Just random thoughts
I've been waiting over a year for this and it finally arrived - the applications for the JET program are available, due in December, and I find that I am scared. Not sure exactly of what. Not getting in? Getting in? Being away from the US, my home, for a year? I don't know...
The night of my Grandmother's funeral, I had a dream that we spent time together. She was much younger than me, I think about 17. Either when she first started dating my Grandfather or just got married. I don't remember details, but it was along the lines of a girl's sleepover. Playing games, having fun... childhood things. Having fun being redheads.
One of my Dad's cousins came up to me and said she knew my Grandmother as a teenager. She also said that I look exactly like she did at that age. It made me smile. It was a really nice compliment - my Grandmother was beautiful.
But it made me think. I recently had a chat with my Grandfather, just before Grammie died, because I was worried about her. I used to have conversations with Uncle Bob when I was kid. I used to talk to Aunty A all the time. I can go to that field of yellow flowers anytime I like and see everyone, although it may not be the in-depth conversations. And I was watching the new season of Lisa Williams on the TV the other day, wondering if mediums could really be real... cuz mostly I communicate with them in dreams, through music... not like someone whispering in my ear, as she appeared to be doing.
I'm not wondering if I might be special or anything... I just want to know if those conversations were real or my mind just helping me out by projecting that they were there. I still feel Lucky with me sometimes... still running after me or curling up in my arms when I can't sleep. I actually feel the weight on my body... the fur against my skin. Could one's mind do all of that?? I know our minds are quite powerful... but I dunno...
If it were truly my Aunty A I was talking to, she once told me that I shouldn't worry about it because I would never truly know until it became my time to pass on.
On a related topic, a few week before Grammie died, she kept saying that Grampie was still there with her. Sleeping beside her at night and stuff (even though he died 3 years ago). I wonder if he came back and hung around until it was her time to go in order to walk with her on that long journey home.
Just knowing would help me to feel less alone, I guess.
The night of my Grandmother's funeral, I had a dream that we spent time together. She was much younger than me, I think about 17. Either when she first started dating my Grandfather or just got married. I don't remember details, but it was along the lines of a girl's sleepover. Playing games, having fun... childhood things. Having fun being redheads.
One of my Dad's cousins came up to me and said she knew my Grandmother as a teenager. She also said that I look exactly like she did at that age. It made me smile. It was a really nice compliment - my Grandmother was beautiful.
But it made me think. I recently had a chat with my Grandfather, just before Grammie died, because I was worried about her. I used to have conversations with Uncle Bob when I was kid. I used to talk to Aunty A all the time. I can go to that field of yellow flowers anytime I like and see everyone, although it may not be the in-depth conversations. And I was watching the new season of Lisa Williams on the TV the other day, wondering if mediums could really be real... cuz mostly I communicate with them in dreams, through music... not like someone whispering in my ear, as she appeared to be doing.
I'm not wondering if I might be special or anything... I just want to know if those conversations were real or my mind just helping me out by projecting that they were there. I still feel Lucky with me sometimes... still running after me or curling up in my arms when I can't sleep. I actually feel the weight on my body... the fur against my skin. Could one's mind do all of that?? I know our minds are quite powerful... but I dunno...
If it were truly my Aunty A I was talking to, she once told me that I shouldn't worry about it because I would never truly know until it became my time to pass on.
On a related topic, a few week before Grammie died, she kept saying that Grampie was still there with her. Sleeping beside her at night and stuff (even though he died 3 years ago). I wonder if he came back and hung around until it was her time to go in order to walk with her on that long journey home.
Just knowing would help me to feel less alone, I guess.