
"I want sex." Nice and clear, right?
"What the hell, Harry?"
Or maybe not.
"Sex. You know, like real sex. Not just rubbing and touching and crap. I mean, that's really nice and it's probably gonna be involved in sex, too. I doubt gay sex is that different from regular sex, I mean for guys. Two chicks doing it is just kind of awkward, you know? I could never really get into the porn of it because it just looked so weird-"
Perry put his hand over my mouth. I actually considered once if maybe that was a sexual thing for him, like if he'd do it during sex. I'd be busy moaning or something and suddenly, bam! Hand over my mouth. I tried licking it, see if that'd get him to let go, but all it did was make him glare so I stopped. I mean, I considered biting him, but then I might get thrown out of bed for the night, and I'd have to go back to sleeping in my own room. No way I was getting laid then.
"Shut up, idiot. Ever heard of easing into things?" I mostly just mumble against his hand before he finally let go.
"-like I was saying, I'm not some stupid teenager. I mean yeah, first time being gay, but I'm not a stranger to sex. I've had it in my sleep." Not a lie. That's what getting drunk does to you.
Perry put his hand back over my mouth before I could tell him more about my drunken one-night stands, and I figured I'd need to change tactics. Try to be....gayer. Or more sexual. So I tried giving him a sensual look, which was really as much as I could do with a hand covering my face. He laughed, right in my face. He would've probably called me an idiot if he wasn't too busy snickering to himself.
I whined at him, feeling frustrated and annoyed and really embarrassed. And, would you know it, that's what did it. He pulled his hand away and started kissing me, not softly or slow but really eagerly and almost sloppily, the sort of kiss that leaves you dazed and out of breath.
I tried not to linger on the fact that it was me being pathetic, not sexual or forward, that actually seemed to get Perry really hard.
It all gets to be sort of a blur after that. Anticlimactic, right? All these details about what happened before sex, and then I breeze over the actual thing. Well, do you wanna give me a play-by-play of your first time? Yeah, thought not.
We got naked at some point. Duh, right? But I remember because this was the first time I'd seen Perry....well, naked. I'd never seen the man lacking so much as a shirt, despite living and sleeping with him, and I gotta admit it was nice. I mean, I didn't stare like I normally do with women, but I was still hard after seeing him naked, so I figure that's a good sign.
I'll be honest, though. The prep bit you have to do before? Awkward. I mean yeah, it felt nice once I got used to having something inside me, that was a first, but before then I kept wanting to pull away and not look at Perry. And then he did this thing where he...crooked his finger? I dunno, but whatever the hell it was it felt fucking amazing. Probably a good thing we'd been doing stuff before this, since otherwise the whole 'no sex for a while' thing would have made me come right then and there.
I'm pretty sure Perry would've never let me live that down.
I got over the whole not looking at Perry thing really really quickly once sex started, though. It was weird, but it was also great and scary and a million other things. Not to sound like some sex-deprived romantic in a cheap paperback novel, but it's the best way to describe the feeling. It just was.
Luckily for me, Perry definitely didn't seem to mind me clinging during sex. I kept my arms wrapped around him and even pressed into his neck at the beginning, like I would when I'd fall asleep on the couch. It mostly just hurt, when he first started. But then he started moving and I got used to it, and...Fuck it felt amazing. It didn't hurt that he'd even stroke me every so often. It didn't take long before all I could really do was keep mumbling things like 'Fuck, Perry...Perry' against his ear.
Kind of embarrassing, except Perry really didn't seem to mind.
I'm not actually sure how long we were at it for. My head actually banged against the head board at one point, that left a bruise. But at some point I just tensed completely and cried out Perry's name and, thank god, it wasn't long before he did the same.
Lying there next to Perry after, it was a new kind of relaxation. It's weird, but having slept with him for so long made it easier for me to want to sleep after, even though I wasn't drunk. I was exhausted, too, but somehow being held against Perry's chest with my arms wrapped around him just made me feel happier than anything.
"Hey, Perry?"
"Hmm?" I could feel the sound vibrating in his chest; his heartbeat and even his breathing if I listened close enough.
"You're gonna stop bringing guys home now, right? Other guys. You know, like the ones you pick up, and then I have to listen to the two of you have sex."
I figured I must have said something stupid, not that I was really thinking then, because after a long pause Perry raised his hand. I tensed, waiting for the light slap to the back of my head. Instead he ran his fingers through my hair, petting my really, and I relaxed completely.
"Harry, don't be a moron. Why the hell would I bring any of those guys home if I have you?" His nails scratched lightly at my scalp. "And stop listening to other people have sex. That's just fucking weird."
I just laughed and pressed more against him. "Yeah, whatever. Stop being so damn loud about it all the time." I couldn't help it, I was happy. I had Perry. There wasn't much more I could want.
So you know what? Yeah, it's a little gay, saying things like 'we're a couple now' or 'making love'. But fuck if I care. I'm happy living with Perry, probably happier than I've been for years now, and I'm gonna keep being happy no matter what the hell I call it.