The paradox and other human mysteries
Usually I have too many rants about how people just frustrate, anger, upset, confused, etc me... And then I learned from watching my boss at work that if you close yourself off by having too high of standards for people, you'll just be let down over and over again, just falling further down that dark hole.
We are human, afterall. No one can live up to those standards.
It made me take a good look at myself and how I was doing the same thing. So I tried to back off - not judging people so harshly, giving them more of a chance.
But its damn hard. I think the hardest part is trying to change yourself.
I had an odd observation the other day: I am so fed up with people that I just want to be alone, but at the same time, I'm just so lonely.
When I'm not working, I'm just drained. I work 5 days a week - from 7:30am until 6pm and one of those days is 7:30am until 7pm. I get about 3 hours to myself at night, which is just enough time to take care of the animals, have dinner, watch a little TV, and take a shower. And lately, I've been trying to do chores around the house, as there's always something to do. Justin works longer - usually coming home around 10:30 or 11pm.
I tried going out with co-workers, and although they are fun to hang out with (except the smoking part), if someone starts to get too close, that mental barrier pops up preventing them from doing so. And I've tried and tried to stop it, tear it down... but its like an OCD or something, like having to close all the cabinet doors if someone leaves them open or having to check to make sure the door is locked after locking it... I can't shake it.
But please someone tell me, how much is it to ask for a friend who is considerate? One that gives enough notice before cancelling plans, one that doesn't stop hanging out with you just because she doesn't like your boyfriend (who never hangs out with her in the first place), one that doesn't take advantage of you,
...and I'm doing it again - creating laundry lists of what I expect from people, perhaps expecting too much from them. I don't know, I am honestly confused. What should I expect and what shouldn't I?
In a business, if you don't expect alot from your people, you will get shitty workers. If you expect too much, you'll get people who work hard, but they'll burn out quickly and leave.
I guess with relationships, its the same thing. Don't expect too little, or you'll be a doormat. Don't expect too much, or you'll be alone. You need a healthy median. Or rather, I do.
Relationships back in grade school were never so hard. Your best friend was the one once who shared her cupcake with you. Or even the one who shared the desk with you, sat next to you, etc.
I had a little "boyfriend" when I was 3 - we liked each other because we both had the same color hair. No questions like "Is he good with money or is he in debt?", or "what are his aspirations, ambitions?", or "What are his views on kids, pets, etc?"
And you know what's funny? Even though the way we picked friends when we were kids were so basic, I think our choices were rarely wrong. There was no feeling of "omg you are going to hurt me" either... I guess that only happens after you've been hurt one too many times, heh. But its not a bad approach, I guess.
"Hi, you live next door to me. Let's be friends."
"No way! You're name is Heather too? You wanna get something to eat?"
"Cool socks! Let's hang out."
LOL I might get a few looks like I'm psycho or something... But not that dorky (or desperate), but atleast carry that sort of attitude in my head or something (where no one else can hear it)
Ah well, perhaps I'll go take another nap, see what's on TV or go Simming
We are human, afterall. No one can live up to those standards.
It made me take a good look at myself and how I was doing the same thing. So I tried to back off - not judging people so harshly, giving them more of a chance.
But its damn hard. I think the hardest part is trying to change yourself.
I had an odd observation the other day: I am so fed up with people that I just want to be alone, but at the same time, I'm just so lonely.
When I'm not working, I'm just drained. I work 5 days a week - from 7:30am until 6pm and one of those days is 7:30am until 7pm. I get about 3 hours to myself at night, which is just enough time to take care of the animals, have dinner, watch a little TV, and take a shower. And lately, I've been trying to do chores around the house, as there's always something to do. Justin works longer - usually coming home around 10:30 or 11pm.
I tried going out with co-workers, and although they are fun to hang out with (except the smoking part), if someone starts to get too close, that mental barrier pops up preventing them from doing so. And I've tried and tried to stop it, tear it down... but its like an OCD or something, like having to close all the cabinet doors if someone leaves them open or having to check to make sure the door is locked after locking it... I can't shake it.
But please someone tell me, how much is it to ask for a friend who is considerate? One that gives enough notice before cancelling plans, one that doesn't stop hanging out with you just because she doesn't like your boyfriend (who never hangs out with her in the first place), one that doesn't take advantage of you,
...and I'm doing it again - creating laundry lists of what I expect from people, perhaps expecting too much from them. I don't know, I am honestly confused. What should I expect and what shouldn't I?
In a business, if you don't expect alot from your people, you will get shitty workers. If you expect too much, you'll get people who work hard, but they'll burn out quickly and leave.
I guess with relationships, its the same thing. Don't expect too little, or you'll be a doormat. Don't expect too much, or you'll be alone. You need a healthy median. Or rather, I do.
Relationships back in grade school were never so hard. Your best friend was the one once who shared her cupcake with you. Or even the one who shared the desk with you, sat next to you, etc.
I had a little "boyfriend" when I was 3 - we liked each other because we both had the same color hair. No questions like "Is he good with money or is he in debt?", or "what are his aspirations, ambitions?", or "What are his views on kids, pets, etc?"
And you know what's funny? Even though the way we picked friends when we were kids were so basic, I think our choices were rarely wrong. There was no feeling of "omg you are going to hurt me" either... I guess that only happens after you've been hurt one too many times, heh. But its not a bad approach, I guess.
"Hi, you live next door to me. Let's be friends."
"No way! You're name is Heather too? You wanna get something to eat?"
"Cool socks! Let's hang out."
LOL I might get a few looks like I'm psycho or something... But not that dorky (or desperate), but atleast carry that sort of attitude in my head or something (where no one else can hear it)
Ah well, perhaps I'll go take another nap, see what's on TV or go Simming