letting it out
ive decided to use this as a venting page... i dont care who reads it as long as it stays on this site...
I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and i love him. I can honestly say that, but recently ive been wondering why... He bad mouths me, talks down to me, yells, and is just a mean person... But then again he's a gentleman and a sweet heart but i only see that side once in a while... I had a terrible dream last night that frightend me, and ive been depressed all day. I feel as tho he believes that i'll never leave him, and that it gives him this right to do whatever he wants to me. And thats wrong! hes a compulsive liar, and has said " I lie to her because she'll believe it". Thats one thing i do not tollerate. I've been so imbarassed by his rage antics, and honestly im so sad all the time... but i iknow if i were to leave him it would kill me just to try to get over him.
The only thing that keeps me with him is that i know who he really is, or was. "The nice guy type", the one who opens the doors everywhere for you, that says over and over that he loves me, and does little suprise kisses... I miss that guy. I put on a smile everyday, but everyday i feel him getting more and more distant. I dont ever know what to do, but i have recenlty learned how to defend myself when he makes a rude comment.
For our one year anniversary we got each other rings. Well i was the one to think of it and someone told him before our one year so he decided to get me one to. but the point is that its been like 2 or 3 weeks since i have given him his ring and hes already used it to scare me, saying its over and throwing it at me because i wouldnt tell him who told me that he lies to me all the time, and other things... so in the process i caved and told him, which then he took his ring back, but i mean come on?!? Does he realize how he treats me like a dog? and for some odd reason ive put up with it... I do know now that you can only take so much until you brake. This is why ive began to stand up for myself because on those days when its all about him and he doesnt think about what he says and how hurtful it is i say something back to defend myself. I think he's failed to notice that yes, other guys do like me and are attracted to me, other guys that would treat me with the upmost respect, and be there when i needed them... just like he used to be before i became not so new to him...
See i dont understand that one concept of how people can get tired of one another. I sure cant get tired of him because im CONSTANTLY chasing after him... He told me to just stop trying all the time and get a life outside of him, when he doesnt realize that theres a reason for all of this... if i dont try that i dont feel like im giving it my all... im giving 140% when hes givin maybe 50% on a good day ill say 90%. I tell you what tho, im so tired of crying, and praying to God everynight for him to have a good day tomorrow so we can be happy and do something together. HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT? And i cant even talk to him about any of this without him getting offensive or anry... which is why i just dont... and i shouldnt hold back, i shouldnt but i do because i dont want him to leave... because i dont want to hurt even worse just to get over him.
When i met matt he was someone different someone who would talk to you, love to spend time with u and just the alround mr. wonderful... Whats happend to my mr. wonderful? has time consumed him to the point of no return, or has my unfailing love towards him just shown him that i wont ever leave...? Im an interesting girl, and good person, and smart one at that... when im called a dumbass, or fatass by someone who suposably loves me, that tells me that no they dont love me... You say it in a nice way at least... IM not a guy, but not a rag doll, and certainly not just anyone to let out frustrations on...
My dream was about him braking up with me bc i was confronting him on how he treats me. He just so easily let me go and wanted nothing to do with me. just like when we first broke up... He just up and decided he didnt love me in about an hour of time. Now how do you do that? So im here venting and tearing up at the same time... I so badly wish i could let him read this and him become that sweet guy again, but honestly im afraid that its just been so long that he doesnt remember who he used to be... If he does remember, then i hope he can rememeber back when i was smiling all the time, and extatic to see him, now im walking on eggshells just to get around him. Dont get me wrong on any of this i love him more then life, which is kinda my problem, but i need him to know that im always here, but if things dont change then i cant keep killing myself over him...
I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and i love him. I can honestly say that, but recently ive been wondering why... He bad mouths me, talks down to me, yells, and is just a mean person... But then again he's a gentleman and a sweet heart but i only see that side once in a while... I had a terrible dream last night that frightend me, and ive been depressed all day. I feel as tho he believes that i'll never leave him, and that it gives him this right to do whatever he wants to me. And thats wrong! hes a compulsive liar, and has said " I lie to her because she'll believe it". Thats one thing i do not tollerate. I've been so imbarassed by his rage antics, and honestly im so sad all the time... but i iknow if i were to leave him it would kill me just to try to get over him.
The only thing that keeps me with him is that i know who he really is, or was. "The nice guy type", the one who opens the doors everywhere for you, that says over and over that he loves me, and does little suprise kisses... I miss that guy. I put on a smile everyday, but everyday i feel him getting more and more distant. I dont ever know what to do, but i have recenlty learned how to defend myself when he makes a rude comment.
For our one year anniversary we got each other rings. Well i was the one to think of it and someone told him before our one year so he decided to get me one to. but the point is that its been like 2 or 3 weeks since i have given him his ring and hes already used it to scare me, saying its over and throwing it at me because i wouldnt tell him who told me that he lies to me all the time, and other things... so in the process i caved and told him, which then he took his ring back, but i mean come on?!? Does he realize how he treats me like a dog? and for some odd reason ive put up with it... I do know now that you can only take so much until you brake. This is why ive began to stand up for myself because on those days when its all about him and he doesnt think about what he says and how hurtful it is i say something back to defend myself. I think he's failed to notice that yes, other guys do like me and are attracted to me, other guys that would treat me with the upmost respect, and be there when i needed them... just like he used to be before i became not so new to him...
See i dont understand that one concept of how people can get tired of one another. I sure cant get tired of him because im CONSTANTLY chasing after him... He told me to just stop trying all the time and get a life outside of him, when he doesnt realize that theres a reason for all of this... if i dont try that i dont feel like im giving it my all... im giving 140% when hes givin maybe 50% on a good day ill say 90%. I tell you what tho, im so tired of crying, and praying to God everynight for him to have a good day tomorrow so we can be happy and do something together. HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT? And i cant even talk to him about any of this without him getting offensive or anry... which is why i just dont... and i shouldnt hold back, i shouldnt but i do because i dont want him to leave... because i dont want to hurt even worse just to get over him.
When i met matt he was someone different someone who would talk to you, love to spend time with u and just the alround mr. wonderful... Whats happend to my mr. wonderful? has time consumed him to the point of no return, or has my unfailing love towards him just shown him that i wont ever leave...? Im an interesting girl, and good person, and smart one at that... when im called a dumbass, or fatass by someone who suposably loves me, that tells me that no they dont love me... You say it in a nice way at least... IM not a guy, but not a rag doll, and certainly not just anyone to let out frustrations on...
My dream was about him braking up with me bc i was confronting him on how he treats me. He just so easily let me go and wanted nothing to do with me. just like when we first broke up... He just up and decided he didnt love me in about an hour of time. Now how do you do that? So im here venting and tearing up at the same time... I so badly wish i could let him read this and him become that sweet guy again, but honestly im afraid that its just been so long that he doesnt remember who he used to be... If he does remember, then i hope he can rememeber back when i was smiling all the time, and extatic to see him, now im walking on eggshells just to get around him. Dont get me wrong on any of this i love him more then life, which is kinda my problem, but i need him to know that im always here, but if things dont change then i cant keep killing myself over him...