I don't want to talk about it
But, at the same time, if I don't get this out, I'm going to explode. I know I have people who would listen, but I really am not ready to have this conversation in real life. I'll deal with that when I have to, but I'm not there yet.
My dad's dying, more than likely sooner rather than later. The oncologist has officially called in hospice to help with maintaining his medications and other medical needs so that he doesn't have to go to the hospital for things like having the pic line flushed. He's gotten progressively weaker over the last week or so, even walking through the house exhausts him. While I will (and am I suppose) mourn him, at the same time, I don't want to have to watch him suffer and linger -- I just want him to find peace. My mom's a wreck, one sibling is trying to take over the world (or at least our corner of it), and the other two are apparently in denial and can't even make time in their freaking busy schedules to come see him, and I just want to scream -- like, really, just want to go somewhere in the middle of nowhere and scream as loud as I can for as long as I can. Since that isn't likely to occur, I'm contenting myself with ranting here.
At the same time, I'm supposed to go on vacation the first week in June and I have no idea what to do about those plans. The event is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but I have no idea what the future holds or when it might hold it.
This sucks. Rather a lot.
My dad's dying, more than likely sooner rather than later. The oncologist has officially called in hospice to help with maintaining his medications and other medical needs so that he doesn't have to go to the hospital for things like having the pic line flushed. He's gotten progressively weaker over the last week or so, even walking through the house exhausts him. While I will (and am I suppose) mourn him, at the same time, I don't want to have to watch him suffer and linger -- I just want him to find peace. My mom's a wreck, one sibling is trying to take over the world (or at least our corner of it), and the other two are apparently in denial and can't even make time in their freaking busy schedules to come see him, and I just want to scream -- like, really, just want to go somewhere in the middle of nowhere and scream as loud as I can for as long as I can. Since that isn't likely to occur, I'm contenting myself with ranting here.
At the same time, I'm supposed to go on vacation the first week in June and I have no idea what to do about those plans. The event is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but I have no idea what the future holds or when it might hold it.
This sucks. Rather a lot.